Instinctive fear makes me chicken out

[Vherus]

Hi guys! I've been browsing the forums for a while to try and take in as much advice as possible and I've decided I need to reach out for help.

Tonight marks my third attempt with DMT and it's incredible so far, if intense and terrifying. I'm smoking a 50/50 changa and have stuck to 60mg to try and get a feel for it. The first go was a slap in the face. No amount of research prepared me for how it seems to work faster than thought. As I was half way through the bowl, I chickened out and just held what I had in my lungs for a few seconds. Then, since it kept intensifying, I exhaled. I panicked, but as an experienced meditator I was able to sort of "Okay then, show me". I felt a definite presence there taking an interest in me but couldn't see more than a faint silhouette. The sound is the spooky part.

On the second round it took me a while to work up the courage to actually start smoking, I really stared the fear in the eyes and felt it fully before deciding to go ahead. Man, the courage I felt! But then I get half way through the bowl, chicken out at the now familiar intensity and the same thing happens. It was incredibly calming this time, but I still felt the natural "dive out the way of that moving car" sort of fear.

Determined, I went for my third. I found it much easier to actually start smoking, but again I chickened out half way through. I'm so determined and prepare as thoroughly as I can but I just can't seem to get over the half smoked bowl point. I'm willing to face whatever happens, dark or light, it just feels like an automatic "NOPE" which I can only assume is biological survival instinct or something. How does one conquer that? It just seems like I'm putting down the pipe before I even have a say in the matter.

Am I doing the right thing by just trying again and again until I get through it?

Thank you for taking the time to read a newbie's plight

 

[dragonrider]

You have to decide for yourself if you realy want it. If you do, then tell yourself, just before, that you realy want it and that you will go through with it, no matter what.

 

[Vherus]

Thank you. I’ll try to psyche myself up a bit more

 

[Jees]

Vaping is quick and therefore most likely to induce fight/flight reactions.
Oral sessions take much more time to build up, it might take you to not exactly the same spots but interesting spots nevertheless, and a chance of familiarization with the vibration.
To feel not alone with the issue:

PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR - Help and Advice for Healing - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

 

[q21q21]

You know I have a recommendation that helped me a lot. For years I was scared to go deep after a few bad trips and some personal issues. I pretty much smoked 10-15 mg doses just for fun for a while, scared to go deep, but then I did 3 things that helped me go deep without being overwhelmed.
I went on a 2 year break from it and repeated the steps just recently with even better success than last time. Here is what helped me.

1st is measurement, precise measurements
2nd is starting low and only moving on when I felt ready
3rd is mindfulness practice

To expand on the first 2 points:
I started at 10mg (which with error would be 8-12mg, probably) and did that until I was comfortable, then I moved up to 15mg, then 20mg and now I'm at 25mg quite comfortable. I'll move on to 30mg if I feel 25mg is not quite enough, but so far its pretty deep for me.

I did about 5-8 trips with each dose before moving on, sporadically with breaks it took me about 3-4 weeks to get from 10mg to 25mg and I'm thankful I did it because I am more comfortable with 25mg as i was with 20mg years ago.

That could also be due to the 3rd thing though.
Now I'm not very hippie-like, I'm very sciency, but mindfulness was very helpful to me. It's similar to meditation, but much simpler and psychological rather than spiritual. (you can google it easily if you're unfamiliar)
There were 2 things that I did that helped me in regards to mindfulness, but your mileage may vary.
1st was observing, accepting and not resisting my fear. This oddly enough happened in the 10-15mg range and became 2nd nature by 20mg+
2nd is accepting a passive role as the observer during the trip as a whole. When I smoked it years ago I would often be like:
"holy shit this is intense, this is too much for me, oh my god!"
but now it is more like:
"I feel the intensity, this is overwhelming, I accept this feeling of overwhelm and embrace is as I observe what comes next" *breathe.... feel body relax*

Hope this helps

 

[Vherus]

Thank you, Jees. I'll read through all the content in that link today

Thank you, Swim. That's also very helpful. I think it's so easy to get caught up in a "I need to shoot for the breakthrough" mentality when really I need to admit that I'm just not ready. Lowering the dose & getting comfortable like you suggest seems like a really good option for me.

I'm so happy to have found this nexus

 

[Jozeh]

Vaping is quick and therefore most likely to induce fight/flight reactions.
Oral sessions take much more time to build up, it might take you to not exactly the same spots but interesting spots nevertheless, and a chance of familiarization with the vibration.
To feel not alone with the issue:

PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR - Help and Advice for Healing - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

Trying the oral route helped me.

One thing the oral route affords is experimentation in the Harmala dosage. Even experimenting with Harmala alone could help. Vaping is 0-100, easy to trigger fight or flight. In the oral route predosing with Harmala gets you a bit off baseline before taking the DMT.

For staying with the ROA, you could vape some Harmalas or oral dose, then use the Changa. Make sure to check the dose, as you will already have Harmalas in the Changa also.

Further to that make it a ritual, clean your space, set some intentions, do some breathing. Then sit back and decide if now is the time, if you feel it, light it up. If you don't, at the very least, you practised some mindfulness and have a tidy room

 

[Cognitive Heart]

Well, now you actually know. Isn't that exciting!? :d

Definitely take your time and don't rush into anything. You have in your hands, one of the most if not the most powerful substance known to mankind. Every last bit of it is yours to experience and discover. Perhaps then this fear is what you need to overcome. That way, the fear is then instilled with, instead, excitement, eagerness and profound intention. Usually, what we instinctively fear is never what we think it is. The fear must be confronted. That is the actuality into reality.

Keep learning! :thumb_up: