capsdream
Rising Star
I’ve been microdosing psilocybin for the past 4 weeks. 1 day on 2 days off. I feel comfortable with mushrooms enough to eyeball my dose (generally not recommended). This is not my first time microdosing psilocybin. In 2017 I microdosed for a couple of months and I remember the experience as being quite beneficial; however, I was also smoking a lot of DMT at that time as well so it’s hard to differentiate the source of beneficial effects.
I have experienced significant anxiety and depression my whole life. While I would like to think I am neither for nor against mood disorder medication, in retrospect, it’s clear that I’ve been medication resistant. Nevertheless, my anxious symptoms became unbearable after starting my new job which I love yet frequently exposes me to vicarious trauma. Four weeks ago, I admitted to myself that my symptoms were unmanageable, so I reached out to a psychiatrist to schedule a medication consultation. While waiting for an appointment I decided to try microdosing again.
This time around, microdosing has been a life changing experience. My anxiety has not gone away, but I am more aware of it and am regulated enough to address it in real time. Consistently addressing anxiety as it comes up (and its source) has led to less frequent occurrences overall. I also had a breakthrough in realizing that I often dissociate to relieve my anxiety. It has been huge for revelation for me that I sometimes just “leave” conversations or social interactions when overwhelmed. I suspect this is part of why my memory of the past is so foggy. Overall, I am much more “in my body” these days.
Addressing my anxiety has been key to relieving my depression. I was stagnant for so long and now my emotions are flowing freer. I randomly have memories from childhood resurface. Nothing major or dramatic. Usually very subtle memories, for instance, how it felt to eat ice cream outside on a hot day as a small child. I am remembering that there is joy in the world, and I have experienced it (and remain capable of experiencing it). I feel “lighter” in the world and am able to see the magic in everyday experiences.
Most days I wake up ready to get out of bed and am actually excited to start the day and be others. Previously, my social anxiety was so significant that my days were organized so that I could be around people as little as possible. My partner told me last night that I’ve been smiling more.
I could go on and on, yet all this to say, microdosing has truly helped alleviate my lifelong anxiety and depression. I have canceled my appointment with the psychiatrist (for now). Though I want to be clear, I think psych meds definitely have their place. I don’t necessarily recommend microdosing for everyone; I happen to respond exceptionally well to psychedelics in general. As someone who previously preferred macrodoses, I can now say that I really do see the benefit of microdosing and being out and about in the world so that I can observe how I am relating to others.
However, one negative side effect is increased muscle tension. My neck and shoulders initially were uncomfortably tense to the point of calling out sick from work at least once. Like many psychedelics, I’m aware that mushrooms may cause vasoconstriction. I’ve been increasing my magnesium and that seems to be helping. However, I also know that I tend to store a lot of my stress in my shoulders. I’m wondering if part of being in my body more is allowing me to notice tension that I previously was ignoring. Either way, the overall benefits of microdosing outshine the physical discomfort for me (especially since the tension is starting to ease up with time).
I hope sharing my experience is helpful or interesting to anyone else out there. It’s been such a positive experience that I wanted to share!
I have experienced significant anxiety and depression my whole life. While I would like to think I am neither for nor against mood disorder medication, in retrospect, it’s clear that I’ve been medication resistant. Nevertheless, my anxious symptoms became unbearable after starting my new job which I love yet frequently exposes me to vicarious trauma. Four weeks ago, I admitted to myself that my symptoms were unmanageable, so I reached out to a psychiatrist to schedule a medication consultation. While waiting for an appointment I decided to try microdosing again.
This time around, microdosing has been a life changing experience. My anxiety has not gone away, but I am more aware of it and am regulated enough to address it in real time. Consistently addressing anxiety as it comes up (and its source) has led to less frequent occurrences overall. I also had a breakthrough in realizing that I often dissociate to relieve my anxiety. It has been huge for revelation for me that I sometimes just “leave” conversations or social interactions when overwhelmed. I suspect this is part of why my memory of the past is so foggy. Overall, I am much more “in my body” these days.
Addressing my anxiety has been key to relieving my depression. I was stagnant for so long and now my emotions are flowing freer. I randomly have memories from childhood resurface. Nothing major or dramatic. Usually very subtle memories, for instance, how it felt to eat ice cream outside on a hot day as a small child. I am remembering that there is joy in the world, and I have experienced it (and remain capable of experiencing it). I feel “lighter” in the world and am able to see the magic in everyday experiences.
Most days I wake up ready to get out of bed and am actually excited to start the day and be others. Previously, my social anxiety was so significant that my days were organized so that I could be around people as little as possible. My partner told me last night that I’ve been smiling more.
I could go on and on, yet all this to say, microdosing has truly helped alleviate my lifelong anxiety and depression. I have canceled my appointment with the psychiatrist (for now). Though I want to be clear, I think psych meds definitely have their place. I don’t necessarily recommend microdosing for everyone; I happen to respond exceptionally well to psychedelics in general. As someone who previously preferred macrodoses, I can now say that I really do see the benefit of microdosing and being out and about in the world so that I can observe how I am relating to others.
However, one negative side effect is increased muscle tension. My neck and shoulders initially were uncomfortably tense to the point of calling out sick from work at least once. Like many psychedelics, I’m aware that mushrooms may cause vasoconstriction. I’ve been increasing my magnesium and that seems to be helping. However, I also know that I tend to store a lot of my stress in my shoulders. I’m wondering if part of being in my body more is allowing me to notice tension that I previously was ignoring. Either way, the overall benefits of microdosing outshine the physical discomfort for me (especially since the tension is starting to ease up with time).
I hope sharing my experience is helpful or interesting to anyone else out there. It’s been such a positive experience that I wanted to share!
