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My Death, final thoughts

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gibran2

gibran2

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Senior Member
OG Pioneer
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Here are my final words regarding my most recent experience:

Eventually, slowly, I became aware of my body, but just barely. Once I became aware of my body, I also realized that I wasn’t yet “back in”. I wanted to get back into my body, but it was such a struggle.

I wanted to open my eyes, thinking that once I opened my eyes, it would confirm that I’m back, safe, and most importantly, not dead. I managed to open my eyes, and although I could see my room, I felt as if I was seeing it through the eyes of my “immaterial self” rather than my bodily self. This confirmed (at the time, of course) that I had indeed died.

Thankfully, I became more and more aware of my body, and finally I was back. But then I started feeling very afraid… “How can I remain sane having gone through what I just went through?”

It took hours for me to settle down and acknowledge that I would be OK. The experience was so overwhelming that I wasn’t able to sleep the entire night, and I still feel somewhat shaken by it. But there’s also been an unusual calmness I’ve felt most of this week.

I realize now that this experience was a gift like no other. It was the most beautiful DMT experience I’ve ever had, and the most difficult. I still find it hard to understand that a human being is able to go through that kind of experience and make it back intact. (I hope I’m intact. I think I’m intact.)

I haven’t gone back since then – it’s been almost a week (normally I have about 2 sessions per week). I will go back, and I’m curious about this new “level”, but I don’t think I want to go that far anytime soon.

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? One that is so different from all of your other experiences that it comes as a total surprise?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I really needed to get it out.
 
Gibran. Thanks for sharing this with us, and welcome to the nexus. i had one journey where I was convinced I was breathing out my very last breath. I felt it leave me slowly, and believed that I would never again draw another one in. I died in that moment. But then, I did breathe again (obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this!) and felt completely reborn. I was a baby, and entities were around me, like proud parents. It was utterly rejuvenating experience. But what you went through seems a great deal more intense and seems to have gone on for far, far longer.

I've also had the experience of coming back into a body that was not mine. I remember worrying a bit that I wouldn't be able to find my own flesh vessel again, that by going into hyperspace there had been a glitch and I'd got my return coordinates wrong.

To be honest, a lot of my experiences come as a total surprise ... I really never know where it's going to take me; whether it will be wonderful or terrifying; or how I will be affected by the experience.

The last journey was one of the most intense and terrifying of my life. I why, and I wouldn't say I wasn't expecting it but I'm still recovering ... haven't been back since, though I intend to. Some journeys take a long time to digest.
 
88 – your experience sounds frightening. It was, at least the “not breathing” part of it, an experience of dying. Mine was an experience of having died – being recently dead. There was no body to be concerned with, hence no fear - rather a profound sense of loss.

Every one of my experiences is unique, yet they all have the same DMT “flavor” to them. Many of them also have a similar “intensity” to them. But this one was different. It didn’t resemble a DMT experience at all. I’ve since decided that it was a different class or level of experience. I’m curious about going back there (knowing now that I’ll be able to come back here!), but I’m not even sure that I can reproduce that kind of experience. Not sure if I want to either.
 
Hope you don't mind me asking - don't feel obliges to answer - but I am curious: since the experience of being dead, how is it changing how you live? What do you think in your life might have brought on this particular experience?
 
Well, I can answer your second question first – I don’t feel my life situation or current mindset brought on this experience. What brought it on was a new smoking device (and technique) that was, apparently, much more effective than what I previously used.

With my old device, I really had to be careful not to burn the spice. This meant long, slow hits. Usually only one, but sometimes two or maybe even three. So to get a full dose (25-30mg typically), could take 40 seconds or more.

But the Glass Vapor Genie is so efficient – I quickly realized that it’s almost impossible to burn spice. So I was able to take a full dose in about 10 seconds. The vapor was unbelievably thick and after about 8 seconds (while I was still inhaling) I realized that this was going to be a strong experience.

It doesn’t seem to be talked about much here, but the rate of inhaled DMT intake seems to be almost as important as the amount inhaled. This seems to be true even when MAOIs are used.

I’m still “processing” the experience, but it has made me much more aware of how sudden and without warning death can come. We are faced with a strange dichotomy – to live fully and in the moment, yet to be ready to let go of everything (and I mean everything) at a moment’s notice.
 
gibran2 said:
... it has made me much more aware of how sudden and without warning death can come. We are faced with a strange dichotomy – to live fully and in the moment, yet to be ready to let go of everything (and I mean everything) at a moment’s notice.
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Its the only thing we can all be absolutely certain of/ and yet we rarely think of our own death unless in a situation which forces it upon us. It's so omnipresent, blank and immutable that we cease to think about it ... and yet, considering it has a wonderful way of putting everything into perspective.

I'd say this journey of yours is a gift.
 
Wow
Once you live death its never the same if that makes sense. It can be scary and the need for your return to "reality" will cause panic if it consumes you. There was a particular time where I watched as I was brought up out of my laying body. I was free from all that is flesh/material. I knew that all the rules I was accustomed to didn't apply. I remember sliding up past large arched cathedral buttresses into a deep blackness. Within this blackness was everything or the sense of all things. There were many beings/helpers making themselves known pointing upward and sinking into the void. I realized that I no longer needed to breath all I needed to do is be. A few minutes later I was back laying right were I left. I lay there for a good 15 minutes blown away by the experience reflecting on its beauty and love.
 
gibran2 said:
A gift. Yes, that’s exactly what I realized (after the trauma faded a bit!)
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You never know what it'll give you, really ... btw love the avatar. I recognise it, but can't place it. Driving me slightly mad, so please help! :d
 
gibran2 said:
It has made me much more aware of how sudden and without warning death can come. We are faced with a strange dichotomy – to live fully and in the moment, yet to be ready to let go of everything (and I mean everything) at a moment’s notice.
Click to expand...

Well said.
I don't like to use the word "flashback", but I had a sincerely profound experience about a week ago in this mode, and brought on by a strange photograph. I'll attach it here for shits and giggles.
I was at a friends house around those who don't partake in spice travel. This made the experience even more strange as I sat there thinking, "Shit, I hope no one's aware I'm having such a profound experience in this realitively dull environment." And no one did.
I was looking through a book of photos entitled "LEGS", which is exactly as it sounds, a photobook of legs. Most are sultry takes of models and movie stars, etc, and then this photo. As I obviously have an affection for the weird and wacky, I took pause to contemplate this particular one. Well, it almost instantly put me in that deja'vu space usually associated with low doses of spice. I mean 10mgs or less. That weird uncomfortable mind/body shifty space, when your reintergrating with your body after a good ride around the multiverse. I took some wonderful deep breaths as I usually do when I'm traveling, and was hit in the face with my own mortality.
I'll explain. As I contemplated the weirdness of the photo, I associated it with wackyness of spice travel and the possibility of this being existing out there somewhere in the multiverse. I thought, "man, I don't want to meet anymore weird entities, this photo is so beauitful, yet dark, yet alluring, yet...it scares me, yet..." and then the thought.. "buddy, you got no choice, 'cause you are going to die!" Ahhhh! Do I really need to do this in a room full of people... breathe. "We're all going to make that journey wether we like it or not, and most likely at a moments notice, bloody, on the side of the interstate. So be like the warrior/shaman and prepare for the journey, or be paralyzed by your fear of the inevitable. You've already glimpsed the realer than real, so in all reality what's the big deal?" My palms were sweaty, and my heart rate was excellerated as I fully realized that yes, we have no choice but to die. To go there and leave here behind.
O.K. not so profound a thought. It crosses everyone's mind from time to time. But it was more in the feeling as Gibran described, a sense of loss. Like the loss of an old relationship, or loss of a certain time in your life. A beautiful lament for the natural cycle of things.

Although that was a sober experience, I stayed off the spice for the last week. But the consensus is always, let's go again. As was mentioned above, some lessons take a while to absorb.

Ramble ramble ramble....cheers!
 

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3.141592653589793238462643383279 said:
...My palms were sweaty, and my heart rate was excellerated as I fully realized that yes, we have no choice but to die. To go there and leave here behind.
O.K. not so profound a thought. It crosses everyone's mind from time to time. But it was more in the feeling as Gibran described, a sense of loss. Like the loss of an old relationship, or loss of a certain time in your life. A beautiful lament for the natural cycle of things.
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Good comments.

Now imagine the feeling (not that it can be imagined) not resulting from thinking about the inevitability of death, but rather from realizing you actually have died – you’ve started the journey. No going back.

That’s closer to what I was experiencing. I’m hoping that the “real” experience is not as difficult – that I’m more prepared.
 
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