Hi slenknode!
I want to thank you for being so candid. I hope you find what you need to ease the anxiety.
I think DMT is worthy choice of medicines in this regard, I have often felt that where I was on DMT was someplace near death, feeling like I died and yet I was still there. Like visiting the bardos, practicing dying, letting the ego die, is sometimes what I have felt like. When I was able to let go, a peaceful feeling of home became my very being. There was still an awareness after my ego was gone. That feeling and experience of egolessness has stuck with me.
I would like to direct your attention to Dr. Roland Griffiths and his study at John Hopkin's University using psilocybin-assisted therapy in treating existential distress in cancer patients. (See link below) It's worth looking into and I think you may find some very valuable information around Dr. Roland Griffith in general that may aid you right now. His name popped into my mind immediately as I read your post.
Another name that comes to mind is Ram Dass as he spent a lot of time with people in their last moments, including Timothy Leary. I think he was a special person in psychedelics and has some valuable insights into life and death.
I like that you came here, I think that says a lot about this place. There are so many resources available here, if you ever need a point in the right direction or just would like some company or conversation, pop into chat, there you will find some wonderful people.
maps.org