ReverendPancake
Rising Star
This should be fun!
I'm Reverend Pancake. I haven't had a chance to experience spice yet but an opportunity has come up so that will change soon. It seems like this might be a good place to give a bit of background information about myself to give context to the posts ahead. Since this is my own thread, I assume no one will mind if I go a bit long. It's got a heavy religious flavour, so be forewarned. For a quick idea of who I am look up the "Healer" personality type in the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. I'm not one for labels, but it fits me. I had a troubled childhood and I'm going to describe it below but I'm intentionally going to leave out the sob story parts. Assume bullying and harassment could be weaved through this story. Never physical, but certainly mental.
I grew up in a rural town close to the US/Canada border. At about 9k people it was staunchly Mennonite, conservative and played into every stereotype you might expect for that arrangement. Farming, traditional, hockey, religion and a healthy dose of intolerance. The town makeup was largely Caucasian so racism wasn't the 'ism of the day, but if you had different religious beliefs, were gay, or were seen as 'off' in any way you could count on things being difficult. Not in the 'beat to hell dragged by a pickup truck' way of the south, but instead in the 'you will be treated as a rogue element' sort of way. The town also did not have alcohol.
My family had always been involved with the church. One great grand father was a lay pastor, my grandfather a very active baptist minister. He was very well known in the ethnic community he's from and did a lot of mission work and helped a lot of people back in the old country. He was also the greatest influence in my early life and is someone I deeply respect. On the other side of the family my grandparents were involved in their village church and my father regularly lead church choirs and played organ at the church we attended. Religion was everywhere. Despite the prevalence my home life was very liberal and free thought was always encouraged.
I always had a sense of the divine though I couldn't define it. At first it made sense in the form of Christianity. I was feeling God's divine presence. The holy spirit. No biggie. The trouble started as we learned more about Jesus in Sunday school and I learned that he was the only path to heaven. It was an easy path - just accept him in your heart and ask for forgiveness - but it was the only path and if you strayed got hell fire. But what about people who had never heard of Jesus? My grandfather, the minister, explained to me that the dogma is not what's important but the faith. Allah, God, Jesus - it was all the same thing just with variations. As long as you had faith and tried to live according to His plan you were good. This held me over for a while and I continued to call myself Christian.
Somewhere in my early teens a presentation came to town called Heavens Gate, Hells Fire. For those of you unfamiliar, and I hope you all are, this is a presentation put on my churches essentially designed to scare kids straight. Showing examples of people partying, drinking, having premarital sex, abortion, homosexual sex or being Atheistic but "good" people and going to hell for it with intent to 'bring people to jesus'. The result was as expected - the intense fear of hell that had been generated by the play was quickly turned into renewed devotion. The friends I was with swore off even masturbation to remain sexually pure. Every sperm is sacred after all. We prayed, some people cried. I left feeling renewed faith. But something just wasn't sitting right with me.
Why fear? Why would the church need that level of fear and production to bring people to it. The concept of an eternal hell fire waiting if you die a sinner was horrifying. That's about the time my trouble sleeping started. I remember more than one occasion my mom finding me at 4 in the morning sitting on the couch eyes wide in horror too afraid to sleep in case I don't wake up. "What happens after death Mom? like... where do we go?" My mom would try and reassure me, but the church outranked mom in spiritual authority.
Around this same time, I found myself exposed for the first time to Tool/APC, Bill Hicks, and George Carlin. I always felt awkward during the religious parts, but found the rest good enough to enjoy. I'd always skip "Judith" by APC when it came on. I laughed at Carlin but rolled my eyes at his religious rants. However, the seeds of doubt were planted. Soon I was describing myself as "spiritual but not religious".
In my early 20s I had developed strong libertarian views after getting involved in the firearms community. I had a typical "I worked for mine" attitude and wasn't really capable of empathy. I had long since lost touch with that 'divine spark' i felt in my childhood. I assumed it was just growing up. I had never smoked pot but after learning about medical marijuana I decided to try some to get rid of migraine headaches I was having. After a couple weeks of smoking my migraines stopped entirely and as a result I became curious about other drugs. I discovered psychedelics and the entheogen concept and was immediately hooked.
My first mushroom trip took place in a forest with my then girlfriend on a warm autumn day. The leaves were bright yellow and red, the sun was out, the air smelled great. The trip was outstanding. We spent the day wandering the forest and I immediately recognized that spark again. There is some validity to this entheogen thing I thought.
I'm coming up on 25 now, and in my past are a healthy number of mushroom, LSD, MDMA, Nitrous and a few Salvia experiences. I've also spent the time learning about evolution, physics, skeptical thought, psychology and various world religions. I've explored fringe mysticism and traditional religions. The effect of these two things has been a reboot of my personality and world view. My appreciation of the arts has increased significantly, I've become a very empathetic person, I have closer relationships with my friends and family and have gained confidence in a number of key areas. My self awareness has increased drastically, as has my interpersonal awareness. I have also never been more sure that there is something bigger at play here.
Why am I sharing this? For one, it feels good to get out. Secondly, I know I have often had times where I've wanted to hear a good drug story - so there's mine.
"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration..."
God Bless!
R. Pancake
I'm Reverend Pancake. I haven't had a chance to experience spice yet but an opportunity has come up so that will change soon. It seems like this might be a good place to give a bit of background information about myself to give context to the posts ahead. Since this is my own thread, I assume no one will mind if I go a bit long. It's got a heavy religious flavour, so be forewarned. For a quick idea of who I am look up the "Healer" personality type in the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. I'm not one for labels, but it fits me. I had a troubled childhood and I'm going to describe it below but I'm intentionally going to leave out the sob story parts. Assume bullying and harassment could be weaved through this story. Never physical, but certainly mental.
I grew up in a rural town close to the US/Canada border. At about 9k people it was staunchly Mennonite, conservative and played into every stereotype you might expect for that arrangement. Farming, traditional, hockey, religion and a healthy dose of intolerance. The town makeup was largely Caucasian so racism wasn't the 'ism of the day, but if you had different religious beliefs, were gay, or were seen as 'off' in any way you could count on things being difficult. Not in the 'beat to hell dragged by a pickup truck' way of the south, but instead in the 'you will be treated as a rogue element' sort of way. The town also did not have alcohol.
My family had always been involved with the church. One great grand father was a lay pastor, my grandfather a very active baptist minister. He was very well known in the ethnic community he's from and did a lot of mission work and helped a lot of people back in the old country. He was also the greatest influence in my early life and is someone I deeply respect. On the other side of the family my grandparents were involved in their village church and my father regularly lead church choirs and played organ at the church we attended. Religion was everywhere. Despite the prevalence my home life was very liberal and free thought was always encouraged.
I always had a sense of the divine though I couldn't define it. At first it made sense in the form of Christianity. I was feeling God's divine presence. The holy spirit. No biggie. The trouble started as we learned more about Jesus in Sunday school and I learned that he was the only path to heaven. It was an easy path - just accept him in your heart and ask for forgiveness - but it was the only path and if you strayed got hell fire. But what about people who had never heard of Jesus? My grandfather, the minister, explained to me that the dogma is not what's important but the faith. Allah, God, Jesus - it was all the same thing just with variations. As long as you had faith and tried to live according to His plan you were good. This held me over for a while and I continued to call myself Christian.
Somewhere in my early teens a presentation came to town called Heavens Gate, Hells Fire. For those of you unfamiliar, and I hope you all are, this is a presentation put on my churches essentially designed to scare kids straight. Showing examples of people partying, drinking, having premarital sex, abortion, homosexual sex or being Atheistic but "good" people and going to hell for it with intent to 'bring people to jesus'. The result was as expected - the intense fear of hell that had been generated by the play was quickly turned into renewed devotion. The friends I was with swore off even masturbation to remain sexually pure. Every sperm is sacred after all. We prayed, some people cried. I left feeling renewed faith. But something just wasn't sitting right with me.
Why fear? Why would the church need that level of fear and production to bring people to it. The concept of an eternal hell fire waiting if you die a sinner was horrifying. That's about the time my trouble sleeping started. I remember more than one occasion my mom finding me at 4 in the morning sitting on the couch eyes wide in horror too afraid to sleep in case I don't wake up. "What happens after death Mom? like... where do we go?" My mom would try and reassure me, but the church outranked mom in spiritual authority.
Around this same time, I found myself exposed for the first time to Tool/APC, Bill Hicks, and George Carlin. I always felt awkward during the religious parts, but found the rest good enough to enjoy. I'd always skip "Judith" by APC when it came on. I laughed at Carlin but rolled my eyes at his religious rants. However, the seeds of doubt were planted. Soon I was describing myself as "spiritual but not religious".
In my early 20s I had developed strong libertarian views after getting involved in the firearms community. I had a typical "I worked for mine" attitude and wasn't really capable of empathy. I had long since lost touch with that 'divine spark' i felt in my childhood. I assumed it was just growing up. I had never smoked pot but after learning about medical marijuana I decided to try some to get rid of migraine headaches I was having. After a couple weeks of smoking my migraines stopped entirely and as a result I became curious about other drugs. I discovered psychedelics and the entheogen concept and was immediately hooked.
My first mushroom trip took place in a forest with my then girlfriend on a warm autumn day. The leaves were bright yellow and red, the sun was out, the air smelled great. The trip was outstanding. We spent the day wandering the forest and I immediately recognized that spark again. There is some validity to this entheogen thing I thought.
I'm coming up on 25 now, and in my past are a healthy number of mushroom, LSD, MDMA, Nitrous and a few Salvia experiences. I've also spent the time learning about evolution, physics, skeptical thought, psychology and various world religions. I've explored fringe mysticism and traditional religions. The effect of these two things has been a reboot of my personality and world view. My appreciation of the arts has increased significantly, I've become a very empathetic person, I have closer relationships with my friends and family and have gained confidence in a number of key areas. My self awareness has increased drastically, as has my interpersonal awareness. I have also never been more sure that there is something bigger at play here.
Why am I sharing this? For one, it feels good to get out. Secondly, I know I have often had times where I've wanted to hear a good drug story - so there's mine.
"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration..."
God Bless!
R. Pancake
