Hi all. This particular forum seems like the best place to post what I am about to post. This appears to be a very open minded community, and I've had my fair share of "experiences" for lack of a better term, so I'm hoping that I may be able to get an outside perspective on certain things that I have experienced.
Firstly, to my knowledge I have never experienced DMT, although it sounds interesting. However my first otherworldly experience came from MDMA. I had done MDMA a number of times before, and it had always been a good experience, however one time I was thrown a curveball. I had one pill, then some time later I had one more, there were probably 10 of us, and it was all in my house. It was me, and two of my friends sitting in my dining room, everything was going about usual when out of nowhere an intense evil feeling hit me. I had never experienced anything like it or since. Everything looked the same, but I could feel an evil presense. I don't know what it was, at the time I thought it was one of people at the house, but it was everyone I knew and trusted, then at one point, I thought that I had died and had passed into the afterlife. I assumed at the time that I had overdosed and was so paralyzed with fear at the time that I couldn't do anything but shake and look scared, my friends were concerned but didn't really know what to do since they were in their own little worlds as well. I wasn't ready to die yet, but was sure that I had, it was the only way I could rationalize the evil I felt. Eventually I got fed up with being scared and went to bed where if I was dead, I just wanted to die in peace.
The next day I woke up still shaken by what happened, but explained to everyone what happened. And at that point, the evil made me feel like I couldn't trust anything anymore, on top of that for about the next year I would experience severe bouts of deja vu that made me feel uneasy, it felt like something was trying to warn me that something bad was going to happen to me, but nothing ever did. It took some time, but the evil feeling eventually went away. However any time I talk about it to try and make sense of the experience I get an eerie feeling.
Although I've always felt like something more than I can understand has been watching out for me. A small part of me thinks that I was supposed to die that day, but a guardian angel of sorts protected me. This has happened on a couple of occasions.
One time I went down to the States on a road trip with two groups of cars. I went down with one group. And on the way back I was going to go back with the same car, but the people in the other car asked me to go with them, so I agreed. On the way back we got hit with a nasty blizzard, and the car I was in was following the car I had traveled in previously. Then we noticed the car ahead of us disappeared only to notice seconds later it was off the road about 15 feet or so upsidedown. The car is totaled, but fourtunately everyone inside was fine. The 270 pound man in the backseat where I would have been however, wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and bounced around like a pinball back there. I wonder what kind of damage would have been done to me being strapped in with that kind of weight and force thrust into me.
Stuff like that really makes me wonder. Sure that can be disgarded as sheer coincidence, but I feel that there is something more to it than that. I don't believe in God in the tradional sense and never have, but what are the odds of being asked to switch cars right before an accident like that? Sure, it could have been blind luck, but reading some of the 4th dimesion stuff on this website makes me feel less crazy about feeling this way.
There was also a time that I was on antidepressents. One day I was on these antidepressents I heard a song of a favorite video game of mine in the parking garage at my work to turn around and realize that it was in my own head. Yes, somehow I was hearing noises in my mind, outside of my body. However when voices started speaking to me, I forgot that I somehow had that side effect. These voices only really spoke to me when no one else was around. Voices might not be the right term, it was more of a low mumbling. It sounded almost like english, but very rarely I could make anything out. However there were 2 times where I heard clear as day a friend of mine talking about something that I was doing that was unfair in some regard, stuff I didn't really realize I was doing until I heard it. This was in places that they would be nowhere to be found. Once I stopped taking the antidepressants, the mumbling pretty much went away. My belief with that experience is that somehow the medication caused me to hear my subconscious thoughts. Which in my mind explains why I thought I could almost hear murmuring of some kind and the few instances where I could here friends talking about me, it was my guilty subconscious trying to make me feel bad for unkind behaviour that I didn't really realize that I was doing. I have a hard time believing that I somehow was able to tap into their minds and extract that information, but I'd be lying if I didn't weigh it as an option at first.
The main thing I remembered that easied my mind was when I was younger, my father told me he heard voices, and that someday I might here them too, and that I shouldn't be afraid, because the voices won't hurt me. I thought he was crazy when he told me that. He's passed on since then, but those words provided comfort for me during that period. My father had his fair share of experiences as well, but this is going to be a massive wall of text as it is, and it's probably for the best if I stick to my own experiences. I should also mention that my mother talks to dead family members in her dreams. She's never outright said it, but I think that she feels that she's actually talking with them. So this kind of thing seems to run on both sides of my family.
I've experienced Salvia a number of times, but two times stuck out in my mind the most. The first time in question I was by myself, I decided I was going to smoke a pipeload of Saliva, and watch an Internet review. I took 2 hits off of the Saliva and then heard a funny voice say to me "Your going to feel different now" and then the Saliva kicked in, I stumbled my way to the computer and watched the program, althought I was too busy tripping to really pay attention to what I was watching. I came down about 30 minutes later. I then decided I was going to go out to my car with a bongload of Saliva. So I rolled the window down, took a huge haul and had a crazy experience. I can't exactly explain in words what happened to me or where I was, but everything around me felt like it was it's own lifeform, my bong, my car window, everything was it's own individual being. They weren't talking to me or anything but they felt "alive". Everything in my car transformed into some sort of unknown shapes and existance, I thought that my life was going to reset for a reason I can't quite remember, and I was going to be 3 years old again (As a sidenote, I "remember" not being born, and my next memory was an image of scrolling text with cursive writing, which may or may not have been on the TV at the time, then running with a bunch of other kids to blow out my candle. Which is why I associated the life reset with that exact moment.)I remember involuntarily calling for help, only to realize that I was still in my car, and didn't want anyone else that lived in the apartment building to come out and find me tripping balls. I somehow managed to stagger back inside while still feeling like I was somewhere else, and sat on my couch until I came down enough to go to sleep.
The next time I did Saliva was early in the morning in the same place. I was by myself again, and decided I would just lay in my bed and let my laptop play random music. So I took a bongload again, and had a similiar experience, only this time I was talking to myself about stuff. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something about life, something that I wouldn't normally talk about. I was a lot less freaked out this time around though. I had the exact same feeling of a life reset, and each wall had it's own personality, and I felt like I was controlling the random on my laptop, I felt like I knew what song was coming on next each time. Eventually I went to sleep and haven't had Saliva since.
Before I close, I'd also like to mention that long before I ever touched a drug, I had weird hallucinations. When I was young, I used to have vivid hallucations like while I was peeing that the toilet came to life tried to bite me that only lasted for a split second. They kind of scared me, but I never told anybody about them as I attributed it to my imagination, which in all fairness it probably is, I just figured it was relevant to add. Then some time during my teenage years while I still didn't touch drugs, they stopped. Now in the past two years I've been getting them again, only it's with my laptop growing teeth and biting down on my hands while I'm typing. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me because it feels like it's going to happen, but other times I just get mad and swear that I'd just kill the laptop if it decided to do that to me.
So the long and the short of it is I feel like there is definitely some sort of existance that I don't quite understand. Whether it's some sort of spiritual beings that are manifesting themselves in a physical form, I'm not sure. I'm just curious what people of this community thinks about this situation, since I know if I spoke to most people I know about this sort of thing, they'd think I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I just have a hard time believing that all of this stuff is 100% all in my head without any outside forces affecting it in anyway.
I thank everybody for reading my post. This is stuff I needed to get off my chest, and I feel a lot better now actually telling my stories to somebody that will look at my experiences with an open mind, and with some guidance I should be able to find the answers that I'm looking for.
Firstly, to my knowledge I have never experienced DMT, although it sounds interesting. However my first otherworldly experience came from MDMA. I had done MDMA a number of times before, and it had always been a good experience, however one time I was thrown a curveball. I had one pill, then some time later I had one more, there were probably 10 of us, and it was all in my house. It was me, and two of my friends sitting in my dining room, everything was going about usual when out of nowhere an intense evil feeling hit me. I had never experienced anything like it or since. Everything looked the same, but I could feel an evil presense. I don't know what it was, at the time I thought it was one of people at the house, but it was everyone I knew and trusted, then at one point, I thought that I had died and had passed into the afterlife. I assumed at the time that I had overdosed and was so paralyzed with fear at the time that I couldn't do anything but shake and look scared, my friends were concerned but didn't really know what to do since they were in their own little worlds as well. I wasn't ready to die yet, but was sure that I had, it was the only way I could rationalize the evil I felt. Eventually I got fed up with being scared and went to bed where if I was dead, I just wanted to die in peace.
The next day I woke up still shaken by what happened, but explained to everyone what happened. And at that point, the evil made me feel like I couldn't trust anything anymore, on top of that for about the next year I would experience severe bouts of deja vu that made me feel uneasy, it felt like something was trying to warn me that something bad was going to happen to me, but nothing ever did. It took some time, but the evil feeling eventually went away. However any time I talk about it to try and make sense of the experience I get an eerie feeling.
Although I've always felt like something more than I can understand has been watching out for me. A small part of me thinks that I was supposed to die that day, but a guardian angel of sorts protected me. This has happened on a couple of occasions.
One time I went down to the States on a road trip with two groups of cars. I went down with one group. And on the way back I was going to go back with the same car, but the people in the other car asked me to go with them, so I agreed. On the way back we got hit with a nasty blizzard, and the car I was in was following the car I had traveled in previously. Then we noticed the car ahead of us disappeared only to notice seconds later it was off the road about 15 feet or so upsidedown. The car is totaled, but fourtunately everyone inside was fine. The 270 pound man in the backseat where I would have been however, wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and bounced around like a pinball back there. I wonder what kind of damage would have been done to me being strapped in with that kind of weight and force thrust into me.
Stuff like that really makes me wonder. Sure that can be disgarded as sheer coincidence, but I feel that there is something more to it than that. I don't believe in God in the tradional sense and never have, but what are the odds of being asked to switch cars right before an accident like that? Sure, it could have been blind luck, but reading some of the 4th dimesion stuff on this website makes me feel less crazy about feeling this way.
There was also a time that I was on antidepressents. One day I was on these antidepressents I heard a song of a favorite video game of mine in the parking garage at my work to turn around and realize that it was in my own head. Yes, somehow I was hearing noises in my mind, outside of my body. However when voices started speaking to me, I forgot that I somehow had that side effect. These voices only really spoke to me when no one else was around. Voices might not be the right term, it was more of a low mumbling. It sounded almost like english, but very rarely I could make anything out. However there were 2 times where I heard clear as day a friend of mine talking about something that I was doing that was unfair in some regard, stuff I didn't really realize I was doing until I heard it. This was in places that they would be nowhere to be found. Once I stopped taking the antidepressants, the mumbling pretty much went away. My belief with that experience is that somehow the medication caused me to hear my subconscious thoughts. Which in my mind explains why I thought I could almost hear murmuring of some kind and the few instances where I could here friends talking about me, it was my guilty subconscious trying to make me feel bad for unkind behaviour that I didn't really realize that I was doing. I have a hard time believing that I somehow was able to tap into their minds and extract that information, but I'd be lying if I didn't weigh it as an option at first.
The main thing I remembered that easied my mind was when I was younger, my father told me he heard voices, and that someday I might here them too, and that I shouldn't be afraid, because the voices won't hurt me. I thought he was crazy when he told me that. He's passed on since then, but those words provided comfort for me during that period. My father had his fair share of experiences as well, but this is going to be a massive wall of text as it is, and it's probably for the best if I stick to my own experiences. I should also mention that my mother talks to dead family members in her dreams. She's never outright said it, but I think that she feels that she's actually talking with them. So this kind of thing seems to run on both sides of my family.
I've experienced Salvia a number of times, but two times stuck out in my mind the most. The first time in question I was by myself, I decided I was going to smoke a pipeload of Saliva, and watch an Internet review. I took 2 hits off of the Saliva and then heard a funny voice say to me "Your going to feel different now" and then the Saliva kicked in, I stumbled my way to the computer and watched the program, althought I was too busy tripping to really pay attention to what I was watching. I came down about 30 minutes later. I then decided I was going to go out to my car with a bongload of Saliva. So I rolled the window down, took a huge haul and had a crazy experience. I can't exactly explain in words what happened to me or where I was, but everything around me felt like it was it's own lifeform, my bong, my car window, everything was it's own individual being. They weren't talking to me or anything but they felt "alive". Everything in my car transformed into some sort of unknown shapes and existance, I thought that my life was going to reset for a reason I can't quite remember, and I was going to be 3 years old again (As a sidenote, I "remember" not being born, and my next memory was an image of scrolling text with cursive writing, which may or may not have been on the TV at the time, then running with a bunch of other kids to blow out my candle. Which is why I associated the life reset with that exact moment.)I remember involuntarily calling for help, only to realize that I was still in my car, and didn't want anyone else that lived in the apartment building to come out and find me tripping balls. I somehow managed to stagger back inside while still feeling like I was somewhere else, and sat on my couch until I came down enough to go to sleep.
The next time I did Saliva was early in the morning in the same place. I was by myself again, and decided I would just lay in my bed and let my laptop play random music. So I took a bongload again, and had a similiar experience, only this time I was talking to myself about stuff. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something about life, something that I wouldn't normally talk about. I was a lot less freaked out this time around though. I had the exact same feeling of a life reset, and each wall had it's own personality, and I felt like I was controlling the random on my laptop, I felt like I knew what song was coming on next each time. Eventually I went to sleep and haven't had Saliva since.
Before I close, I'd also like to mention that long before I ever touched a drug, I had weird hallucinations. When I was young, I used to have vivid hallucations like while I was peeing that the toilet came to life tried to bite me that only lasted for a split second. They kind of scared me, but I never told anybody about them as I attributed it to my imagination, which in all fairness it probably is, I just figured it was relevant to add. Then some time during my teenage years while I still didn't touch drugs, they stopped. Now in the past two years I've been getting them again, only it's with my laptop growing teeth and biting down on my hands while I'm typing. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me because it feels like it's going to happen, but other times I just get mad and swear that I'd just kill the laptop if it decided to do that to me.
So the long and the short of it is I feel like there is definitely some sort of existance that I don't quite understand. Whether it's some sort of spiritual beings that are manifesting themselves in a physical form, I'm not sure. I'm just curious what people of this community thinks about this situation, since I know if I spoke to most people I know about this sort of thing, they'd think I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I just have a hard time believing that all of this stuff is 100% all in my head without any outside forces affecting it in anyway.
I thank everybody for reading my post. This is stuff I needed to get off my chest, and I feel a lot better now actually telling my stories to somebody that will look at my experiences with an open mind, and with some guidance I should be able to find the answers that I'm looking for.
