Meeting with a higher construct of self.

[jamie]

The title of this thread is going to be somewhat misleading, as the term "higher self" carries with it a sort of semantic paradox..there is no higher or lower self in the sense that the self is a whole being unto itself, multidimensional as it extends though and exsists beyond the confines of our current understanding of "space-time".

This is less of a DMT experience report and much more of a tale, watered down within the muddy oceans of linguistic transaction, of the paranormal world of the ayahuasca experience.

I have refrained from writing experience reports lately, not due to a lack of experiences..but more of a barrier being reached where I am not equipped at this time to language the DMT experience itself any more than I have already done in the past. Smoked DMT, including changa is so fast and tends to unfold in such a way that is consistant that after a certain ammount of personal expression concerning the phenomenon, there just is not really much more to say. It is beyond language..it is beyond the current realm of 4d space time we download these experiences into. There will always be aspects of which remain unspeakable.

We are not what we think we are. We are definatily not ultumatily subject to the limitations we experience on a day to day basis in this 4d existance. We are all shamans at the core in the deepest sense of the word. I truely believe that becasue I know it.

Yesterday something unexpected happened to me. I wont even begin to pretend that I have a complete explaination by any stretch of the imagination as to what the implications of this could be..but here it is.

I drank a cup of ayahuasca..apporximatily 100g of cielo ayahuasca brewed with 1g of chaliponga, a pinch of mapac ho(in an entire kilo, so not alot) and some cats claw. I followed up with 2 grams of mimosa. About 40 minutes in I drank some more caapi from another more dilute brew, that also had some mimosa and chaliponga added to it, but not much. This second brew was very light on the admixture. I follwed that with another dose of mimosa..not measured..maybe 1.5 grams.

It started to really floor after I drank that last dose of mimosa..and I had drank so much caapi I was falling deep into a harmala trance. This was so much deeper than just DMT..I must make that clear..DMT, even changa wont take me to the place I was getting at..It was not even like smoking DMT. It was not overly visual by any means. There was light geometry like lazer beams with my eyes closed and crystaline visuals on my ceiling with eyes open..but nothing like smoking DMT. The trance was soo deep though. I lay there with this sense of impending dread creeping up at times, but I have been there so I know it is nothing to worry about. This is why I drink this stuff, so I just breath and sing to myself in my head.

It gets to this place where it is like I am spinning in this void of mandlebrot sets..but again..there was barely any visuals at all..just faint patterns, but I could feel it(the patterns). My entire being was in a state of disequilibrium..spinning in the void, twirling out of the confines of the 4d space time continuum. Things were happening I cant recall at this time..parts of it were extremely ecstatic..other parts I felt as if I might be dying..though I knew I was not. In "reality" I am laying motionless in bed, silent with minxx trying to focus on flowing with the music in the background.

This is what ayahuasca is like. It is like a trip through the spirit world..I cant begin to explain how different it can be from smoking DMT..you have to have worked with both to understand..

All of a sudden I am elsewhere.

I am with this other being..confiding in them that they are okay. I have this power that they cannot even begin to comprehend from they're vantage point. I am limitless beyond they're capacity to grasp...there is this landscape around us, that we are in..like a natural landscape in this higher dimensional place with mountains and a big sky etc..I begin to grasp the realization that this being that I am talking with is me..literally the "me" that is sitting here trying to find words for all of this..yet paradoxically this "me" had been given the rare opportunity to merge consciousily with that higher level of it's own existance, and correspond with an aspect of itself of which is subject to the barriers of 4d physical existance. A perfectly executed plight into the realms of trans-dimensional schizophrenia. How elegant.

A part of me, that is "me" was thinking "wholy fuck!"..while at the same time "I" was sort of sitting there is awe of this fantasic fucking being beyond my ability to articulte. Now, me as my "higher" self was far more calm and collected than "I" ever am...far more confident. I was simultaniousily this being(my "higher" self) and this new dimension that "both" of us were meating in. It was as if the mind-consciousness field of my higher self was so powerful that I could literally manifest entire dimensional existances out of mere thought. I dont even think I really had a physical form, I just manifested this way in order to make this connection possible to myself in a way that would seem tangible to a being confined to solid 4d space time locality.

My higher self had made the decision for this meeting to take place, at this time when it did. It happened for a reason. I feel it is now time for me to start working on expanding my dimensional awareness and working in the light towards full realization of my true manifestation. That was apparent. A "higher" level of my soul organization is definatily in the drivers seat here. At the same time "I" as an aspect of my fully dimensional manifested self is every bit as important and relevant..for without this level of my being I would not be fully manifest throught the dimensions.

I dont really have much else to say about it..the experience manifested as a sort of downloaded dream in what was probabily a time period of about 30 seconds. Once the ego mind system of this "lower" me began to override this higher aspect of myself, I lost awareness of that level and it was as if 2 dimensions simultaniousily became one. This is something that high doses of harmalas do alot for me..the harmala dreams definatily have something extra dimensional going on.

Once I snapped out of the dream it was not like I was in hyperspace. There was light geometric patterns on the walls and diamond shapes and stuff with my eyes closes..similar to a lighter dose of mushrooms or the end of vaped DMT..but there was this high frequency life energy coursing through me that was very pleasant and affirming. I laughed alot after that lay in bed for a while. Within aboout 3 hours from drinking my first cup I was basically back to baseline, with a strong afterglow and was totally able to function normally and eat some food.

 

[Apoc]

Good.... good. :d Without going into specific details about what shapes pop up, what thoughts pop up, and what it all means, this is definitely one of the best descriptions of ayahuasca I have read. Perhaps the best.

I have found that with ayahuasca, deep trance is necessary to show all that ayahuasca truly has to show. I'll still trip of course, if I have to move about, or am constantly distracted, but It's not as profound as it could be, if combined with meditation, or trance. I find that if I start thinking about stuff, the trip gets repressed to a certain extent. But, the deeper the trance goes, usually, the less there is in common with this reality we are used to, and thus more difficult to translate, or even remember.

Yesterday, while you were grooving on caapi, chali and mimosa, I was grooving on my own concoction as well. When I go in to a deep enough trance, I begin to feel as though I am literally traveling somewhere, and somehow, the "Apoc" character, shuts down to allow for a deeper self to be known. And yes, there is usually a sense of dying, even though we've been through this hundreds of times.

I often meet up with this "higher self" as well, that gives fantastic messages. It usually says things like, "what's really happening in your perceived universe is not even close to what's really happening. You just see a tiny slice. But don't worry about it, you are an important piece of the whole. Every piece is equally important, no matter how seemingly small or large." The higher self sees me as sort of like a silly child.... naive, prone to believing just about anything, easily fooled, overly emotional over trivial things, and I easily think that I know way more than I do. But, the higher self doesn't mind, it's just fascinated by my existence, no matter what I believe. It tells me that higher levels of being are available, but whether I achieve them or not doesn't really matter, that I am free to do whatever I want, high or low. Only if I am ready will the higher self become available.

Anyway, last night, I traveled to another plane and started having a conversation with this higher self thing. After a while, it occurred to me that what was being discussed, or transmitted, or interpreted or whatever had nothing at all to do with me, the Apoc character. The content was totally outside this 4d universe and the story of my life. At times, I would remember that I have this life here on earth, and I was like "oh yeah!! that guy. I forgot about him. And he thought his life is the only thing that's going on. He forgets and gets attached". It was almost like there was this inner dialogue of how things are playing out in the universe. Like my life was being co-created by various levels of existence, inner dialogues between different levels communicate, and agree how things should play out next. But this isn't just true for my personal life, it's the whole of everything. Like there is an inner intelligence in every atom that is connected to everything else everywhere, and it's all communicating with itself in a massive incomprehensible system that is entirely self aware from the inside out.

After a while, I went so deep in to trance that I drifted off to sleep. I was awakened when I realized that for the last little while, I had speaking with a voice that I was now literally hearing. It freaked me out when I heard the voice, so I woke up, but didn't remember the content of the words. It was something about awakening to higher levels. I was having the experience because I was ready for it. The universe agreed this is what it wanted to experience.

 

[olympus mon]

wow fract, this is an amazing piece of work you just wrote for us to read. i dont know what to say other than thank you. what an absolutely wonderful experience that must have been. :surprised

 

[yaxar]

thank you fractal and apoc for those wonderfully insightful yet refreshing descriptions. had my fair share of traveling yesterday. Had been saving some spice for a while now. Didn't have the usual visual blasting off. Probably the regular mind is so used to the devastation that it submits as soon as i light the changa filled gvg.
I am starting to extrapolate great mysteries from these auditory trips. a sage once told me that all the atoms in this universe are constantly listening and recording all energy. It is only in these states we get to unlock these mysteries and learn.
I have come to respect the spice even more, every time i use it. The after affects are so humbly balancing that everything around starts to make sense again.

Much Love.

 

[Felnik]

Great thread interesting perspectives . I ,m feeling what your saying.
Interesting to perceive the higher self rather than a projection from
An outer place. I like it I,m gonna groove on that .
Thanks

 

[Rising Spirit]

A beautiful translation, fractal enchantment!!! I honor the bright light within you and thank you for posting this most eloquently written trip report. I will be visiting the Sacred Space of Ayahuasca soon, myself. I just need one more p.mushroom lift-off before I do.

I need to properly arrange my interior thought processes and other subtle mystical things. Within the confines of my small and isolated self, gazing into the eternal mystery... I have also realized the magnitude and limitlessness of the Higher Self. Your fine report actually brought tears of remembrance to my eyes. Kudos friend!!! 8)

 

[Agave]

I had a similar experience the first two times I drank and those were very large doses for a first timer. Did you feel that your higher self was outside of your normal self or within? For me it felt like a place within yet there was a feeling of separate-ness. And not so much a higher self as true self. For lack of a better term I call it the "heart place". Unfortunately I haven't been able to return there in many attempts since. Very interesting report and a very fortunate experience.

 

[jamie]

well..it was all a part of me..but at the same time I was literally experiencing myself from the perspective of my higher self, and my "lower self" was manifest in that place as a seperate being that I was talking to. Of course my lower self that is here writing this exists in a perceptually individual state, cut off from the realization of my higher self..so it makes sense that to get the message to stick or download into the lower space this part of me inhabits, I would have to manifect as I am right now with these perceptual boundries put into place. My higher self had full awareness of the complete soul that runs through all of the levels though..

 

[Rising Spirit]

Of course my lower self that is here writing this exists in a perceptually individual state, cut off from the realization of my higher self...

My higher self had full awareness of the complete soul that runs through all of the levels though...

This is so true. After numerous experiences which led me to the same conclusions... I seemed to naturally gravitate to the notion of the Buddhist Wheel. That being, the central hub of all consciousness is the Higher self and the external fringes of said Self, is where we exist as multiple individuals, each in our own unique aspect of Universal consciousness (the Omniself), however fraught with the illusions of temporal existence.

Of course, a wheel is far to simple to fully convey the dichotomy of the interrelationship betwixt the separate or isolated ego-self and the interconnected, indivisible core Self (of all being). Still, its a good symbol to use to conceptualize about the transcendental experience of merging within the Oneness of the Godhead.

I wholly agree with you, from this side of the looking glass, we are forever interpreting our experiences of our soul's integration and immersions within the Spirit... from the mentality of our individuated or "lower self". As paradoxical as it appears to our mortal wits, it is the urgent quest of mystics, sages, shamans and contemporary psychonautical explorers. We are called to unite these levels of consciousness, in unity, through our very integrated awareness and unified being. :idea:

Also, we are called to share and communicate the essence of these realizations with our fellow travelers, each multiplicity of self, an aspect of the whole of the "higher self".

As Agave wisely states, this awareness occurs both, deep within the fulcrum of our relative self-awareness and somehow far beyond the boundaries and parameters of our individuated perception. So yeah, from the stance of the lower self, duality exists and the journey of Self Realization is one of transcending the mind of the ego... yet, when we awaken to the radiant reality of the higher self, we see that we were always said higher self, all along, masquerading as myriad lower selves.

From this expanded perspective, only the Omniself is truly "real" and hence, is the truest self (as it touches the insubstantial quintessence of: The Godhead, Tao, Spirit or Clear Light of the Void). Surely, this is echoed in the profound idea that, All is One.

Thank you for sharing your truly inspiring insights! 8)


Peace, light & love