it's all about me....:)

[experienceintn]

Howdy folks. Newbie here obviously. So I guess an introduction is in order and i

apologize but I am very verbose. Let's see, I am 53 years old and a "cripple". When i was

in my early 20's, my spine started growing together on it's on until it was completely

fused. Fortunately the universe was looking out for me as I had joined the Army 4 years

prior (peacetime warrior thank goodness) and since I was in a combat unit, they retired me.

At the time i did not know how bad I would get and fought it, but mother universe was

looking out after me. I then went to work for the Air Force as a civilian (which did not

make sense to me) and after a decade there, my hips were shot and I ended up retiring from

there - that was back in 1992 (hmmmm, I guess some could actually figure out who I


am....don;t care anymore". Then I moved down south with my family for warmer weather as

cold could be quite painful for me.

I used to think of my disability as sort of a curse, maybe bad karma from a previous life

or I led a pretty wild life as a teen, but as I grew up a little spiritually, I understood

that actually it was a blessing in disguise. Yes I did(do) suffer from quite a bit of pain,

but I was home with my kids as they were growing up. I coached them in baseball and some in

basketball, i never missed a practice or an event, I got to be there for everything. There

are many parents who want to be there but are burdened by work and putting food on the

table. So in reality, it was a "blessing" in disguise. I only wish i had realized it

sooner.

I grew up in a small liberal college town and was doing mesc etc when I was 12 years old.

unfortunately it was always purely recreational at that point. We used to party with the

teachers. One teacher even used to have "coke" parties, which even then we knew it was just

so he could get to the teen girls. I doubt there was more then 2 days in a row where I was

straight from 15 years to 18 years - is why i joined the Army as I knew I had to get away.

Ironically, the 1st night i arrived at my new station in Germany, fresh out of boot camp

not knowing what to expect, they take me to my new platoon and it is around 7 pm. I walk

into the room, they ask me if I do acid, I said yes and within the hour am tripping - so

much for getting away. We did party hard , BUT, we seriously were very good at our jobs. At

the time you are brainwashed into believing that is a good thing.

When I had kids I pretty much stopped everything, even drinking as I did not want them to

see a drunk daddy all of the time. Moved down south where I knew no one so was easy as i

had no access to anything.

About a decade ago I became fascinated with quantum physics. Couldn't do the math

obviously, but the results blew my mind. So researching everything i could possibly find on

that, is my opinion it is only logical that the next step is looking into one's

consciousness and spirituality (I am in no way shape or form "religious" It was like a

huge light bulb going off over my head. This also led to my opinion that pretty much

everything I thought I knew was a lie - everything. Without getting into politics, I will

just say that I honestly cried the day of my "awakening". My problem at the time tho was I

got caught up with trying to make everyone else realize it was a lie - my energy was

focused on the negative aspects and i spent 24 hours a day researching every lie every

politician ever told - that really is a 24 hour job. Over the last couple of years I

"awakened" again to a new reality and believe that is just negative energy that in no way

furthers my growth whatsoever. It is not my place to make others believe what I believe -

we each have our own path and will find it on our own. If someone is interested, i will

briefly touch on things, but I try to not ever talk politics etc as it gains me nothing.

My attention now is solely on creating a better me, hopefully furthering my advancement as

a spiritual being. It is quite hard as I am on an island as everyone i know is pretty much

fundamentalist Christians and think me odd, but I have learned it is irrelevant what anyone

else thinks, says or does as i can only account for my actions. I spent way too much energy

trying to convince others that i was right - which in itself is wrong. What is right for

me, may not be right for you...we each have our own path to take and hopefully in the end

we will once again be united.

Anyway - I have tried meditation but my I have the hardest time in the world shutting down

my inner dialogue. Way too many years of being brainwashed with little to no inner

reflection. I decided that I would try some "helper" medicines to help me explore my

consciousness. tried growing some shrooms last year but failed a couple of times at that. A

couple of weeks ago an opportunity arose and I decided I was going to go the ayahausca

route. I know I should have a guide, but I did not see that happening. Actually I am just

finishing up my 1st ever brew and going to partake of it tonight. I have been reading about

ayahuasca for quite some time and believe I am as prepared as any one could possibly be

(which means basically i have no idea). I was meticulous in the making of it (caapi and

mimosa)I smudged the area, good intentions etc.. and am actually really excited about it. I

did sample a taste of the caapi tho and man I hope I can keep it down. Off topic, but was

thinking - if freezing does not affect the potency, could one make an ice cube out of the

caapi, a caapi cube, and then just eat the ice cube ? )

anyway - now u know more about me then you ever wished you did.

I would have preferred starting off again with some mesc or peyote but not growing up

around here makes that virtually impossible (I do have a san pedro growing i will harvest

this year), but it seems the universe was telling me aya is the way for me to go now. From

my limited understanding, no matter what happens it will be something for me to learn from

as it seems tho you may not personally care for the lesson, aya is all about teaching. With

bucket in hand, I will hopefully know soon.
[/size]

 

[3rdI]

Hello experienceintn, welcome to the Nexus

with regards to Aya, you can certainly learn something but she will give you what you need not what you want.

You could freeze your Aya and eat the ice cube but you will be better to reduce a serving down to a shot and then just knock it back.

Safe journey and let us know how it goes.:thumb_up:

 

[experienceintn]

3rdi - thanks for the welcome. I apparently misspoke as I believe completely understand when you say she will give me what I need and not what I want.

 

[mad_banshee]

With bucket in hand, I will hopefully know soon.

Please let us know how it goes!
I was about your age when I started back into psychedelics after doing many in the late 60's.
I'm now 60 yo and it has become such a wonderous part of my life.

Better late than never!

 

[endlessness]

Welcome to the Nexus!

Please edit your post and add some spaces between paragraphs because otherwise it's very hard to read, and I would love to

Be well!

 

[experienceintn]

well, fwiw - my 1st experience did not go as anticipated. I thought I was pretty meticulous making my aya, but I really didn't get the effects.
I thought I was going to, it seemed as tho I was right on the verge, but nothing "happened". After a bit, I thought I might try to help it along and put on some LifeFlow meditations, which is isochronic and binaural tones.
Didn't help.
I had read that sometimes eating a small amount of food may help, basically kicking the aya into your system, so tried that and again, nothing.
I could be wrong, but it seemed the caapi is what i was feeling.

I have quite a few things going against me, so is hard to isolate the problem. I have a severe back problem and take morphine for pain. I know you should not do any other drug when taking aya, but I can't go without the morphine or the pain is pretty bad. I have a disease where my spine literally grew together by itself, ankylosing spondylitis, also called bamboo spine because on an x-ray, the spine looks just like a piece of bamboo. Anyway, point is, the morphine is a pretty much must have.
I also could not stand the taste. I do not see how people can stomach it. Maybe I am just old, but I could not do it. I had read where you can freeze caapi so did some searching around and found some info where a guy froze his, making "caapi cubes" and then you can just eat the ice cube, so I tried that.
So that could also be a reason.

I tried it again yesterday, using even a higher dosage of each, but again, seemed like i was on the verge but nothing ever really happened.

What i need is a time machine. In my youth, growing up in a small liberal college town in the 70's, drugs were overly abundant and I used to do more than my fair share of lsd. unfortunately i was young and naive and tho i did have "oneness" experiences, etc, it was strictly recreational use.

I need the time machine so I can go back in time and stash some of the Mr Natural so then i could use now for exploration of my consciousness instead of recreational purposes.

If only. While the experience would definitely not be the same as aya, I am sure I could make do, plus would be a whole lot easier then trying to stomach the caapi - I honestly do not see how you do it. Again, I guess I am just getting old. It may not be working because I am eating "caapi cubes", but if I had to drink it, i would never get it down.

I have enough plant to try one more batch and tho i wish i could experience what aya has to teach me, I do not think I will making any more aya after this is gone - again, it honestly comes down to drinking the caapi. The mimosa I can stomach, not great tasting, but tolerable, the caapi - I tip my hat to those who can stomach it because I sure can't.

I guess I just am not ready to experience what aya has to offer.

On a side note and i apologize for the subject - but there is one thing drinking it has done for me, and maybe that is all I actually needed at the moment.

Anyone familiar with long term morphine use is probably aware of one problem it causes - constipation. (I told u I apologize for the topic). Long story a tad shorter, I took morphine for about 12 years then took a break for about 1 year (did this of my own volition). I never had problems during that time. I started up again not that long ago. pai got too bad and i had turned into a couch potato, so thought it was time. The dr started me out on Opana but it was not helping, so a couple of months ago i went back to morphine. Feeling great pain wise but I was having a really hard time "relieving" myself. It was actually getting pretty serious.
Enter aya - since drinking the aya, it has not been a problem.
So actually, aya did help me. As they say, it gives u what you need, not what you want....lol

anyway - sorry to bore u again.