dismany
Rising Star
Greetings Nexians!
Some of you have already met me in the chat room but I've yet to write a single post in the forum. I guess I didn't feel that I have much to contribute as far as extractions are concerned. Lately, I've realized though, that when I was younger and was interested in trying psychedelics, I sought out information from other experienced users regarding effects, side effects, etc... And yet I still felt and still do that there is nothing special about my experiences or my ability to convey anything I've learned since I began my search for Truth...because for me, that is what psychedelics have always provided, a way to get beyond...outside of...myself, to see the Light of Truth, versus being stuck in my own reaction to what I think happened and is happening to me, unable to see the treasures all around me...
This was my life for many years...distracted by my own victim hood and eventually becoming the abuser...if it's not one thing, it' another...I went from the "why me" mode about being abused to the "why me" mode about becoming abusive myself...they say a victim only stays a victim for so long...for me, it went very much this way. A boy is beaten and verbally abused till 14, sexually abused from 14 till 20...As a teenager the boy abuses himself to channel the rage somewhere other than others...soon enough, the boy gets sick of abusing himself, moves to New York of all places...There, survival was hard, so he has to do some things to make money that he was not so proud of doing...This short period of the now young man's life made him feel dirty and even more bitter at the world than before...He then goes from job to job, but soon enough so he finds a cool way to make money by taking out all that rage by cleverly verbally and mentally and psychically (not knowing his own abilities)victimizing everyone and anyone through very dark sharp humor and sound tones that came from understanding how abuse works by being the victim for so many years...he walks into NY Metro, from car to car, performing a few mediocre shock-effect magic tricks while showering those he forces to listen with sarcastic degrading jokes...well that was me BEFORE psychedelics...Can't say that everything's better now, but at least I am now consciously, with eyes wide open, on my way to become my True Self, and psychedelics, specifically LSD, DMT and mushrooms have played a HUGE role in getting me out of chronic depression and useless government-paid-for therapy.
By the time I had left New York to come back to California, where I originally lived when I first came to America, I had been completely consumed with my identity as a victim, loser, and abuser. So I went to Haight Street to look for cannabis, and I saw all these kids, like teenagers, taking "doses" and mushrooms...I had tried mushrooms while living in Vegas at 20 years old and the experience was NOT a good one. I was a pothead and thought that it was somehow similar...was I wrong...My first mushroom trip I peaked while watching the dubbed version "Life is Beautiful", I had sworn to myself to never try that again...and here I was, 6 years later, desiring to try mushrooms again and acid for the first time...I felt that I was perhaps ready to accept whatever I hadn't been ready to accept the first time I tried tripping...perhaps I just wasn't ready at that time yet, I thought to myself...I was right. This was the beginning of the awakening out of a long slumber of depression and rage... Don't get me wrong, I still get depressed and still get angry, BUT I do not wake up every morning feeling this way anymore. I do not attribute my changes to drugs, but rather to meditation...The thing is, I NEVER was much a meditator before taking psychedelics, so I have to attribute my daily meditation practice to LSD and DMT without which I was unable to see through the haze of my victim-hood the Power and Truth of Silence.
To be Continued.
Thank you for reading!
Some of you have already met me in the chat room but I've yet to write a single post in the forum. I guess I didn't feel that I have much to contribute as far as extractions are concerned. Lately, I've realized though, that when I was younger and was interested in trying psychedelics, I sought out information from other experienced users regarding effects, side effects, etc... And yet I still felt and still do that there is nothing special about my experiences or my ability to convey anything I've learned since I began my search for Truth...because for me, that is what psychedelics have always provided, a way to get beyond...outside of...myself, to see the Light of Truth, versus being stuck in my own reaction to what I think happened and is happening to me, unable to see the treasures all around me...
This was my life for many years...distracted by my own victim hood and eventually becoming the abuser...if it's not one thing, it' another...I went from the "why me" mode about being abused to the "why me" mode about becoming abusive myself...they say a victim only stays a victim for so long...for me, it went very much this way. A boy is beaten and verbally abused till 14, sexually abused from 14 till 20...As a teenager the boy abuses himself to channel the rage somewhere other than others...soon enough, the boy gets sick of abusing himself, moves to New York of all places...There, survival was hard, so he has to do some things to make money that he was not so proud of doing...This short period of the now young man's life made him feel dirty and even more bitter at the world than before...He then goes from job to job, but soon enough so he finds a cool way to make money by taking out all that rage by cleverly verbally and mentally and psychically (not knowing his own abilities)victimizing everyone and anyone through very dark sharp humor and sound tones that came from understanding how abuse works by being the victim for so many years...he walks into NY Metro, from car to car, performing a few mediocre shock-effect magic tricks while showering those he forces to listen with sarcastic degrading jokes...well that was me BEFORE psychedelics...Can't say that everything's better now, but at least I am now consciously, with eyes wide open, on my way to become my True Self, and psychedelics, specifically LSD, DMT and mushrooms have played a HUGE role in getting me out of chronic depression and useless government-paid-for therapy.
By the time I had left New York to come back to California, where I originally lived when I first came to America, I had been completely consumed with my identity as a victim, loser, and abuser. So I went to Haight Street to look for cannabis, and I saw all these kids, like teenagers, taking "doses" and mushrooms...I had tried mushrooms while living in Vegas at 20 years old and the experience was NOT a good one. I was a pothead and thought that it was somehow similar...was I wrong...My first mushroom trip I peaked while watching the dubbed version "Life is Beautiful", I had sworn to myself to never try that again...and here I was, 6 years later, desiring to try mushrooms again and acid for the first time...I felt that I was perhaps ready to accept whatever I hadn't been ready to accept the first time I tried tripping...perhaps I just wasn't ready at that time yet, I thought to myself...I was right. This was the beginning of the awakening out of a long slumber of depression and rage... Don't get me wrong, I still get depressed and still get angry, BUT I do not wake up every morning feeling this way anymore. I do not attribute my changes to drugs, but rather to meditation...The thing is, I NEVER was much a meditator before taking psychedelics, so I have to attribute my daily meditation practice to LSD and DMT without which I was unable to see through the haze of my victim-hood the Power and Truth of Silence.
To be Continued.
Thank you for reading!
Just keep working on yourself Dismany. You'll always carry around the memory of what you went through, but you can stop the continuation of abuse, not only inflicted on yourself but on others as well. Thanks for letting us get to know you a little better- I always love when people can be as honest about their lives as you have been here. See ya in the chat