nitrogenaztec
Rising Star
Trying new things for me, right now, is seriously difficult.
For example, DMT.
It seems easier for me to "just not even try". I actually did two extraction attempts. But I got bummed out by my low yields and how long it took to do everything. I think my DMT got polymerised, and now I need to use HCl to unpolymerise it. Things like that just annoy me. So much effort.
It's easier to just drink alcohol.
Not better for me, though. I want something simple I can "just do".
I tried using harmala seeds... it seems to boost my mood! Which is nice! At least I can just make a tea and "that's it". No intense preparation.
I had the idea of looking to pick mushrooms, but again "there are so many things tht can go wrong". I'd have to book a train ticket to some area... what if I don't even know where to go? Or can't find any fields. How will I reach them? do I ned to get a taxi? What if I get a taxi to some fields and theres nothing there? What if I spend so long searching it gets late and I need to go back? Then i'll waste the entire journey for nothing? Oh wait, maybe i can just get a hotel first. OK great but then that's MORE travelling around. I don't know what hotels are near what "hot spots"
The whole thing is so daunting to me I just don't even get started. I've had one trip I planned once where I made a mess up of it and I had to spend the night sleeping in a train-station. It was really annoying. This happened maybe 20 yers ago but I'm still annoyed by it haha.
I hate all these complications and worries. It's so much easier to "just drink from a bottle of alcohol".
I rally don't seem to have the "constructive energy" spare or left over to make a trip like that happen.
The rest of my life seems similarly slow. I am changing things, but slowly. More slow than most people.
...
I tried going to D&D group (dungeons and dragons)... I had trouble dealing with the noise and also "Staying creative"... the rest of the group were much more creative and enjoying themselves. I enjoyed it but really... it seems I am struggling with certain things due to lack of energy. My brain was just "fogging out". I couldn't keep track of the details of the adventure lol. Or even clearly hear what people were saying due to all the noise.
I've spent many years alone. That might have something to do with it. My brain isn't used to noise and chaos.
Perhaps I'd need some kind of group session or group tripping thing but thats a huge complexity and risk in itself.
I didn't used to be like this. I was meeting new people all the time. Going to clubs and all that. Maybe half like that as I was still a little quiet sometimes... but it wasn't holding me back. Now... things seem HARD.
No idea. But I can't get started with the DMT like this. I don't have the house to myself and I live with someone who is anti-drugs, so my activities need to be hidden. Just finding a time when I have PERSONAL ENERGY and OPPORTUNITY BOTH at the same time seems too hard.
I need help I think from someone in real life. Someone to trip with or help me boost my own journey. But thats always risky if it's not someone you ALREADY know...
One person I met online said he uses tinder to find girls to trip with lol. Jeezus what an imagination. But for me... i wouldn't even try. I don't have the energy for all these failiures.
That's just me and where I am. I'm sure things will change.
Most of my energy is going into programming I guess. I need something else to do. I was hoping DMT was it but right now I can't even get started due to lack of energy.
For example, DMT.
It seems easier for me to "just not even try". I actually did two extraction attempts. But I got bummed out by my low yields and how long it took to do everything. I think my DMT got polymerised, and now I need to use HCl to unpolymerise it. Things like that just annoy me. So much effort.
It's easier to just drink alcohol.
Not better for me, though. I want something simple I can "just do".
I tried using harmala seeds... it seems to boost my mood! Which is nice! At least I can just make a tea and "that's it". No intense preparation.
I had the idea of looking to pick mushrooms, but again "there are so many things tht can go wrong". I'd have to book a train ticket to some area... what if I don't even know where to go? Or can't find any fields. How will I reach them? do I ned to get a taxi? What if I get a taxi to some fields and theres nothing there? What if I spend so long searching it gets late and I need to go back? Then i'll waste the entire journey for nothing? Oh wait, maybe i can just get a hotel first. OK great but then that's MORE travelling around. I don't know what hotels are near what "hot spots"
The whole thing is so daunting to me I just don't even get started. I've had one trip I planned once where I made a mess up of it and I had to spend the night sleeping in a train-station. It was really annoying. This happened maybe 20 yers ago but I'm still annoyed by it haha.
I hate all these complications and worries. It's so much easier to "just drink from a bottle of alcohol".
I rally don't seem to have the "constructive energy" spare or left over to make a trip like that happen.
The rest of my life seems similarly slow. I am changing things, but slowly. More slow than most people.
...
I tried going to D&D group (dungeons and dragons)... I had trouble dealing with the noise and also "Staying creative"... the rest of the group were much more creative and enjoying themselves. I enjoyed it but really... it seems I am struggling with certain things due to lack of energy. My brain was just "fogging out". I couldn't keep track of the details of the adventure lol. Or even clearly hear what people were saying due to all the noise.
I've spent many years alone. That might have something to do with it. My brain isn't used to noise and chaos.
Perhaps I'd need some kind of group session or group tripping thing but thats a huge complexity and risk in itself.
I didn't used to be like this. I was meeting new people all the time. Going to clubs and all that. Maybe half like that as I was still a little quiet sometimes... but it wasn't holding me back. Now... things seem HARD.
No idea. But I can't get started with the DMT like this. I don't have the house to myself and I live with someone who is anti-drugs, so my activities need to be hidden. Just finding a time when I have PERSONAL ENERGY and OPPORTUNITY BOTH at the same time seems too hard.
I need help I think from someone in real life. Someone to trip with or help me boost my own journey. But thats always risky if it's not someone you ALREADY know...
One person I met online said he uses tinder to find girls to trip with lol. Jeezus what an imagination. But for me... i wouldn't even try. I don't have the energy for all these failiures.
That's just me and where I am. I'm sure things will change.
Most of my energy is going into programming I guess. I need something else to do. I was hoping DMT was it but right now I can't even get started due to lack of energy.
