t4kisMethyl
Rising Star
I honestly don't know where to begin.
At this particular moment, I can feel a bit of fluttering in my stomach... as if I were a child entering school on the very first day of kindergarten. I suppose this fluttering is similar to the apprehensive feelings of excitedness that befall me every time I am about to travel.
Well that seems like a fair comparison, and thankfully now I am reminded that I have nothing to fear and only magnificence awaiting me.
Perhaps I will be starting off on the right foot if I mention that Gir and I have successfully extracted spice numerous times now, and that with each extraction we have gained great insight and grown closer to the molecule with shared devotion. By no means am I suggesting that we are expert travelers (because I am enthralled with the idea that there is still so much to learn), but I would like to be clear when I say that we have both shared some very profound and belief-altering experiences already.
Now, please forgive me for constant use of the pronoun "we" instead of "I". Gir and I have been together for quite some time now (although we are still young, and everyone's perception of time is different... particularly at varying stages of life) therefore our thought processes are somewhat integrated. It is a rare occurrence that either of us make radical decisions without first notifying/consulting the other, as I feel it should be in any working relationship. But enough hullaballoo about that... I went off on a tangent there trying to establish the complexity of our opposite selves despite us being a "we".
Down to business. I (with extra emphasis) have begun to question some of my own beliefs lately. See, I've never been one for organized religion... or god (God, for some). The notion that he has a set path for every last one of us eliminates any possibility of free-will. Most rational-thinking persons (such as myself) are plagued by a great deal of inner conflict with this mode of thought... How can a living, breathing, thinking, seeing, and feeling being not have enough power over themselves to choose their own path? It all just seems very extreme to me, divine intervention and things of the sort. I do not consider myself an atheist, nor an agnostic... the only classification that I find even mildly appealing is the humanistic approach.
My reasons for thinking in this way are simple; because in all of my time spent on Earth, I've never once felt any type of connection to a higher power, or seen any evidence that could persuade me to believe there was.
... Until now.
It's very hard for me to explain what I see and feel under the influence of DMT (something that drives Gir crazy). As I see it, there are no words that could possibly come close to what goes on behind my closed eyelids. Fantastical colors and shapes that twist and rotate getting bigger and smaller only to form other shapes and bigger "pictures" (of sorts)... things that I cannot convert to text because as I'm trying to now, I know that my words do no justice to the inexplicable nature of the experiences I treasure so dearly. What I will say, is that in past trips I remember a recurring female presence (I do not want to use the word "form" because in very little ways did she resemble the shape of a human)... and she was BIG. In comparison to all of the other things that were happening, or that I was seeing, she seemed to be the (I suppose now it's appropriate) form that everything was held together by or leading back to. Similar to the artwork of Alex Gray in the sense that his subjects are transparent to show the tissue and muscle and bones and organs (and sometimes babies) inside, but different because she was made up of all the inner-workings of the universe (something else I can't truly explain) disappearing and turning back into tunnel-like visions. In another instance, when I experienced ego death, I had not seen the female presence at all (even before my visuals came to a halt)... But that was also the first time I had felt contact with a higher power or infinite being. As I was suspended (for lack of better words... I actually had no body, or identity, or anything to define me as my self) in space, the only thing I could conceive at the time was the vastness of the universe and the ever-expanding-everness (as Terence McKenna describes it). There was no mistaking it, though... I had just underwent my very first spiritual experience. Of course, being the avid non-believer that I am, returning to consciousness was quite startling and at first I wasn't ready to admit that everything I had defended all my life could be disproved so easily... With just 45mg of spice. Maybe there was something bigger than me out there... I was no longer sure what I believed.
Then, just a few days ago, everything fell into place. We dosed in the "fort" (as I like to call it), myself going first because Gir is quite the gentleman... And again I saw the female presence. Only this time, something was extraordinarily different. It was as if I was able to connect the dots from all my previous trips and finally see what now seems to be so plainly obvious. I drew one (and only one) mind-bending conclusion: the presence I kept seeing and had felt during ego death was Mother Nature. Upon this realization, great feelings of joy and contentedness washed over me as I felt the darkness of confusion lift and evaporate out of existence.
*Sigh* I still don't think I've described it just right but I've never been so intent on trying. Since my understanding, I have not traveled... Though there isn't a doubt in my mind that I will see her again.
DISCLAIMER: (I feel as if I must, just because it is human nature to take things so very personally and I do not want anyone to feel like I am starting conflict by discrediting their beliefs/views.) My opinions about god (or God) are just that: MY opinions. I do not attempt to inflict my views upon others, and I would hope that all of you treat me with that same respect. Past experience has taught us that difference of religion and/or beliefs can quickly turn down a slippery slope that ends in bloodshed... A horrifying and barbaric never-ending cycle, one that the human race is stuck in to this day. To break the pattern it is obvious what we must learn, and that is to celebrate diversity in all its forms.
I hope to share more experiences with all of you in the future... Already I can see by merely perusing the site that my insatiable hunger for knowledge will be well served here.
At this particular moment, I can feel a bit of fluttering in my stomach... as if I were a child entering school on the very first day of kindergarten. I suppose this fluttering is similar to the apprehensive feelings of excitedness that befall me every time I am about to travel.
Well that seems like a fair comparison, and thankfully now I am reminded that I have nothing to fear and only magnificence awaiting me.
Perhaps I will be starting off on the right foot if I mention that Gir and I have successfully extracted spice numerous times now, and that with each extraction we have gained great insight and grown closer to the molecule with shared devotion. By no means am I suggesting that we are expert travelers (because I am enthralled with the idea that there is still so much to learn), but I would like to be clear when I say that we have both shared some very profound and belief-altering experiences already.
Now, please forgive me for constant use of the pronoun "we" instead of "I". Gir and I have been together for quite some time now (although we are still young, and everyone's perception of time is different... particularly at varying stages of life) therefore our thought processes are somewhat integrated. It is a rare occurrence that either of us make radical decisions without first notifying/consulting the other, as I feel it should be in any working relationship. But enough hullaballoo about that... I went off on a tangent there trying to establish the complexity of our opposite selves despite us being a "we".
Down to business. I (with extra emphasis) have begun to question some of my own beliefs lately. See, I've never been one for organized religion... or god (God, for some). The notion that he has a set path for every last one of us eliminates any possibility of free-will. Most rational-thinking persons (such as myself) are plagued by a great deal of inner conflict with this mode of thought... How can a living, breathing, thinking, seeing, and feeling being not have enough power over themselves to choose their own path? It all just seems very extreme to me, divine intervention and things of the sort. I do not consider myself an atheist, nor an agnostic... the only classification that I find even mildly appealing is the humanistic approach.
My reasons for thinking in this way are simple; because in all of my time spent on Earth, I've never once felt any type of connection to a higher power, or seen any evidence that could persuade me to believe there was.
... Until now.
It's very hard for me to explain what I see and feel under the influence of DMT (something that drives Gir crazy). As I see it, there are no words that could possibly come close to what goes on behind my closed eyelids. Fantastical colors and shapes that twist and rotate getting bigger and smaller only to form other shapes and bigger "pictures" (of sorts)... things that I cannot convert to text because as I'm trying to now, I know that my words do no justice to the inexplicable nature of the experiences I treasure so dearly. What I will say, is that in past trips I remember a recurring female presence (I do not want to use the word "form" because in very little ways did she resemble the shape of a human)... and she was BIG. In comparison to all of the other things that were happening, or that I was seeing, she seemed to be the (I suppose now it's appropriate) form that everything was held together by or leading back to. Similar to the artwork of Alex Gray in the sense that his subjects are transparent to show the tissue and muscle and bones and organs (and sometimes babies) inside, but different because she was made up of all the inner-workings of the universe (something else I can't truly explain) disappearing and turning back into tunnel-like visions. In another instance, when I experienced ego death, I had not seen the female presence at all (even before my visuals came to a halt)... But that was also the first time I had felt contact with a higher power or infinite being. As I was suspended (for lack of better words... I actually had no body, or identity, or anything to define me as my self) in space, the only thing I could conceive at the time was the vastness of the universe and the ever-expanding-everness (as Terence McKenna describes it). There was no mistaking it, though... I had just underwent my very first spiritual experience. Of course, being the avid non-believer that I am, returning to consciousness was quite startling and at first I wasn't ready to admit that everything I had defended all my life could be disproved so easily... With just 45mg of spice. Maybe there was something bigger than me out there... I was no longer sure what I believed.
Then, just a few days ago, everything fell into place. We dosed in the "fort" (as I like to call it), myself going first because Gir is quite the gentleman... And again I saw the female presence. Only this time, something was extraordinarily different. It was as if I was able to connect the dots from all my previous trips and finally see what now seems to be so plainly obvious. I drew one (and only one) mind-bending conclusion: the presence I kept seeing and had felt during ego death was Mother Nature. Upon this realization, great feelings of joy and contentedness washed over me as I felt the darkness of confusion lift and evaporate out of existence.
*Sigh* I still don't think I've described it just right but I've never been so intent on trying. Since my understanding, I have not traveled... Though there isn't a doubt in my mind that I will see her again.
DISCLAIMER: (I feel as if I must, just because it is human nature to take things so very personally and I do not want anyone to feel like I am starting conflict by discrediting their beliefs/views.) My opinions about god (or God) are just that: MY opinions. I do not attempt to inflict my views upon others, and I would hope that all of you treat me with that same respect. Past experience has taught us that difference of religion and/or beliefs can quickly turn down a slippery slope that ends in bloodshed... A horrifying and barbaric never-ending cycle, one that the human race is stuck in to this day. To break the pattern it is obvious what we must learn, and that is to celebrate diversity in all its forms.
I hope to share more experiences with all of you in the future... Already I can see by merely perusing the site that my insatiable hunger for knowledge will be well served here.
I love you.
