Greetings All,
I wanted to introduce myself, since I'm a new member. A dear brother once named me "Rising Spirit" and the nickname kinda stuck, so it seems like a good alias on this forum. I just found this site recently (or rather, it found me?) and felt a warm sense of community with you folks. While most of what we learn from experience with psychedelics is beyond the scope of words, I have always delighted in the interpretations that fellow travelers give of their journeys. Like all of you guys, I am the proverbial monkey who is slowly peeling an onion, seeking what is quintessentially seated within the very epicenter of the onion... only to find out there is nothing left when the job is finished. An old analogy but a good one. In the light of this metaphor, I would like to share my recent, first-time meeting with NN-DMT.
I have, over my 51 years as an earthly being, embraced the path of knowledge and the ways of Sacred Medicine. Like most American kids growing up in the 60's and maturing in the late 70's, smoking marijuana became an easy-to-embrace ritual in my life. When I was 18 years old, I was encouraged to ingest LSD by my best friend. Being the relatively fearless explorer that I believed myself to be, I jumped right in and never looked back. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say, I abandoned myself to The Medicine Path, which let me through hundreds and hundreds of voyages. Along the way, I was graced by introductions with THC, 'magic mushrooms', mescaline and peyote. Predominantly, I have danced with LSD-25. If I may quote the late Jimi Hendrix,
"Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced? Well I have. Not necessarily stoned... but beautiful."
To make a very long story short (don't you believe it guys), I became immersed in spiritual pursuits and embraced various traditional methodologies for living in the present moment, such as: Hatha Yoga, Zen meditation, Kriya Yoga, Surat Shabd Yoga, Sufism, Tai Chi Chuan, Qigong (氣功), fasting, flotation tanks and sensory deprivation. After periods of intense psychoactive investigation, I would retreat from the way of the 20th century urban shaman and abstain from the use of these Plants of the Gods, as I didn't want a habitual routine to keep me from learning to access these states of consciousness and attain such levels, naturally (without the assistance of the Sacred Medicine). I know, some of you must be laughing at this point. It seems comical to me, too, after what I recently experienced with vaporized Spice... but you folks must know what I mean? That state when one is sky-rocketing into the infinite unknown.
So, after numerous trips, "Up and down the Cosmic Elevator", so to speak, I arrived at a point in my psychedelic explorations, where my awareness of self had slowly dissolved (or been suddenly stripped away) I would always end up where I started, the monkey with the onion. The element which appears within my personal dream, as the sense of I-me-mine or perhaps, myself as a witness... would become merged into the blinding brilliance of the Clear Light of the Void. Thus, removing the consciousness of subject and object, self and other, finite mind from Infinite God-consciousness, etc...
After a particularly powerful series of sessions with LSD, followed shorty after by a wild dance with some very potent psilocybin mushrooms, I was blessed by a visitation by a radiant Goddess who seemed to embody the arch-type or perhaps, personification of mushroom enlightenment? I had already peaked and been floored by the powerful awakening, so I was really looking forward to floating back down to earth, weary but happy. Ready to crash. Ready to sleep. Then came the visitation.
Now, I've never really been into Anthropomorphic Deification, so I was a little surprised by the vision. I don't necessarily consider myself a Taoist, specifically, but I relate to it's wisdom and I am inclined towards Zen methods, at least more than any of the monotheistic religions. Neither am I particularly drawn to Polytheism, shown in many aspects of Hinduism. I do resonate with Pantheism, like Shintoism and the Native American, Shamanic cosmology. But not so much involving Deities and entities. Right?
Maybe so... but here she was right before me! Her body was larger than life and she was a translucent, holographic, shimmering form, whose effulgently pulsing aura was shaped just like a mushroom. She spoke without moving her lips, telepathically, from inside of my head and asked me (or commanded me?) to seek the union with Spirit on an avenue that did not partake of entheogens. To stay grounded and heal for a stretch. I am paraphrasing her, mind you,as a lot of it was non-verbal communication. Though, I do vividly recall one clear statement she telegraphed to me, "Await The Calling." It seemed to echo in my mind for some circular loop, eerily outside of time.
In retrospect, I could easily reason that this was a projection from my own imagination or a product of my personal expectations. Perhaps my mind was desperately clinging to sentient consciousness and a trick played by my self, to myself? Aimed at preserving the solidity of my EGO? Or even a projection of the ultimate maternal arch-type, scolding me for being a bad little boy?
Most likely a combination of all of the above, however, she was more REAL than anyone I had ever met and left a lasting impression in me, to say the very least. I knew this apparition was correct, at this point in my life, so I have been obedient to the message I received. Yet, for all those many years, I felt an incessant pull from my experiences with psychedelics and believed there were still significant Sacred Journeys left to be taken. I knew I would one day return to the way of the Medicine Path... some day when I was truly ready.
Before I finish up this footnote in my history, I want to clarify that I have encountered many, many, many entities/ beings on my previous psychedelic voyages. I have had the beatific vision of Christ, communicated with alien intelligences and been touched by the luminous hand Sri Babaji Maharaj and have been completely shattered, in deepest humility. I believe I understand full well, that every facet of everything, every object and everyone everywhere... is ultimately a shimmering illusion, caught in the maze of dimensionality, woven into the fabric of the time-space-continuum.
Real in appearances yet, wholly unreal in some transcendental truth? But then what is reality? This seems to be an assumption we make about what appears to us, most of the time, as a concrete substantial world. Our 5 senses tell us our perceptions are a certainty, however, they are merely receptors of our limited, collective projections, alone. Thus, we are merely a reflection of our dreaming selves (each of us mirrored to the other).
That being said, she spoke with Divine Authority and I had that same feeling of falling to the ground in utter terror, as the Biblical Moses, sprawled before the Burning Bush. Oh yes, however she was radiating so much pure spiritual love that I felt like I couldn't really look directly at her blinding radiance. I honestly felt far too impure and unworthy. Still, I wanted to cross-over and fully become one with her. One with God/ Goddess. Ever conscious of being one with the Absolute Being, inside and outside of my scope conscious-awareness.
She flooded me with such a powerful wave of unconditional love, even beyond anything I had felt on MDMA (ecstasy), that I was washed-over into a state of complete silence. "You are not ready to die yet, stay within this earthly garden and patiently await an invitation to ascend." Well, I did and I have obeyed this advice. Asleep, dreaming, grounding the high? Oh yes, dreaming of awakening to the living Spirit! It had been nearly 18 years and then one day, last December of 2009, I finally heard... "The Calling", loud and clear!
I had heard of DMT and vaguely recalled reading something about it 30 over years ago but for some reason, I never had an experience with it nor known anyone who did (that I knew of). Out of the blue, my friend asked me if I wanted to trip on NN-DMT. I explained my hesitation and thanked him very much but flatly declined.
He said, "It's up to you but for some reason, I feel compelled to give this to you." I told him, "Maybe you know something I don't?" He just smiled and his eyes twinkled. I replied that I didn't really have enough time to make such a journey but he explained that it would only take 15-20 minutes. I said, "Yeah but 15 minutes can be an Eternity." He laughed and said, "Exactly! Take it with you and decide later. I think this DMT was meant for you, though. Maybe now is the right time for you try it? Just think it over, meditate on it." So, I took it with me and contemplated experimenting with it, for a exactly seven days.
After much meditation and reflection, I decided to smoke the DMT. It just felt like the right thing to do. I could feel "The Calling" from deep within myself and I knew it was the right moment to embark on this new journey of discovery. Obviously, I was in store for quite a trip!!!
I was alone, as is my preference on psychedelic voyages. I divided the gel capsule of yellowish, powdered crystalline matter into four small piles. No, I didn't weigh them but I made sure each pile was successively larger than the previous pile. I had been given instructions on how to smoke the DMT and used some ganja to "protect" the crystalline powder from direct contact with the flame of my lighter. I had prepared to set aside an hour and twenty-thirty minutes duration, for each pile of golden DMT crystals.
I took my first inhalation and almost choked on the foul, plasticine flavor! I held it as long as I was able and immediately took a second inhalation. I really don't remember exhaling. I have never, ever been so suddenly and completely rocketed into such a profoundly altered state, before. I was instantly peaking!!! There was no time to adjust to the voyage DMT was taking me on. All at once, an explosion of visual hallucinations appeared to me!
An extremely loud oscillating, ringing sound that seemed to come from both within my head and outside of my head, drowned-out any other external sounds. It engulfed me whole. I had yet to hear the phrase Carrier Wave. I always called it the HU tonality. I had the sensation of being pulled within, higher and higher, into a once familiar territory. All of the fractal, geometric patterns I was seeing (with my physical eyes closed) seemed to emanate from a criss-crossing web of colored lines of light. THE GRID! I had seen this many times on LSD and mushrooms. The colors were specifically, a green with a hint of blue and a sort of magenta? I could taste the colors. This synesthesia reminded me of mescaline but the head-space was more like shrooms. I could even breathe them in and taste their flavor!
I remember thinking, "Aha, these look like magic mushroom patterns. This must be the same universe". I have seen these colors predominate many of the psilocybin visuals I had witnessed, some years before. Different from the rainbow of multicolored fractals I have seen on LSD and mescaline. The ringing sound had eclipsed into a loud droning, as if thousands of whirring motors were blending together to form a greater symphony of droning. Suddenly, I had become aware of my breathing... and then, I was back in my body, sitting cross-legged on my couch. Wow! A little over 20 minutes had passed.
I eased into some Hatha Yoga postures and did a little Tai Chi, had a drink of water and reflected on the experience for about an hour or so. I was eager to take off again, so I loaded number two and had a nearly identical experience. This time, however, I became acutely aware of my chakras being activated, as a tremendous current of energy blasted my consciousness higher and higher.
Again, I saw the intersecting, shimmering rays of colored light, forming a mesh of lines. They were formed of a ballooning, circular pattern, radiating from the central light just above me. I could now see that at each point that the lines met, a brilliant point of light glittered and brightly shone. It dawned on me that these small points of light were the individual Souls of all sentient beings, connected by the Cosmic Grid, each a mirror of the Great Light at the very center. As mind-numbingly gorgeous as the luminous mandala was, I really wanted to look into the light within the center of this pattern, to go even deeper into it.
Sure, there was the myriad of accompanying visions of Heaven and Hell. What I believe the Tibetans refer to as, the 10,000 beautiful and horrific visions? I think they are called Bardos, as I understand these things, these ascending levels of consciousness. I saw hideous demons, ravenous ghouls and felt the grip of an unseen evil force. Fear, anxiety, self-loathing & self-recrimination, mixed with the panic of paranoia and confusion... ever tugged at me (trying to halt my vertical ascension).
I have learned to let them all pass, all images and apparitions, even the most elaborate and exquisite kaleidoscopic designs, urgent messages from extra-terrestrial life forms, visions of angelic beings, clothed in bodies of colored light, etc... as I urge my spirit onward (towards the one clear light).
It's beauty has always drawn me to it, throughout my prior cosmic journeys. A voice within myself spoke in English, "The Thousand Petaled Lotus". Yes, it did seem like a flower, the Sahasrara or 7th chakra in full bloom! Of course, I began to THINK again. "Hmmmmmm... 1,000 Petaled Lotus, isn't that a Hindu phrase, indicating the highest chakra at the crown of the head?" Almost instantly, I was back to myself and acutely aware of my breathing and the rapid beating of own my heart. Mind you, I had never read anything about DMT trips, so I had yet to hear about the term "chrysanthemum" used in describing this intricate web of fractal energy.
After an appropriate amount of time and space, I prepared my third dose and fired it up. I was determined to rise into the very center of the light. Focusing myself on the lotus pattern, I rocketed towards it, gently keeping my mind from trying to label anything along the way. I won't say there weren't thousands upon thousands of visions and hallucinations pulling on my awareness, yet, I wanted to be in that light. To become that light! I had the realization that the light was emanating from my own crown, as if I was wearing a fantastic spiraling headdress or blooming hat. I was reminded of those Mayan terracotta sculptures. The ones with the huge mushroom-like caps. Again, there is a close relationship between DMT and psilocybin.
I was fixedly looking at the light through my third eye, my Ajna chakra or singular eye... which seemed to be the lens used to see into the overwhelming source of the light. I could hardly see the Grid anymore, as everything seemed to wash-out into a boundary-less infinitude of pure luminosity. I couldn't help but thinking that I was beholding the boundless consciousness of God. A picture of the Buddha popped into my mind and yes, I was back down again. Retreated to the dimension of I-me-mine.
I wanted to wait long enough to maximize my final dose. I had the profound feeling I was on the verge of a complete break-through, into ego-death. I spent some time examining the DMT crystalline matter. I have been a professional jeweler for 25 years, so I have several magnifying loops, visors and a microscope, used to see minute details in gemstones. In this largest pile of matter, there was a 3.5mm hexagonal crystal, hidden in the fine crystalline powder. It was a lovely golden color and seemed to be of doubly terminated, tabular structural formation. The angular crystallography was pure eye candy to behold. I intuited that this crystal was the teacher I had been patiently waiting for and I was on the edge of an awaking.
I carefully put a touch of weed in the bowl, sprinkled the DMT in top of it and gently covered the pinch with some nice VT skunk-weed and brought the bowl to my mouth. All I remember is taking an enormous hit, which nearly caused me to vomit, as the taste was so strong! After holding it as long as I could... I exploded in a gagging series of coughs. I could taste the DMT on my lips and it felt like it was burning the skin? This was the last body sensation I had before... KABOOM!!! In a micro-second, I was rushing towards the place from which nothing can really be spoken of, nor any description can justly capture with words. Not even the Void is sufficient.
As I perceived my awareness rocketing upwards, like a geyser erupting at Yellow Stone National Park, I was absorbed into the spiraling fractal patterns, dissolved into the Light and evaporated into the limitless emptiness of the Void. Only the thinnest of membranes seemed to separate me from complete egolessness. Hey, I was still holding on to the euphoria I felt. The ecstasy of perceiving the living presence of God is the last subtle thought I recall having. Then... complete and measureless internal silence. Without an observer to witness or recognize this revelation, I died as myself. From this side of the mirror, I can never grasp even a grain of that Divine merging, the direct immersion.
Was there a beginning or ending to this moment? Did ten billion years years pass while peaking or only 10 minutes? Frankly, I can no longer say anything about this peak-experience, since I was not present anymore. Eternal silence. Infinite stillness. Zero. Nothing can be a fitting label or even come close to relating such an indivisible, all-pervasive level of pure being.
Out of the stillness and silence... was birthed an idea. Mind was re-emerging. My first thought was, "I am alive and awake... yes, I exist." Was it my voice saying it? Where did I hear that before? Oh yes, somewhere within the Holy Bible. In the Old Testament, as "I am that I am." Truthfully, I'm not a big fan of Judea/Christian/Islamic theologies. Too much polarity! I was initially drawn towards Indian Vedanta and the state of Advaita (non-dualism), as a younger man and still honor it's perspective. I prefer the simplicity of undifferentiated emptiness.
As my consciousness solidified, I had the sense of being Omnipotent. As if I was God dreaming that I was not God, then awakening to find my true self, my Omniself, only to return to the Dreamer perceiving a fragmented glimpse of the totality. Yet, in a flash, I knew that I had created everything, was inherent in everything and the Omnipresent being inside of every particle/wave/field of existence. Aware of the unity, aware of the diversity, aware of nothingness. The membrane that had been dissolved began to grow again, creating the sensation of the finite awareness of the seeker.
As dawn follows the emptiness of night, I gradually became conscious of having an organic form, with an individual, separate identity. One of the billions of tiny lights within the fabric of the Grid. I was me-myself-I, once again, yet not quite the same as before? I found myself standing up, with my arms outstretched, palms up. Kind of like a cross? Or the letter T? My head was slightly tilted back and I could still clearly see the light shining from within my head, although far fainter than before. I wasn't breathing at all and it didn't occur to me for a few moments that I should be, either. Tears were streaming down from the corners of my eyes, soaking my shirt collar a little bit.
Once more I felt the pounding of my heart and the sensation of being a solid, 3-dimensional mass, within the emptiness of the formless air surrounding me. My stomach grumbled, as if to say, "Hey, don't forget about me, man!" After 10 or 15 more minutes, I was moving around my home, petting the dogs and our tiny kitten. Happy to just be alive and grateful for the ride that NN-DMT had taken me on. Ultimately, I arrived to the exact same state of consciousness LSD had always brought me. Just quicker and in much, much less time. I love this Sacred gift! Will I ever do it again? God willing!!! I surely do want to explore this molecule further. I know there is so much more to learn from this great Spirit Teacher.
I apologize if this description is too verbose or placed in the wrong section of this forum. You see, I really did try to keep it brief (ha ha ha) but there was sooooooo much going on, that I wanted to share just a fractured glimpse of it all with you fine folks. Peace, love and Light to you, one and all.
Rising Spirit 8)
I wanted to introduce myself, since I'm a new member. A dear brother once named me "Rising Spirit" and the nickname kinda stuck, so it seems like a good alias on this forum. I just found this site recently (or rather, it found me?) and felt a warm sense of community with you folks. While most of what we learn from experience with psychedelics is beyond the scope of words, I have always delighted in the interpretations that fellow travelers give of their journeys. Like all of you guys, I am the proverbial monkey who is slowly peeling an onion, seeking what is quintessentially seated within the very epicenter of the onion... only to find out there is nothing left when the job is finished. An old analogy but a good one. In the light of this metaphor, I would like to share my recent, first-time meeting with NN-DMT.
I have, over my 51 years as an earthly being, embraced the path of knowledge and the ways of Sacred Medicine. Like most American kids growing up in the 60's and maturing in the late 70's, smoking marijuana became an easy-to-embrace ritual in my life. When I was 18 years old, I was encouraged to ingest LSD by my best friend. Being the relatively fearless explorer that I believed myself to be, I jumped right in and never looked back. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say, I abandoned myself to The Medicine Path, which let me through hundreds and hundreds of voyages. Along the way, I was graced by introductions with THC, 'magic mushrooms', mescaline and peyote. Predominantly, I have danced with LSD-25. If I may quote the late Jimi Hendrix,
"Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced? Well I have. Not necessarily stoned... but beautiful."
To make a very long story short (don't you believe it guys), I became immersed in spiritual pursuits and embraced various traditional methodologies for living in the present moment, such as: Hatha Yoga, Zen meditation, Kriya Yoga, Surat Shabd Yoga, Sufism, Tai Chi Chuan, Qigong (氣功), fasting, flotation tanks and sensory deprivation. After periods of intense psychoactive investigation, I would retreat from the way of the 20th century urban shaman and abstain from the use of these Plants of the Gods, as I didn't want a habitual routine to keep me from learning to access these states of consciousness and attain such levels, naturally (without the assistance of the Sacred Medicine). I know, some of you must be laughing at this point. It seems comical to me, too, after what I recently experienced with vaporized Spice... but you folks must know what I mean? That state when one is sky-rocketing into the infinite unknown.
So, after numerous trips, "Up and down the Cosmic Elevator", so to speak, I arrived at a point in my psychedelic explorations, where my awareness of self had slowly dissolved (or been suddenly stripped away) I would always end up where I started, the monkey with the onion. The element which appears within my personal dream, as the sense of I-me-mine or perhaps, myself as a witness... would become merged into the blinding brilliance of the Clear Light of the Void. Thus, removing the consciousness of subject and object, self and other, finite mind from Infinite God-consciousness, etc...
After a particularly powerful series of sessions with LSD, followed shorty after by a wild dance with some very potent psilocybin mushrooms, I was blessed by a visitation by a radiant Goddess who seemed to embody the arch-type or perhaps, personification of mushroom enlightenment? I had already peaked and been floored by the powerful awakening, so I was really looking forward to floating back down to earth, weary but happy. Ready to crash. Ready to sleep. Then came the visitation.
Now, I've never really been into Anthropomorphic Deification, so I was a little surprised by the vision. I don't necessarily consider myself a Taoist, specifically, but I relate to it's wisdom and I am inclined towards Zen methods, at least more than any of the monotheistic religions. Neither am I particularly drawn to Polytheism, shown in many aspects of Hinduism. I do resonate with Pantheism, like Shintoism and the Native American, Shamanic cosmology. But not so much involving Deities and entities. Right?
Maybe so... but here she was right before me! Her body was larger than life and she was a translucent, holographic, shimmering form, whose effulgently pulsing aura was shaped just like a mushroom. She spoke without moving her lips, telepathically, from inside of my head and asked me (or commanded me?) to seek the union with Spirit on an avenue that did not partake of entheogens. To stay grounded and heal for a stretch. I am paraphrasing her, mind you,as a lot of it was non-verbal communication. Though, I do vividly recall one clear statement she telegraphed to me, "Await The Calling." It seemed to echo in my mind for some circular loop, eerily outside of time.
In retrospect, I could easily reason that this was a projection from my own imagination or a product of my personal expectations. Perhaps my mind was desperately clinging to sentient consciousness and a trick played by my self, to myself? Aimed at preserving the solidity of my EGO? Or even a projection of the ultimate maternal arch-type, scolding me for being a bad little boy?
Most likely a combination of all of the above, however, she was more REAL than anyone I had ever met and left a lasting impression in me, to say the very least. I knew this apparition was correct, at this point in my life, so I have been obedient to the message I received. Yet, for all those many years, I felt an incessant pull from my experiences with psychedelics and believed there were still significant Sacred Journeys left to be taken. I knew I would one day return to the way of the Medicine Path... some day when I was truly ready.
Before I finish up this footnote in my history, I want to clarify that I have encountered many, many, many entities/ beings on my previous psychedelic voyages. I have had the beatific vision of Christ, communicated with alien intelligences and been touched by the luminous hand Sri Babaji Maharaj and have been completely shattered, in deepest humility. I believe I understand full well, that every facet of everything, every object and everyone everywhere... is ultimately a shimmering illusion, caught in the maze of dimensionality, woven into the fabric of the time-space-continuum.
Real in appearances yet, wholly unreal in some transcendental truth? But then what is reality? This seems to be an assumption we make about what appears to us, most of the time, as a concrete substantial world. Our 5 senses tell us our perceptions are a certainty, however, they are merely receptors of our limited, collective projections, alone. Thus, we are merely a reflection of our dreaming selves (each of us mirrored to the other).
That being said, she spoke with Divine Authority and I had that same feeling of falling to the ground in utter terror, as the Biblical Moses, sprawled before the Burning Bush. Oh yes, however she was radiating so much pure spiritual love that I felt like I couldn't really look directly at her blinding radiance. I honestly felt far too impure and unworthy. Still, I wanted to cross-over and fully become one with her. One with God/ Goddess. Ever conscious of being one with the Absolute Being, inside and outside of my scope conscious-awareness.
She flooded me with such a powerful wave of unconditional love, even beyond anything I had felt on MDMA (ecstasy), that I was washed-over into a state of complete silence. "You are not ready to die yet, stay within this earthly garden and patiently await an invitation to ascend." Well, I did and I have obeyed this advice. Asleep, dreaming, grounding the high? Oh yes, dreaming of awakening to the living Spirit! It had been nearly 18 years and then one day, last December of 2009, I finally heard... "The Calling", loud and clear!
I had heard of DMT and vaguely recalled reading something about it 30 over years ago but for some reason, I never had an experience with it nor known anyone who did (that I knew of). Out of the blue, my friend asked me if I wanted to trip on NN-DMT. I explained my hesitation and thanked him very much but flatly declined.
He said, "It's up to you but for some reason, I feel compelled to give this to you." I told him, "Maybe you know something I don't?" He just smiled and his eyes twinkled. I replied that I didn't really have enough time to make such a journey but he explained that it would only take 15-20 minutes. I said, "Yeah but 15 minutes can be an Eternity." He laughed and said, "Exactly! Take it with you and decide later. I think this DMT was meant for you, though. Maybe now is the right time for you try it? Just think it over, meditate on it." So, I took it with me and contemplated experimenting with it, for a exactly seven days.
After much meditation and reflection, I decided to smoke the DMT. It just felt like the right thing to do. I could feel "The Calling" from deep within myself and I knew it was the right moment to embark on this new journey of discovery. Obviously, I was in store for quite a trip!!!
I was alone, as is my preference on psychedelic voyages. I divided the gel capsule of yellowish, powdered crystalline matter into four small piles. No, I didn't weigh them but I made sure each pile was successively larger than the previous pile. I had been given instructions on how to smoke the DMT and used some ganja to "protect" the crystalline powder from direct contact with the flame of my lighter. I had prepared to set aside an hour and twenty-thirty minutes duration, for each pile of golden DMT crystals.
I took my first inhalation and almost choked on the foul, plasticine flavor! I held it as long as I was able and immediately took a second inhalation. I really don't remember exhaling. I have never, ever been so suddenly and completely rocketed into such a profoundly altered state, before. I was instantly peaking!!! There was no time to adjust to the voyage DMT was taking me on. All at once, an explosion of visual hallucinations appeared to me!
An extremely loud oscillating, ringing sound that seemed to come from both within my head and outside of my head, drowned-out any other external sounds. It engulfed me whole. I had yet to hear the phrase Carrier Wave. I always called it the HU tonality. I had the sensation of being pulled within, higher and higher, into a once familiar territory. All of the fractal, geometric patterns I was seeing (with my physical eyes closed) seemed to emanate from a criss-crossing web of colored lines of light. THE GRID! I had seen this many times on LSD and mushrooms. The colors were specifically, a green with a hint of blue and a sort of magenta? I could taste the colors. This synesthesia reminded me of mescaline but the head-space was more like shrooms. I could even breathe them in and taste their flavor!
I remember thinking, "Aha, these look like magic mushroom patterns. This must be the same universe". I have seen these colors predominate many of the psilocybin visuals I had witnessed, some years before. Different from the rainbow of multicolored fractals I have seen on LSD and mescaline. The ringing sound had eclipsed into a loud droning, as if thousands of whirring motors were blending together to form a greater symphony of droning. Suddenly, I had become aware of my breathing... and then, I was back in my body, sitting cross-legged on my couch. Wow! A little over 20 minutes had passed.
I eased into some Hatha Yoga postures and did a little Tai Chi, had a drink of water and reflected on the experience for about an hour or so. I was eager to take off again, so I loaded number two and had a nearly identical experience. This time, however, I became acutely aware of my chakras being activated, as a tremendous current of energy blasted my consciousness higher and higher.
Again, I saw the intersecting, shimmering rays of colored light, forming a mesh of lines. They were formed of a ballooning, circular pattern, radiating from the central light just above me. I could now see that at each point that the lines met, a brilliant point of light glittered and brightly shone. It dawned on me that these small points of light were the individual Souls of all sentient beings, connected by the Cosmic Grid, each a mirror of the Great Light at the very center. As mind-numbingly gorgeous as the luminous mandala was, I really wanted to look into the light within the center of this pattern, to go even deeper into it.
Sure, there was the myriad of accompanying visions of Heaven and Hell. What I believe the Tibetans refer to as, the 10,000 beautiful and horrific visions? I think they are called Bardos, as I understand these things, these ascending levels of consciousness. I saw hideous demons, ravenous ghouls and felt the grip of an unseen evil force. Fear, anxiety, self-loathing & self-recrimination, mixed with the panic of paranoia and confusion... ever tugged at me (trying to halt my vertical ascension).
I have learned to let them all pass, all images and apparitions, even the most elaborate and exquisite kaleidoscopic designs, urgent messages from extra-terrestrial life forms, visions of angelic beings, clothed in bodies of colored light, etc... as I urge my spirit onward (towards the one clear light).
It's beauty has always drawn me to it, throughout my prior cosmic journeys. A voice within myself spoke in English, "The Thousand Petaled Lotus". Yes, it did seem like a flower, the Sahasrara or 7th chakra in full bloom! Of course, I began to THINK again. "Hmmmmmm... 1,000 Petaled Lotus, isn't that a Hindu phrase, indicating the highest chakra at the crown of the head?" Almost instantly, I was back to myself and acutely aware of my breathing and the rapid beating of own my heart. Mind you, I had never read anything about DMT trips, so I had yet to hear about the term "chrysanthemum" used in describing this intricate web of fractal energy.
After an appropriate amount of time and space, I prepared my third dose and fired it up. I was determined to rise into the very center of the light. Focusing myself on the lotus pattern, I rocketed towards it, gently keeping my mind from trying to label anything along the way. I won't say there weren't thousands upon thousands of visions and hallucinations pulling on my awareness, yet, I wanted to be in that light. To become that light! I had the realization that the light was emanating from my own crown, as if I was wearing a fantastic spiraling headdress or blooming hat. I was reminded of those Mayan terracotta sculptures. The ones with the huge mushroom-like caps. Again, there is a close relationship between DMT and psilocybin.
I was fixedly looking at the light through my third eye, my Ajna chakra or singular eye... which seemed to be the lens used to see into the overwhelming source of the light. I could hardly see the Grid anymore, as everything seemed to wash-out into a boundary-less infinitude of pure luminosity. I couldn't help but thinking that I was beholding the boundless consciousness of God. A picture of the Buddha popped into my mind and yes, I was back down again. Retreated to the dimension of I-me-mine.
I wanted to wait long enough to maximize my final dose. I had the profound feeling I was on the verge of a complete break-through, into ego-death. I spent some time examining the DMT crystalline matter. I have been a professional jeweler for 25 years, so I have several magnifying loops, visors and a microscope, used to see minute details in gemstones. In this largest pile of matter, there was a 3.5mm hexagonal crystal, hidden in the fine crystalline powder. It was a lovely golden color and seemed to be of doubly terminated, tabular structural formation. The angular crystallography was pure eye candy to behold. I intuited that this crystal was the teacher I had been patiently waiting for and I was on the edge of an awaking.
I carefully put a touch of weed in the bowl, sprinkled the DMT in top of it and gently covered the pinch with some nice VT skunk-weed and brought the bowl to my mouth. All I remember is taking an enormous hit, which nearly caused me to vomit, as the taste was so strong! After holding it as long as I could... I exploded in a gagging series of coughs. I could taste the DMT on my lips and it felt like it was burning the skin? This was the last body sensation I had before... KABOOM!!! In a micro-second, I was rushing towards the place from which nothing can really be spoken of, nor any description can justly capture with words. Not even the Void is sufficient.
As I perceived my awareness rocketing upwards, like a geyser erupting at Yellow Stone National Park, I was absorbed into the spiraling fractal patterns, dissolved into the Light and evaporated into the limitless emptiness of the Void. Only the thinnest of membranes seemed to separate me from complete egolessness. Hey, I was still holding on to the euphoria I felt. The ecstasy of perceiving the living presence of God is the last subtle thought I recall having. Then... complete and measureless internal silence. Without an observer to witness or recognize this revelation, I died as myself. From this side of the mirror, I can never grasp even a grain of that Divine merging, the direct immersion.
Was there a beginning or ending to this moment? Did ten billion years years pass while peaking or only 10 minutes? Frankly, I can no longer say anything about this peak-experience, since I was not present anymore. Eternal silence. Infinite stillness. Zero. Nothing can be a fitting label or even come close to relating such an indivisible, all-pervasive level of pure being.
Out of the stillness and silence... was birthed an idea. Mind was re-emerging. My first thought was, "I am alive and awake... yes, I exist." Was it my voice saying it? Where did I hear that before? Oh yes, somewhere within the Holy Bible. In the Old Testament, as "I am that I am." Truthfully, I'm not a big fan of Judea/Christian/Islamic theologies. Too much polarity! I was initially drawn towards Indian Vedanta and the state of Advaita (non-dualism), as a younger man and still honor it's perspective. I prefer the simplicity of undifferentiated emptiness.
As my consciousness solidified, I had the sense of being Omnipotent. As if I was God dreaming that I was not God, then awakening to find my true self, my Omniself, only to return to the Dreamer perceiving a fragmented glimpse of the totality. Yet, in a flash, I knew that I had created everything, was inherent in everything and the Omnipresent being inside of every particle/wave/field of existence. Aware of the unity, aware of the diversity, aware of nothingness. The membrane that had been dissolved began to grow again, creating the sensation of the finite awareness of the seeker.
As dawn follows the emptiness of night, I gradually became conscious of having an organic form, with an individual, separate identity. One of the billions of tiny lights within the fabric of the Grid. I was me-myself-I, once again, yet not quite the same as before? I found myself standing up, with my arms outstretched, palms up. Kind of like a cross? Or the letter T? My head was slightly tilted back and I could still clearly see the light shining from within my head, although far fainter than before. I wasn't breathing at all and it didn't occur to me for a few moments that I should be, either. Tears were streaming down from the corners of my eyes, soaking my shirt collar a little bit.
Once more I felt the pounding of my heart and the sensation of being a solid, 3-dimensional mass, within the emptiness of the formless air surrounding me. My stomach grumbled, as if to say, "Hey, don't forget about me, man!" After 10 or 15 more minutes, I was moving around my home, petting the dogs and our tiny kitten. Happy to just be alive and grateful for the ride that NN-DMT had taken me on. Ultimately, I arrived to the exact same state of consciousness LSD had always brought me. Just quicker and in much, much less time. I love this Sacred gift! Will I ever do it again? God willing!!! I surely do want to explore this molecule further. I know there is so much more to learn from this great Spirit Teacher.
I apologize if this description is too verbose or placed in the wrong section of this forum. You see, I really did try to keep it brief (ha ha ha) but there was sooooooo much going on, that I wanted to share just a fractured glimpse of it all with you fine folks. Peace, love and Light to you, one and all.
Rising Spirit 8)
