I wasnt sure why i didnt get the effects the first time, but i was willing to be patient and i prayed earnestly the next 2 days while continuing to be on a vegetable-only diet to prepare me a little better for the next time.  When the night finally came for the next ceremony, i was very excited and felt confident that i would get a good experience that night.  I was happy to see that a fellow american was joining me in the ceremony and would be out in the jungle with us for the remainder of the week, so i felt even better knowing i would have someone to talk to and that he could give me some advice since he had much experience with ayahuasca.  When it came time to drink, i was told we had a much stronger batch then before, so i was certain that i would feel the effects this time.  Minutes passed, and then hours passed and i was starting to wonder how long it would take for it to kick in.  When i heard the numerous amount of puking going on around me and feeling no effects whatsoever, i became very upset and started to get the same old depressing feelings coming back, thinking about all the times i had been left out in life not getting my chance to experience what everyone else around me got to experience.  When the ceremony ended, i could only go back to my hut with a great amount of disappointment, knowing i once again felt none of the effects of the brew.  Not only did i not feel anything, but i didn't puke either, just like the night before.  The next day, i asked my fellow american if he felt the effects, and he told me he had an amazing experience, so i was extremely confused on what was going on.

I prayed and meditated very intensely for the rest of the day, asking God and whoever might be listening to me to help me out and give me some answers.  The next ceremony was that night, so i felt that if i did enough praying and asking and maybe took a much larger dose than before, maybe it would finally work for me.  When the night came, I felt very confident, and I had a great expectancy of feeling the effects that night.  I asked the shaman for a larger dose this time, and he happily gave me a full cup instead of the regular half a cup everyone else was drinking.  After about an hour and a half passed, i asked for another cup because i still wasn't feeling anything.  I guzzled another cup and sat patiently, listening to the beautiful icaros and just letting myself go without doing any kind of thinking.  By time 3 or so hours had passed, i realized that once again that i drank this magical brew in vain, feeling zero effects while everyone else in the room were having an amazing experience.  I was shattered.  I felt tears start to come out of my eyes and i just wondered if maybe i didn't deserve anything good in life- maybe i was just meant to go on suffering forever until i died without receiving any kind of blessings.  When it was my turn to sit in front of the shaman, i walked up to the chair sitting in front of him with my mind racing wanting to ask him a million questions about what was wrong with me.  But instead of singing another icaro like he usually did and giving his answer afterwards, he instantly starting talking to my translator the second i sat down.

"You have many bad sins inside you right now, you need to be cleaned".  I didn't know exactly what to think, but i knew that it was probably serious.  "You have many sins inside you that is causing blockages to occur, and your sins are very numerous".  Next he told me that there was an evil spirit inside of me, and it was causing much harm to me.  I was starting to get scared at this point, but all i could do was sit and listen to what he had to say.  "You have many bad sins from a previous life, and it comes from India and the Hindu".  What could all this mean?  I just sat there in the dark with my head down while the shaman put his hand over my head and said a prayer before he started singing again, this time to try and bless me and cleanse me.  About half way through the song, i suddenly felt the need to purge and within seconds of grabbing my bucket, i started hurling immensely in what seemed like no reason at all considering i still had felt nothing.  This went on for a good 5 or 6 minutes, and when he finished singing and i stopped puking i felt an astonishing revelation there, realizing that i did in fact have some major issues going on inside me and i felt incredibly helpless.  Once again the shaman told me about my sins and that he was going to heal me and cleanse me and get rid of the evil spirit that was inflicting pain upon me.  The feeling i got after i got up was amazing, even though i was still sober and just got done hurling and dry heaving for a good 5 minutes straight.  When the ceremony ended, i went back to my bunk with alot of things swirling through my mind, asking a thousand questions to myself trying to understand what just happened to me.