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Much to do..

dvlbunny13

dvlbunny13

Rising Star
I made a commitment today...I have 3 months to get off of Methadone. I've been taking Opiates since I was VERY young. My mother was a SEVERE addict. Shortest version I can give..
She took her life four years ago. I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked it literally knocked the wind out of me. My son the night before woke up and said "ma ma, something bad is going to happen, I just feel it. I did too and we wept for hours. My daughter walked in...anyway, I had called the kids in to school because it was THAT BIG! My dad is a retired science teacher so important to me kids go TO SCHOOL! Not this day...Noon, I get the call from my little sister...Why my poor grandma had her tell me I don't know. As the breath left me...I dropped the phone and threw the BIGGEST fit I've thrown in my life. WHY WHY WHY??!!
I had been this idea...and was told by close friends that it was okay...SO I started out about a month ago feeling her ashes while out in the ether. DMT, has SO changed me for the good!..I got to see her ONE LAST TIME! HOW GRATEFUL I am..no words to describe to the person that has helped...or the "beings" that took me there..to that beautiful place. AMAZING! SAW EVERYONE I MISSED! no words exchanged..I'm sure that makes sense to many...I smoked my mother's ashes today! It was absolute love..I hope this makes sense. Thank you for reading. I hope everything I've said is okay with you all. Not too scary. I live in a dark world. =:)
 
I had to respond cause of what we have in common: long time opiate addiction, and losing a loved parent in the same fashion. I can't give you too much imput on the spice cause I'm a new traveler myself. But with the other, I was fortunate enough to get locked up (jail detox). And found spice after I was clean.

To break it down, the spirits cleansed me/ revitalized me, but told me addiction is an Earthly thing and to be realistic... Meaning the experience by no means took away my urges. It's been over 3 months now but I still fight my urges everyday. But for some reason I accept it and get through it now, along with support and spirituality. It's hard to explain really.

But anyway, welcome to the Nexus. And good luck!
 
Hi, if you havent heard about Tabernathe Iboga this might be a life changer for you.

If purchased shoot for the Total Alkaloid or Full root, but do your homework and be prepared for a life-changing trip that requires a babysitter for a few days.

There are videos on Youtube showing documentaries where this root has overnight broken opiate addiction for several months (at which point the body no longer requires it, but the mind may still yearn for it if kept in the company of people who continue to use).

ibogaworld would be a good place to look for some but be prepared to spend $90-$100 to change your life.
 
Welcome to the nexus. I'm sorry to hear about your ma, but I'm glad that DMT could help you reconnect and get the understanding you needed. Good luck keeping yourself moving in a positive direction. It sounds like you've got a lot of people in your corner. Don't hesitate to share parts of your "dark world" here, as you'll find most nexians won't judge and are generally very understanding and kind-hearted people.

Happy New Year and happy journeying!:)
 
Thank you all so much! I was so worried that I made a fool of myself. Thanks for all of the great advice..I have been researching ibogaine (sp?) and have had a few people mention it to me already. This sounds like something that may help I wonder if it can be used with methadone? I will do more looking around. One thing I've been thinking about giving a warning on maybe another site about is Kratom..I'd read about these people that took other (low grade or what I consider low lol!) Opiates..had a great experience..but WOW..not me! It put me in instant withdrawal! It was AWFUL! I was on Opana and 30mg oxy at the time so I wonder if my dose was too high and it has agonist properties? I had taken 100x extract 190 mg..Meh, who knows. I feel there should be a warning..Anyway..(PS did research..found ONE person that had same experience as me that were in pain management as well but this is another topic)
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss as well. No one knows unless they experience it. I am just now..FOUR years later putting the pieces back together again..Thank you so much for your reply. I hope you can keep on your path! Much luck to you!!!
Sorry, I'm a newbie so I'm not putting names in my replies lol..but I'm sure it's obvious which reply is to who. I suppose I could quote and I'll start doing that as I am totally new to forums in general! I appreciate that you ore okay that I am who I am and thank you for letting me say what I needed to and your response is much appreciated..Thank you all for all of your advice! =:) DB13
 
Welcome to the Nexus,

I am glad you are making a serious attempt to free yourself from addiction. Life has so much to offer that can only be experienced sober. I am also an addict though I havent used in years. reading your intro I can understand why it is vital that you get clean ASAP.
I hope that our membership can help in some to facilitate that. Good luck in your endeavors, I hope to reas about your success in the future.

IH
 
Welcome friend,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you are going through. I can't imagine what it is like to lose a parent, as it is not something I have endured. However, hitting rock bottom is something I have experienced, and it was necessary to turn my life around.

Your explanation was perfect. It gives me a smile wider than you can imagine to picture your spirit in hyperspace waving one last peaceful goodbye to your mother. I say "last" goodbye, but I believe you will see her again. I hope the vision never fades, and forever stays in the back of your mind as a reminder to stay clean and pursue life in a way that will honor your mother's memory.

I wish you all the love, luck, and blessing in the world. Peace and Happy Journeys :)
 
Ice House said:
Welcome to the Nexus,

I am glad you are making a serious attempt to free yourself from addiction. Life has so much to offer that can only be experienced sober. I am also an addict though I havent used in years. reading your intro I can understand why it is vital that you get clean ASAP.
I hope that our membership can help in some to facilitate that. Good luck in your endeavors, I hope to reas about your success in the future.

IH
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I hope I am doing this right! haha! I am so excited honestly. I know I have a long road of hell coming and I'm going to be in some serious pain but I also believe that I can overcome this!I want a little bit of time left here as I feel that something very important may happen and I sure don't want to miss it. I also want my kids to have their mother as long as they can. Thank you so much!
 
entheogenadvocate said:
Welcome friend,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you are going through. I can't imagine what it is like to lose a parent, as it is not something I have endured. However, hitting rock bottom is something I have experienced, and it was necessary to turn my life around.

Your explanation was perfect. It gives me a smile wider than you can imagine to picture your spirit in hyperspace waving one last peaceful goodbye to your mother. I say "last" goodbye, but I believe you will see her again. I hope the vision never fades, and forever stays in the back of your mind as a reminder to stay clean and pursue life in a way that will honor your mother's memory.

I wish you all the love, luck, and blessing in the world. Peace and Happy Journeys :)
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Thank you! I am always so afraid of saying something wrong. I even had a friend jokingly tell me someone was probably going to make fun of me. I was like okay..They are fearful as I'm a sensitive person. I'm so glad you GOT exactly what I was saying. IT was that ONE LAST time I wanted so much. Now I smell her everywhere! It sounds crazy but I feel her and in certain songs I could swear I hear her! The next time out I saw where we are. WOW! I though something I read was published in a scientific journal of some kind that we are basically holographic images. I've been studying every single thing I can! It's like I am just soaking up all the knowledge I can now! I have also been doing a little reading on the Mayans and many other cultures. Eastern philosophy has been quite interesting because I fully believe that one will come back with so much more every SINGLE TIME there is a journey! The way you put that was just perfect and brought tears of joy to my eyes! Oh my friend, I have hit rock bottom too and I tell you..I am ready for wonderful positive change even if I am a bit dark (which is kind of relative isn't it? as overused as that is. lol) I'm sure grateful I won't be getting clean while incarcerated as mentioned above! So I am going to see the positive in it all. It could all be so much worse! I feel wonderful today! I can't wait to say "I AM FREE"! Thank you and much love to you all! HAPPY TRAVELS! :d
 
Someday I will tell the story of my warning and what came to me again weeks before I had a heart attack. I felt it coming and had every sign! Yes, it is an earthly thing that enslaves and holds us back..addiction, slavery! I KNOW what I want to do with my life now and I can't wait to share when these things start to go in motion! Again, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I just wish this had happened sooner but what is..IS! :)
 
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