I'm striving toward the day when I don't need to search for it any more because I will be living it, in every waking moment of my life. Each day I reduce my attachment to ideas and get closer to direct, first-hand experience. In my opinion, direct experience is the only source which is worth accepting and living by. A woken-up person can have 100% fulfilment from what the senses and the mind perceives in the present moment alone. The torch of desire is blown out not because of some kind of renunciation, but because the person realizes the absurdity of external orientation. While we are holding the belief that the answer is out there somewhere, we will pour all of the energy God provides us with into manifestation, so nothing will be left to illuminate the here-and-now.