Blackandblue
Rising Star
Hi. In my mid teens I read some stuff on philosophy, maybe it was the book the phenomenology of spirit, and something by Nietzche on the nature of logic. I'm entering my 20's now. I had a general interest in philosophy and had come across them in the course of side interest. I had never expected it to change the course of my life.
Some time later, as the ideas brewed in my mind I grew dissatisfied with my life and what I guessed it might be like. It was, bleak, boring and trivial. I investigated religion, new age ideas and philosophy, studied a bit at university, talked to experts, traveled to the East and read books. I came to the same analytical dead ends that philosophers tend to, with no (?) scope for metaanalysis outside of a given framework. These, by nature, become excessively convolute and complex and impractical to investigate individually and expect to reach something revealing by the end of my life. Meanwhile, I concluded it was impractical to manage simultaneous paths at once.
The alternative, I thought, was seeking revelations. New experiences that could give rise to new insights that I could process later and reevaluate. I got interested in occultism and explored that. I studied conspiracy theories and I visited native peoples in lands for away (No amazonian natives or shamans of any kind, sadly, perhaps!) but did not get much out of these. I searched the depths of the intenet for what information might be lurking around. I found much and I find little. From chatting to acquaintances confident in their ideas about the world, to exploring apparently forbidden but unsurprisingly unenlightening things. There was a lot of useless junk floating around my mind and it wasn't very helpful so I basically endeavored to dump as much out of it as I can using makeshift and trial and error techniques that basically worked. I take this as a move from grinding through every field everything as best I can, to eliminating ontological methods one by one
I was basically at a blank state, having an absurdist/existentialist mind set, a rather skeptical frame of mind, and a half complete undergraduate degree in neuroscience and done as far as I could tell, almost everything except, as I kept reminding myself, drugs. I'd started my degree in physics and switched to neuroscience, telling myself that the maths was too intense. It was more likely, in hindsight that I lost insight after I began believing less and less in the grandiosity of a fluctuating outside universe so severely moderated by the mind...perhaps recursively. Either way, the reliability of my mind over matter, supported by some success at lucid dreaming, somehow became pre-career changing.
As you might have noticed, I'm not terrible concise or very good at structuring what I am going to say. My sincere apologies to you, reader!
Since I began the journey, abandoning the tedium of material abundance, I knew that known chemicals could offer me a kind of insight I could try to get otherwise, but I was too scared to see what could be done.
I liked to entertain the thought to myself that there was something great to be find in that which is so formally taboo, that if I was to fade away into nothing - die one day without having experimented with illicit substances, I would know that there was still some hope there.
As if happens, I am here now. Having checked off every other way of gaining the kind of knowledge I aspire to. I recognise that it might simply be illusion. But, where I stand now, the difference between the real and unreal is trivial, and all that matters is the experience.
I searched up what different drugs where like on the net and none interested me other than the psychadelics. I wasn't interested in visuals, just insights. 2ce (is that right?), dmt, shrooms, nootropics and k-holing with ketamine seemed to be the most meaningful. since ketamine is addictive and has a tendency to make trips hard to remember that's not something I'll be taking a look at. It looks like dmt 'includes' the revealing potential of shrooms, so they are of my radar (I suspect i'm mistaken in saying this, however).
I'm particularly interested by the ideas of heroic doses, mixing psychedelics and playing with an non-built tolerance. I hear that they can be 'eye-opening' by no underestimatable degree. I am interested in whether they will be any less memorable, however. If anyone can enlighten me that would greatly appreciated. I have come to have no fear of anything whatsoever other than imminent physical, mental or emotional pain, which I can frequently coerse myself to overcome temporarily, if sensible (won't hurt my chances of greater experiences down the line!).
My side interests include domestic politics and military security.
It's a pleasure to be here and thanks to anyone who read that.
Some time later, as the ideas brewed in my mind I grew dissatisfied with my life and what I guessed it might be like. It was, bleak, boring and trivial. I investigated religion, new age ideas and philosophy, studied a bit at university, talked to experts, traveled to the East and read books. I came to the same analytical dead ends that philosophers tend to, with no (?) scope for metaanalysis outside of a given framework. These, by nature, become excessively convolute and complex and impractical to investigate individually and expect to reach something revealing by the end of my life. Meanwhile, I concluded it was impractical to manage simultaneous paths at once.
The alternative, I thought, was seeking revelations. New experiences that could give rise to new insights that I could process later and reevaluate. I got interested in occultism and explored that. I studied conspiracy theories and I visited native peoples in lands for away (No amazonian natives or shamans of any kind, sadly, perhaps!) but did not get much out of these. I searched the depths of the intenet for what information might be lurking around. I found much and I find little. From chatting to acquaintances confident in their ideas about the world, to exploring apparently forbidden but unsurprisingly unenlightening things. There was a lot of useless junk floating around my mind and it wasn't very helpful so I basically endeavored to dump as much out of it as I can using makeshift and trial and error techniques that basically worked. I take this as a move from grinding through every field everything as best I can, to eliminating ontological methods one by one
I was basically at a blank state, having an absurdist/existentialist mind set, a rather skeptical frame of mind, and a half complete undergraduate degree in neuroscience and done as far as I could tell, almost everything except, as I kept reminding myself, drugs. I'd started my degree in physics and switched to neuroscience, telling myself that the maths was too intense. It was more likely, in hindsight that I lost insight after I began believing less and less in the grandiosity of a fluctuating outside universe so severely moderated by the mind...perhaps recursively. Either way, the reliability of my mind over matter, supported by some success at lucid dreaming, somehow became pre-career changing.
As you might have noticed, I'm not terrible concise or very good at structuring what I am going to say. My sincere apologies to you, reader!
Since I began the journey, abandoning the tedium of material abundance, I knew that known chemicals could offer me a kind of insight I could try to get otherwise, but I was too scared to see what could be done.
I liked to entertain the thought to myself that there was something great to be find in that which is so formally taboo, that if I was to fade away into nothing - die one day without having experimented with illicit substances, I would know that there was still some hope there.
As if happens, I am here now. Having checked off every other way of gaining the kind of knowledge I aspire to. I recognise that it might simply be illusion. But, where I stand now, the difference between the real and unreal is trivial, and all that matters is the experience.
I searched up what different drugs where like on the net and none interested me other than the psychadelics. I wasn't interested in visuals, just insights. 2ce (is that right?), dmt, shrooms, nootropics and k-holing with ketamine seemed to be the most meaningful. since ketamine is addictive and has a tendency to make trips hard to remember that's not something I'll be taking a look at. It looks like dmt 'includes' the revealing potential of shrooms, so they are of my radar (I suspect i'm mistaken in saying this, however).
I'm particularly interested by the ideas of heroic doses, mixing psychedelics and playing with an non-built tolerance. I hear that they can be 'eye-opening' by no underestimatable degree. I am interested in whether they will be any less memorable, however. If anyone can enlighten me that would greatly appreciated. I have come to have no fear of anything whatsoever other than imminent physical, mental or emotional pain, which I can frequently coerse myself to overcome temporarily, if sensible (won't hurt my chances of greater experiences down the line!).
My side interests include domestic politics and military security.
It's a pleasure to be here and thanks to anyone who read that.