Im still a bit troubled by the fact that you dont even consider the fact that this might be your own creation, your own beliefs, that you might have a part in all of this. Im not saying that necessarily this is not real, who knows...  but I think its important to be critical about our experiences and consider different possibilities.  There are countless examples of how our perceptual apparatus, of how our subjective experiences and interpretations can very much be mistaken.  So who's to say this is not the case now, even if you feel very much it is "real" 

The fact that you continually express that it is real, outside and independent of yourself, disempowers you in this process. Again, continue doing what you feel is helping but I think you should let the seed of doubt germinate itself inside your own world view, so that you stop being a victim of what is happening and start taking control of your situation as much as possible.

good luck