DawnbringerDae
Rising Star
Hi, my name is Dae. I managed to get some of the stuff. I will not reveal my sources at all. I wanted the spiritual experience of it and like, it was NOT my taking it just to have a good time, I wanted the changes in perspective etc no matter how troubling. I'm not a recreational user and I'd hate to see this stuff ADVERTISED That way.
I think I had a break thru. I'm not sure how exactly to relay the entire story but like, it was an intensely nasty trip that encouraged me to reorganize my life in a positive fashion because I experienced things like my hand moving before I decided to move it or deciding to more it and watching it keep moving. I wrote about the whole thing on Skype to a friend and I'm going to try and break down what I said. I'm willing to try it again if I have an anchor and like someone to keep me positive.
I was new on this stuff and when I got started I had cleaned my room several days prior and made a playlist for myself to listen to while I tripped that was all positive music on YouTube but I got up like after 3 or 4 songs realizing I didn't have enough and started looking thru my Facebook for songs I had posted to add more to the playlist (This was stupid) I was euphoric as hell at this point but my friend Phillip showed up and Phillip is like an diehard materialist atheist and I’m open minded but skeptical and also just an anti-Abrahamic religion sort of person. I don't hate anyone in those religions; just I don't like the religions themselves. Some of my dearest friends hail from them and they’re all perfectly welcome in my life. I even like Christ; I just don't like the theology.
well I’ve been stressed by Phillip lately in how he doesn't respect my friends when religious stuff comes up and is always demeaning them and when he showed up like, I just went into hell. I had anticipated tripping for 3 hours but it took 12 to wear off, amazingly. I tried to lie down after that and I was staring at my mattress and I noticed all the stains in it etc. and yeah. I was stupid and should of just laid down and surrendered to it. I know this now.
I went to pee and take a shower and was in the shower and noticed that my sister for whatever reason had decided to move like (And I constantly have to do this) the unspent toilet rolls onto the edge of the shower where I felt they would just get soaked and I was intensely annoyed by this but I felt like my sibling and me had fought so much over the bathroom that if I brought it up I’d get lectured about how it was somehow my fault when in reality the city just has terrible plumbing and our apartments look expensive but were built out of cheap garbage .
I told my friend on experience project about this and my annoyance and belief if I mentioned it would be fussed at even harder and be met with an even stronger force and said that I feel like I can’t air any grievance in my household at all because every time the reaction is a shouting match and I’m traumatized and afraid of like being hit over the head and passing out, I just keep imagining this hard slam and then everything slowly gets better after I wake up in the hospital, much like a soldier when a road side bomb just goes off.
after that I laid down and tried to surrender to it but could not sleep and got up and talked to my friend on Skype and she's a lesbian and I'm a heterosexual guy but also not very good at conforming to gender expectations, I’m androgynous. I'm a two spirit like crazy and yeah. Shamanism interest me, hence DMT.
I was telling my friend that like I just wanted to hold her and that like it was coming from a platonic place and like a desire to release negativity and not like to release built up sexual tension and that I really doubted her fear that it would blur into my wanting/demanding more.
I told her that in regards to other people that like I was having trouble telling altruism apart from selfishness because it seemed to me a lot of the time that these two things were not truly separate. That you could help others and benefit yourself or that you could do something selfish and others would enjoy it, especially in romance and that I had long felt torn between desiring people and wanting to like give them the sun the moon the stars and everything between and that I often felt that my sexualizing them diminished my respect for them but I was failing to grasp how it had to be that way at that point.
Meanwhile like the screen itself was blurring and I could barely make out what I was saying. Making all kinds of typos etc. and my friend was just trying to keep me anchored, this was thru Skype but eventually even context itself melted away and I was left with my thoughts. And I just whined to her about how I wanted it to wear off but all I could do was sleep which would give me even more DMT and all the light outside was receding. I told my friend she was like aslan in Narnia in that no one else was there for me and she came thru and would not abandon me.
I went outside for what little light was left but didn’t sober up and pretty much nearly cried at that point she told me to drink water and I was like I’m afraid that like I’ll drown like MDMA people do but my throat is so parched so I went thru about 2 bottles of water and tried to stay up but I eventually realized if I went to sleep my body would also synthesize antipsychotics so I tried to sleep but couldn’t and got back up and went out to the kitchen and dad was up and we talked and he helped me find my Risperdal from when they thought I was bipolar which we’re now heavily contesting
I left a message for my fiend that like dad had recused me and I was fine and was heading to bed and I woke up at 6am to mom jingling her keys to go out to get breakfast and like when I got up all I could do was like hug them and hold her and my sister because I felt like I was never coming back, that I was going to die or come back permanently schizophrenic and end up in a hospital I was terrified at this point and like I had known for a while from neurology research that our minds are just something our brains do but my take away from all of it was that like we are not truly better than animals and like our brains just rationalize how we respond to stimulus to make us feel like we were in control but in reality no such decision making is really going on in the mind, it’s happening in the brain. Our responses to stimulus are totally involuntary in truth and my watching my hand move before I decided to etc. made me really damn sure of this and so I realized that like while we cannot control our response to stimuluses’ what then becomes important is to control what stimulus’s we’re subjected to and if there’s any truth to metaphysical laws like the law of attraction it’s super important to control what you subject yourself to because it WILL affect your thoughts negatively and if it does that it will attract more of it to you
After I took the Risperdal and chatted with dad and told everyone I was alright I headed back to bed and woke up at 6am to mom jangling her keys to go out and get something to eat and I went with her and my sister and like I was just so glad to be alive and sober and with them and not dead. This feeling persist, now.
Takeaways: if you do it again, be in bed, don’t get out. Have the positive music on. Unplug the pc if you have to.
Remove negative situations from your life, you’re going to respond to them involuntarily and it’s just a mess.
Be grateful for your friends, you never know when you might lose them and never see them again. One wrong move and you’ll wake up on the other side.
It’s so important to stay positive when you’re on this stuff. One small train of negativity can cascade into a nightmare of epic proportions.
Take a smaller amount next time; way too much was in one pill.
I think I had a break thru. I'm not sure how exactly to relay the entire story but like, it was an intensely nasty trip that encouraged me to reorganize my life in a positive fashion because I experienced things like my hand moving before I decided to move it or deciding to more it and watching it keep moving. I wrote about the whole thing on Skype to a friend and I'm going to try and break down what I said. I'm willing to try it again if I have an anchor and like someone to keep me positive.
I was new on this stuff and when I got started I had cleaned my room several days prior and made a playlist for myself to listen to while I tripped that was all positive music on YouTube but I got up like after 3 or 4 songs realizing I didn't have enough and started looking thru my Facebook for songs I had posted to add more to the playlist (This was stupid) I was euphoric as hell at this point but my friend Phillip showed up and Phillip is like an diehard materialist atheist and I’m open minded but skeptical and also just an anti-Abrahamic religion sort of person. I don't hate anyone in those religions; just I don't like the religions themselves. Some of my dearest friends hail from them and they’re all perfectly welcome in my life. I even like Christ; I just don't like the theology.
well I’ve been stressed by Phillip lately in how he doesn't respect my friends when religious stuff comes up and is always demeaning them and when he showed up like, I just went into hell. I had anticipated tripping for 3 hours but it took 12 to wear off, amazingly. I tried to lie down after that and I was staring at my mattress and I noticed all the stains in it etc. and yeah. I was stupid and should of just laid down and surrendered to it. I know this now.
I went to pee and take a shower and was in the shower and noticed that my sister for whatever reason had decided to move like (And I constantly have to do this) the unspent toilet rolls onto the edge of the shower where I felt they would just get soaked and I was intensely annoyed by this but I felt like my sibling and me had fought so much over the bathroom that if I brought it up I’d get lectured about how it was somehow my fault when in reality the city just has terrible plumbing and our apartments look expensive but were built out of cheap garbage .
I told my friend on experience project about this and my annoyance and belief if I mentioned it would be fussed at even harder and be met with an even stronger force and said that I feel like I can’t air any grievance in my household at all because every time the reaction is a shouting match and I’m traumatized and afraid of like being hit over the head and passing out, I just keep imagining this hard slam and then everything slowly gets better after I wake up in the hospital, much like a soldier when a road side bomb just goes off.
after that I laid down and tried to surrender to it but could not sleep and got up and talked to my friend on Skype and she's a lesbian and I'm a heterosexual guy but also not very good at conforming to gender expectations, I’m androgynous. I'm a two spirit like crazy and yeah. Shamanism interest me, hence DMT.
I was telling my friend that like I just wanted to hold her and that like it was coming from a platonic place and like a desire to release negativity and not like to release built up sexual tension and that I really doubted her fear that it would blur into my wanting/demanding more.
I told her that in regards to other people that like I was having trouble telling altruism apart from selfishness because it seemed to me a lot of the time that these two things were not truly separate. That you could help others and benefit yourself or that you could do something selfish and others would enjoy it, especially in romance and that I had long felt torn between desiring people and wanting to like give them the sun the moon the stars and everything between and that I often felt that my sexualizing them diminished my respect for them but I was failing to grasp how it had to be that way at that point.
Meanwhile like the screen itself was blurring and I could barely make out what I was saying. Making all kinds of typos etc. and my friend was just trying to keep me anchored, this was thru Skype but eventually even context itself melted away and I was left with my thoughts. And I just whined to her about how I wanted it to wear off but all I could do was sleep which would give me even more DMT and all the light outside was receding. I told my friend she was like aslan in Narnia in that no one else was there for me and she came thru and would not abandon me.
I went outside for what little light was left but didn’t sober up and pretty much nearly cried at that point she told me to drink water and I was like I’m afraid that like I’ll drown like MDMA people do but my throat is so parched so I went thru about 2 bottles of water and tried to stay up but I eventually realized if I went to sleep my body would also synthesize antipsychotics so I tried to sleep but couldn’t and got back up and went out to the kitchen and dad was up and we talked and he helped me find my Risperdal from when they thought I was bipolar which we’re now heavily contesting
I left a message for my fiend that like dad had recused me and I was fine and was heading to bed and I woke up at 6am to mom jingling her keys to go out to get breakfast and like when I got up all I could do was like hug them and hold her and my sister because I felt like I was never coming back, that I was going to die or come back permanently schizophrenic and end up in a hospital I was terrified at this point and like I had known for a while from neurology research that our minds are just something our brains do but my take away from all of it was that like we are not truly better than animals and like our brains just rationalize how we respond to stimulus to make us feel like we were in control but in reality no such decision making is really going on in the mind, it’s happening in the brain. Our responses to stimulus are totally involuntary in truth and my watching my hand move before I decided to etc. made me really damn sure of this and so I realized that like while we cannot control our response to stimuluses’ what then becomes important is to control what stimulus’s we’re subjected to and if there’s any truth to metaphysical laws like the law of attraction it’s super important to control what you subject yourself to because it WILL affect your thoughts negatively and if it does that it will attract more of it to you
After I took the Risperdal and chatted with dad and told everyone I was alright I headed back to bed and woke up at 6am to mom jangling her keys to go out and get something to eat and I went with her and my sister and like I was just so glad to be alive and sober and with them and not dead. This feeling persist, now.
Takeaways: if you do it again, be in bed, don’t get out. Have the positive music on. Unplug the pc if you have to.
Remove negative situations from your life, you’re going to respond to them involuntarily and it’s just a mess.
Be grateful for your friends, you never know when you might lose them and never see them again. One wrong move and you’ll wake up on the other side.
It’s so important to stay positive when you’re on this stuff. One small train of negativity can cascade into a nightmare of epic proportions.
Take a smaller amount next time; way too much was in one pill.
