Split_Dogs
Rising Star
Hi Nexus.
I've finally felt the need to write my introductory essay in the hopes of you making a member of me.
I have resisted the urge to read many intro essays at risk of mine sounding like a cliche.
I just really want to tell you about me as much as I can without influence on what you may or may not be expecting from an introduction.
I'm a late 30s guy living in Melbourne, Victoria. Since my late teens I have been an eager experimenter of psychedelics, but rarely had access to them. I took the only known type (LSD) throughout my 20s I drank and smoked dope far too much and I regret a lot of those years.
I developed type 1 diabetes around 27-28 and at the time was depressed not working, enrolled but not studying and generally being a burden on myself, my family and society in general. I wasn't a total fuck-up by any means but was wandering aimlessly in life. Not much different than a lot of 20 somethings in Western societies I would imagine.
The best thing to come of all that was a son who is now 10 he lives with his mum. I see him every second weekend.
Those years nearly killed me, I had no idea what I was or where I was going. I was on antidepressants that weren't very nice to deal with which lead me to smoke a lot more dope which essentially caused the breakup of my relationship.
Something that I am forever grateful for.
Im 2 years clean of cigarettes, about 10 years since Ive touched dope and rarely drink alcohol.
After a few more failed relationships with women I wasn't in love with I am now happily in love with an understanding woman who doesn't take drugs but who I am totally honest with my drug use. She is fine with it and I have never had that in any other relationship.
It is such a comforting feeling knowing your lover accepts you for your vices and is totally supportive in my quest for who I am. I guess I'm living as the 1% although I am unemployed after being made redundant 8 months ago.
I have access to any drug I need and any prescription drug my doctor feels like prescribing me. My Diabetes is under reasonable to poor control and the constant injections are a pain the arse but I'm alive and at a point in my life that isn't necessarily an existential crisis but more of a crossroad. I have time on my hands to forge forward in a direction I choose to go.
After chronic back and neck pain from Skating and Footy in my youth I was having real problems with energy levels and desire to thrive, there was and is always something holding me back from the real me. I guess Im a late bloomer as these years Im experiencing now are by far the most exciting and hopeful.
THrough some mediation courses I was pointed in the direction of a yoga instructor who suggested I see a Qi Gong practitioner, he was also heavily into the teachings of Adi Da, who I'm sceptical of, anyone who can get a bunch of nimble yoga instructors to buy you an island must be doing some kind of manipulation that I'm not too comfortable with.
My sessions of Qigong were beneficial although I became quite ill after the first session. I mistakenly thought this was an overdose of 4FMA at the time, however, an acquaintance also went to the same Qigong master and was ill straight after this as well.
I have been dabbling in research chemicals and stimulants ranging from 2cb, 4fma, Amphets Coke etc However it is the psychedelics Like Ketamine and LSD that I enjoy the most.
I have a perfect set and setting for my imbibing and can completely explore these chems in an environment that I never thought I could back as a young experimenting youth.
LSD for me was always fun and I had slowly been increasing doses to heroic levels but never actually getting anything out of the substance due to a lot of factors, mainly dose, maybe setting, maybe just being immature to what I should be asking from the experience. I would invariably just listen to music and be blown away by the way music felt on LSD.
Similar to growing Mushroom which is where I have had the most profound experiences, again at a selfish level though, and never an ego death type profundity. There had to be a substance that was going to literally blow my mind, I knew it was DMT ever since I started reading about it seriously for the last couple of years. The time had come.
This brings me to my acquisition of DMT. I knew from research that this was not for recreational use. My heavy doses of Ketamine were quite an experience although I put that down to the brain making it's own reality from being deprived the physical body sending it sufficient feedback. I imagined that this was a going to be a similar experience to DMT, but I was under no allusion that it would be close to a hyperdimensional journey of total immersion.
I needed to know what this feeling was like. It scared me, it fascinated me. Hearing McKenna et el. go on about Machine Elves and being one with everything seemed at once totally batshit crazy but also irrefutable from his perspective, so who was I to call bullshit on those claims? I have read quite a lot of anecdotal effects from some well known sites and literature. I recently had an experience with DMT that was quite extraordinary, however my first three attempts were not anywhere near a proper journey.
I had purchased the Vapor Genie a few months prior and it had been sitting there with a bag of spice waiting for the right time. The magic i got out of the first attempt was enough for me to want to explore deeper.
I had musical tones or notes play away in my head at the back of my ear, quite low volume but a very intriguing sensation, it was a tease, I did however feeling a little light chested and thought I should take it easy. If youve listened to Flying Lotus' latest album theres a track on there Until The Colours Come that has almost the exact sound I was hearing.
There was trepidation but it was calling out to me. The closed eye visuals were there and they are still vivid to me today. It was as is there was a presence winking at me saying "cmon, it's fine, cmon, you'll love it"
It was another couple of weeks before I could try again with similar results, a bit of open eye mushroom like visuals but nothing special. I think I was still a bit too scared to go all in. This time I got further and had a definite neon weblike membrane surrounding me. but again I felt like i was going to faint and missed the boat.
However last Friday I went in totally positive and wit ha purpose. It was the last of my spice so I loaded it all in and went for it and made sure I taking long inhalations and holding it as long as I could. Then came the frequency change in the audio spectrum, like a conutdown sort of feeling.
Then.
Boom.
This wasn't a hyperdimensional trip, as I could still make out the apartment but it was absolutely like nothing I had everr imagined possible and was like no other drug. I was gobsmacked! I never use the phrase as it is so cliched but I remember saying very slowly and deliberately "Oh...My....God!" I was shitting myself (not literally) and was agog in a fantastically happy headspace, thinking "it is true! this is what it is like." I think my brain decided that was enough, as that's all I remember, the feeling of being in a totally different layer of reality.
Needless to say the next hour was spent looking at the ceiling wanting to wake my girlfriend up and tell her all about it. I had to wait till morning, and by then I wanted to walk out into the city and ask every single person if they have ever done it, I was beside myself with excitement.
I'm sorry but this is ending up a trip report, but I still havent really put this done in writing before and it's just coming out in stream of consciousness, excuse me if it sounds like drivel to you guys. Im sure you've heard it all before.
But this is me, and my experiences. My initial essay for everyone here.
I hope I can join this community and add to it. Nexus and DMT will definitely give me knowledge as to where my next direction should go.
I have so many questions and I hope I can search here without getting too immersed in a single forum, but still be able to contribute enough to be some sort of value.
Hope to hear from some of you guys about life the universe and everything.
until then
Hi!
I've finally felt the need to write my introductory essay in the hopes of you making a member of me.
I have resisted the urge to read many intro essays at risk of mine sounding like a cliche.
I just really want to tell you about me as much as I can without influence on what you may or may not be expecting from an introduction.
I'm a late 30s guy living in Melbourne, Victoria. Since my late teens I have been an eager experimenter of psychedelics, but rarely had access to them. I took the only known type (LSD) throughout my 20s I drank and smoked dope far too much and I regret a lot of those years.
I developed type 1 diabetes around 27-28 and at the time was depressed not working, enrolled but not studying and generally being a burden on myself, my family and society in general. I wasn't a total fuck-up by any means but was wandering aimlessly in life. Not much different than a lot of 20 somethings in Western societies I would imagine.
The best thing to come of all that was a son who is now 10 he lives with his mum. I see him every second weekend.
Those years nearly killed me, I had no idea what I was or where I was going. I was on antidepressants that weren't very nice to deal with which lead me to smoke a lot more dope which essentially caused the breakup of my relationship.
Something that I am forever grateful for.
Im 2 years clean of cigarettes, about 10 years since Ive touched dope and rarely drink alcohol.
After a few more failed relationships with women I wasn't in love with I am now happily in love with an understanding woman who doesn't take drugs but who I am totally honest with my drug use. She is fine with it and I have never had that in any other relationship.
It is such a comforting feeling knowing your lover accepts you for your vices and is totally supportive in my quest for who I am. I guess I'm living as the 1% although I am unemployed after being made redundant 8 months ago.
I have access to any drug I need and any prescription drug my doctor feels like prescribing me. My Diabetes is under reasonable to poor control and the constant injections are a pain the arse but I'm alive and at a point in my life that isn't necessarily an existential crisis but more of a crossroad. I have time on my hands to forge forward in a direction I choose to go.
After chronic back and neck pain from Skating and Footy in my youth I was having real problems with energy levels and desire to thrive, there was and is always something holding me back from the real me. I guess Im a late bloomer as these years Im experiencing now are by far the most exciting and hopeful.
THrough some mediation courses I was pointed in the direction of a yoga instructor who suggested I see a Qi Gong practitioner, he was also heavily into the teachings of Adi Da, who I'm sceptical of, anyone who can get a bunch of nimble yoga instructors to buy you an island must be doing some kind of manipulation that I'm not too comfortable with.
My sessions of Qigong were beneficial although I became quite ill after the first session. I mistakenly thought this was an overdose of 4FMA at the time, however, an acquaintance also went to the same Qigong master and was ill straight after this as well.
I have been dabbling in research chemicals and stimulants ranging from 2cb, 4fma, Amphets Coke etc However it is the psychedelics Like Ketamine and LSD that I enjoy the most.
I have a perfect set and setting for my imbibing and can completely explore these chems in an environment that I never thought I could back as a young experimenting youth.
LSD for me was always fun and I had slowly been increasing doses to heroic levels but never actually getting anything out of the substance due to a lot of factors, mainly dose, maybe setting, maybe just being immature to what I should be asking from the experience. I would invariably just listen to music and be blown away by the way music felt on LSD.
Similar to growing Mushroom which is where I have had the most profound experiences, again at a selfish level though, and never an ego death type profundity. There had to be a substance that was going to literally blow my mind, I knew it was DMT ever since I started reading about it seriously for the last couple of years. The time had come.
This brings me to my acquisition of DMT. I knew from research that this was not for recreational use. My heavy doses of Ketamine were quite an experience although I put that down to the brain making it's own reality from being deprived the physical body sending it sufficient feedback. I imagined that this was a going to be a similar experience to DMT, but I was under no allusion that it would be close to a hyperdimensional journey of total immersion.
I needed to know what this feeling was like. It scared me, it fascinated me. Hearing McKenna et el. go on about Machine Elves and being one with everything seemed at once totally batshit crazy but also irrefutable from his perspective, so who was I to call bullshit on those claims? I have read quite a lot of anecdotal effects from some well known sites and literature. I recently had an experience with DMT that was quite extraordinary, however my first three attempts were not anywhere near a proper journey.
I had purchased the Vapor Genie a few months prior and it had been sitting there with a bag of spice waiting for the right time. The magic i got out of the first attempt was enough for me to want to explore deeper.
I had musical tones or notes play away in my head at the back of my ear, quite low volume but a very intriguing sensation, it was a tease, I did however feeling a little light chested and thought I should take it easy. If youve listened to Flying Lotus' latest album theres a track on there Until The Colours Come that has almost the exact sound I was hearing.
There was trepidation but it was calling out to me. The closed eye visuals were there and they are still vivid to me today. It was as is there was a presence winking at me saying "cmon, it's fine, cmon, you'll love it"
It was another couple of weeks before I could try again with similar results, a bit of open eye mushroom like visuals but nothing special. I think I was still a bit too scared to go all in. This time I got further and had a definite neon weblike membrane surrounding me. but again I felt like i was going to faint and missed the boat.
However last Friday I went in totally positive and wit ha purpose. It was the last of my spice so I loaded it all in and went for it and made sure I taking long inhalations and holding it as long as I could. Then came the frequency change in the audio spectrum, like a conutdown sort of feeling.
Then.
Boom.
This wasn't a hyperdimensional trip, as I could still make out the apartment but it was absolutely like nothing I had everr imagined possible and was like no other drug. I was gobsmacked! I never use the phrase as it is so cliched but I remember saying very slowly and deliberately "Oh...My....God!" I was shitting myself (not literally) and was agog in a fantastically happy headspace, thinking "it is true! this is what it is like." I think my brain decided that was enough, as that's all I remember, the feeling of being in a totally different layer of reality.
Needless to say the next hour was spent looking at the ceiling wanting to wake my girlfriend up and tell her all about it. I had to wait till morning, and by then I wanted to walk out into the city and ask every single person if they have ever done it, I was beside myself with excitement.
I'm sorry but this is ending up a trip report, but I still havent really put this done in writing before and it's just coming out in stream of consciousness, excuse me if it sounds like drivel to you guys. Im sure you've heard it all before.
But this is me, and my experiences. My initial essay for everyone here.
I hope I can join this community and add to it. Nexus and DMT will definitely give me knowledge as to where my next direction should go.
I have so many questions and I hope I can search here without getting too immersed in a single forum, but still be able to contribute enough to be some sort of value.
Hope to hear from some of you guys about life the universe and everything.
until then
Hi!
Good you find a good one 