ComplacentCatalyst
Rising Star
Hello to all interested. Sorry for the amorphous title... and essay. I’ll have to ask you to bear with me as this is my first forum ever. So I’ll be a little slow at learning the technical shtuff, if there is any really I duno. My hope is to be a helpful member of this community but there is still learning to be had and I like to be cautious how I share my opinion.
Anyway! SWIM’s been researching DMT through this source for probably about two months or so. Finally decided to log-in and give his two cents worth. SWIM has extracted DMT from MHRB via an STB tek… hehe. Okay getting this down. So SWIM’s first experience was to say the least very awe inspiring and somewhat unbelievable at the time. He said that he hadn’t been sure of the exact dose and had scraped the insides of a dried and scraped crystal collection jar with some herb. He asked his girlfriend to be there and she was very sweet I guess and let him set his feet in her lap and rubbed them. Needless to say once he was very relaxed SWIM took a rip from his bubble pipe. Held it, took a second and considered taking a third when he said a voice, not necessarily a voice so much as a feeling asked him, “do you need a third hit?” He said when he chose to set the piece down SWIM felt pleased with himself. Almost like a reward feeling for doing what was asked of him.
From there a time of conversation like that continued, entirely feeling based. SWIM explained that essentially he had asked or concentrated on the hope that DMT could potentially help him climb from a funk he has been in basically all his life. A sea of emotions that never seemed to be completely level. SWIM knew he was capable of having moments of compelling productivity and a hopeful outlook toward the future. But typically SWIM dislikes the idea of life and all its available routines.
From there he said it basically an exchange of Apperception(talking with feeling in other words) told him that he was making the right choice with DMT and it played for him a series of inconceivable patterns and colors that seemed to defy the rainbow. At this point he could just say wow and smile ear to ear as he watched the show. SWIM explained that the DMT through those feelings tried to train him what the true consequence of each negative thought he had would be. He said that until he truly made the decision to do what it wanted of him and let go of those contradicting thoughts that seemed to limit his entire world, that it would not let him feel okay with himself.
Okay so maybe SWIM should have posted this in the first time experiences section and maybe he still will but here’s the kicker. That shock collar of truth disappears when the DMT does. And SWIM is left with a sea of emotion once again.
At this point SWIM has developed a fear of DMT. In measuring a dose at 25mg he experienced a message that he said basically felt like “What are you doing back when you haven’t done what I told you.” The only thing SWIM can figure this meant was balancing his emotions and so…
Tonight SWIM used MDMA which is not a regularly used substance for him, with the main focus of seeing what a balanced mind is capable of. It first followed the thoughts of a fight SWIM had with his girlfriend about how he hadn’t picked up around the house. All SWIM could think was how much he hated the way it made him feel when she said he wasn’t trying hard enough. It quickly turned into a fight because one of them I cannot remember who and now realize it doesn’t matter, but one of them probably SWIM started getting passionate about the argument and it escalated, once again as it has so many times. Looking back at that argument SWIM is embarrassed of his actions. Even before the MDMA they started to realize together that they were always going to escalate their arguments if they kept finding clever ways to blame each other.
From there on SWIM at least took the vital step in promising himself that If he caught himself trying to blame her for something he would stop himself or at least apologize if it was realized afterward. From there he/they tried to explain to each other how their feelings had caused the situation to escalate and that didn’t work. Trying to replay the fight can easily cause you to relive the fight…
So SWIM once again promised himself, “when a fight has passed be glad it’s past because you love your girlfriend.” “Don’t replay it in your mind, don’t try and think of ways how she is wrong. Just stop. It’s over, truly, actually, with grace and dignity and even if you can muster it up compassion and love… LET IT THE FUCK GO!!! And Try If you can to take a moment in the future to ask yourself If you are thinking your feelings and speaking with them, or if your feelings are simply speaking for you."
Probably the hardest thing for him is admitting to himself that his anger is controlling him. He doesn’t like to think of himself as an angry person and so when he gets angry I think he gets stubborn and tells himself he’s being reasonable. But SWIM does get angry and it’s often to the extent that it is not okay. Lack of physical exercise and the great outdoors pretty much multiplies it by five as well so this time of the year is trying. He’s just trying to remember, no emotion is worth letting go of a person, an amazing person willing to support, feed, and entertain her man without bounds.
Also, I love my cat. Like a hell of a lot.
Anyway! SWIM’s been researching DMT through this source for probably about two months or so. Finally decided to log-in and give his two cents worth. SWIM has extracted DMT from MHRB via an STB tek… hehe. Okay getting this down. So SWIM’s first experience was to say the least very awe inspiring and somewhat unbelievable at the time. He said that he hadn’t been sure of the exact dose and had scraped the insides of a dried and scraped crystal collection jar with some herb. He asked his girlfriend to be there and she was very sweet I guess and let him set his feet in her lap and rubbed them. Needless to say once he was very relaxed SWIM took a rip from his bubble pipe. Held it, took a second and considered taking a third when he said a voice, not necessarily a voice so much as a feeling asked him, “do you need a third hit?” He said when he chose to set the piece down SWIM felt pleased with himself. Almost like a reward feeling for doing what was asked of him.
From there a time of conversation like that continued, entirely feeling based. SWIM explained that essentially he had asked or concentrated on the hope that DMT could potentially help him climb from a funk he has been in basically all his life. A sea of emotions that never seemed to be completely level. SWIM knew he was capable of having moments of compelling productivity and a hopeful outlook toward the future. But typically SWIM dislikes the idea of life and all its available routines.
From there he said it basically an exchange of Apperception(talking with feeling in other words) told him that he was making the right choice with DMT and it played for him a series of inconceivable patterns and colors that seemed to defy the rainbow. At this point he could just say wow and smile ear to ear as he watched the show. SWIM explained that the DMT through those feelings tried to train him what the true consequence of each negative thought he had would be. He said that until he truly made the decision to do what it wanted of him and let go of those contradicting thoughts that seemed to limit his entire world, that it would not let him feel okay with himself.
Okay so maybe SWIM should have posted this in the first time experiences section and maybe he still will but here’s the kicker. That shock collar of truth disappears when the DMT does. And SWIM is left with a sea of emotion once again.
At this point SWIM has developed a fear of DMT. In measuring a dose at 25mg he experienced a message that he said basically felt like “What are you doing back when you haven’t done what I told you.” The only thing SWIM can figure this meant was balancing his emotions and so…
Tonight SWIM used MDMA which is not a regularly used substance for him, with the main focus of seeing what a balanced mind is capable of. It first followed the thoughts of a fight SWIM had with his girlfriend about how he hadn’t picked up around the house. All SWIM could think was how much he hated the way it made him feel when she said he wasn’t trying hard enough. It quickly turned into a fight because one of them I cannot remember who and now realize it doesn’t matter, but one of them probably SWIM started getting passionate about the argument and it escalated, once again as it has so many times. Looking back at that argument SWIM is embarrassed of his actions. Even before the MDMA they started to realize together that they were always going to escalate their arguments if they kept finding clever ways to blame each other.
From there on SWIM at least took the vital step in promising himself that If he caught himself trying to blame her for something he would stop himself or at least apologize if it was realized afterward. From there he/they tried to explain to each other how their feelings had caused the situation to escalate and that didn’t work. Trying to replay the fight can easily cause you to relive the fight…
So SWIM once again promised himself, “when a fight has passed be glad it’s past because you love your girlfriend.” “Don’t replay it in your mind, don’t try and think of ways how she is wrong. Just stop. It’s over, truly, actually, with grace and dignity and even if you can muster it up compassion and love… LET IT THE FUCK GO!!! And Try If you can to take a moment in the future to ask yourself If you are thinking your feelings and speaking with them, or if your feelings are simply speaking for you."
Probably the hardest thing for him is admitting to himself that his anger is controlling him. He doesn’t like to think of himself as an angry person and so when he gets angry I think he gets stubborn and tells himself he’s being reasonable. But SWIM does get angry and it’s often to the extent that it is not okay. Lack of physical exercise and the great outdoors pretty much multiplies it by five as well so this time of the year is trying. He’s just trying to remember, no emotion is worth letting go of a person, an amazing person willing to support, feed, and entertain her man without bounds.
Also, I love my cat. Like a hell of a lot.
