It took years

[andrzej]

I am a witch, a hedge-rider, a botanist, and a chemist. My fascination with DMT began when I read that it could (unpredictably) be extracted from some of my local Acacias. My love of ethnobotany had lead me to grow and explore many plant allies, including Datura, various cacti and fungi, magical local succulents known only to some, and even the occasional pharmaceutical provided by a friend or doctor. I read Dale Pendell, Christian Rätsch, Daniel Schulke, the Shuglins, over and over, and always, there it was; DMT; The Apex.
I tried my Acacias in vain, and sought out Syrian Rue. I got to know Esphand over the years, burning rue seeds to avert the evil eye, and to cast out madness and delusion. I played with extracting harmalas, keeping a bottle of purified alkaloids in my cupboard of tricks.
And then it happened. 1kg of MHRB arrived, and in a weekend I had used Amor fati's tangerine-flavoured tek to produce a few grammes of fumarates from only 100g of bark.
I broke out the bottle of harmalas, and mixed 200mg of each into a shot of lemonade. Precisely 3 hours later, I was completely back to myself. There are no words for those 3 hours...
A lot will have to change before I'm ready to open those bottles again. Who knows how long it might take this time. When I do though, it will be worth everything.

 

[Guyomech]

Wow... It sounds like you went really, really far in those 3 hours. I know you say words cant describe it, but please try! Writing this stuff down is a big part of remembering, processing and integrating your experience.

Have you ever tried mellower psychedelics- or even much smaller doses of DMT? I mean, it's great to go the whole hog like that every now and then, but you can get a lot out of less powerful experiences, and in fact these experiences can provide you with valuable tools and language for dealing with much heavier journeys.

Anyway, welcome to the Nexus. I hope your time here helps you to put your experience in perspective. And nobody here will think you're crazy, no matter how far out the description of your experience is.

 

[mew]

200 mg each is serious, perhaps too serious, but then again, thats necessary once in a while

try a third of that , 67 mg dmt and 200 mg harmalas, even this experience may be enough to take you to a hyperspacial dimension, but itll show you things you can put into words, expansive paradigms that give you the foundation to understand even more.

perhaps you might try some achuma for a different approach to learning, its my favorite

 

[andrzej]

Hey again! Thank you for your replies, concern, and kind words. This site has been the single most valuable resource to me on this journey, and it's entirely due to the members, and the honest and supportive atmosphere you've created.

I'm quite experienced in milder psychedelics. I'm a daily cannabis user, I've been on all sorts of psychiatric meds over the years, I've used LSD 4 times at varying doses, mushrooms many many times, at various doses, both with and without MAOIs, and mescaline twice. I've had one profound experience on LSA (morning glory seeds from my garden), and even some not-completely-horrifying experiences with datura and nutmeg. I've insufflated yopo, and huffed nitrous oxide. I'm familiar with non-visionary drugs as well, but have realised that stimulants are not for me, though I do enjoy the lift Sceletium adds to the standard bong. I love a good tranquiliser too

I knew what I was getting myself into when I weighed out the dose, and went into the experience knowing (as much as a spice virgin can) what to expect, entirely because of this site. I made an informed decision, and it was the right one I'm so glad I did what I did. In that short time the experience went from intense mushroom-like visuals to complete ego death.

At first everything had a "Mexican Halloween" look to it; people looked like skeletons decorated with shimmering geometric patterns in the most beautiful colours. Music was rich and touched me deeply. I felt a deep connection to everything around me, much like mushrooms. After about 40 minutes of this, aphasia set in. I found myself unable to remember common words. I could visualise these words written down, and could explain what I meant, but couldn't find the sound of the word to explain it to others. Words like "time," "home," and even "DMT". I knew that I had done something to myself which had taken a long time to achieve. I knew that it would last roughly 3 hours. I knew that it was completely safe, and that I had prepared for months, because something inside me had made it dangerous to do otherwise (SSRIs) but I couldn't find the words to explain any more specifically. My sitter enjoyed this because she had seen an episode of one of those medical dramas with an aphasic patient, and she was getting a kick out of playing charades over words like "hour". I loved that she was happy All I could do was reassure her that I was fine and safe and that everything was "very strange, but so beautiful." Eventually she became concerned, and walked me the 30ft back to my home. That's when things got deep.

I don't think I would have come out quite as happily as I did were it not for my boyfriend. He has temporal lobe epilepsy and as I described what was happening to me, he recognised it as almost identical to his seizure experiences. We lay together talking for the rest of my trip, with me guessing and miming words and concepts that I couldn't articulate.

I think the biggest thing I gained was the experience of the process of eternal creation/destruction which fuels the universe. I saw how we exist on that line between past and future, where all the old is burnt away, and all the new is created, and how that roiling furnace is also in perfect balance, sustaining all that is. I saw how individuals are like that too, constantly unbecoming what they were, and rebuilding themselves out of repetition and rearrangement, over and over, moment by moment. The me of last minute was gone and incomprehensible, and the me of 2 seconds from now could be anything I wanted, and it was the same with everything. On top of all of that, my beliefs in the fractal nature of creation, the ultimate oneness of everything, and the illusion of the self, were reaffirmed. When I returned to the mundane, I was glad that I could draw on my past once more; I was glad to rest, and to hold my boyfriend in silence and calm.

When I was sure that I was all the way back, I kissed him and popped the question. It's been a few weeks now, and people who don't know about my "recreational activities" have commented on how happy and "balanced" I seem. I feel good; I feel whole

 

[Eliyahu]

Hello, nice essay.

andrzej wrote:

and even some not-completely-horrifying experiences with datura and nutmeg.

-That sounds like a seriously bad combination

also:

At first everything had a "Mexican Halloween" look to it; people looked like skeletons decorated with shimmering geometric patterns in the most beautiful colours.

-Dias de los muertos, the day of the dead... I too have had many "day of the dead" experiences on Ayahusca, I love sugar skulls.

and:

He has temporal lobe epilepsy and as I described what was happening to me, he recognised it as almost identical to his seizure experiences.

- I have heard from others that DMT experiences and things that happen during a seizure can be similar as far as the visuals go.

Welcome!

 

[Vodsel]

Most likely your boyfriend knows this -

"I would experience such joy as would be inconceivable in ordinary life - such joy that no one else could have any notion of. I would feel the most complete harmony in myself and in the whole world and this feeling was so strong and sweet that for a few seconds of such bliss I would give ten or more years of my life, even my whole life perhaps."

It's Dostoievski on his temporal lobe seizures. Such an inspiration to have someone like him around.

Thank you for your introduction. Seeing the places you've been, it's good to have you here.

 

[andrzej]

Shalom, Eliyahu! Thank you for your reply

-That sounds like a seriously bad combination

Does it ever! Luckily my datura and nutmeg experiences were on separate occasions. Both were challenging. Thinking about the combination makes me want to vomit and hide in a dark room.

- I have heard from others that DMT experiences and things that happen during a seizure can be similar as far as the visuals go.

I've heard this from others as well. Temporal lobe epilepsy in particular usually has very obvious spiritual overtones (it's probably what was happening to Joan of Arc).

It's Dostoievski on his temporal lobe seizures. Such an inspiration to have someone like him around.

He says he can relate His seizures tended to be focused on one emotion, which would overwhelm and push all others aside. It's really great to have people like these around. Lucky bastards; all they need to do is STOP taking drugs to experience what we commoners have to work so hard for. Comes with it's own unpredictable challenges though I guess.

 

[Eliyahu]

Shalom, Eliyahu! Thank you for your reply

Eliyahu wrote:

-That sounds like a seriously bad combination

Does it ever! Luckily my datura and nutmeg experiences were on separate occasions. Both were challenging. Thinking about the combination makes me want to vomit and hide in a dark room.

Eliyahu wrote:

Oh ok, I have had bad experiences with them both too on separate occasions...

Happy to hear you did not combine these. Wonder if anyone ever has??

 

[Walter D. Roy]

What was your nutmeg experience like? My friend has tried nutmeg once, disregarding all the warnings. And he seemed to have a great experience. We read a lot of reports of people having horrible experiences though.

 

[andrzej]

For me, the worst part about nutmeg is something most people complain about: the taste. The soapy, sickening, there-with-every-burp taste. After a few years I can finally use nutmeg in food again, but I still feel a little ill while grating it.
The experience itself was particularly powerful. Walking felt more like gliding along on wheels, space seemed warped somehow, and all with a generally cheerful/stupid state of mind. Averagey experience, digusting vile flavour >_< The shot of pharma was much tastier!