Aleph Omega
Rising Star
Just so everyone knows, this is a continuation of my "spice" inspired sci-fi series:
I'm still trying to piece my brain back together from what happened tonight. Possibly this was the most intense and scary trip I've ever had.
Here's what happened, a friend came over. A girl. We've known each other for a while, I've smoked with her a few times before.
We smoked. A lot. Probably too much. I packed the bowl three times, with big hits of DMT, one right after the other. She would take two hits first, then I took the pipe and took a third hit. As I said, we did this three times.
This is where things get weird. At some point I "blacked out," except it wasn't a black out, it was just a loss of awareness, or rather I should say a loss of all "sense." I saw shapes and the world (though I was also hallucinating), it's just that none of it made any sense. This has happened to me once before when I took multiple hits of liquid acid (didn't know who I was, where I was, what was going on...) except this was a much shorter duration, and about 1000x more intense. I thought I was lost in "infinity." I was very scared.
Here is the apparently "objective" version of what happened, from what I tried to piece together afterward: my female friend was sitting in a chair in my room, and I was sitting on the floor in front of her. Apparently at some point during the trip, after I lost awareness, I got up into my bed. Then for some reason, I got up from the bed and sat down in the chair where she was sitting, next to her. She got up from the chair, and stood up in front of it.
This sounds uneventful, but here's what I experienced subjectively: At some point, I was looking at her, or she was looking at me. Her face started transforming, time stopped. She became an archetype, a symbol. It was as if I wasn't comprehending the world normally, but only seeing symbols. It was very primal, very archetypal. I vaguely remember getting up and going over to my bed, but only in the briefest flash of awareness. Like a fraction of a second, too fast to make any sense of it. Next thing I new I was moving towards her. I was in the chair next to her. We were transforming through each other. I got the impression that I was stuck in some kind of loop, or some kind of symbolic realm. She became the archetypal female energy. I definitely got a feeling that we were playing out the roles of yin and yang. I thought of my mother, I thought of my father. I thought of sex. It was almost as if I was possessed. I was not AWARE of what was going on though, it was just a very abstract feeling, like some kind of mystical metaphor was playing out. Honestly, I got the feeling that our consciousness "merged" or that we got stuck in each other somehow. Because I remember (I think) before things got bad, kind of playing with her mind, trying to show her what I was seeing, I guess. I remember thinking "this is how people will play with each other in the future, how they will communicate." That's when things started getting intense. It's like we got too close, I guess, I couldn't get out. I couldn't find myself. We got stuck inside of each other.
At the point that I realized I had lost control (while I was moving, unconsciously, from the bed to the chair) I became very scared. I was frightened because it felt like I had gotten stuck in some crazy reality. I desperately wanted to get back to some semblance of sense. I was trying to piece together exactly what reality was, I was pulling up as many thoughts about my life as it could but none of them made any sense at the time. I was VERY primal. Like a birth, sex, death, kind of thing. As I got closer to her (and I could only perceive that in a symbolic sense) I only got more and more uncomfortable and scared. The fear got more intense. I don't know if I was feeding off of her energy or not (very possible I was), but after a time (that seemed like eternity) I just wanted things to be back to normal... the insanity went on for far too long.
After I gained comprehension of the space around me I found myself in the chair, and her standing in front of me. I kept repeating, almost yelling, "what the FUCK just happened, what is going on?!" I vaguely remember her saying, "How did you get there? First you were over there, and I was over there, now you're over there." We were both very confused.
She was very freaked out, and I strongly suspect that she was tripping just as hard as I was, though she didn't really want to admit it. She kept asking me, or saying to me (I couldn't really tell) "We didn't do anything, right? Nothing happened." And I said, "No, of course not. I think I would have known if something happened."
I tried asking her what happened from her perspective... after I came back to my wits. Which took a long time. Even though my perception of the normal world, space and time, came back to me gradually, I still could not "think" or piece together anything that could make sense, or bring me back to reality, or back to normal though. It took, probably a good 15 minutes to be able to make any sense, and even then I still could not grasp what happened. Still can't, really.
But I asked her, "from your perspective, what happened?" She told me that at some point, she felt like she could see inside me, she was trying to get to the "core" or my being to understand me. She wanted to access me like a computer file, except I couldn't understand what she was doing, she was asking me if I would let her in, but I couldn't understand her, so I got confused and pulled away (this is what SHE said to me). At that point I moved over to the bed, and she thought I was somehow hitting on her, then I moved over to the chair, where she was sitting, and she got scared and got up out of the chair. Though right after the trip had just happened, when I asked her what had happened she said something like "You came over to me, but I was in my own separate bubble, then I moved out through another dimension and came out over here."
Though I do vaguely remember, after she got out of the chair, and I was reclined in it, I was trying to coax her to sit back down with me (though I was not in control of myself while doing this!) in what I guess was a sexually suggestive manner. I don't know if I was possessed, or if I was just acting unconsciously (well I definitely was acting unconsciously). A male friend who I talked to about it afterward told me that I was just being "honest," and that the drug had just reverted me back to my normal "human" instincts, or I guess, male insticts when there is a pretty girl nearby. This makes sense to me. As Timothy Leary has said, during intense psychedelic experiences, especially bad trips, you definitely have an urge for human comfort and contact, just so you can get your bearings. It's like you need to find a center in the storm, and you reach out for the closest thing. I suppose this is what happened. But it also feels like I tapped into some very raw, primal, unconscious bio-survival/sex circuit, to put it in more scientific terms.
I am still kind of floored by this, and a little frightened. I just want to know WHAT HAPPENED. Did our brains just blink out for a second, so we were both lost and very confused? Did we somehow really enter some other dimension, did our consciousnesses merged, or was I possessed. Or is it just a much simpler answer, like raw instincts taking over?
I really don't know what happened. I don't think she did either. She was acting like she did, a while after it happened, but I think she was just trying to rationalize it. Other things that she said to me, made me think she was tripping just as hard as I was. In any case, after we came back down to reality, I apologized to her. She wanted to leave, she was very uncomfortable. I had asked her to stay so I could come back to reality and piece together what had happened. When she did finally leave, I asked her for a hug, which she did give me, but she was very uncomfortable. I was confused, I told her that there didn't have to be any sexual connotation to it, that you can and should express genuine love, and that you can experience human contact with someone without it being sexual. I told her she was holding back. She said something about how it was the 21st century, and not the 60's, which makes no sense since she has often talked about how she in nostalgic for the 60's and feels like she lived a past life there. She was essentially rambling, in fact she had been rambling all night long, a fact which she even noticed and admitted. She said, "I have never talked this much around someone before, I feel like I'm just making a fool out of myself." "So why don't you just shut up then?" I said. She didn't seem to take my meaning well, and said, "well I'm leaving now, so I won't be around anymore to hear me talk."
I asked her if she was mad at me one more time, and apologized and she did the same. We parted amicably.
Later, I sent her a text, telling her again that I was sorry. That I was happy she came over, and that I was happy she was my friend.
She texted me back saying, "It's alright. Just don't worry of it. Was just one very insane trip tonight that both of us probably were not ready to undertake. But it was an experience."
To be honest, I'm finding it harder and harder to integrate my DMT experiences back into my everyday life. And after tonight, I'm a little scared of losing my mind...
Advice, suggestions, speculations, sharing of similar experiences, or support would be appreciated. Thank you so much, in advance.
I'm still trying to piece my brain back together from what happened tonight. Possibly this was the most intense and scary trip I've ever had.
Here's what happened, a friend came over. A girl. We've known each other for a while, I've smoked with her a few times before.
We smoked. A lot. Probably too much. I packed the bowl three times, with big hits of DMT, one right after the other. She would take two hits first, then I took the pipe and took a third hit. As I said, we did this three times.
This is where things get weird. At some point I "blacked out," except it wasn't a black out, it was just a loss of awareness, or rather I should say a loss of all "sense." I saw shapes and the world (though I was also hallucinating), it's just that none of it made any sense. This has happened to me once before when I took multiple hits of liquid acid (didn't know who I was, where I was, what was going on...) except this was a much shorter duration, and about 1000x more intense. I thought I was lost in "infinity." I was very scared.
Here is the apparently "objective" version of what happened, from what I tried to piece together afterward: my female friend was sitting in a chair in my room, and I was sitting on the floor in front of her. Apparently at some point during the trip, after I lost awareness, I got up into my bed. Then for some reason, I got up from the bed and sat down in the chair where she was sitting, next to her. She got up from the chair, and stood up in front of it.
This sounds uneventful, but here's what I experienced subjectively: At some point, I was looking at her, or she was looking at me. Her face started transforming, time stopped. She became an archetype, a symbol. It was as if I wasn't comprehending the world normally, but only seeing symbols. It was very primal, very archetypal. I vaguely remember getting up and going over to my bed, but only in the briefest flash of awareness. Like a fraction of a second, too fast to make any sense of it. Next thing I new I was moving towards her. I was in the chair next to her. We were transforming through each other. I got the impression that I was stuck in some kind of loop, or some kind of symbolic realm. She became the archetypal female energy. I definitely got a feeling that we were playing out the roles of yin and yang. I thought of my mother, I thought of my father. I thought of sex. It was almost as if I was possessed. I was not AWARE of what was going on though, it was just a very abstract feeling, like some kind of mystical metaphor was playing out. Honestly, I got the feeling that our consciousness "merged" or that we got stuck in each other somehow. Because I remember (I think) before things got bad, kind of playing with her mind, trying to show her what I was seeing, I guess. I remember thinking "this is how people will play with each other in the future, how they will communicate." That's when things started getting intense. It's like we got too close, I guess, I couldn't get out. I couldn't find myself. We got stuck inside of each other.
At the point that I realized I had lost control (while I was moving, unconsciously, from the bed to the chair) I became very scared. I was frightened because it felt like I had gotten stuck in some crazy reality. I desperately wanted to get back to some semblance of sense. I was trying to piece together exactly what reality was, I was pulling up as many thoughts about my life as it could but none of them made any sense at the time. I was VERY primal. Like a birth, sex, death, kind of thing. As I got closer to her (and I could only perceive that in a symbolic sense) I only got more and more uncomfortable and scared. The fear got more intense. I don't know if I was feeding off of her energy or not (very possible I was), but after a time (that seemed like eternity) I just wanted things to be back to normal... the insanity went on for far too long.
After I gained comprehension of the space around me I found myself in the chair, and her standing in front of me. I kept repeating, almost yelling, "what the FUCK just happened, what is going on?!" I vaguely remember her saying, "How did you get there? First you were over there, and I was over there, now you're over there." We were both very confused.
She was very freaked out, and I strongly suspect that she was tripping just as hard as I was, though she didn't really want to admit it. She kept asking me, or saying to me (I couldn't really tell) "We didn't do anything, right? Nothing happened." And I said, "No, of course not. I think I would have known if something happened."
I tried asking her what happened from her perspective... after I came back to my wits. Which took a long time. Even though my perception of the normal world, space and time, came back to me gradually, I still could not "think" or piece together anything that could make sense, or bring me back to reality, or back to normal though. It took, probably a good 15 minutes to be able to make any sense, and even then I still could not grasp what happened. Still can't, really.
But I asked her, "from your perspective, what happened?" She told me that at some point, she felt like she could see inside me, she was trying to get to the "core" or my being to understand me. She wanted to access me like a computer file, except I couldn't understand what she was doing, she was asking me if I would let her in, but I couldn't understand her, so I got confused and pulled away (this is what SHE said to me). At that point I moved over to the bed, and she thought I was somehow hitting on her, then I moved over to the chair, where she was sitting, and she got scared and got up out of the chair. Though right after the trip had just happened, when I asked her what had happened she said something like "You came over to me, but I was in my own separate bubble, then I moved out through another dimension and came out over here."
Though I do vaguely remember, after she got out of the chair, and I was reclined in it, I was trying to coax her to sit back down with me (though I was not in control of myself while doing this!) in what I guess was a sexually suggestive manner. I don't know if I was possessed, or if I was just acting unconsciously (well I definitely was acting unconsciously). A male friend who I talked to about it afterward told me that I was just being "honest," and that the drug had just reverted me back to my normal "human" instincts, or I guess, male insticts when there is a pretty girl nearby. This makes sense to me. As Timothy Leary has said, during intense psychedelic experiences, especially bad trips, you definitely have an urge for human comfort and contact, just so you can get your bearings. It's like you need to find a center in the storm, and you reach out for the closest thing. I suppose this is what happened. But it also feels like I tapped into some very raw, primal, unconscious bio-survival/sex circuit, to put it in more scientific terms.
I am still kind of floored by this, and a little frightened. I just want to know WHAT HAPPENED. Did our brains just blink out for a second, so we were both lost and very confused? Did we somehow really enter some other dimension, did our consciousnesses merged, or was I possessed. Or is it just a much simpler answer, like raw instincts taking over?
I really don't know what happened. I don't think she did either. She was acting like she did, a while after it happened, but I think she was just trying to rationalize it. Other things that she said to me, made me think she was tripping just as hard as I was. In any case, after we came back down to reality, I apologized to her. She wanted to leave, she was very uncomfortable. I had asked her to stay so I could come back to reality and piece together what had happened. When she did finally leave, I asked her for a hug, which she did give me, but she was very uncomfortable. I was confused, I told her that there didn't have to be any sexual connotation to it, that you can and should express genuine love, and that you can experience human contact with someone without it being sexual. I told her she was holding back. She said something about how it was the 21st century, and not the 60's, which makes no sense since she has often talked about how she in nostalgic for the 60's and feels like she lived a past life there. She was essentially rambling, in fact she had been rambling all night long, a fact which she even noticed and admitted. She said, "I have never talked this much around someone before, I feel like I'm just making a fool out of myself." "So why don't you just shut up then?" I said. She didn't seem to take my meaning well, and said, "well I'm leaving now, so I won't be around anymore to hear me talk."
I asked her if she was mad at me one more time, and apologized and she did the same. We parted amicably.
Later, I sent her a text, telling her again that I was sorry. That I was happy she came over, and that I was happy she was my friend.
She texted me back saying, "It's alright. Just don't worry of it. Was just one very insane trip tonight that both of us probably were not ready to undertake. But it was an experience."
To be honest, I'm finding it harder and harder to integrate my DMT experiences back into my everyday life. And after tonight, I'm a little scared of losing my mind...
Advice, suggestions, speculations, sharing of similar experiences, or support would be appreciated. Thank you so much, in advance.
