I had 3 solid days until the final ceremony before i flew home, so i spent alot of time meditating and talking with my fellow friend as well as the shaman asking many questions and trying to get advice for myself before i went back home.  I felt so much more at peace, and the energy that i felt there was wonderful.  It was quite hot and the diet i was on was starting to get incredibly old, but i never complained to myself and i continued to try to answer some much needed questions while i spent the last few days at the resort.  When it came time to leave, i took a few more pictures on my digital camera and headed back to iquitos with the group where i would be embarking on my final ayahuasca session at the shamans house that night before i headed back to the airport a couple days later.  This was my last chance, and to leave Peru without a true ayahuasca trip seemed like a disaster to me.  I prayed exceptionally hard and earnestly up to that point, and i was so desperate for it to work that night that i kept repeating over and over in my head, "please let me experience this tonight whoever is listening, i desperately need it".  I asked for another large dose from the shaman, and in the course of an hour i ended up drinking 2 cups full just to make sure i would get enough.  By time i started to purge, i realized that the effects were actually kicking in this time and I can’t even begin to tell you the immense joy i started to feel at that moment.  It was love and peace like i've never experienced before inside of me, and i finally felt part of the world like i belonged.  It took me a long time and alot of hell to get to this point in my life, but it felt so good to be there at that moment.  It wasn’t a very strong experience by any means, but it was still something.  By time i sat in front of the shaman toward the closing of the ceremony, he explained that I had been healed and cleansed.  I definitely felt good, and although not all my questions were answered that trip, it was worth every penny of the $3000 or so i spent for the entire trip.

Did my body just need to get used to the drug before I felt the effects?  Or did i actually have a negative entity blocking it in my body for the sake of preventing my healing?  Was i really incarnated from a previous life in india where i committed many evil sins?  Who was this negative entity trying to hurt me and did i bring it on myself because of my sins?  I keep asking these questions and wondering what is really going on in my life.  I have felt and seen the effects of pure hate and pain in my life for over 12 years now, and it was relentless and never wanted to leave me for some reason.  For the longest time i couldn’t find relief anywhere, and even though i gained an incredible amount of experience from my trip to peru and from drinking ayahuasca, i still have a million questions on my mind and i can only wonder if i’m going in the right direction.  I am going to keep on drinking aya to see if i can get a little bit more out of it in the future, and quite honestly i can see myself doing it another 100 times minimum.  Am i the only one who has had this kind of experience with aya?  Probably not, but regardless i am nowhere near finished and hopefully it will continue to guide me in the right direction in life and give me the answers i am desperately searching for.