It has been my understanding (and experience) that too much DMT too fast simply causes unconsciousness or amnesia. The experience is not remembered, or only chaotic bits and pieces can be recalled. Not too long ago, I learned that this isn’t necessarily true:
I prepared as I usually do: I took about 10mg of THH sublingually about 30 minutes before loading 28mg of DMT into my new GVG. These are average doses for me (35mg is a definite blackout dose). In my limited experience with the GVG, it seems nearly impossible to burn DMT, so I was aggressive with the lighter and was able to inhale the full dose in 10-12 seconds. I’ve never come close to inhaling that much that quickly, and before exhaling the dose, I knew that this would be different.
The experience that followed was unlike any prior DMT experience I’ve had. The brilliance, the brightness, and the beauty were almost unbearable. Patterns of light and color as bright as the sun, a geometry and patterns of movement I’ve never seen before. So overwhelmingly beautiful. This experience was so unlike any prior DMT experience that it didn’t even seem like a DMT experience to me.
It was as different from a “typical” DMT breakthrough experience as a typical DMT breakthrough is from everyday reality. Shockingly different from all previous experiences. Something totally new, and orders of magnitude beyond what I had ever experienced before. And keep in mind that I’ve had some very powerful, deeply transcendent experiences.
My mind was perfectly clear during all of this, there wasn’t any ego loss, I had perfect awareness and clarity of what was going on around me, and I soon began thinking that this couldn’t be a DMT experience. It was just too different. “So if this isn’t a DMT experience, then what is it?” And then I had a perfectly logical, awful realization: I died. I knew that the DMT didn’t/couldn’t kill me directly, but I thought I must have had a heart attack or a stroke or something (I’m almost 50, and heart disease runs in my family, so it wasn’t out of the question.) I’m not talking about metaphorical death or psychological death or ego-death (in fact, my ego was perfectly intact). I was certain that what I was experiencing is what one experiences under only one circumstance – physical, real death.
“I’ve died. I’VE DIED. It finally happened. So this is what dying is like… It’s so beautiful, and so alien. But I wasn’t expecting this. What a stupid way to die… I accidentally killed myself. They’ll find me lying on my bed with my DMT pipe beside me. They don’t even know I use DMT. What an awful way to die. I’m not ready to go. I’m not ready… This is all so strange and so beautiful. I miss my family and friends. I miss my dog. I’m just not ready. I miss my life.”
We all think about our mortality at some points in our lives, and we all realize that someday we’ll die. Those who believe that the mind/spirit lives on may even imagine what the experience of dying, or rather being recently dead, is like. And now I knew.
There was never any fear, but soon a deep sadness set in. A profound sense of loss. A feeling that my life wasn’t yet complete. Knowing that I’ll never see the world again. Saying goodbye was so hard. And all the while, the experience kept revealing more and more of it’s horrible beauty. And the utter strangeness of it all – far beyond the complete strangeness and “alien-ness” of DMT as I understood it – did nothing to refute my belief that I had died.
part III - a difficult rebirth (coming soon)
I prepared as I usually do: I took about 10mg of THH sublingually about 30 minutes before loading 28mg of DMT into my new GVG. These are average doses for me (35mg is a definite blackout dose). In my limited experience with the GVG, it seems nearly impossible to burn DMT, so I was aggressive with the lighter and was able to inhale the full dose in 10-12 seconds. I’ve never come close to inhaling that much that quickly, and before exhaling the dose, I knew that this would be different.
The experience that followed was unlike any prior DMT experience I’ve had. The brilliance, the brightness, and the beauty were almost unbearable. Patterns of light and color as bright as the sun, a geometry and patterns of movement I’ve never seen before. So overwhelmingly beautiful. This experience was so unlike any prior DMT experience that it didn’t even seem like a DMT experience to me.
It was as different from a “typical” DMT breakthrough experience as a typical DMT breakthrough is from everyday reality. Shockingly different from all previous experiences. Something totally new, and orders of magnitude beyond what I had ever experienced before. And keep in mind that I’ve had some very powerful, deeply transcendent experiences.
My mind was perfectly clear during all of this, there wasn’t any ego loss, I had perfect awareness and clarity of what was going on around me, and I soon began thinking that this couldn’t be a DMT experience. It was just too different. “So if this isn’t a DMT experience, then what is it?” And then I had a perfectly logical, awful realization: I died. I knew that the DMT didn’t/couldn’t kill me directly, but I thought I must have had a heart attack or a stroke or something (I’m almost 50, and heart disease runs in my family, so it wasn’t out of the question.) I’m not talking about metaphorical death or psychological death or ego-death (in fact, my ego was perfectly intact). I was certain that what I was experiencing is what one experiences under only one circumstance – physical, real death.
“I’ve died. I’VE DIED. It finally happened. So this is what dying is like… It’s so beautiful, and so alien. But I wasn’t expecting this. What a stupid way to die… I accidentally killed myself. They’ll find me lying on my bed with my DMT pipe beside me. They don’t even know I use DMT. What an awful way to die. I’m not ready to go. I’m not ready… This is all so strange and so beautiful. I miss my family and friends. I miss my dog. I’m just not ready. I miss my life.”
We all think about our mortality at some points in our lives, and we all realize that someday we’ll die. Those who believe that the mind/spirit lives on may even imagine what the experience of dying, or rather being recently dead, is like. And now I knew.
There was never any fear, but soon a deep sadness set in. A profound sense of loss. A feeling that my life wasn’t yet complete. Knowing that I’ll never see the world again. Saying goodbye was so hard. And all the while, the experience kept revealing more and more of it’s horrible beauty. And the utter strangeness of it all – far beyond the complete strangeness and “alien-ness” of DMT as I understood it – did nothing to refute my belief that I had died.
part III - a difficult rebirth (coming soon)
