Looking Left

[greyexplorer]

4th time using the spice, first breakthrough, it was frightening. My first and second experiences were with the "Dream Machine" (extremely difficult for me, the harshness and the pain in my lungs from coughing nudged me to try another method), third and fourth vaping (ejuice). Concentrations were ever increasing from first to fourth, leading to the breakthrough, or at least what I believe was a breakthrough experience. I believe I traveled to or was visited by alien entities who were non-verbally berating me and telling me to leave. I will try to attempt to describe them. They were hooded vipers (lizards?) in a very dark, black realm. Their color was a midnight blue with fluorescent outlines of changing colors of red and blue and purple. There were many of them "in my face" advancing and retreating at the same time. I asked them to leave me alone and to show me the "nice ones?". I was very frightened and at some point began to apologize...... profusely. I recall how much I wanted a "positive" experience and became profoundly sad (while still "there" ) that I saw them instead.

This was my last experience, and as frightening as it was I look forward to my next. This particular experience began with the usual color pallets changing into the "aztec" (shaman?) heads with outlines in micro printing that I always try and read but can not. At some point I called out to my partner and said "help me" and sat up with my eyes open. She came over and I laid back down and she tried to comfort and reassure me. When I called out for help it was before "I left". Because when I laid back down and closed my eyes it was then that I saw the beings. She said that as I laid there on my side I was mumbling the entire time and she was unable to discern what I was saying. At some point I left.... or they left and I sat up once again open eyed with my partner to my left. The experience then went into another phase, I had what I believed at the time was 5 very distinct experiences. 4 of them were new to me, only the first was consistent with my previous experiences.

Looking Left.....

When the entity experience ended and I opened my eyes, I was keenly aware that I should not look to my left. I had a fear even greater than the fear I had meeting the entities over looking to my left. I saw just the edges of my partner and she was changing colors and I had a feeling of sinister foreboding. I had the "feeling" that I would see something horrible if I looked to my left. I recall in my past experiences where I was in bed all alone...... far away from my partner..... that I had the same issue. It wasn't born of fear, the past experiences were fun and light, but I was "unable" to look left. There was something I wanted to see but I just couldn't turn my head to look in that direction. What is it about me looking left that I fear? Can't do?

I'm 58 years old with limited psychotropic experiences. Back in my 30's I loved cubensis and always had such great and happy experiences. But the people I partied with warned me to never do acid. They saw something in me and feared that I would not do well on it, I took their advice and have never done it. The spice, mainly because of it's duration, appealed to me. I began reading about it's ability to heal and teach, and I desperately need healing. There is something deep inside me that I want out of me, a sadness that has been with me my entire life. I spent the better part of 18 years on what passes for conventional pharmacology which I determined created more issues and resolved nothing. That "industry" is all about suppressing, I am looking to change.

I have so many questions, but for now I am looking for comments/advice/explanations...... whatever you can add to my story above.

Thankfully yours.

 

[JFro]

Do you know what dose you took? I know it can be difficult to ascertain that when mixed with juice, unless you accurately measured it out.

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

Hello greyexplorer,

Firstly, I hope that you can enjoy the humor in this little clip. It's nothing profound, or meaningful, or anything like that. It's an attempt to maybe give you a little laughter.

Can't turn left...

On a serious note,

DMT can produce a variety of experiences. They can be very difficult to reduce down into a human understanding. The pieces we do pull, may play a role in some later experience, they may be a representation of something in the present, or possible a manifestation of something that had happened in the past, and now resurfaced.

SO, there is the occasion that we have an experience where we feel that we've "stepped into forbidden territory." You can look at it in a variety of different ways. Some people look at them as "gate keepers" - and that they are a "test" to see if you can pass through to the next phase. Your reaction may dictate what follows. Fearing them may put you into a fearful realm and fearful entities. If you ignore them, then there's not much that they can do. If you tell them a good joke (or a bad joke, it doesn't really matter) I've noticed that they like that and usually give you a break. If you just talk to them, and ask them simple questions such as "how are you doing? Is there anything I can do to help you?" then it throws them off guard and they usually will give an honest answer. If you beg for pity, or help, they will not. About 90% of the people that encounter them plead for pity, or help... I think they are a bit disgruntled by the thousands of people who have asked for help, been given help, and then ignored it. If you go in, intending to fight them or something of that nature.... gooooooood luck! LOL

(During my first breakthrough, I flew past the gate keeping entity/entities, but they/it caught me on the return :lol: )
"There was this eerie sensation of being watched. Like some other entity was envious that I spoke to the green energy, and it had been ignored. It was a weird feeling. I felt like the jealous energy followed me back to "this reality", but didn't stay very long. Long enough to send the message - 'I've got my eyes on you.... show off. Just think you can walk in there when ever you want... I was supposed to be next' But it couldn't do anything. Just watch."
This quote was from the trip report from my first breakthrough - The written recollection of my first breakthrough

I read that you are older (you may not get the Zoolander reference [link at the top of the post]) and have had experience with cubensis. That's pretty odd that the folk you hung with in your 30's said not to take LSD. But, in someways, LSD can show you the dark and the light. Maybe what they saw, in you, was an inability to find the path to balance? Balance, meaning that you are aware of your darker sides, and your lighter sides, and you make an effort to understand that they are both part of you, and both will have pros and cons. If you can take darkness, and determine what force(s) create(s) that - then you may be able to use your dark side as a strength. On the other hand, if you only want to bathe in the light.... remember that light from the sun will burn your skin. Light from the soul, if it is too bright, it blinds you from recognizing conflicts and developing reasonable resolutions. This often leads people into a delusion that they are invincible, self-proclaimed shamans, and other shadows that will be cast from your position in relation to the light. Finding the balance is like the old saying, "feet on the ground, and head in the clouds."

If you spend all your time in the clouds, then you loose touch with the roots of earth. If you spend too much time underground, then you forget about the beauty that grows on the surface. The surface is composed of dark and light.

During the day light is cast on the surface - some is absorbed, some reflected, some refracted, and some scattered (and others). There will still be shadows, but the daylight allows you too look into the shadow and see the formation. During the night, it seems like everything is a shadow... but the moon may reflect enough light to see. The shadows may not be distinguishable, and harder to examine. If there was light that filled every shadow, or darkness hiding every shadow, then we'd never see the contrast.

That being said, only you would know enough about yourself to determine the level of brightness in your life. Not old party friends from 28 years ago, not me, not any forum or thread or post. None of those things can tell you more about you than you already know.

SO, if you feel like there is a darkness, a sadness, then has it been identified? Have YOU identified it within yourself? Did someone else tell you its identity? If you have "identified it," how have you gone about addressing it? Just pharmaceuticals, or have you made other changes in your life?

What do you want to change? What do you want to heal?


AS far as looking to the left.... I have no idea in that department. Is it a religious or political ideal that you think that there are some forms of evil on the left? Or, in reverse, believe that there are some evil forces on the right? I still think that you should refer to the video at the beginning of my post and try to laugh about it. Laugh it off. Laughter is powerful medicine.

Take Care,
ACY

 

[greyexplorer]

ACY..... can't thank you enough. Lol... and yes, I do get the Zoolander reference and humor.

I appreciate your insight and it has given me much to think about. Thanks for taking the time out of your life for the reply!!

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

greyexplorer,

You're welcome! And also: Welcome to the nexus!! You are always welcome to post questions about experience reports. The responses will often vary, and then it adds new perspectives.

I can almost promise you that there is another member who will have a different interpretation and opinion of that experience, as well. It's good to look at things from multiple positions before deciding that we're set in one position.

Take Care!
ACY