The Menazar
Rising Star
Hello Nexus dwellers, this one is The Menazar, nice to send little lines of light at ya. This one is inexperienced - not even having tried a psychedelic until about 5 months ago. Half a lifetime of thorough dying is all I've managed thus far: energy, time, attention, life itself exhausted on efficient methods of delusion, self-imposed isolation, and false contentment. There will be no claim made here that my handful of psychedelic experiences caused some miraculous turnaround - but they have given it a bit of life.
A Frankenstein birthed of isolation has so far been my only sustained culture. With no doubt do I proceed knowing that here too I will not easily 'fit.' As a teenager chemistry was just a class to pass with as little energy as possible, all drug users lowlifes fixing with danger what I thought fixed by video games, and indeed all who did not follow the path to modest success were either arrogant or foolish - I was both. Though arrogance was abandoned upon realizations of my own intellectual fragility, foolishness (in my case primarily a strange mixture of an inconsistent apathy and persisting laziness) continues to this day. Insufficient courage has been wielded to even often speak anonymously online - such is my fear of you all. What am I trying to say? I know nothing - what can one without knowledge contribute to a community like this? Indeed, what can one without knowledge contribute to any community other than slapstick clownery? At present, here is only a bloodsucker hoping to gain rather than give: for that I apologize and hope to one day rectify.
Why this place? These substances? For one, yes one: Hope and despair - that loyal coin of death's. Despair in that there is little to lose, and hope insofar as the use of these substances may only be a wish - a receiving of value without action, without life: a foundation of faith in some 'after' at the expense of life. I'm unsure whether or not that is the reality of the case, but am certain that it is at least a part of my reality in the case. There is another reason - what word to use? It's cliche to say 'The desire to live,' but I may be forced to admit defeat and use such a phrase. To add at least some flavor, and eliminate the false impression of depression, perhaps rather - the interest to live? To obtain interest in life? I here unfortunately reveal myself to have a decadent instinct.
Forever I could rant but doubt many have made it even this far. I've likely created a strange image of myself here - I do not always get so carried away. So in conclusion, I'm looking forward to learning, experiencing, and connecting? (if I'm even capable). Forgive this life story and weirdness - it is a inept attempt.
-The Menazar
A Frankenstein birthed of isolation has so far been my only sustained culture. With no doubt do I proceed knowing that here too I will not easily 'fit.' As a teenager chemistry was just a class to pass with as little energy as possible, all drug users lowlifes fixing with danger what I thought fixed by video games, and indeed all who did not follow the path to modest success were either arrogant or foolish - I was both. Though arrogance was abandoned upon realizations of my own intellectual fragility, foolishness (in my case primarily a strange mixture of an inconsistent apathy and persisting laziness) continues to this day. Insufficient courage has been wielded to even often speak anonymously online - such is my fear of you all. What am I trying to say? I know nothing - what can one without knowledge contribute to a community like this? Indeed, what can one without knowledge contribute to any community other than slapstick clownery? At present, here is only a bloodsucker hoping to gain rather than give: for that I apologize and hope to one day rectify.
Why this place? These substances? For one, yes one: Hope and despair - that loyal coin of death's. Despair in that there is little to lose, and hope insofar as the use of these substances may only be a wish - a receiving of value without action, without life: a foundation of faith in some 'after' at the expense of life. I'm unsure whether or not that is the reality of the case, but am certain that it is at least a part of my reality in the case. There is another reason - what word to use? It's cliche to say 'The desire to live,' but I may be forced to admit defeat and use such a phrase. To add at least some flavor, and eliminate the false impression of depression, perhaps rather - the interest to live? To obtain interest in life? I here unfortunately reveal myself to have a decadent instinct.
Forever I could rant but doubt many have made it even this far. I've likely created a strange image of myself here - I do not always get so carried away. So in conclusion, I'm looking forward to learning, experiencing, and connecting? (if I'm even capable). Forgive this life story and weirdness - it is a inept attempt.
-The Menazar
