Illuminating the shadows in my mind

[Julien Staheli]

I just want to say wow, so much useful information, all in one place!

About 4 years ago I was invited by a close friend to attend a trance party and try Ecstasy. It was my first time taking any mind expanding chemical (besides Weed) and what an incredible experience it was. I ended up on the balcony talking to people all night, I had insight that I'd never experienced before, I felt at one with everything and everyone. Since that experience, my life had changed completely, I reflected on all the choices that had led me to where I was at that point in my life and I went into a depression. I know that people don't usually say this but this depression was the best thing that ever happened to me, it forced me out of the monotony of a mediocre life, it pushed me to learn about myself and the world, I got into reading psych literature, esoteric literature and everything in-between. About 2 years later after sponging everything that would strike my interest, I had an enlightening experience. Everything (in my mind) that was in flux, all the bits of information, scattered and disconnected, had fallen into place, everything became clear. I started noticing things that I hadn't noticed before. I started understanding how everything connects on a very fundamental level, space-time and consciousness depend on each other and how the outer world mirrors our inner world. I'm a completely new person and Ecstasy had a big role to play in my transformation.

Thanks for reading

 

[Enoon]

Welcome to the Nexus and thank you for your introduction essay.

Interesting that you describe ecstasy as being the catalyst for transformation, as well as depression. First of all I think there are several psychologists that believe that things like depressions are really more like spiritual crisis. I also feel that ever major depression I've suffered from has led to generally positive changes in my life, sometimes rather drastic ones.

On the other hand ecstasy I have never felt particularly useful for myself, though I do follow the progress of the MAPS studies with astonishment, hope and optimism. Before it became illegal it was used in psychotherapy, as far as I recall, and the current studies do show that it seems to work with PTSD patients, so it's not a far call to suggest that it can help in personal development. I'm glad that it did for you.

For me it has always produced quite harsh hangovers for many days and thus anything gained from the experience usually was counteracted the following days, similar to when using alcohol. I guess It really also depends on the purity of the MDMA that you are consuming.

So what brings you to the Nexus? Have you tried DMT yet? What other psychedelics have you used so far or are interested in?

 

[Julien Staheli]

Yes Enoon, I have read that MDMA was used (and still is used) to treat depression and a variety of other neuroses. Interesting though how it works differently on different people.

I have been reading a lot about Ibogaine recently and THIS stuff seems incredible. Almost every testimonial I've read on the experience and after effects has shown a significant and positive change in how people see the world and themselves. Not to mention the +/- 93% success rate for curing heroin addiction, in the first few minutes of taking it. Others say they feel healthier and that they need less sleep since taking it. It also completely alleviates anxiety and depression (in almost all cases).

I really want to try Ibogaine for the "psycho-spiritual" experience, I have found a website online that sells it. I was amazed to see that its legal in most countries, including my own.

Have you tried Ibogaine?

 

[Enoon]

I have not tried ibogain myself and don't intend to any time soon. I feel it is an entheogen that requires a lot of preparation and a lot of integration thereafter and finally I feel that doing it without a real reason is pointless. When I suffered from depression I thought about taking it, however I did not have the living situation to do so at the time.

there is a lot to take care of if you are thinking about taking ibogaine, since it has very long lasting effects ( a flood dose can take a week to weare of entirely) and can cause heart arrhytmia during the experience. I would only do it with a very willing and knoledgeable sitter.

I do recommend you do a lot of research before trying ibogaine. If you feel called to it, perhaps it is what you need. I believe it is one of the most powerful medicines around, concerning the mind and spirit, and yes, it is astonishing how it can be used to cure addiction.

Unfortunately however behavioral patterns are a lot harder to break than we think, and even those that take ibogain suffer from relapses if they lack the will power to truly follow through the change that ibogain offers them the opportunity for.

 

[hostilis]

Welcome to the Nexus Julien Staheli.

MDMA actually did nothing to help stop my addiction to heroin back in the day. It just feels like another drug to me. Not like other psychedelics. Although I do really love MDMA and it has helped me in different ways. Like with social abilities. Being able to talk to people in a normal manor. Helping with social anxiety. It can be a good tool if not abused.

 

[Julien Staheli]

Enoon, yes, I completely agree, I believe that Ibogaine should be done with an air of veneration and with the intent of transforming ones self by learning from what it teaches/shows. This is in fact why I am so drawn to Ibogaine even more so than Ayahuasca, because of the manner in which it shows you. Thanks for the advice Enoon, it's much appreciated.

hostilis, its true that MDMA can be used for social anxieties, etc. I for one, still find myself socially inadequate in many situations. However I also believe that if we listen to the psychedelics they can impart a kind of experiential knowledge that stays with you for the rest of your life, illuminating the darker recesses of our minds, showing us things that we hide from ourselves. It puts an extra tool in the toolbox so to speak. I used to rely on alcohol and weed to "take the edge off" socially speaking but I just found myself more and more dependent on them. They can either be used as a distraction or as a means to transform the mind. When I realised this, I completely stopped drinking, though I still had a joint every so often. For me, drugs are teachers and I will always regard them with deep reverence.

I suppose I'm a bit of an Alchemist http://www.alchemylab.com/great_work_begins_here.htm