KwisatzHaderach
everything is becoming
I had put it off far enough. It had been far too long since I journeyed. I think I had subconsciously started finding things that would distract from my work with the spice. There was something inside of me that was afraid. I knew this, yet I did not want to change. The fear of change.
Recently I've been having internal struggles with my happiness and desires, basic ego drives. I've been finding unproductive outlets for my creativity because these pleasures are easier or quicker. Today the spice reminded me that the pleasure as a reward for work is much more so meaningful then constant pleasure. Like the pleasure received from my journey today; I needed to push past my fears and accept my decisions, working through the doubt into the bliss. This is the source of my unhappiness, my wishy-washiness. My inability to make a focused decision and follow it through. So instead my energy is being consumed in semi-meaningless tasks because nothing is completed.
Today I worked the spice into my meditations. I stopped all doubts and accepted what I was preparing myself for, rolling several changa joints to be had at will.
To recall this lesson, it seemed as if the spice had sent me through a time portal to recall a distant memory. A memory that was on the tip of my brain, yet I could not remember. As the spice gripped my body, compressing it flat. I felt at ease as spice caressed me.
The beginning. Where was it? How did I get here?
Birth. Breaking through the womb. I remember now why I'm here. I have a purpose. A beautiful purpose. Though I lust for the life of flesh and material, as a dispersant wish. I know this route will only bring suffering from blindness and ignorance. Yet I am not blind, but wish to be amongst the blind. This is my conundrum. I curse my blessings and count my woes. My grass can never be green enough.
Instead I need to remember that I am Love. My path is my own.
Acceptance.
This is the path to Love.
Recently I've been having internal struggles with my happiness and desires, basic ego drives. I've been finding unproductive outlets for my creativity because these pleasures are easier or quicker. Today the spice reminded me that the pleasure as a reward for work is much more so meaningful then constant pleasure. Like the pleasure received from my journey today; I needed to push past my fears and accept my decisions, working through the doubt into the bliss. This is the source of my unhappiness, my wishy-washiness. My inability to make a focused decision and follow it through. So instead my energy is being consumed in semi-meaningless tasks because nothing is completed.
Today I worked the spice into my meditations. I stopped all doubts and accepted what I was preparing myself for, rolling several changa joints to be had at will.
To recall this lesson, it seemed as if the spice had sent me through a time portal to recall a distant memory. A memory that was on the tip of my brain, yet I could not remember. As the spice gripped my body, compressing it flat. I felt at ease as spice caressed me.
The beginning. Where was it? How did I get here?
Birth. Breaking through the womb. I remember now why I'm here. I have a purpose. A beautiful purpose. Though I lust for the life of flesh and material, as a dispersant wish. I know this route will only bring suffering from blindness and ignorance. Yet I am not blind, but wish to be amongst the blind. This is my conundrum. I curse my blessings and count my woes. My grass can never be green enough.
Instead I need to remember that I am Love. My path is my own.
Acceptance.
This is the path to Love.
