Looking on

[slewb]

Hey there. I'm slewb, a recently graduated high school student from Maryland. My interest in psychedelics was piqued by a number of experiences with LSD. As an alcoholic and compulsive weed smoker, I've been forced to wonder what it is I'm looking for with my abuse. And I've remembered that the closest I've come to finding it is with LSD. I am a spiritual seeker, i am not satisfied with the way I have been programmed to experience the world. Psychedelics and a variety of religious/meditative practices have been able to help me with my own "deprogramming." I have smoked DMT a number of times, but i have never "broken through" into the spirit world either because of the quality of the drug on hand or because of my shitty ass lungs. I've always felt the angels and the demons and the benign spirits inside of me. I've met them face to face, but not in the context of what you might call waking consciousness. they do not seem a part of me, more like a far off influence yelling from the waking world to a too-soundly sleeping man to WAKE UP!! and that's why i'm here.

 

[Enoon]

Dear slewb,

welcome to the nexus. I can relate to what you refer to as "deprogramming" and the need for it. When I was around your age (god I sound old, I'm not, really though) I very deliberately tried to achieve this kind of deprogramming by abusing DXM for a while. To this day I have mixed feelings about the issue. In a way I feel I achieved my goal but it caused me a lot of suffering in turn as well. It's hard to say which path is more valid than another. Personally I try to steer away from substances that do more harm than good these days, even in moments when I feel destructive towards myself or my current mind-states. In the end it is the idea that I strive for something better that keeps me from going down those paths.

How to achieve this progress though is, I guess, the question that will never fully be answered. It is the question that we live I guess, the path we walk. All we can do, from one moment to the next is choose to use our consciousness and our present capacities to transform everything, by means of our perception and processes of thought and feelings, into something more positive, something more translucent, and more filled with the essence and intensity of life that it seems we yearn for. In the end, I often feel like it is not about searching and finding something, but rather about figuring out how to create exactly that which we desire within ourselves, and extrovert this, to create it also in our surroundings, in every moment. How? Again, this is a never ending quest, an ever changing answer, a path we choose to walk... I think.

cheers my friend

 

[Frac7alt1m3]

I have smoked DMT a number of times, but i have never "broken through" into the spirit world either because of the quality of the drug on hand or because of my shitty ass lungs.

perhaps it could be your technique? what kind of device do you use? how many hits do you take?
if vaporized properly it will be much smoother and easier to take less and larger hits.
maybe your mindset? do you do it alone, relaxed and without distraction?
i have smoked DMT many times as well an have only broken through a small percentage so far
and i find these variables play a big role in effects.

I've always felt the angels and the demons and the benign spirits inside of me. I've met them face to face, but not in the context of what you might call waking consciousness. they do not seem a part of me, more like a far off influence yelling from the waking world to a too-soundly sleeping man to WAKE UP!! and that's why i'm here.

i know what you mean but i still always had this feeling that the angels/demon/entities/intelligence's are apart of me, at least in some way.

I very deliberately tried to achieve this kind of deprogramming by abusing DXM for a while. To this day I have mixed feelings about the issue. In a way I feel I achieved my goal but it caused me a lot of suffering in turn as well.

Enoon, i can completely relate to that.
i have gone through something very similar i believe.
i abused it even though while it was happening i didn't think of it that way, rather deprogramming/reprogramming.
i also still have mixed feelings and am now still suffering both mentally and physically.
i took it a lot farther than needed, one of my biggest regrets.

How to achieve this progress though is, I guess, the question that will never fully be answered. It is the question that we live I guess, the path we walk. All we can do, from one moment to the next is choose to use our consciousness and our present capacities to transform everything, by means of our perception and processes of thought and feelings, into something more positive, something more translucent, and more filled with the essence and intensity of life that it seems we yearn for. In the end, I often feel like it is not about searching and finding something, but rather about figuring out how to create exactly that which we desire within ourselves, and extrovert this, to create it also in our surroundings, in every moment. How? Again, this is a never ending quest, an ever changing answer, a path we choose to walk... I think.

yeap prety much said it, thats what i like to think.

 

[slewb]

I don't particularly remember posting this but thanks a lot for the welcome.

perhaps it could be your technique? what kind of device do you use? how many hits do you take?
if vaporized properly it will be much smoother and easier to take less and larger hits.
maybe your mindset? do you do it alone, relaxed and without distraction?
i have smoked DMT many times as well an have only broken through a small percentage so far
and i find these variables play a big role in effects.

When I had DMT I would smoke it by putting it between two layers of weed in a pipe with a small bowl and then killing to kill the whole bowl so i'd get it all. Or sometimes I would use a lightbulb vaporizer if I didn't have any weed. I'll be doing an extraction of 100g MHRB (my first) so I'll hopefully end up with about a gram of freebase DMT which I plan to use to make some enhanced leaf with some herb that's a lot easier on my throat than weed (any suggestions?). Yes, my best experiences have been in the circumstances which you describe.

When I was around your age (god I sound old, I'm not, really though) I very deliberately tried to achieve this kind of deprogramming by abusing DXM for a while.

I feel that. I've never used DXM much, I didn't like it too much, but during the last couple of years in high school I was a compulsive weed smoker (still sort of am) and during senior year in particular on and off the edge of alcoholism. Essentially drinking (a lot, tolerance is still through the roof) all day everyday when I could. I'm doing better on that front. During the months of April and May, I spent five weeks living in a monastery and so far I've found nothing more clarifying or deprogramming than sitting 2-8 hours in meditation every day and living a simple life doing work essential for sustenance. And so recently I've had to reevaluate my reasons for longing to be stoned or drunk or just generally unsober and of course I wasn't smoking weed for anything other than escape when I thought I was using it to expand my mind or, yeah, deprogram. My mind hasn't particularly expanded while I've been stoned in a long time. Lately every time I smoke I make sure I know my motivation for doing it and try to make it sort of a sacrament. It helps a lot actually.

So anyway, knowing my tendencies towards liking to use drugs way too much and being able to handle myself very well when tripping or fucked up some otherwise, when I found out about DMT and that it could be produced cheaply and easily in large quantities I was naturally thinking that there's some potential for overuse. I've read what JoeBono has had to say and I could definitely see myself there. If I go about this the wrong way. So I've carefully constructed my approach. Based on comparisons of my past experiences with psychedelics and meditation, all psychedelics do is open you up to a world that is always there, who knows if it's within or without you. After hours of completely silent and still meditation every day at the monastery my experience began to very much resemble an acid trip. Just the good parts, without the restlessness and feeling of intensity that I sometimes get on acid.

So I plan to go into this with the outlook that what I experience on DMT is showing me that what is always there just beyond my range of conscious perception (with the addition of certain effects of the drug). I strongly maintain that the insight and self exploration that DMT provides is readily accessible to anyone with sufficiently developed (mental? spiritual? psychic?) facilities. I am excited to explore the nature and meaning of the drug itself while striving to see things more clearly and directly in normal, physical life.