PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set:extremely interested, with freinds, generally content at the moment
(physical condition) Set:
Setting (location):
time of day: (12 or 24 hour system, daylight? starlight? overcast?)Inside, 9pm
recent drug use: (list also any kind of medication)Adderol 25mg xr around 1pm. A couple beers, a puff from a joint.
last meal: (Time and type) Not sure.
PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m / f) Male
body weight: (in kg pls)
known sensitivities: Black outs while drinking.
history of use: (experienced, novice, first timer - in general and for this specific substance/form)First time(large dose)
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): (list all taken substances)
Dose(s): (in the same order as Substances pls, use metric system i.e. g/ mg/ �g)
Method of administration: (dissolved in water, capsuls, insufflated, vaporized...)
EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (expand this if you used delayed administration for multiple substances or the same substance with multiple doses. Use indices.)
Duration: .5 hours
First effects: T 0:05
Peak: T: 0:20
Come down:T 25:00
Baseline: 30:00
Intensity (overall): 3 or 4
Evaluation / notes:
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4)
Implesantness: (0-4)
Visual Intensity: (0-4)
.
.
.
AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4 ; what type of impleasantness ; duration)
Afterglow: (0-4 ; what type of positive effects ; duration)
REPORT
DMT changed my life, so much in fact that I don't feel I'd need to take it again. I've always been into neuroscience , religion, philosophy, and I've had several existential crisis' before I hit the age of 24. I was raised catholic(confirmed), but when my grandma died I began to look for real answers, i was depressed and after a while I talked myself into a comfy agnosticism with a deterministic existential outlook. I partied a lot after that, smoking weed, cigs, drinking a Lot, I've lived in a few squatter holes and flop houses, but I've always tried to be a virtuous guy. I like to be honest and straightforward as much as possible because i believe everyone deserves the truth and nothing but.
Anyways, I had started noticing that my life was turning into a robotic existence, i didn't want to go see friends anymore, all i did was smoke weed, i was paranoid, and even though all the common drugs had lost their "magic," I kept on using, I felt lost spiritually, i felt like something had been cut off from me since i was a kid, when the world was full of wonder. I had forgotten how beautiful life was.
I was out partying one night, in a house full of friends, playing beer pong, smoking, just having fun when i started talking to a friend of mine about DMT. I told him how i had read that people could "break through" and see things, and how I had an urge to take a dose that large. He looked at me in the eyes and said, "you want to do it?" I quickly said "sure!" Had i known what i was getting myself into I would have been way more cautious, that is for sure. It's like having the choice Morpheus gives Neo, "the red pill, or the blue pill." Once you take the blue pill, your life will never be the same again.
I took DMT under the worst possible conditions, we went upstairs with 4 or 5 friends in tow. We had music going and i had taken an adderol 25xr earlier that day(around 1 pm, at the time of smoking it was around 9.
This time i had done my research and found that you had to take several hits and hold it in as long as possible. I did this, and by the time I took my second hit, the whole room was vibrating, I felt like I was sucked into the bowl. I stood up really quick and looked around, everything in the room was flowing with an inner light, and i had the intuitive thought that everything looked a lot more "real" That's when the interesting stuff started to happen.
I felt like my whole body was winding up like a crank, all of a sudden it felt like the events taking place in the room were a series of dominoes falling into each other(each moment just slamming into the next causing the next moment to happen). I started getting demented thoughts and asked them why they were trying to kill me. Two of my best friends stood up and one took the bowl from me so i wouldn't burn myself, but I took them both as threats and i asked them why they were trying to kill me. I swear i remember spinning around and seeing people in the room saying "you're fucked(sorry, but that's literally what I heard) now!" and a dread started building up.. BOOOOM! i turned into a liquidy energy and was shot through a cannon into hyperspace). I honestly don't remember much anymore about the trip, The only memorable experience was the black void i spun around in aimlessly for what seemed like 100 years until I started coming out of it. The problem is, the reality i was coming back to was as insane as what was going on in my mind.
Right after I was shot through the cannon, my physical body got up, my friends said I was saying" i need to go home," and i was knocking things over in the room, they said three of them were trying to hold me down but i had retard strength, I want to think that I was in flight or flight mode on pure instinct alone. They said I ran down the hallway, and bounded down the flight of stairs in a couple bounds, and i was headed straight for the door when someone yelled "stop Luke before he gets out!" and they managed to tackle me onto a bed by the door and hold me down. The trip lasted a total of 30 minutes for me, which is way longer than any normal experience. When I came crashing down from the black void in my mind i started opening my eyes and I realized I was in the midst of a struggle between me and several of my friends, I was standing up but I was being wrestled down (for a 5th time i believe they said) and I thought i had just been in a horrible accident or something. My mind totally wasn't back though, and so I started drifting off for another moment, I closed my eyes and I was in complete terror, I thought that they were trying to keep me there because I was dieing and they were killing me.
My left brain started to come back online(I'd compare it somehow to another processor all of a sudden booting back up) and I was in complete survival mode, it wasn't all the way there yet but all of a sudden I felt a primal urge to live, it felt like a fiery rage that boiled up, a will to live more passionate than anything Ive ever felt. I screamed in rage, I wasn't going to let them keep me there while I still could do something about it! My friends told me that when I screamed it sent chills down their spine. I gotten up once again and one of my closest held me by the shoulders, looked into my eyes and said in a calm voice, "DUKE, you're fine..". By that time my ego and left brain had reached a point and i began exclaiming with the utmost joy "I AM HERE! I AM HERE!! I'm here! I .. Am." I took a look down at myself because I knew that was the test, I realized I wasn't mortally injured and that I wasn't about to die, and that I was in another room. I had completely forgotten I had taken DMT for another couple minutes.
"Why am I down here?" I asked.. "Dude... you freaked out."
I smoked a bowl and went home. The next day i had the urge to look up a book by a man named Aldous Huxley, i had to do a tiny bit of research to find it, my intuition pointed me to Jim Morrison, then the William Blake quote, "if the doors of perception are cleansed, then man will see reality for what it is,infinite."
It made total sense. I went on to read the entire book by Huxley and I took in every passage, every word and internalized it better than any book I've read in the past 10 years, I had this insatiable urge to read, and research, and i did.
It's been a month or two now, I have my feet back down on the ground again, but I've noticed its a lot easier to make life choices again, I now smoke 1 or two cigarettes a day(as apposed to a pack), I barely smoke weed at all anymore, and my drinking went from an alcoholics pace down to maybe a couple beers with some friends, once or twice a week. I'm not so full of existential doubt, because I KNOW, or have been deluded into believing I have a firmer grasp on who I am, and my place in the great existence we all participate in. For me, it ignited my passion for studying neuroscience, theology, and just everything in general, spiritually i feel alive, my stance is now a combination between scientific pantheism, Buddhism, and mysticism/shamanism with a lot of room in my mind for wonder AND doubt in most things. ART, science, meditation, yoga, religion, all seem to sorta click in my head now.
Wisdom sticks out more pointedly at me, I don't know where i read this, but now I see all the worlds religions as pointing at the same truth just as fingers pointing at the moon, just don't confuse the fingers for the moon. I'm so undecided but full of awe all the time. I've had a few low points but i've started noticing the relationship between what i eat and take in and how my mind works.
Basically, That experience on DMT was probably the most terrifying experience of my life, but it was also one of the most meaningful and life changing moments as well.
Looking back on the journey, no amount of reading or intellectualizing will help you with what you'd face. It's a spiritual journey, and it's all about the experience.
p.s. There are just so many details i've left out and have forgotten to include, I'm sorry if a lot of it doesn't make sense. we all seem to have a little autism and forget sometimes that we can't relate a lot of sensory experiences with the symbolic manmade languages we've forced our psyche to use.
(mind)Set:extremely interested, with freinds, generally content at the moment
(physical condition) Set:
Setting (location):
time of day: (12 or 24 hour system, daylight? starlight? overcast?)Inside, 9pm
recent drug use: (list also any kind of medication)Adderol 25mg xr around 1pm. A couple beers, a puff from a joint.
last meal: (Time and type) Not sure.
PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m / f) Male
body weight: (in kg pls)
known sensitivities: Black outs while drinking.
history of use: (experienced, novice, first timer - in general and for this specific substance/form)First time(large dose)
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): (list all taken substances)
Dose(s): (in the same order as Substances pls, use metric system i.e. g/ mg/ �g)
Method of administration: (dissolved in water, capsuls, insufflated, vaporized...)
EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (expand this if you used delayed administration for multiple substances or the same substance with multiple doses. Use indices.)
Duration: .5 hours
First effects: T 0:05
Peak: T: 0:20
Come down:T 25:00
Baseline: 30:00
Intensity (overall): 3 or 4
Evaluation / notes:
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4)
Implesantness: (0-4)
Visual Intensity: (0-4)
.
.
.
AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4 ; what type of impleasantness ; duration)
Afterglow: (0-4 ; what type of positive effects ; duration)
REPORT
DMT changed my life, so much in fact that I don't feel I'd need to take it again. I've always been into neuroscience , religion, philosophy, and I've had several existential crisis' before I hit the age of 24. I was raised catholic(confirmed), but when my grandma died I began to look for real answers, i was depressed and after a while I talked myself into a comfy agnosticism with a deterministic existential outlook. I partied a lot after that, smoking weed, cigs, drinking a Lot, I've lived in a few squatter holes and flop houses, but I've always tried to be a virtuous guy. I like to be honest and straightforward as much as possible because i believe everyone deserves the truth and nothing but.
Anyways, I had started noticing that my life was turning into a robotic existence, i didn't want to go see friends anymore, all i did was smoke weed, i was paranoid, and even though all the common drugs had lost their "magic," I kept on using, I felt lost spiritually, i felt like something had been cut off from me since i was a kid, when the world was full of wonder. I had forgotten how beautiful life was.
I was out partying one night, in a house full of friends, playing beer pong, smoking, just having fun when i started talking to a friend of mine about DMT. I told him how i had read that people could "break through" and see things, and how I had an urge to take a dose that large. He looked at me in the eyes and said, "you want to do it?" I quickly said "sure!" Had i known what i was getting myself into I would have been way more cautious, that is for sure. It's like having the choice Morpheus gives Neo, "the red pill, or the blue pill." Once you take the blue pill, your life will never be the same again.
I took DMT under the worst possible conditions, we went upstairs with 4 or 5 friends in tow. We had music going and i had taken an adderol 25xr earlier that day(around 1 pm, at the time of smoking it was around 9.
This time i had done my research and found that you had to take several hits and hold it in as long as possible. I did this, and by the time I took my second hit, the whole room was vibrating, I felt like I was sucked into the bowl. I stood up really quick and looked around, everything in the room was flowing with an inner light, and i had the intuitive thought that everything looked a lot more "real" That's when the interesting stuff started to happen.
I felt like my whole body was winding up like a crank, all of a sudden it felt like the events taking place in the room were a series of dominoes falling into each other(each moment just slamming into the next causing the next moment to happen). I started getting demented thoughts and asked them why they were trying to kill me. Two of my best friends stood up and one took the bowl from me so i wouldn't burn myself, but I took them both as threats and i asked them why they were trying to kill me. I swear i remember spinning around and seeing people in the room saying "you're fucked(sorry, but that's literally what I heard) now!" and a dread started building up.. BOOOOM! i turned into a liquidy energy and was shot through a cannon into hyperspace). I honestly don't remember much anymore about the trip, The only memorable experience was the black void i spun around in aimlessly for what seemed like 100 years until I started coming out of it. The problem is, the reality i was coming back to was as insane as what was going on in my mind.
Right after I was shot through the cannon, my physical body got up, my friends said I was saying" i need to go home," and i was knocking things over in the room, they said three of them were trying to hold me down but i had retard strength, I want to think that I was in flight or flight mode on pure instinct alone. They said I ran down the hallway, and bounded down the flight of stairs in a couple bounds, and i was headed straight for the door when someone yelled "stop Luke before he gets out!" and they managed to tackle me onto a bed by the door and hold me down. The trip lasted a total of 30 minutes for me, which is way longer than any normal experience. When I came crashing down from the black void in my mind i started opening my eyes and I realized I was in the midst of a struggle between me and several of my friends, I was standing up but I was being wrestled down (for a 5th time i believe they said) and I thought i had just been in a horrible accident or something. My mind totally wasn't back though, and so I started drifting off for another moment, I closed my eyes and I was in complete terror, I thought that they were trying to keep me there because I was dieing and they were killing me.
My left brain started to come back online(I'd compare it somehow to another processor all of a sudden booting back up) and I was in complete survival mode, it wasn't all the way there yet but all of a sudden I felt a primal urge to live, it felt like a fiery rage that boiled up, a will to live more passionate than anything Ive ever felt. I screamed in rage, I wasn't going to let them keep me there while I still could do something about it! My friends told me that when I screamed it sent chills down their spine. I gotten up once again and one of my closest held me by the shoulders, looked into my eyes and said in a calm voice, "DUKE, you're fine..". By that time my ego and left brain had reached a point and i began exclaiming with the utmost joy "I AM HERE! I AM HERE!! I'm here! I .. Am." I took a look down at myself because I knew that was the test, I realized I wasn't mortally injured and that I wasn't about to die, and that I was in another room. I had completely forgotten I had taken DMT for another couple minutes.
"Why am I down here?" I asked.. "Dude... you freaked out."
I smoked a bowl and went home. The next day i had the urge to look up a book by a man named Aldous Huxley, i had to do a tiny bit of research to find it, my intuition pointed me to Jim Morrison, then the William Blake quote, "if the doors of perception are cleansed, then man will see reality for what it is,infinite."
It made total sense. I went on to read the entire book by Huxley and I took in every passage, every word and internalized it better than any book I've read in the past 10 years, I had this insatiable urge to read, and research, and i did.
It's been a month or two now, I have my feet back down on the ground again, but I've noticed its a lot easier to make life choices again, I now smoke 1 or two cigarettes a day(as apposed to a pack), I barely smoke weed at all anymore, and my drinking went from an alcoholics pace down to maybe a couple beers with some friends, once or twice a week. I'm not so full of existential doubt, because I KNOW, or have been deluded into believing I have a firmer grasp on who I am, and my place in the great existence we all participate in. For me, it ignited my passion for studying neuroscience, theology, and just everything in general, spiritually i feel alive, my stance is now a combination between scientific pantheism, Buddhism, and mysticism/shamanism with a lot of room in my mind for wonder AND doubt in most things. ART, science, meditation, yoga, religion, all seem to sorta click in my head now.
Wisdom sticks out more pointedly at me, I don't know where i read this, but now I see all the worlds religions as pointing at the same truth just as fingers pointing at the moon, just don't confuse the fingers for the moon. I'm so undecided but full of awe all the time. I've had a few low points but i've started noticing the relationship between what i eat and take in and how my mind works.
Basically, That experience on DMT was probably the most terrifying experience of my life, but it was also one of the most meaningful and life changing moments as well.
Looking back on the journey, no amount of reading or intellectualizing will help you with what you'd face. It's a spiritual journey, and it's all about the experience.
p.s. There are just so many details i've left out and have forgotten to include, I'm sorry if a lot of it doesn't make sense. we all seem to have a little autism and forget sometimes that we can't relate a lot of sensory experiences with the symbolic manmade languages we've forced our psyche to use.
