Acolyte
Rising Star
Whoa. This was a strange one... no fireworks, just a damn important revelation.
70mg jimjam
75mg Caapi copy
warm oj + honey + 5g cacao butter (to settle the tummy)
When i felt the spice begin to tickle after some nice stretching and mediation, i laid on the floor under a blanket. I emptied my mind and became a black void of awareness, and for 20mins felt a continual and random "probing pressures" on my mind and skull. @ ~25mins i felt a ping of *done* and suddenly became perfectly sober! I would have had no problem doing homework or talking with friends. I looked at the shadows of the moon on the wall and felt a little disappointed, and i resisted the obvious prodding to get up into bed. I eventually relented, climbed up, and laid under the sheets looking at the bright fullmoon low in the south sky. No psychedelic effects, still perfectly sober.
Eventually I closed my eyes. BAM! within two seconds i was back in a dark gooy-hyperspace folding over and over onto itself. "I'm still loaded," i was surprised, i thought i'd misfired? I went back into my mental guidance techniques and a meditative posture. I heard The Music and began to play with it and recompose it. i kept getting new random song-clips to see what i'd do with them. Cool stuff! i was very pleased with these compositions--a very fun, personal psychedelic techno-party!
After a while the sound-clips faded away and i refocused myself on breaking through. I unfocused my mind, expanded my awareness and "geared up!" I pushed up through the goo, into the void but then got hooked into a corner, i tried hard to overcome the resistance, "the corner" i was trying to break-through began to shake. i'm not gonna force my way through i thought. I then backed off and tried again with a different mindset. Soon my anxiety rose for no reason and i (dimmly) saw a wall of mean orange-fireworms trying to attack me!!!
But i knew better. This was Their "boo!" to challenge me or scare me away. so i kept the focus and *dismissed the image* and watched it fall away. Now this next moment is hard to describe, and the part i've spent all morning tying to reconstruct. Through my own voice i heard a surprisingly impassioned plea saying something similar to: "All we are is a bunch of old creatures full of technology, we are nothing without LOVE! You are not allowed up until you have learned to share love."
:shock: . I instantly knew "you" had three meanings: me as an individual, us as Humans, and that it was my/our job as individuals to help others share love and that "we can't go anywhere" until we do. I *geared down* and opened my eyes to look up at the sky and the empty moon sitting in space. again i was sober, but stunned. i got up to sit on the toilet, sip some water and just absorb what had happened. -Love means more than anything- I very hardheadedly looked at the moon's shadows on the bathroom floor and realized "Love" has always been a distant priority of mine and i saw how much i found excuses to avoid it; some of them petty, some of them "practical," and some of them just ignorant disregard. I crawled back into bed, shut my eyes and returned to let my mind go free and roam the goo with as little attachment possible until i fell asleep.
* * *
This morning I realized how much of our society is addicted to novelty. Novelty is interesting and entertaining sure, but it has replaced love. Shopping, web-surfing, TV, movies, the news, bars, and Learning; these are all novelty seeking activities. As we age, our curiosity becomes more and more satisfied, and without further input, sensations of familiarity become stifling and oppressive. THUS WE NEED LOVE. There is a whole universe full of amazing novelty waiting for us, but to endlessly consume it and become omni-knowledgeable and "omni-rich"--yet live alone for eternity--is unsustainable. Nurturing and maintaining actual relationships and bringing them to state of LOVE is our first duty as Human beings. Otherwise, what else do we really have and why does it matter?
a good lesson methinks? to all: THANKYOU.
70mg jimjam
75mg Caapi copy
warm oj + honey + 5g cacao butter (to settle the tummy)
When i felt the spice begin to tickle after some nice stretching and mediation, i laid on the floor under a blanket. I emptied my mind and became a black void of awareness, and for 20mins felt a continual and random "probing pressures" on my mind and skull. @ ~25mins i felt a ping of *done* and suddenly became perfectly sober! I would have had no problem doing homework or talking with friends. I looked at the shadows of the moon on the wall and felt a little disappointed, and i resisted the obvious prodding to get up into bed. I eventually relented, climbed up, and laid under the sheets looking at the bright fullmoon low in the south sky. No psychedelic effects, still perfectly sober.
Eventually I closed my eyes. BAM! within two seconds i was back in a dark gooy-hyperspace folding over and over onto itself. "I'm still loaded," i was surprised, i thought i'd misfired? I went back into my mental guidance techniques and a meditative posture. I heard The Music and began to play with it and recompose it. i kept getting new random song-clips to see what i'd do with them. Cool stuff! i was very pleased with these compositions--a very fun, personal psychedelic techno-party!
After a while the sound-clips faded away and i refocused myself on breaking through. I unfocused my mind, expanded my awareness and "geared up!" I pushed up through the goo, into the void but then got hooked into a corner, i tried hard to overcome the resistance, "the corner" i was trying to break-through began to shake. i'm not gonna force my way through i thought. I then backed off and tried again with a different mindset. Soon my anxiety rose for no reason and i (dimmly) saw a wall of mean orange-fireworms trying to attack me!!!
But i knew better. This was Their "boo!" to challenge me or scare me away. so i kept the focus and *dismissed the image* and watched it fall away. Now this next moment is hard to describe, and the part i've spent all morning tying to reconstruct. Through my own voice i heard a surprisingly impassioned plea saying something similar to: "All we are is a bunch of old creatures full of technology, we are nothing without LOVE! You are not allowed up until you have learned to share love."
:shock: . I instantly knew "you" had three meanings: me as an individual, us as Humans, and that it was my/our job as individuals to help others share love and that "we can't go anywhere" until we do. I *geared down* and opened my eyes to look up at the sky and the empty moon sitting in space. again i was sober, but stunned. i got up to sit on the toilet, sip some water and just absorb what had happened. -Love means more than anything- I very hardheadedly looked at the moon's shadows on the bathroom floor and realized "Love" has always been a distant priority of mine and i saw how much i found excuses to avoid it; some of them petty, some of them "practical," and some of them just ignorant disregard. I crawled back into bed, shut my eyes and returned to let my mind go free and roam the goo with as little attachment possible until i fell asleep.
* * *
This morning I realized how much of our society is addicted to novelty. Novelty is interesting and entertaining sure, but it has replaced love. Shopping, web-surfing, TV, movies, the news, bars, and Learning; these are all novelty seeking activities. As we age, our curiosity becomes more and more satisfied, and without further input, sensations of familiarity become stifling and oppressive. THUS WE NEED LOVE. There is a whole universe full of amazing novelty waiting for us, but to endlessly consume it and become omni-knowledgeable and "omni-rich"--yet live alone for eternity--is unsustainable. Nurturing and maintaining actual relationships and bringing them to state of LOVE is our first duty as Human beings. Otherwise, what else do we really have and why does it matter?
a good lesson methinks? to all: THANKYOU.
