Hello everyone!
I have been lurking around the Nexus on occasion. I decided to register today and start posting because I wanted to have access to some member-only resources, but also because in my real-world surroundings I have a general lack of psychonaut friendships/community, so this will make me return to the Nexus more often, which will keep my mind more frequently centered on the topic of psychedelics/entheogens, which I am passionate about.
I hope to learn from you all, and grow to be a part of this community. Hopefully, with time, I will be able to provide interesting and helpful posts and give back to the community.
Now for some biographical details:
Since I was a teenager, I was fascinated by perception: back then, I experimented with phosphenes (especially pressure phosphenes), played around with accomodation/change of focus a lot, and had a child-like fascination for all things perceptual: light, color, even 3-dimensionality (I would at times not take it for granted, and be amazed at the depth of field, and how moving around in three dimensions would reveal different angles of things in different ways).
At the time, and later during my early university years, I was "anti-drug" (in regards to myself), because I was not as tolerant as I thought I was, not as adventurous, was fed society's opinions, but mostly because I was obsessed with "purity", and I was often told that I seemed "on drugs" (when I was actually sober), so I thought that I didn't need them and did just as well without. One of my favorite quotes was the last paragraph of French poet Baudelaire's essay On Wine and Hashish, where he quotes someone else. I will reproduce the quote here:
"I do not understand why the rational and spiritual man uses artificial means to reach poetic bliss, since enthusiasm and willpower are enough to elevate him to a supra-natural existence. The great poets, the philosophers and the prophets are beings who by the pure and free exercise of their will reach a state where they are both cause and effect, subject and object, mesmerizer and sleepwalker."
By then, the only psychotropic I had any experience with was alcohol. I was never a heavy drinker at all, but had my fair share of binge-drinking. Because of my obsession with "purity", I generally despised it and the drunken state it induced, considering it base and animalistic, blocking access to higher and nobler thoughts (I think there was a point where I abstained from it for a year), but I would always return to it because of societal pressures and also--I guess--because of some of its effects, mostly the social disinhibition, but probably the others as well.
Despite these opinions, I became intrigued by psychedelics, and wanted to try them, yet my other opinions were still holding me back (paradoxical, I know).
At some point after I was done with my studies, I was introduced to cannabis (it took a while to convince me to try it!), which softened my earlier beliefs, because I realized that taking a "drug" wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was. I guess it *was* a "gateway drug" in a way, but in my opinion it was for the better. My cannabis use was only occasional, provided by others in social situations. It became more frequent later, after I was introduced to other psychedelics (cannabis will give me mild OEVs sometimes), until it became a daily use. I have since then halted all my cannabis use in preparation for my first ayahuasca experience (I will get to that later). After that, I plan on returning to cannabis on a more moderate basis (perhaps weekly, but with more potent sessions--I think Terence McKenna suggested this in one of his lectures). I have no way of knowing what I'll do, so we'll see.
I was introduced to mushrooms just about two years ago, and have done them about twenty times (with others and alone, with moderate and so-called "heroic" doses), LSD about 5 times, and salvia about the same amount of times as the latter.
My first mushroom use completely opened me up to this new world, and I have since then became very interested in psychedelics, to the point that I may want them to play an active/central role in my life. I've already read most of the "classics" in the psychedelic literature.
I am glad I did not experiment with psychedelics (or other substances) until later in my life, because I think it gave me the time to "grow up" first, make less mistakes and less abuses, and gave me a better, more proper perspective on them. I may be completely wrong, though, and using these substances at a younger age could have been neutral or beneficial, I'll never know.
I never had a religious education and used to be a very firm atheist, not understanding people who were spiritual/religious and even sometimes considering them "inferior" because of it. (Though I was very open-minded in some aspects, it seems like I was very close-minded in this one!) I also studied science at university.
Through the years, as I gathered more life experience and grew more tolerant, my attitude towards believers softened, and I even gradually grew to admire their faith--because it was something that I did not have access to and was mysterious to me, but also because I considered it beautiful in a very human way, and because a lot of the mythology and symbolism I considered meaningful and beautiful, alongside with the (theoretically) positive message that is included in most spiritual systems. Despite this softening, I still remained an extremely firm atheist, and never doubted that that would change.
A series of key psychedelic sessions gradually made me realize certain things (essentially, "I am godlike"/"we are godlike", "only consciousness exists" ), but it didn't seem like this affected my beliefs outside of the trips. This culminated in one very powerful higher-dose solo experience about eight months ago: I "died", decorporated/disincarnated, had ego-loss or ego-death, became one with the universe, then recorporated/reincarnated. (Essentially, "we're all One".)
It took several months for this to cristallize and I eventually accepted that my beliefs had been changed, to a monistic/non-dualistic idealism. I have investigated Eastern spirituality (notably Advaita Vedanta) as some of it seems to fit my newfound beliefs more and have more pleasing/appealing add-on ideas than other spiritual systems, though I recognize the core similarity of all religions/spiritualities, and don't tie myself down to anything else than what my core beliefs are (only one substance, which is consciousness).
Since then I am quite spiritual, and have daily thoughts or feelings about the topic. My cannabis use has also helped me be more spiritual, lately.
I think it's interesting that two things that I was vehemently "against" when I was younger--spirituality and "drugs"--I am now an adept of.
I have not had any experience with ayahuasca or spice, but I will be going to South America in a couple of weeks to attend some ayahuasca ceremonies with a shaman. I am naturally incredibly excited about this, and am readying myself for yet another life-changing experience.
My first few mushroom experiences felt like a calling; I wish to pursue the path of the psychonaut, and maybe more (helping others in a way related to psychedelics).
I hope none of this was inappropriate, and, yeah, I hope I'll eventually get full membership
Peace,
John
PS: I realize almost none of this has any relation to DMT, but I hope to create opportunities to investigate it, and explore what it has to offer!
PPS: I will naturally share my experiences when I return from South America. In the meantime, I'll either ask questions, or go back to lurking mode.
I have been lurking around the Nexus on occasion. I decided to register today and start posting because I wanted to have access to some member-only resources, but also because in my real-world surroundings I have a general lack of psychonaut friendships/community, so this will make me return to the Nexus more often, which will keep my mind more frequently centered on the topic of psychedelics/entheogens, which I am passionate about.
I hope to learn from you all, and grow to be a part of this community. Hopefully, with time, I will be able to provide interesting and helpful posts and give back to the community.
Now for some biographical details:
Since I was a teenager, I was fascinated by perception: back then, I experimented with phosphenes (especially pressure phosphenes), played around with accomodation/change of focus a lot, and had a child-like fascination for all things perceptual: light, color, even 3-dimensionality (I would at times not take it for granted, and be amazed at the depth of field, and how moving around in three dimensions would reveal different angles of things in different ways).
At the time, and later during my early university years, I was "anti-drug" (in regards to myself), because I was not as tolerant as I thought I was, not as adventurous, was fed society's opinions, but mostly because I was obsessed with "purity", and I was often told that I seemed "on drugs" (when I was actually sober), so I thought that I didn't need them and did just as well without. One of my favorite quotes was the last paragraph of French poet Baudelaire's essay On Wine and Hashish, where he quotes someone else. I will reproduce the quote here:
"I do not understand why the rational and spiritual man uses artificial means to reach poetic bliss, since enthusiasm and willpower are enough to elevate him to a supra-natural existence. The great poets, the philosophers and the prophets are beings who by the pure and free exercise of their will reach a state where they are both cause and effect, subject and object, mesmerizer and sleepwalker."
By then, the only psychotropic I had any experience with was alcohol. I was never a heavy drinker at all, but had my fair share of binge-drinking. Because of my obsession with "purity", I generally despised it and the drunken state it induced, considering it base and animalistic, blocking access to higher and nobler thoughts (I think there was a point where I abstained from it for a year), but I would always return to it because of societal pressures and also--I guess--because of some of its effects, mostly the social disinhibition, but probably the others as well.
Despite these opinions, I became intrigued by psychedelics, and wanted to try them, yet my other opinions were still holding me back (paradoxical, I know).
At some point after I was done with my studies, I was introduced to cannabis (it took a while to convince me to try it!), which softened my earlier beliefs, because I realized that taking a "drug" wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was. I guess it *was* a "gateway drug" in a way, but in my opinion it was for the better. My cannabis use was only occasional, provided by others in social situations. It became more frequent later, after I was introduced to other psychedelics (cannabis will give me mild OEVs sometimes), until it became a daily use. I have since then halted all my cannabis use in preparation for my first ayahuasca experience (I will get to that later). After that, I plan on returning to cannabis on a more moderate basis (perhaps weekly, but with more potent sessions--I think Terence McKenna suggested this in one of his lectures). I have no way of knowing what I'll do, so we'll see.
I was introduced to mushrooms just about two years ago, and have done them about twenty times (with others and alone, with moderate and so-called "heroic" doses), LSD about 5 times, and salvia about the same amount of times as the latter.
My first mushroom use completely opened me up to this new world, and I have since then became very interested in psychedelics, to the point that I may want them to play an active/central role in my life. I've already read most of the "classics" in the psychedelic literature.
I am glad I did not experiment with psychedelics (or other substances) until later in my life, because I think it gave me the time to "grow up" first, make less mistakes and less abuses, and gave me a better, more proper perspective on them. I may be completely wrong, though, and using these substances at a younger age could have been neutral or beneficial, I'll never know.
I never had a religious education and used to be a very firm atheist, not understanding people who were spiritual/religious and even sometimes considering them "inferior" because of it. (Though I was very open-minded in some aspects, it seems like I was very close-minded in this one!) I also studied science at university.
Through the years, as I gathered more life experience and grew more tolerant, my attitude towards believers softened, and I even gradually grew to admire their faith--because it was something that I did not have access to and was mysterious to me, but also because I considered it beautiful in a very human way, and because a lot of the mythology and symbolism I considered meaningful and beautiful, alongside with the (theoretically) positive message that is included in most spiritual systems. Despite this softening, I still remained an extremely firm atheist, and never doubted that that would change.
A series of key psychedelic sessions gradually made me realize certain things (essentially, "I am godlike"/"we are godlike", "only consciousness exists" ), but it didn't seem like this affected my beliefs outside of the trips. This culminated in one very powerful higher-dose solo experience about eight months ago: I "died", decorporated/disincarnated, had ego-loss or ego-death, became one with the universe, then recorporated/reincarnated. (Essentially, "we're all One".)
It took several months for this to cristallize and I eventually accepted that my beliefs had been changed, to a monistic/non-dualistic idealism. I have investigated Eastern spirituality (notably Advaita Vedanta) as some of it seems to fit my newfound beliefs more and have more pleasing/appealing add-on ideas than other spiritual systems, though I recognize the core similarity of all religions/spiritualities, and don't tie myself down to anything else than what my core beliefs are (only one substance, which is consciousness).
Since then I am quite spiritual, and have daily thoughts or feelings about the topic. My cannabis use has also helped me be more spiritual, lately.
I think it's interesting that two things that I was vehemently "against" when I was younger--spirituality and "drugs"--I am now an adept of.
I have not had any experience with ayahuasca or spice, but I will be going to South America in a couple of weeks to attend some ayahuasca ceremonies with a shaman. I am naturally incredibly excited about this, and am readying myself for yet another life-changing experience.
My first few mushroom experiences felt like a calling; I wish to pursue the path of the psychonaut, and maybe more (helping others in a way related to psychedelics).
I hope none of this was inappropriate, and, yeah, I hope I'll eventually get full membership
Peace,
John
PS: I realize almost none of this has any relation to DMT, but I hope to create opportunities to investigate it, and explore what it has to offer!
PPS: I will naturally share my experiences when I return from South America. In the meantime, I'll either ask questions, or go back to lurking mode.
