IF YOU ARE AFRAID...

[antrocles]

today i had a massive shift in my relationship with DMT. earlier in the day i posted an account of my experience and tied it in with other relevant pieces of information i have been shown during my work over the past 16 months.

there was something about today's work that was EXTREMELY powerful for me that i did not include and have felt wrong for not doing so. i simply had so much to say i didn't want to tap out a novel and force everyone into their nearest lens-crafters before their time.

what i have to share is for all who feel fear/trepidation/anxiety prior to working with spice.

ie: pretty much everyone.

i would put myself in this group as well. though i have had hundreds of breakthroughs day after day after month after year, i STILL have that nervous energy course through me prior to lighting up most times. the molecule is just so powerful....how can you NOT be? even the times when i am not nervous, it is usually born of a profound sense of surrender that i have been able to get into. surrender is beautiful and a great way to accept all teachings, but i have found another, equally beautiful way...

today i had the most obvious epiphany. it went something like this:

as i sat in the park in the swaying shade of a large eucalyptus tree, i began my usual pre-flight check/meditation. as i wrote about in my other post, i had been having very consistent breakthroughs involving contact with a race of beings that had been showing me more and more who i really was and where i really came from.

the implications of these illuminations and the entertaining of them as completely plausible lead me to meditate on an interesting notion.... 'if i were to be able to have one of these enormously spirtiually evolved beings manifest right next to me right now in THIS world where i am so comfortable.....and if i were able to ask this entity FOR something to help me in my existence here.....what would that something be?'

for me, the answer came organically without rumination and without any prompting. a voice from the truest self said out loud to the tree above me, "i would ask to have a more evolved mind. a mind that functioned much more than the minute percetage it is now capable of functioning at. i would wish to have my mind awoken, to have any 'blocks' removed. i would wish to be a more evolved me.'

now....this seems obvious, right? yes...but, in truth, i never fully allowed the full weight of that desire to completely hit home.

what am i doing with DMT if not just exactly that?

and if that wasn't revelatory enough, the final piece clicked into place with a thud....

this thing i'm doing. this working with DMT....this is how i am able to get what i WANT more than anything. this is what i would ask a GOD for if such a thing were possible. this is what i WANT. i WANT my mind to be expanded. to see in a new and much more advanced way. i WANT to be at peace and completely EXCITED to do this work. this work is what i WANT more than anything this world has to offer. EVERY ASPECT OF MY BEING BENEFITS FROM THIS WORK. EVERY SINGLE ASPECT.

so clear was that moment of understanding, i simply put the VG to my lips and proceeded to take the biggest hit imagineable. i broke through straight into an ego-death eternity that could easily have been frightening if i hadn't already agreed with every atom of my being that that was exactly what i wanted. i want to be annihilated. i want to be put back together more evolved, more advanced....more fearless!

i have been on this forum for a while now and i have read many reports of fear and anxiety. tales of trepidation and worry. to all of my brothers and sisters in this most righteous of communities i make a humble suggestion when working with this transformative medicine:

as you sit in meditation and prepare to do your work, remind yourselves over and over until it really sinks in that you WANT what you are about to experience. that you WANT to have your mind expanded and your 'knowing mind' destroyed only to be made more whole and more infinite. remind yourselves that if you could be granted one wish from a completely evolved civilization, that it would be to be completely evolved TOO!

it seems so obvious, but i certainly missed it. for quite a while actually. understanding in one's very atoms that what they are doing is granting themselves their true heart's desire makes every experience enriching. it makes every chance to work with our beloved spirit molecule a truely sacred gift. it pushes fear right out of the picture and replaces it with a much more powerful energy: gratitude. through love and gratitude, all lessons are beautiful lessons.

i would even go so far as to say that your best work will come when you have completely embodied this awareness....

WITH THE DEEPEST LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

 

[jamie]

All this is very important antrocles..Im inthe wake of my deepest ayahuasca experience yet as I type this and I really saw how all this is SOO important..there is NO other way to do this stuff..working with the medicines is the ONLY way to do the things that we do..

There will always be fear when you walk this path..its a given..its a part of life..its natural..

If i met someone that really had NO fear at all when doing these things I would think they are NUTZ!..

The fear can be an ally..a harsh teacher..accept it for what it is..let it illuminate every fiber of your being so that the illusion that the fear is pointing out has nowhere to hide..then move through it..

I just had the most devine realization less than 1 hour ago laying on the floor in complete darkness..full caapi and mimosa brew coursing through me, and a large dose of bufotenine.. ..that THIS THING..this wonderful, beautiful, ecstatic thing is ME...thats whats inside of me and each and every single one of us..this shimmering infinite conglomerate of jeweled diamonds, lotus's, angelic beings..all of it..we are it and it is us..

There is nothing to fear..this is you.

Journey on brother.

 

[Pandora]

antrocles,

it seems so obvious, but i certainly missed it. for quite a while actually. understanding in one's very atoms that what they are doing is granting themselves their true heart's desire makes every experience enriching. it makes every chance to work with our beloved spirit molecule a truely sacred gift. it pushes fear right out of the picture and replaces it with a much more powerful energy: gratitude. through love and gratitude, all lessons are beautiful lessons.

i would even go so far as to say that your best work will come when you have completely embodied this awareness....

Words of wisdom (of course) and a nice reminder too. Perhaps I will post this somewhere prominently in my home.

Thank you.

Peace & Love,
Pandora

 

[Jumper]

I had to read your original report again, like others have done. What a powerful read! Just sitting here looking at your words, saying to myself, goddamn, this is heavy stuff! Something is taking place in the universe that is having a profound impact upon Consciousness. After reading this I've come to the conclusion that we all were given the molecule to prepare for what is coming in the near future. I feel as if we're on the verge of something massive. Thanks for sharing this Antrocles, your writings are always a pleasure to read.

Swim has been smoking spice for well over a year, just not everyday like you have been. Swim's getting to the point where his remaining fear is diminishing rapidly. He is becoming more accustomed to leaving his body behind when he travels, and is accepting of the ego dissolution. When he returns he always feels like a million bucks. He goes in with love and comes out rejuvenated and expanded. He's getting closer to the full embodiment of the type of awareness you have so eloquently described. Use your molecule wisely, folks. This is serious work, no doubt about it. The molecule is the greatest gift he has ever had. Period.

Swim just got another Kilo of bark, so he'll have plenty of goods to work with.

 

[gibran2]

...
the implications of these illuminations and the entertaining of them as completely plausible lead me to meditate on an interesting notion.... 'if i were to be able to have one of these enormously spirtiually evolved beings manifest right next to me right now in THIS world where i am so comfortable.....and if i were able to ask this entity FOR something to help me in my existence here.....what would that something be?'

for me, the answer came organically without rumination and without any prompting. a voice from the truest self said out loud to the tree above me, "i would ask to have a more evolved mind. a mind that functioned much more than the minute percetage it is now capable of functioning at. i would wish to have my mind awoken, to have any 'blocks' removed. i would wish to be a more evolved me.'

now....this seems obvious, right? yes...but, in truth, i never fully allowed the full weight of that desire to completely hit home.

what am i doing with DMT if not just exactly that?

and if that wasn't revelatory enough, the final piece clicked into place with a thud....

this thing i'm doing. this working with DMT....this is how i am able to get what i WANT more than anything. this is what i would ask a GOD for if such a thing were possible. this is what i WANT. i WANT my mind to be expanded. to see in a new and much more advanced way. i WANT to be at peace and completely EXCITED to do this work. this work is what i WANT more than anything this world has to offer. EVERY ASPECT OF MY BEING BENEFITS FROM THIS WORK. EVERY SINGLE ASPECT.

...

OK, what I’m about to write may sound crazy, but I see I’m in good company, so here goes:

Imagine for a moment (not that any of us can) that you are an immortal, eternal being. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Well… maybe it isn’t. Maybe there are types of experiences that such a being can’t have – things that such a being can’t directly experience.

So what’s an eternal being to do?

Simple: “dream”.

Dream a world into existence where beings are not eternal. They are born, they have physical needs, they feel pain and pleasure, joy and sadness, they know of good and evil, they live and eventually they die. They grope for meaning and knowledge, and true meaning and knowledge are always tantalizingly just out of reach.

Once you’ve dreamed this world into existence, you (immortal being) put your consciousness into each of these mortal creatures. You experience life as a mortal being. You experience this over and over, through the eyes of countless mortal beings.

I tend to believe (and my DMT experiences have shaped these beliefs) that our consciousness is not really ours. It belongs to our eternal “higher self”. (Is this eternal higher self what some call God? I don’t know.) Our life here is ultimately not for us – it’s for our eternal higher self. And so what we want is, in the grand scheme of things, not very important.

So I sympathize with you when you say that you want a more evolved mind, that you want to be more evolved. But I believe that the world exists as it does, in it’s state of perfect imperfection, for a reason. I believe that we exist in a state of imperfection for a reason. For me, it’s not about what I want. But there is one thing I seek when using the sacrament, and that is communion with the eternal.

When all wants and all desires are put aside, then I believe one can have communion with the eternal.

 

[gibran2]

...The Higher Self gains these experiences in an organised manner by running several thousand incarnations concurrently. We can be a actor in this life, a Tibetan monk from few hundred years ago, and an astronaut from the future all at the same time! I The core of our Higher Self is situated somewhere around the 6th Density, way outside time, space, and the polaric nature of this dimension.

I don’t know anything about the details, and I’m not sure we human beings have the capacity to understand the details, but you’ve got the gist of my idea.

...People are brainwashed into believing they must have a bunch of stuff to "be somebody". The purpose of such is to cut off the individual from communion with the Higher Self. But even that could be an experience that the Higher Self wanted to have for that particular incarnation!

This is true, but I was referring to non-material wants: wanting to be “more evolved”, wanting transcendence, wanting salvation, wanting answers to the unanswerable mysteries, etc.

 

[antrocles]

i appreciate the various views that are pinning up regardingt this notion. i think everyone's path is equally righteous and uniquely fulfilling for their particular set of needs.

that being said, i can say that where i do understand and agree in some ways with gibran's particular take, i have gradually changed my views as my work with DMT has progressed. i understand the 'surrender the need to want' principle as well as the notion that there are 'unanswerable mysteries'. it just has been shown to me lately that there may be something in between unanswerable mysteries and attainable wants. an evolutionary step that may not be the 'final' step per se.

i believe that your views are absolutely relevant and pertain to an ultimate transformation that lies beyond something that is coming now. the story is far from over....in fact, it feels as though we are doing nothing more than starting a new chapter. the wanting to evolve, the wanting to awaken to my most expressed self is a want that begets the growth of all things. even the buddha himself sat in meditation for days and endured severe austerities in the name of becoming enlightened. he WANTED to surrender all want.

perhaps it is the final wanting we must experience. to transform all misguided and selfish wants into one final healing want that benefits all. a beautiful flower that grows from a pile of trash, inspires all who would gaze upon it with love and gratitude and then blows away with the wind to be a part of everything.

sadly, waking up to our truest god-nature rarely if ever comes about of it's own impetus. it must be sought. to seek is to want. wanting, as i am learning, is not always a bad thing...

L&G!!

 

[freethinker]

Arguing semantics about desire is an endless exercise. Even the person who claims to want nothing actually does want something, they want to be able to want nothing. That ouroboros is just not worth splitting hairs over IMO, and I don't believe it was the intent of the original post.

Side discussions aside, the initial idea and logical thought process of arriving there that antrocles has shared is a great tool for overcoming something that affects all of us here. I encourage everyone to re-read his first post, put the Aristotelian robes aside, and accept it for what it is.

Taken out if his personal context, I interpret it as something anyone can appreciate:

Are you afraid? Reflect on what you are doing, and why. Reexamining and reconnecting with that initial intention rekindles inspiration and motivation which overcomes that fear, paving the path for a potentially more fruitful experience free from the hesitation and negativity that fear creates.

Excellent post antrocles. Thanks for sharing. This (for me) is one of your best as it closely resonates and mirrors a personal thought process and evolution over a 22 year history with all psychedelics. While the fear issue was overcome back near the beginning, working with DMT the past 2 years has re-awakened the need for these tools as its power is so much more profound than other psychedelics. Having access to the shared revelations, guidance, unique perspectives, and love from all here at the nexus is truly a gift we should not take for granted.

 

[gibran2]

...Even the person who claims to want nothing actually does want something, they want to be able to want nothing. That ouroboros is just not worth splitting hairs over IMO, and I don't believe it was the intent of the original post.

Indeed.

And on the original subject of fear, I deal with it by reminding myself that there’s an unspoken agreement I have when I take the sacrament. It gives me what I need (or what it sees fit to give me) and I give it myself – my body, mind, and spirit.

There have been several posts recently that have mentioned variations of “alien rape”, and it got me thinking, “What’s the difference between traumatic alien rape and blissful alien sex?” It seems to me the main difference is our willingness to participate in and surrender to the experience.

Not sure if I stayed on topic, but my mind wanders easily when pondering the mysteries of DMT.

 

[Jumper]

Arguing semantics about desire is an endless exercise. Even the person who claims to want nothing actually does want something, they want to be able to want nothing. That ouroboros is just not worth splitting hairs over IMO, and I don't believe it was the intent of the original post.

You have a good point there. However, no one said anything about wanting nothing. I'll be the first one to say I have wants just like everyone else. BTW I am looking forward to sharing something of value with the community.

gibran2: My mind wanders too when thinking about this stuff.

Peace & Love,
Jumper

 

[DMTripper]

Have you people read any Jnana Yoga. It ads a lot to the speculations here. The yogi's have known many secrets of reality for thousands of years.

 

[DMTripper]

There have been several posts recently that have mentioned variations of “alien rape”, and it got me thinking, “What’s the difference between traumatic alien rape and blissful alien sex?” It seems to me the main difference is our willingness to participate in and surrender to the experience.

So one just needs to learn to enjoy a crocodile blue vein meatroll up the ass and then you're good to go

 

[Jumper]

sadly, waking up to our truest god-nature rarely if ever comes about of it's own impetus. it must be sought. to seek is to want. wanting, as i am learning, is not always a bad thing...

Antrocles, thanks again, for responding to my post and the posts of others concerning the issue of wantings. Ultimately we all want the same thing.

 

[gibran2]

There have been several posts recently that have mentioned variations of “alien rape”, and it got me thinking, “What’s the difference between traumatic alien rape and blissful alien sex?” It seems to me the main difference is our willingness to participate in and surrender to the experience.

So one just needs to learn to enjoy a crocodile blue vein meatroll up the ass and then you're good to go

:shock:

 

[antrocles]

There have been several posts recently that have mentioned variations of “alien rape”, and it got me thinking, “What’s the difference between traumatic alien rape and blissful alien sex?” It seems to me the main difference is our willingness to participate in and surrender to the experience.

So one just needs to learn to enjoy a crocodile blue vein meatroll up the ass and then you're good to go

:shock:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

:shock: is right!!

man...that made me almost fall out of my chair.... thanks for that you guys....

L&G!!

 

[Jumper]

There have been several posts recently that have mentioned variations of “alien rape”, and it got me thinking, “What’s the difference between traumatic alien rape and blissful alien sex?” It seems to me the main difference is our willingness to participate in and surrender to the experience.

So one just needs to learn to enjoy a crocodile blue vein meatroll up the ass and then you're good to go

:shock:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

:shock: is right!!

man...that made me almost fall out of my chair.... thanks for that you guys....

L&G!!

No thanks, I'll pass on the crocodile blue vein throbber.:lol:

 

[DoingKermit]

I am very grateful to read your post, ant (and am all ways enlightened by your insight). I have said it before , but will say it again... you speak so much truth about this sacred substance and the work in which you have done with it has certainly helped me in my life in a number of ways.

I have trouble to fully throw myself into the experience sometimes and the perspective you have on fully surrendering, as well as hugging the thought that this is what you really WANT in order to achieve a better experience, is what i feel i need to to push myself a bit further. You have done such an amazing amount of work with this substance (which is to be admired) and has not only benefited me, but i am sure many other people on this forum. It would certainly not be the same without you. I feel very privileged to be in this tight community of friends and fellow space cadets My life wouldn't be the same without it. Peace and love to all who have made this place so special to me.

DK

 

[balaganist]

I am reading this and related topics again, as I am still working on my fear of breakthrough.

This evening cycling home from work, I was determined to go on a journey, breakthrough or not. I felt the pull.
I set things up, sat on my bed, smoked a bowl of caapi leaf, meditated a while. Felt almost ready to blast off. Hesitation. Meditated some more (the Caapi leaf does seem to lend itself well for this purpose!)

I was almost gonna get up and prepare the bong with a hit of changa. Then my phone rang!! (Forgot to turn it off or leave in another room!!)
I have been trying to get over the nerves about breaking through for 2-3 months now. I have had many sub-breakthrough doses during this time. The thing is, when I feel myself coming close to breakthrough, a part of me has been fighting it off. At the beginning of my explorations with dmt and changa I had so much more courage. I would just rip that bong and let myself fly. Now I am so cautious. Often I almost get into a panic if I feel the buzz of hyperspace starting to take over.

My last decent hit was with a friend in the room. I think that is the way forward for me... I asked my flatmate, to accompany me on my next journey. I think with someone there, holding the bong, encouraging, will help me to step out.

 

[88]

I'll be honest with you, my guts turn to jelly every single time. I have a theory: the only other time your mind and body experience anything like hyperspace is when you die - so as far as your limbic system/cells whatever are concerned, the presence of spice in the blood means you're dead. No wonder we have preflight anxiety...

I have found entering with a trusted companion amongst my best experiences.

 

[Pandora]

There have been several posts recently that have mentioned variations of “alien rape”, and it got me thinking, “What’s the difference between traumatic alien rape and blissful alien sex?” It seems to me the main difference is our willingness to participate in and surrender to the experience.

So one just needs to learn to enjoy a crocodile blue vein meatroll up the ass and then you're good to go

:shock:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

:shock: is right!!

man...that made me almost fall out of my chair.... thanks for that you guys....

L&G!!

No thanks, I'll pass on the crocodile blue vein throbber.:lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I might be willing to give it a try . . .