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Memorable Transformation

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06:47:56 ‹mindash› dude this is the best thing to have ever of happened to me
06:49:39 ‹mindash› i know what i did was playing russian roulette and i may have seriously shortened my lifespan but im gonna live whats left to it at its fullest until its no longer there, forged in blood sweat and tears this was all worth it
06:55:24 ‹mindash› a new more refined ravenous push forward to take control [of my life] by its balls and make it mine so that this tool of the mind can mold its reality to somthing bigger better greater then burn it all down to set a new foundation for something greater
06:55:41 ‹mindash› i shit you not
06:55:46 ‹mindash› im free
 
YOU ARE ONLY EVER ONE SINGLE THOUGHT AWAY FROM SOMETHING SO PHENOMENAL (Potential State) THAT THE VERY FABRIC OF YOUR REALITY WILL FOREVER BE ALTERED!--- Gunnar N
 
when i was 15 on April 3rd 1998 me and my mother drove out of our driveway seeing my father, my hero, smiling waving at us and we at him, later that night we came home to find him passed away in bed at the age of 42 from a massive heart attack. my mother broke and i had to shove aside any of my own feelings to care for her the best i could. time passed and much happened and many more were lost to time until finally i decided to just numb myself and ride through it not mourning nor facing my past. then i almost died. i became a filth ridden nightmare locked away in seclusion for 9 years of my life relying on opiates and whatever else i could numb myself with while collecting ssi disability for being nuts more or less and im not saying i wasn't but then i considered the suboxone program as it seemed to help a few i knew but i couldn't get a doctor to take my insurance then suddenly the angel i had screamed for during my darkest moments came from out of left field. the mighty and terrifying initiation of iboga and ayahuasca. i played russian roulette taking ayahuasca for days without eating nor sleeping then the iboga came and i took 10 grams and decided to mix in 200mg of caapi extract and some mimosa brew that i made using half a pound (dont try this unless your willing to die for your life as a last resort i caution you) the trip was horrifying as i had to relive that trauma as clear as day remembering where every one of his long black hairs was laid on that bed as he stared glossy eyed into oblivion. i broke and lost my self and didn't want to see it anymore as the pain inside was unbearable but i fought as a warrior as one being initiated finally to manhood albeit a late bloomer, with perseverance, integrity, candor, passion of the heart all forged in blood and bone and to this moment i am fucking grateful for this life saving and reality changing event. nothing can stop me now as my dreams are no longer such but more a manifestation of ethereal clay molded by my heart wisdom and will i promise you father i will make you proud
 
mindash,

Impressive, powerful experience that I sincerely hope has lasting impact on your life.

I know about how tragedy and trauma can cause a life to take a radical, left turn (and not necessarily in a good way, either). This makes your victory even more personally meaningful and poignent for me.

I wish you nothing but the absolute best, strength and light in your ongoing detox program. Unfortunately, some of the real tests are still to come, but it really does sound like you now have some additional, powerful mental tools at hand with which to meet these challenges in direct and ongoing manner.

I sincerely do hope you will get yourself checked out by a medical professional. As I am sure you are no doubt aware, there have been some heart related deaths with ibogaine and crushing pain on the chest is a classic symptom of heart attack.

Not to push a tender spot my friend, but you must be alive to make your father proud. You must continue to live. You MUST live past the age of 42, just as I MUST live past the age of 46. Please, ensure that your vision remains true and get yourself checked out brother.

Peace & Love
 
Much love mindash,

I can't say much more than Pandora has already stated. I really wish you the best and hope this healing was only the beginning for infusing your life with positivity and a direction forward, or a direction in which you want to be headed.

I'm sending you warmth and courage.

We can win this fight.

Enoon
 
And shepherds we shall be
For thee my Lord for thee
Power hath descended forth from thy hand
That our feet may swiftly carry out thy command
We shall flow a river forth to thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be
In nomine patris, et filii, et spiritus sancti.
 
look around you and what we as humans are capable, we build things and we die only to be rebuilt. u think the people who sculpted this grand display of life and architecture had it easy? hell no but they persevered with passion of the heart. Amen
 
this moment is our gift and birth right never surrender never give in , born of blood forged in bone passion of will as hard as stone, driving ambition and heart of diamond never forget and know all is worth every sweet moment of fire tipped suffering for the gifts recieved are worth more than the very sun itself
 
let me add in retrospect that i should by all means be dead and im meaning that deadly serious as harmalas dmt and iboga should NEVER be mixed. i was at a point of 11 years of killing myself and consciously aware and by my own choice knowing the full consequences could have been paid dearly. but it was my last resort and it worked, id never put my own or anyone else's body through this sort of thing EVER again. let that be known.
 
not to mention i should add that i did experience only what i could call a 15 hour heart attack during the mix, iboga doesnt need any help believe me. i need to get some cardiac tests done rel soon. you've all been warned
 
^
Why are we mixing things that shouldn't be mixed?

ibogaine is metabolized into an extremely powerful SSRI, noribogaine. Mixing this with an SSRI (and ibogaine itself) is not safe.

Not smart at all.

Unresearched combo's should not be taken...if you did research even worsen you are suicidal.

Alson please stop triple and quadruple posting. It's bad forum etiquette.
 
i have no regrets. on a side note if one is drinking ayahusca then one should abstain from iboga for at least a few months as harmala levels do in fact build over time and explains why 10 grams of rootbark had the same effect as 40. would i do this again? no fucking way it was too much both mentally and physically but i should add i did once experience serotonin syndrome but was caused by too high a dose of harmalas. 450mg harmine and moderate strength ayahuasca after fasting nearly a week without anything else in my system what so ever so consider that
 
Taking the plunge once more tonight.


Pandora said:
mindash,

Impressive, powerful experience that I sincerely hope has lasting impact on your life.

I know about how tragedy and trauma can cause a life to take a radical, left turn (and not necessarily in a good way, either). This makes your victory even more personally meaningful and poignent for me.

I wish you nothing but the absolute best, strength and light in your ongoing detox program. Unfortunately, some of the real tests are still to come, but it really does sound like you now have some additional, powerful mental tools at hand with which to meet these challenges in direct and ongoing manner.

I sincerely do hope you will get yourself checked out by a medical professional. As I am sure you are no doubt aware, there have been some heart related deaths with ibogaine and crushing pain on the chest is a classic symptom of heart attack.

Not to push a tender spot my friend, but you must be alive to make your father proud. You must continue to live. You MUST live past the age of 42, just as I MUST live past the age of 46. Please, ensure that your vision remains true and get yourself checked out brother.

Peace & Love
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