Back home now. I would like to share how the ceremonies went down, as that 2nd day was one of the more intense ceremonies I've seen. (Group wise). It was really one for the books.
It was terrifyingly amazing, it was like a beautiful madhouse. I was smiling and crying at the end, realizing I was gonna be ok. Knowing that deep down I already knew this. My trust in Ayahuasca re-established.
About 8 hour ceremonies starting mid-day. Brew is MHRB and Rue. First cup is served separately, subsequent cups mixed. Served at the mattress. They had a min time between cups due to the rue, but otherwise you ask and you get. I wouldn't have served it the way they did. The rue and MHRB was equal. If bigger MHRB cup, the Rue cup was also bigger etc.
Day 1: 10 people, mostly women. 3 guides (women). Only me had drank before in this group.
One of the most quiet ceremonies I've been to. Everyone at their mattress, fairly silent. Soft energy, not very deep. Though 1 person apparently went quite deep. I had 4 cups, the last two I asked for extra. I felt the brew was weak, had several very short mild peaks after cups. (Felt like not enough MAOI)
Day 2: 4 guys, 1 woman. 3 same guides. 2 of us from the day before, only the woman hadn't drank before. She was super nervous, but turned out to be a natural. Both me and the other guy from previous day asked for double cups.
Within 10-15 minutes he started breathing heavy, making the classic bubbly sounds. Obviously swimming in something. (which went on the whole ceremony). Started to hit me, and I wanted to purge (I almost never manage), so i asked for another small cup to help purge. Just dry heaved as unusual.
Next thing I know, I'm holding on for dear life with aya pushing on super hard while emersed in silver blue speedy/pushy fractals. Guy next to me loudly bubbling and breathing, could almost feel where he was. Another guy start walking frantically back and forth, gave me a super creepy vibe. Like a creepy predator hovering over the guides, especially the young one. He was walking around like this for almost the entire ceremony. Back and fort, back and forth fast paced. The woman get up dancing. Another guy tribal dancing around the altar. At this point everyone (except me) is making sounds, moving (Dancing, writhing or both) I've finally been able to let go, and swimming in pain. There was simply no stopping that force. I was worried I wasnt gonna be ok after that, that I would feel like that forever. But I had to give in and feel the pain. I wasnt given a choice. One of, if not the hardest one.
Then the woman stands up, start jumping up and down for quite a long time. And then it happened: She let out a deep, long intense primal raw SCREAM that we all could feel deep in our bones. It was absolutely amazing. It was scream that was sitting deep. Lasted for a good 5-10 seconds. She was beaming after, seem to be built for this. I was proud of her!
It was terrifyingly amazing, it was like a beautiful madhouse. I was smiling and crying at the end, realizing I was gonna be ok. Knowing that deep down I already knew this. My trust in Ayahuasca re-established.
Day 3: 5 men, 2 female guides. A father and son that hadnt drank before.
This was a more typical ceremony. Some purging, some dancing. Nothing out if the ordinary. But absolutely amazing for me. Not very strong, not super visual but very extatic. Quite early , after 2nd cup I started feeling beautiful "body chills": that escalated to a short but intense body orgams while my legs was uncontrollably shaking and I was making weird happy sounds lol. I remember thinking; This is candyland! When I got up dancing, the guy next to me got up and soon everyone except the "walking back and forth" guy from the day before was extatically dancing.
It was a good 3 days, now quite exhausted and fluctuating emotions, mostly good. I needed this. Next weekend I go in again for two days where it all began 9 years ago.
Overall i like the place and the guides, they have been around for a decade. Some slight critique on the brew serving, and it went a little wild on 2nd day. But they made it clear it was allowed to "express yourself". Other places Ive been has been more structured. (Express yourself, but try not to disturb others process). But very caring, good participant to guide ratio. The guides did not drink themselves, but that was actually ok.
The "walking back and forth" guy
I ended up feeling really sorry for the guy. He seemed like a troubled young man. He was trying to attach to everyone, but no-one seemed to vibe with him. Including me. He was extremely intense outside of the ceremonies. Non stop rambling unfiltered from his thought processes. Often incoherent (You know when people talk like they think you know what they are thinking). Didnt feel like psychs was doing him any good. It was bit sad. All of us politely listened to him for a bit, but then making excuses to go toilet, get a drink etc. He was very focused on me, wanted me to talk about my experiences (but ended up rambling himself). But it was just so draining, he was kinda following me around. I was feeling sorry for him, but at the same time creeped out by his intense vibe. I tried to hint carefully to him to be careful with psychs, as he for some reason seemed to "look up to me". It was tricky to deal with.
I was considering to not go trough with the third day due to him. But decided I have to learn to separate others energy from mine. Sometimes peoples energies just dont vibe. And I have to be better at setting boundaries. I'm too polite, so I end up being friendly with everyone which gives some people the wrong idea. Worrying about other people in ceremonies often gets in my way as well. One of the reasons i started with solo ceremonies for a while ( that and when alone you can get naked
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