Just hoping to share my story and send good vibes

[Addle10]

Hi,

Hope this finds you all happy and healthy. I felt compelled to share my story here...hoping maybe it will help others integrate like so many stories here have done for me. Thankyou

Quick background...49 year old Mum, Wife, Social Worker, spiritual leanings towards Paganism. Enjoy a simple life, tuning into Nature and Kindness, outside of the rat race. Daily Cannabis smoker for years, dabbled with Mushrooms and LSD in my late teens/twenties( never with higher intent, ashamedly).

Anyway..a week or two before smoking DMT I had never heard of it...never! It just hadn't come across my radar until I had two different people in the same week tell me about it. DMT was finding me.

I spent that week or two madly researching...how could I have not heard of this before, have I been living in a bubble? The whole concept just blew me away... that people reported visiting similar places!! That Entities may offer you messages, guidance, healing!! That I would return from my trip within the hour!!! Time itself seemed to be speeding up until...

I am sitting comfortably in my front yard( I live rurally), camp-fire crackling, beautiful clear sky full of stars, cosy nest made of hay bales and my favourite rugs and blankets set up by my adoring Husband. I can see the moon reflecting off the river that flows in front of my house. I have spent the day cleaning, gardening, meditating, enjoying/ appreciating life with my beautiful Family.

My feet are stretched out in front of me. Directly across the fire is one of my co pilots, to the side of me is the Captain for tonight's adventures. He asks me if I'm ready, hands me the bong. Deep breath....Please, I ask humbly and respectfully to be shown what it is I need to see! I take one big toke and hold it. I look across the fire to my Copilot as I feel a smile creep across my face.Everything starts to go fractal. He looks anxious. I close my eyes. I am gone...

I find myself zooming towards a wall of mahjong tiles, all connected and spinning like an abacus. In place of the centre piece is a creepy looking Jester. He has the beadiest, blackest eyes drilling as deep into my conciousness as the high pitched noise is ringing in my ears.

He beckons me through the centre tile, hurrying me as I go. One after the other, tile after tile, he beckons me..." This way...over here...quick..hurry..they're waiting.." He's creeping me out and I don't know where he is taking me but I submit.

Bang! Massive red Mandala in front of me, things slow up as I pass through it. The other side of it offers a world full of the most incredible colours and patterns. Fractals, ribbons, such depth, beyond words. Cells crackling like lightening as they come together...creation/ life itself!For an eternity I float and swim here , steering with my " eyes" and thinking
" Wow..this is it...I am here..this is it!". A choir sings a song...
" We love you". It is beautiful, textured, layered.

I venture forward to a place with many eyeball Entities , all folding in on themselves.
" Over here, this way, Dear" one beckoned me. I focus on her centre, ever folding in on herself as She reassures me. Once again, just like with The Jester, I surrender..submit just like I had learnt to do training in BJJ. " You have arrived, my Darling...you are here".

I am floating around in space, I can see stars and planets, galaxies. I am slowly edging towards what looks like an immense gathering of " cells" all clustered together, like frog eggs but pink. I am being drawn into it. I know this place. We all know this place. It is the place that we all come from and the place we all go. I have been here so many times.

As I inch closer I am aware of my breathing slowing right down. I can feel my last ever breath is about to come , calm and deep, I exhale like I have never before.

I think of my loving , supporting Husband and our beautiful children and the life we share. I say things like " But my name is .... , I do ..., I am a ...." until I merge with the cells.

Ultimate love and ectasy, acceptance, absolute forgiveness. A chance to get a break from being me, free from being the narrative that is my life, from all the guilt and regret and hurt and trauma. Just free and loved. I want to stay but know I can't...I have work to do.

Anyway, there's more to this tale:
incredibly healing purge, foot in "both worlds" for 3 days ( so much for one hour or so, tops!) etc but fear I have already babbled too much.

Thank you for reading my story . Love and kindness

 

[mariri23]

loved the story, really welll written and beautifull, seems like it was an intense trip. when i first smoked dmt i remember that i went to a spimilar space, where i too thought that i already knew about it, that i have been there before to be born.

 

[ShamanisticVibes]

Welcome to the community. Very well written. I have heard about the Jesters before, but have never seen them, myself. I am so happy for you that you had such a wonderful experience.

It is seeming to be a re-occurring theme, folks being sought out by the molecule, itself. Remember to always respect the molecule, and the molecule will respect you.

Your home seems lovely, I got a mental picture right off the bat. I love being around the fire, water, and the moonlight when I partake. I also love taking a journey right at sunrise. If you get a chance to do so, I recommend it highly!

Blessings, and once again, welcome!

 

[Addle10]

loved the story, really welll written and beautifull, seems like it was an intense trip. when i first smoked dmt i remember that i went to a spimilar space, where i too thought that i already knew about it, that i have been there before to be born.

Hello and Thankyou!
Yes, extremely intense, life changing. I now look at the World and my life through a completely different lens. It validated so many things I had already suspected/ felt: Reincarnation, energies, Oneness.

That feeling of familiarity is so bizarre, so intimate. Like looking back on old school class photos, a flood of memories, faces, experiences.

 

[Addle10]

Welcome to the community. Very well written. I have heard about the Jesters before, but have never seen them, myself. I am so happy for you that you had such a wonderful experience.

It is seeming to be a re-occurring theme, folks being sought out by the molecule, itself. Remember to always respect the molecule, and the molecule will respect you.

Your home seems lovely, I got a mental picture right off the bat. I love being around the fire, water, and the moonlight when I partake. I also love taking a journey right at sunrise. If you get a chance to do so, I recommend it highly!

Blessings, and once again, welcome!

Hello
Thankyou for the welcome!

Aaah, my Jester friend...very helpful( I suspect because of my complete submission, though!). I can still feel his beady little eyes worming their way to the very core of my mind. He was very no-nonsense...no time for dilly-dallying...he had a job to do

Yes,I very much feel as if the Molecule found and offered itself to me. I, too, had that undeniable feeling that everything in my life had led up to that very moment...
every twist, every turn, every decision, every coincidence.


Absolute respect to the Molecule...so much so that I don't know if I will ever venture forth again.

I asked to be shown what I needed to see. I have been shown that and more.

I can now sit back, put my feet up and enjoy my days, the here and now...knowing there is more waiting for me, knowing that I don't have to lie to my children about life after death, knowing that I am blessed, knowing that I am a Soul experiencing a body, knowing that my efforts now are never in vain!

Blessings and good vibes to you !

 

[roninsina]

I always enjoy reading experiences like this. You did an awesome job interpreting and describing things that can be difficult to describe. I’ll definitely share it with some loved ones.

Also, it’s nice to welcome another middle aged family person - there’re really quite a few of us here!

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Bang! Massive red Mandala in front of me, things slow up as I pass through it. The other side of it offers a world full of the most incredible colours and patterns. Fractals, ribbons, such depth, beyond words. Cells crackling like lightening as they come together...creation/ life itself!For an eternity I float and swim here , steering with my " eyes" and thinking
" Wow..this is it...I am here..this is it!". A choir sings a song...
" We love you". It is beautiful, textured, layered.

I genuinely got goosebumps reading this bit.

Anyway, there's more to this tale:
incredibly healing purge, foot in "both worlds" for 3 days ( so much for one hour or so, tops!) etc but fear I have already babbled too much.

I for one would love to hear more of what you might have to say about your experiences in the 3 days following the experience.

Thanks for sharing, and welcome!

Also, it’s nice to welcome another middle aged family person - there’re really quite a few of us here!

Indeed there are

 

[Kobranek]

Welcome to the Nexus! I really enjoyed your description of your experience. Thank you for sharing with us. I too have seen the jester but he seemed more insidious to me like he was trying to break me. He looked just like the old school graffix bong logo skull type jester. It seems like he is a gate keeper of some sort...imo. His presence felt very menacing and like he was psychically feeling me out. I kept repeating to myself as a mantra you can't break me and he went away still yet to be seen again.
I love that feeling of overwhelmingly being welcomed into hyperspace by the elves and they get all excited. They've told me we'll tell others about you and that you regularly come here... my responses was why me??? they responded with because your f#$%n awesome, yeah your awesome,
yeah you are!! In various different pitches.
When I breakthrough into hyperspace I am appreciative and humbled everytime. I feel like I've tilted a cosmic jackpot!!

 

[Addle10]

I always enjoy reading experiences like this. You did an awesome job interpreting and describing things that can be difficult to describe. I’ll definitely share it with some loved ones.

Also, it’s nice to welcome another middle aged family person - there’re really quite a few of us here!

Hi there
Thanx for your welcome and kind words. Funnily enough, its easy to describe as I remember it all so clearly. Its been way harder finding people who will listen to me babble about it, lol!

I'm kinda not surprised the Molecule is finding its way to us Middle Aged folk. The timing was perfect for me. It was a time of searching, many questions, much self reflection.

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Welcome to the Nexus! I really enjoyed your description of your experience. Thank you for sharing with us. I too have seen the jester but he seemed more insidious to me like he was trying to break me. He looked just like the old school graffix bong logo skull type jester. It seems like he is a gate keeper of some sort...imo. His presence felt very menacing and like he was psychically feeling me out. I kept repeating to myself as a mantra you can't break me and he went away still yet to be seen again.
I love that feeling of overwhelmingly being welcomed into hyperspace by the elves and they get all excited. They've told me we'll tell others about you and that you regularly come here... my responses was why me??? they responded with because your f#$%n awesome, yeah your awesome,
yeah you are!! In various different pitches.
When I breakthrough into hyperspace I am appreciative and humbled everytime. I feel like I've tilted a cosmic jackpot!!

The jesters remind us not to make fools of ourselves, like in the Pinocchio film. If we are not critical of the illusions of hyperspace, we might get misled.

 

[Addle10]

Alright...Part 2....this is where it gets really weird. Please bare with me, I know I sound insane.

Integrating Part 1 was easy. It was expected/ anticipated. Integrating Part 2 ...totally different story. I am only starting to feel " normal" some 11 months later.


So....

I wake up/ come back about 15- 20 minutes later. My Co-Pilot and Captain are sitting in the same positions, in silence. They smile at me and welcome me back.

I am (over) excited to be home. Excited to see their beautiful faces, excited to see my little house, the river....excited to see Planet Earth.

I am on all fours running my hands over the grass, ripping up tufts, eating it , slapping and kissing the ground...like a person convinced they were going to die in a plane crash.

"Deep breaths...calm down...deep breaths. Okay...okay...okay...you got this...its good...its all good. You are home..."

I tug on the arms and pat the faces of my Captain and Copilot. I am ecstatic to see them, like I have come back from the dead. So appreciative to see, smell, feel, breathe, touch....to have a body!

I am being super physical..poking, prodding, grabbing, rolling around.

I am overwhelmed with love and appreciation for my Copilot and Captain.

They are younger than me ...about 30 and 24. They are Brothers. Two of the most incredible, creative, inspiring people I have ever met. I have known them since they were teenagers and love them dearly.

This is where it gets weird....

I am completely convinced that these 2 Brothers are my "Soul" children. I can feel that there Souls were once inside me, growing in my womb. I can feel that they passed through my birth canal...

" These boys...they come from me...they are my boys....everything had lined up for this reunion, for this very moment when the veil would be lifted and we would finally see the truth ...that they were Children of my Soul". Whatever that might mean!

I kiss and hug them and draw them close to me. I am finally reunited with my beautiful Sons! I feel compelled to share this with them.

I even ask them to thank their parents for doing such a good job, looking after them until the day they would be returned to me.

Weird, I know!

I continue to be overwhelmed by this feeling to this day.

My new Son's offer calming soothing words in an attempt to settle me. I can't believe I am back. I can't believe they are my Boys. My amazing connection with them now makes sense.



Calming down offers me the opportunity to take in my surroundings. I look around. I am astonished. It is so beautiful. So pretty. I assume everyone can see what I see.

I am completely convinced that I have broken the world... I have torn the veil.

I start to panic again. What will the people boating past our house think? They will surely bring the media...we'll never be able to hide it...quick get my Husband...he just has to see this...I've broken the world!!!!


Thirty minutes earlier my Husband had hugged and kissed me good bye, wished me luck on my travels and resumed to his beer drinking spot in the kitchen. He knew I was in capable, experienced, loving hands.

He did not want to partake in the nights festivities; giving me privacy to experience MY Spirit Journey. He is a good Man!

Because of my insistance, someone fetches my Husband, who probably thinks all is good.... I have returned from my 20 minute trip and should be somewhat normal. What he finds must have been a shock.

I am rolling around on the ground, trying to pull the Earth around me like a shawl , madly babbling about how I had broken the World and how they were my Sons. "Quick, come see...its beautiful".

My Captain asks me what I can see. I try to explain, the words are just not there. I am too besotted.

With some concerted effort I scrape together some words. I explain how we are all in a beautiful, giant, domed mosaic building ...magically coloured, purples,aquas, blues, golds.

Everything has a grid pattern, like I can see all the blueprints. Everything has an aura.

The grids flow about 1 foot above the ground. It is rich and lush and velvety, bright reds and greens, swaying in motion like sea grass on the ocean floor. I run my fingers through it. Everything is shimmering.

I know this place and I know it well. I am overwhelmed with the feeling that this is our "room" where my Sons and I meet up to learn ...in other dimensions. It is our class room.

I turn and look at my Husband. He is looking at me with love, concern and mild amusement. He looks big and handsome and strong. He is wearing armour and holds a hammer. He is my Cosmic Protector.
The whole scene is breathtaking.

My mouth is extremely dry and I have a piece of grass stuck in the back of my throat . I start to gag as my helpers attempt to decap the water bottle and give it to me. I begin to vomit like I have never before. It is bringing me relief and feels great. It is all part of the journey, it is beautiful.

My husband points out to me that I am rolling around in my vomit. I tell him I don't care...even vomit is beautiful. Crikey!!!

I then begin to notice that some of the sparkle is starting to dwindle.

I start to weep like a small child saying that " I don't want the pretties to go away, I want to stay here".

I can feel myself being drawn away to another place and I can sense it isn't nice. I continue to weep as I crawl into the feotal position to embark on the next league of my journey.

I close my eyes again. Not through choice. I do not want to go where I am being taken.

I find myself in a hellish, smokey scene. Churning dark clouds and bone shards.

I am writhing in pain and torment. I am screaming, I am gagging, I am farting. My Husband tells me later that he heard me speaking another language.

I express myself out loud..." Oh, the pain! Oh, the suffering!" The dark clouds keep churning.

Mahjong tiles appear again flickering throughout this hellish scene. This time I can see the pattern on them...it has two hands holding each other, like a hand shake.

This reminds me that my new "Sons" are there beside me, rubbing my back and holding a hand each. I know I am digging my fingernails into their hands. I know I am loved. I know I am going to be ok. Once again, I just have to submit.

I just need to acknowledge that this is ALL the pain and suffering that ever was and ever will be.

I accept it. With that, I am also accepting that I too have contributed to this place with my own wrongdoings.This experience cleansed and healed me.

I am gifted a euphoric feeling for doing so.

I open my eyes again, returning back to this " reality". I can still see grids but feel a bit more grounded. I decide( and it is suggested! ) that I go for a shower...I am covered in spew.

I close my eyes in the shower for a second and I can see the beady eyed Jester, waiting there to drill into my brain again. I quickly open my eyes.

I am exhausted. I manage to get a couple hours sleep.

I wake up. I can still see the grids.

I can feel all of these words in my throat that wanna come out. I have very little control. Words flow out my mouth, words of wisdom, words of depth, words of inner knowing...some words of absolute shite and craziness.

I'm all caught up on this ladies name, somebody I do not know. But this name keeps coming out my mouth.

I tell my Copilot/ Son with complete conviction that his girlfriend knows her. He asked her later. She did indeed know a women of this name.

To this day, I don't know what to think about this.
I can't explain it, or give a name.

I awake the next day...grids are still visible...still tripping off my head. I awake the day after that...the grids are still visible...I'm still tripping off my head.

I have never been so exhausted!

I think this goes on for 3 or 4 days but my Husband tells me later it was more like 2 weeks before I come good.

Life was quite the blur during this time and I am not sure now how I managed to go about my day to day duties.


But through all struggles, good can come...I have been assisted in shaking loose some of the barnacles I gathered over the years, shown how and why to forgive, taught how to go with the flow and squeeze the most out of every single day.

I can say wholeheartedly that my life has been changed for the better. My families lives ( with its two new members!) have been changed for the better. Our lives are full of love and appreciation and silliness.


And if that ain't medicine then I don't know what is!

Thank you for hearing me out.

Blessings, sparkles and glitter to ALL

 

[Fridge]

This was beautiful. Thank you for writing this down. It doesn't sound weird at all to me. It kind of gives me the courage to proceed and go deeper, so thank you!

You are very fortunate to have your two soul sons being there for you.

Much love and I wish you many rewarding journeys, if you intend to go there again.

 

[roninsina]

That sounds like you had a seriously intense experience Addle10! I thought my sensitivity to DMT was on the extreme side. I can definitely ride out as much as an hour with strong CEV using moderate doses of freebase, but never gone more than eight or nine, and that’s fully inhibited with a traditional brew. You may have some fairly unique neurochemistry.

It’s very easy to become completely absorbed by these experiences, even when they’re an order of magnitude less than what you’ve shared with us. When describing my initial journeys with ayahuasca to the uninitiated, one of my go to descriptors is that it feels and looks much more real than everyday waking consensus reality. It has a tendency to superimpose itself over our regular life to varying degrees, but I think (yes, just a very humble opinion) that these experiences, in most circumstances are better suited to be interpreted as metaphors. Not entirely different from interpreting dreams, in the sense that perhaps they’re both releasing some built up neurochemical potential, albeit in different ways.

I don’t mean to cast any shade on the idea of a special connection with your new sons and I’m not trying to trivialize that relationship. I’m just saying I’ve gone down similar roads and things can become difficult to manage if you don’t find some deeply anchoring ties between these experiences and consensus reality.

Just one guys take on it. If you asked my opinion twenty years ago or perhaps twenty from now, it wouldn’t sound like it could have possibly come from the same source.

FWIW Ioved your story, all the same!

 

[ShamanisticVibes]

What a wonderful explanation of a rather difficult portion of your journey. As roninsina mentioned, I do not think that is out of the realm of normality to feel that way about your "soul sons" as you put it. Think about it this way, when you spend time with someone and get to know them in such an intense manner, and really create a connection deeper than most relationships would, is it not uncommon to refer to that person as a "brother" or "sister"?

I have many people in my life that are my brothers and sisters that have no blood relationship to me at all. One of these sister's sons even refers to me as his uncle.

That being said, it seems like the journey was very intense, and perhaps there is something to be learned there, and integrated into your life. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to help you discover that, you will only be able to find those answers within. But one thing I can say is that the molecule can be quite the trickster, in that you may feel like you've gotten everything you could out of it, but there is always more. I look back on experiences I had as a teenager, and still, on the right day, am able to extrapolate some deeper, inner meanings to something I thought very much to have lain close to the surface.

I am very happy for you that you have achieved such connection with these new members of your family. A life filled with love and silliness is one to be envied. Best Wishes to the lot of you!

Many blessings to you and yours

 

[roninsina]

Addle10, I’d like to apologize for the tone of my previous post. I now realize it comes across as implying you weren’t taking measures that you’ve probably already been taking. The duration of your experience is just so confounding and alarming that I was filling in the wrong blanks in order for it to make sense to me.

I’m no expert in really anything, but I’ve been around all this psychedelic stuff for a few decades. The vaped DMT experience you're describing just doesn’t sound even close to the most extreme duration I’ve heard of and I conflated that with you having a severe mental health crisis. Again I apologize, but something is more than a bit off with regards to what happened to you. I’m glad you got on top of that massive wave of energy and are riding it forward into a more positive future, and the now you know what you might be in for if you should go that route again.

 

[Addle10]

No need to apologise. I understand my experiences don't fall into the realms of "normal" even in this arena.

I expected some questioning, disbelief, even accusations of story telling.

I acknowledge that folk don't know me in real life, don't know if I'm a person of integrity, a person of healthy mind so the mild casting of all kind of aspersions was anticipated. I am not hurt or offended by it.

Chew thoroughly before swallowing and all that!

With respect, I didn't share because I needed help to integrate, had questions to ask, wanted some cosmic explanation,scientific proof or to win some imaginary award.


It was more to add my experience to amazing collection here. Another page in the book....more data for the research.

Mostly my motivation was driven by the potential to help others.

For the first coupla weeks I found much solace in others Trip reports...a consensus reality for me at that time.

Regardless, I believe my experience was a purely personal journey, in optimum conditions...for me...my experience..my gift.