DmtProphecy
Rising Star
The first time I did DMT, I initially took 2 big hits which I held in for atleast 10 or more seconds. At that point I filled my lungs again, but being so surprised/ shocked/ something, forgot to hold in the third hit and blew it out like a ciggerette after only a second or two. With eyes open I said to the person with me... 'things' look weird. He told me to close my eyes so I did. I saw flowing patterns, like ribbons. They were flowing so close to me like a whirlpool... too close to me to make out what they were. This was frustrating and felt like I was straining to 'see the bigger picture'. The experience ended quickly... two minutes, if that. Then all of a sudden, I was right back to normal. No breakthrough.
The next time I first took 3 big hits, one quickly after the other. I held them in again for a minimum of 10 seconds. After that he asked me if I wanted another hit. I didn't know how to talk but reached my hand out and grasped the pipe. "What is this thing?, is it real and how do I use it?" I grasped it a few different ways but couldn't understand. He realized what was happening, tried to explain, helped me hold it correctly, told me to inhale and hold it in. At some point he said the pipe messed up. It was very confusing but I took some more hits. (Later he said that those hits equaled one more big hit. So the total amount was about 4 giant hits. Near the end of holding in hits, holding them in didn't feel real... like I couldn't feel my breath.
At this point I was unable to do anything. All I could do was move around a bit on the bed. I didn't understand language at all. The patterns were all over the room, which was dimly lit. I layed back in the bed and closed my eyes. The patterns were more intense but similar to my first experience in one very irritating way... They were ribboning so very close to me, that it was impossible to see whar they were. I wanted to badly to get more of a perspective so I could see what was going on, but I couldn't get out of this small space. (This happened the first time too. The visuals were blurry like the first time too, but might not have seemed this way if they were further away? I attempted to ask the same questions that I had came to ask, and had asked the last time, but without language, all I could do was attempt to telepathically ask the questions. I was not aware of my body at all. I kept thinking, I don't understand what this means, just like the first time I had wondered but without the language dialogue voice.
Things were ripping all around me. I became somewhat suspicious at this point. Why won't anything show it's self? Why won't anything answer my questions. The fact that everything was too close to see... it made me think there was a 50/ 50 chance things were being hidden from me. I would consider myself an intelligent person and good at detecting when someone means to hide something from me. Is that what's happening, I wondered? I don't know, I don't know. I tried to push back the scenery to get a better perspective but I was unable to do so. It was similar to a tablecloth on a table, with objects all over it... as if someone had yanked that tablecloth and the stuff flew everywhere. This is the only way I could describe the hectic chaos that I found myself in. Is this the fabric of reality? I had a feeling of doom... I sort of felt this the last time too. This time it was more intense. I remembered my body and my eyes. I opened my eyes and saw him on the bed. After I felt a bit more relaxed, I managed to say, I'm gonna try and close my eyes again". I did but my trip seemed to be the same... not going in the direction I wanted it to. No entities, unable to see very far away with eyes closed to get a perspective and this doomy feeling. I said to myself," it's ok, I've done this before and I came out ok, it's not really that strange". (After becoming sober i realize that in this life i have NEVER experienced anything like this but maybe in a previous one.)
I opened my eyes again. Is this ever going to end? Have I went too far to come back? I crawled through the patterns over my blanket. I ran my hands over them. It seemed like a projection. I touched it and looked closely at the fibers. I went over and touched his back. It felt like soft, thick plastic was over his back. I thought that it must go up past his head. Why does he have that there? Did he put it there? What's the point of it? I kept touching his back. "It's ok, don't worry about me he said". "Why are you over here? Do you want to lay down?", I asked. "It's ok, it happened to me too he said". "What happened to us?," I wondered. Did I smoke stuff? Was that the casue? Did he smoke it too?
We layed down together under the blankets. I felt to cold. Warming up next to him felt good. "Its lasting a long time", i said. "I know", he said. At this point i realized it was wearing off and I felt more grounded in reality. I started to tell him about my experience. While doing so I went completely back to normal.
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I didn't have what I understand to be a typical break through experience. No entities. No identifiable scenery, no ultra sharp and vibrant patterns (they were blurry like the first time). I didn't feel like I was 'breaking through a dome". I didn't hear a plastic wrap crinkling sound at any point.
I don't feel enlightened. I have begun to look at the experience differently though. I'm thinking that reality doesn't want me to ask it these questions. I don't necessarily think it's a malevolent thing although I'm keeping an open mind either way. I think it's possible that reality expects me to figure it out myself.
Im thinking to go into the next trip differently than I did these first times. I'm not going in asking questions. If and when the questions are not answered, I will be thinking of all possible answers. Some of the possible answers (the negative ones) apparently will cause me a bad trip. It doesn't matter that I never thought that the negative answers were necessarily true. (I wasn't sure either way.) But entertaining those negative possibilities while within the trip is apparently not a good idea for me. Next time I'm going in, not asking questins, not expecting answers, and not over analysing/ overthinking/ trying to rationalize and understand it. I'm hoping that if I go into the trip with this state of mind, it's possible that reality will let me see what's going on around me from a better perspective as opposed to things so close to my face that I can't make them out.
It's also possible that I need to make friends with something before asking it questions? I'm not sure if that would work?
I'm not sure if I broke through or not. Maybe Next time I need 5 hits? I've never heard of it being impossible for one to take the necessary amount of hits though. If it weren't for his help, I wouldn't have been able to even take the fourth hit (s). I wouldn't have been able to figure out how to use the pipe or even realized what it was if he hadn't reminded me. Its possible I could achieve 5 big hits, if he helped. Its also possible that I won't be able to understand a simple command like "inhale and hold it in".
It's also possible that I did too much. Maybe I should have stayed at 3 hits? I hear that one must find their sweet spot.
The next time I first took 3 big hits, one quickly after the other. I held them in again for a minimum of 10 seconds. After that he asked me if I wanted another hit. I didn't know how to talk but reached my hand out and grasped the pipe. "What is this thing?, is it real and how do I use it?" I grasped it a few different ways but couldn't understand. He realized what was happening, tried to explain, helped me hold it correctly, told me to inhale and hold it in. At some point he said the pipe messed up. It was very confusing but I took some more hits. (Later he said that those hits equaled one more big hit. So the total amount was about 4 giant hits. Near the end of holding in hits, holding them in didn't feel real... like I couldn't feel my breath.
At this point I was unable to do anything. All I could do was move around a bit on the bed. I didn't understand language at all. The patterns were all over the room, which was dimly lit. I layed back in the bed and closed my eyes. The patterns were more intense but similar to my first experience in one very irritating way... They were ribboning so very close to me, that it was impossible to see whar they were. I wanted to badly to get more of a perspective so I could see what was going on, but I couldn't get out of this small space. (This happened the first time too. The visuals were blurry like the first time too, but might not have seemed this way if they were further away? I attempted to ask the same questions that I had came to ask, and had asked the last time, but without language, all I could do was attempt to telepathically ask the questions. I was not aware of my body at all. I kept thinking, I don't understand what this means, just like the first time I had wondered but without the language dialogue voice.
Things were ripping all around me. I became somewhat suspicious at this point. Why won't anything show it's self? Why won't anything answer my questions. The fact that everything was too close to see... it made me think there was a 50/ 50 chance things were being hidden from me. I would consider myself an intelligent person and good at detecting when someone means to hide something from me. Is that what's happening, I wondered? I don't know, I don't know. I tried to push back the scenery to get a better perspective but I was unable to do so. It was similar to a tablecloth on a table, with objects all over it... as if someone had yanked that tablecloth and the stuff flew everywhere. This is the only way I could describe the hectic chaos that I found myself in. Is this the fabric of reality? I had a feeling of doom... I sort of felt this the last time too. This time it was more intense. I remembered my body and my eyes. I opened my eyes and saw him on the bed. After I felt a bit more relaxed, I managed to say, I'm gonna try and close my eyes again". I did but my trip seemed to be the same... not going in the direction I wanted it to. No entities, unable to see very far away with eyes closed to get a perspective and this doomy feeling. I said to myself," it's ok, I've done this before and I came out ok, it's not really that strange". (After becoming sober i realize that in this life i have NEVER experienced anything like this but maybe in a previous one.)
I opened my eyes again. Is this ever going to end? Have I went too far to come back? I crawled through the patterns over my blanket. I ran my hands over them. It seemed like a projection. I touched it and looked closely at the fibers. I went over and touched his back. It felt like soft, thick plastic was over his back. I thought that it must go up past his head. Why does he have that there? Did he put it there? What's the point of it? I kept touching his back. "It's ok, don't worry about me he said". "Why are you over here? Do you want to lay down?", I asked. "It's ok, it happened to me too he said". "What happened to us?," I wondered. Did I smoke stuff? Was that the casue? Did he smoke it too?
We layed down together under the blankets. I felt to cold. Warming up next to him felt good. "Its lasting a long time", i said. "I know", he said. At this point i realized it was wearing off and I felt more grounded in reality. I started to tell him about my experience. While doing so I went completely back to normal.
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
I didn't have what I understand to be a typical break through experience. No entities. No identifiable scenery, no ultra sharp and vibrant patterns (they were blurry like the first time). I didn't feel like I was 'breaking through a dome". I didn't hear a plastic wrap crinkling sound at any point.
I don't feel enlightened. I have begun to look at the experience differently though. I'm thinking that reality doesn't want me to ask it these questions. I don't necessarily think it's a malevolent thing although I'm keeping an open mind either way. I think it's possible that reality expects me to figure it out myself.
Im thinking to go into the next trip differently than I did these first times. I'm not going in asking questions. If and when the questions are not answered, I will be thinking of all possible answers. Some of the possible answers (the negative ones) apparently will cause me a bad trip. It doesn't matter that I never thought that the negative answers were necessarily true. (I wasn't sure either way.) But entertaining those negative possibilities while within the trip is apparently not a good idea for me. Next time I'm going in, not asking questins, not expecting answers, and not over analysing/ overthinking/ trying to rationalize and understand it. I'm hoping that if I go into the trip with this state of mind, it's possible that reality will let me see what's going on around me from a better perspective as opposed to things so close to my face that I can't make them out.
It's also possible that I need to make friends with something before asking it questions? I'm not sure if that would work?
I'm not sure if I broke through or not. Maybe Next time I need 5 hits? I've never heard of it being impossible for one to take the necessary amount of hits though. If it weren't for his help, I wouldn't have been able to even take the fourth hit (s). I wouldn't have been able to figure out how to use the pipe or even realized what it was if he hadn't reminded me. Its possible I could achieve 5 big hits, if he helped. Its also possible that I won't be able to understand a simple command like "inhale and hold it in".
It's also possible that I did too much. Maybe I should have stayed at 3 hits? I hear that one must find their sweet spot.
