My Psilo-huasca (Psilocybin-Ayahuasca) Experience. Heaven and Hell
Age 25
Weight 186 pounds
Substance(S):
Banisteriopsis Caapi. Harmine. Tea Aporx. 4 Grams
Powdered psilocybin cubensis caps. Psilocybin. Eaten. Aprox. 1 and a half Gram
A walk through the human existence. Heaven and hell.
I had some P. Cubensis left over from my last trip, which was a flop, didn't have much of an experience at all, but this stuff (One gram of Cubes) looked to be almost 100% Mushroom caps which is the most potent part of the mushroom. I wanted a light trip, but I wanted to do something different this time, as well, so I woke up in the morning and brewed 4 grams of B Caapi, I did only one 4 hour wash, thinking this would be enough for a light dose, BOY WAS I WRONG YIKES.
This would be my first time ever trying Caapi, but wasn't expecting much at all really. I waited until night time to begin the experience, sat in front of my laptop, the tea was easy, and felt the onset with in the first few moments which surprised me, I was first greeted my a loving and warm entity, very faint, but I could feel she was there, (Perhaps this is mother aya the teacher known to Ayahuasca, (but for some reason any time I use psycho actives I'm always encountered by this women but after the experience I knew she was different, she is a teacher) I felt elevated , and very relaxed mentally, of course there was still the uneasy feeling of having to let go of everything you thought was real.. (Added) Actually this is the process of death, letting go of what I thought you were. This is something that I forgot to mention in the report,, at one point while letting go, (Which is the psychedelic process) At one point I left my humanness, I was deeply deeply saddened to leave my humanness, I even asked God not to take me that far.. But I let go anyways, and this is where the journey really began........
I went out side, and took a long hit off my pipe, some very nice weed, which really spruced up the feeling of the high, PURE euphoria. I sat back and tried to free my mind, I began by asking with my spirit, what God was, As soon as I put this question forward, I felt my self being lifted off, in to a beautiful expansive pure loving energy, I've never seen anything like it. I saw things in this place, and was shown that I was God, I asked why I was here, I was shown small glimpses of what I was, and what God is, and started to come down, or So I thought, I was disappointed at how this trip wasn't as long or as wonderful as I would have liked it, I took the rest of my cubes thinking that it might kick start the experience, and sat back and just waited and began telling God that I knew I hadn't given my self 100% to the experience or to the substance it's self, but I wanted to see my purpose, my life, I wanted to be shown everything that is unusually shown to those who have moved past the veil, those who had given them self's 100% to the ayahuasca experience..
I was taken suddenly and began to feel very fearful, I saw that I was going to be given exactly what I wanted to see. At this point I knew this was going to be far, far heavier then I was expecting.. I took a deep breath and dove in to this beautiful experience, I was full on full blown in hyperspace, the highest I have ever been in my entire life, now I was screaming down a huge tunnel, I past what seemed to be fairly light filled beings, but they were accusing me and showing me my sins, but I kept walking, saying to them no I am clean, you can't touch me, I said to them- no that isn't me, and they tried so hard to show me that I wasn't worthy to be in the presence of my father, I saw then that they are not sins AGAINST GOD but rather, sins against your being, which ultimately separates you from the peace glory and love which is the foulness of God, in fact, we are under what seems to be a spell, it's difficult to understand, the soul doesn't come to this existence just one time, I saw that souls are somehow recycled, and continue on and this is why the human soul feels fear of hell, and being lost and forgotten, but I saw we are here on a mission, an uncountable sea of souls,, a unified mass of specially picked souls to take the enormous task of saving man kind and helping them come to an understanding of there Divine connection with God, and usher in the kingdom of heaven, on earth as it is in heaven.... But it's not what we think either, we choose to continue, we choose to go on in this mission, we dive, in to darkness, -- Hell-- which is in fact this existence, but it's also heaven, JUST beyond the veil, just beyond human understanding, actually when you finally see it it's as if you were shown something you aren't supposed to see, and it pisses something off pretty bad when you look, (I actually believed while there, that this angry entity, is the Angel set there to hide the garden of Eden from us as mentioned in the bible)...... I find every time I'm given a glimpse of what is hidden from the human potential, I can't believe how funny it is, it's so strange to see the kingdom at hand. "Just behind the veil" The only way I can describe it is, What if you walked down the street one day and suddenly some crazy ass other dimensional being walks up to you, like a scene from Narnia when Eustace Scrubb saw Narnia for the first time, and a half man and half bull walks up to him and before then he thought of such things as fairy tail of fake, and this bull started talking to him, and he faints from utter fear and astonishment.. It truly is THAT ASTONISHING when you see it, So so simple yet completely hidden from the human experience.. When I watched this I thought to my self I would have laughed my ass off, and not fainted in fear... When you see it.... You laugh and say "This is actually REAL!!!!!!!?????? SHIT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY EXISTS??????"
I was in heaven indescribable, heaven, no words to describe, to describe heaven is an absolute injustice to the actual thing, it's like being hooked up to a monkeys mind, with wires and such, and trying to explain a nuclear reaction to a two year old.......... I sat there in front of the computer GONE. I called God, and I remember my self standing there, I opened my eyes, and declared in the spirit that, I AM HE, I realized it was me who said it, but it felt like God in me, I asked what God was, and I was carried off and shown a world that was indescribable, seriously almost no word, the best I can do is, tell it like this, WE ARE GOD. I AM THAT I AM. IN LOVE WITH MY BRIDE, BUT YOU GIVE YOUR SELF AWAY!!!!!!
I was asked if I wanted to stay, in this place, heaven, I saw angels, many of them, it was so strange, I felt like Christ, how at any moment the angels could have swept down at ANY MOMENT to take me from this place, it was as if they were waiting for me in case I drift to far away- from my actual purpose here on earth. And if things got really tough the angels would come in and save me. There we're a few angles in one part of this experience who actually came to me in my form, and were very upset that I was even considering leaving, (I Believe I was partnered with a few choice angel Friends, old friends) they were sad,, it was, like I was giving up or something, I also got the impression that these beings, all of them, were not separate from me, and that they came part way with me to help me through, We told everyone that we could save humanity, (There are those who think we're wasting our time benevolent angels) and they were all upset because of how often I speak of wanting to die, and any time I spoke of suicide, they will always help me, but pisses them off something great when we piss on our gift here on earth. After this I was transported by spirit to a place that I can only describe as,,, Well, hell. But it isn't like you think, not at all, we all seem to think that the spiritual realm is some how separate or that hell is where we go when we die, but in fact, it's not like that, there is no dualism, heaven and hell are one part of an entire whole that exists and somehow makes up the reality we experience on a daily basis. This reality, when it is said that the kingdom is at hand, well, as long as the human reality does not include the kingdom of heaven or the new Jerusalem, that was promised, the new vibration that will one day be given to man kind upon the perfection of heaven on earth, and glorification of God, and second coming of the CHRIST WITHIN, until that day, we belong to the hell we live in, the kingdom of the dark one, in fact our fallen form is not what we think, it's that the human entity agreed to do this, to dive in to the depths of hell to retrieve the human species and to see to it the return of Christ to humanity, NOT the man Jesus, BUT Christ within. (I'm not knocking Jesus) He really did come here to show us our potential.....
When I was taken from heaven, I was lead to a place, I was shown what we were before we came to earth, that we are all God, parts of God, an ocean of soul, of pure consciousness, a dream, but more real then this reality, but this reality is also dreamed by you through God.,, You are the dreamer simultaneously being dreamed...We need to wake to the dream like nature of ALL THINGS not just heaven and hell, but this as well, back on the other side of the Vail, that we call reality...
I was guided through this place and realized something absolutely terrifying, that it was ME!! that I was being shown, I was taken to a place in this hell, and I was shown a being, a soul, unspeakable, tortured, it looked like me but I was twisted and strange like a confused red and evil looking, mechanical thing, lost in a sea of confusion, I was told that very few venture here for fear of losing them self's completely, I was shown that this was me, and I have been in this hell trying to save as many as possible before I came back to heaven, I had been there for what seems to be an eternity, and in fact this was true, I was shown that this is more like hell then we thing.... I was walked through my fears, my pain, my feelings of worthlessness, I thought that after I was shown this place that I would be taken from it again, but when I began to go back to a heavenly realm I was very angry and I saw these beings that were in charge of showing me my broken self, I asked why they had to be so harsh in showing me the truth of my form, they could only reply that they have too,, it's the only way to wake me up, that it was the only way to make sure I didn't get lost completely. I realized then that what I was experiencing was some REALLY REALLY tough love. At this point I felt like the man in hell asking Abraham for a drop of water to cool my tongue... Now all I want to do now that I'm back is to tell all, THE GOOD NEWS. But not what you think....... And to love everyone, because only love can bring man from the brink, we're all in this together..
And then a women's voice told me we have to send you back, she said I'm so sorry but you have to see or you could be lost, I saw the beings that were in charge of taking me through this place, this hell, which was my self, but also all things at once, it seemed to hurt them to have to be so harsh and I was still very upset that they were still going to go through with showing me more of hell, more of my self. I was shown though,, that they could only take me as far as I would allow at the time, I tried to relax and told them I was ready, from here on it was sort of a mess, I was sad all the time, sad that they lead me here again, I just wanted to go back home., I could hear a voice, inside, that kept telling me while I'm back here, keep in mind that you are connected to God, that I am not this form and that I am saved and I won't be held in this place forever, I realized that I was returning to this reality, I was coming down, and realized that I was again in "Hell" Now that I'm back I have had many questions answered, the voice from with in is now stronger, and clearer then ever before, what was once a distant whisper is now an ocean of love. God is SCREAMING TO BE REUNITED WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE. A LONGING THAT WAS SHARED WITH ME, A LONGING THAT I WILL CARRY WITH ME FOREVER..
Amen
Age 25
Weight 186 pounds
Substance(S):
Banisteriopsis Caapi. Harmine. Tea Aporx. 4 Grams
Powdered psilocybin cubensis caps. Psilocybin. Eaten. Aprox. 1 and a half Gram
A walk through the human existence. Heaven and hell.
I had some P. Cubensis left over from my last trip, which was a flop, didn't have much of an experience at all, but this stuff (One gram of Cubes) looked to be almost 100% Mushroom caps which is the most potent part of the mushroom. I wanted a light trip, but I wanted to do something different this time, as well, so I woke up in the morning and brewed 4 grams of B Caapi, I did only one 4 hour wash, thinking this would be enough for a light dose, BOY WAS I WRONG YIKES.
This would be my first time ever trying Caapi, but wasn't expecting much at all really. I waited until night time to begin the experience, sat in front of my laptop, the tea was easy, and felt the onset with in the first few moments which surprised me, I was first greeted my a loving and warm entity, very faint, but I could feel she was there, (Perhaps this is mother aya the teacher known to Ayahuasca, (but for some reason any time I use psycho actives I'm always encountered by this women but after the experience I knew she was different, she is a teacher) I felt elevated , and very relaxed mentally, of course there was still the uneasy feeling of having to let go of everything you thought was real.. (Added) Actually this is the process of death, letting go of what I thought you were. This is something that I forgot to mention in the report,, at one point while letting go, (Which is the psychedelic process) At one point I left my humanness, I was deeply deeply saddened to leave my humanness, I even asked God not to take me that far.. But I let go anyways, and this is where the journey really began........
I went out side, and took a long hit off my pipe, some very nice weed, which really spruced up the feeling of the high, PURE euphoria. I sat back and tried to free my mind, I began by asking with my spirit, what God was, As soon as I put this question forward, I felt my self being lifted off, in to a beautiful expansive pure loving energy, I've never seen anything like it. I saw things in this place, and was shown that I was God, I asked why I was here, I was shown small glimpses of what I was, and what God is, and started to come down, or So I thought, I was disappointed at how this trip wasn't as long or as wonderful as I would have liked it, I took the rest of my cubes thinking that it might kick start the experience, and sat back and just waited and began telling God that I knew I hadn't given my self 100% to the experience or to the substance it's self, but I wanted to see my purpose, my life, I wanted to be shown everything that is unusually shown to those who have moved past the veil, those who had given them self's 100% to the ayahuasca experience..
I was taken suddenly and began to feel very fearful, I saw that I was going to be given exactly what I wanted to see. At this point I knew this was going to be far, far heavier then I was expecting.. I took a deep breath and dove in to this beautiful experience, I was full on full blown in hyperspace, the highest I have ever been in my entire life, now I was screaming down a huge tunnel, I past what seemed to be fairly light filled beings, but they were accusing me and showing me my sins, but I kept walking, saying to them no I am clean, you can't touch me, I said to them- no that isn't me, and they tried so hard to show me that I wasn't worthy to be in the presence of my father, I saw then that they are not sins AGAINST GOD but rather, sins against your being, which ultimately separates you from the peace glory and love which is the foulness of God, in fact, we are under what seems to be a spell, it's difficult to understand, the soul doesn't come to this existence just one time, I saw that souls are somehow recycled, and continue on and this is why the human soul feels fear of hell, and being lost and forgotten, but I saw we are here on a mission, an uncountable sea of souls,, a unified mass of specially picked souls to take the enormous task of saving man kind and helping them come to an understanding of there Divine connection with God, and usher in the kingdom of heaven, on earth as it is in heaven.... But it's not what we think either, we choose to continue, we choose to go on in this mission, we dive, in to darkness, -- Hell-- which is in fact this existence, but it's also heaven, JUST beyond the veil, just beyond human understanding, actually when you finally see it it's as if you were shown something you aren't supposed to see, and it pisses something off pretty bad when you look, (I actually believed while there, that this angry entity, is the Angel set there to hide the garden of Eden from us as mentioned in the bible)...... I find every time I'm given a glimpse of what is hidden from the human potential, I can't believe how funny it is, it's so strange to see the kingdom at hand. "Just behind the veil" The only way I can describe it is, What if you walked down the street one day and suddenly some crazy ass other dimensional being walks up to you, like a scene from Narnia when Eustace Scrubb saw Narnia for the first time, and a half man and half bull walks up to him and before then he thought of such things as fairy tail of fake, and this bull started talking to him, and he faints from utter fear and astonishment.. It truly is THAT ASTONISHING when you see it, So so simple yet completely hidden from the human experience.. When I watched this I thought to my self I would have laughed my ass off, and not fainted in fear... When you see it.... You laugh and say "This is actually REAL!!!!!!!?????? SHIT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY EXISTS??????"
I was in heaven indescribable, heaven, no words to describe, to describe heaven is an absolute injustice to the actual thing, it's like being hooked up to a monkeys mind, with wires and such, and trying to explain a nuclear reaction to a two year old.......... I sat there in front of the computer GONE. I called God, and I remember my self standing there, I opened my eyes, and declared in the spirit that, I AM HE, I realized it was me who said it, but it felt like God in me, I asked what God was, and I was carried off and shown a world that was indescribable, seriously almost no word, the best I can do is, tell it like this, WE ARE GOD. I AM THAT I AM. IN LOVE WITH MY BRIDE, BUT YOU GIVE YOUR SELF AWAY!!!!!!
I was asked if I wanted to stay, in this place, heaven, I saw angels, many of them, it was so strange, I felt like Christ, how at any moment the angels could have swept down at ANY MOMENT to take me from this place, it was as if they were waiting for me in case I drift to far away- from my actual purpose here on earth. And if things got really tough the angels would come in and save me. There we're a few angles in one part of this experience who actually came to me in my form, and were very upset that I was even considering leaving, (I Believe I was partnered with a few choice angel Friends, old friends) they were sad,, it was, like I was giving up or something, I also got the impression that these beings, all of them, were not separate from me, and that they came part way with me to help me through, We told everyone that we could save humanity, (There are those who think we're wasting our time benevolent angels) and they were all upset because of how often I speak of wanting to die, and any time I spoke of suicide, they will always help me, but pisses them off something great when we piss on our gift here on earth. After this I was transported by spirit to a place that I can only describe as,,, Well, hell. But it isn't like you think, not at all, we all seem to think that the spiritual realm is some how separate or that hell is where we go when we die, but in fact, it's not like that, there is no dualism, heaven and hell are one part of an entire whole that exists and somehow makes up the reality we experience on a daily basis. This reality, when it is said that the kingdom is at hand, well, as long as the human reality does not include the kingdom of heaven or the new Jerusalem, that was promised, the new vibration that will one day be given to man kind upon the perfection of heaven on earth, and glorification of God, and second coming of the CHRIST WITHIN, until that day, we belong to the hell we live in, the kingdom of the dark one, in fact our fallen form is not what we think, it's that the human entity agreed to do this, to dive in to the depths of hell to retrieve the human species and to see to it the return of Christ to humanity, NOT the man Jesus, BUT Christ within. (I'm not knocking Jesus) He really did come here to show us our potential.....
When I was taken from heaven, I was lead to a place, I was shown what we were before we came to earth, that we are all God, parts of God, an ocean of soul, of pure consciousness, a dream, but more real then this reality, but this reality is also dreamed by you through God.,, You are the dreamer simultaneously being dreamed...We need to wake to the dream like nature of ALL THINGS not just heaven and hell, but this as well, back on the other side of the Vail, that we call reality...
I was guided through this place and realized something absolutely terrifying, that it was ME!! that I was being shown, I was taken to a place in this hell, and I was shown a being, a soul, unspeakable, tortured, it looked like me but I was twisted and strange like a confused red and evil looking, mechanical thing, lost in a sea of confusion, I was told that very few venture here for fear of losing them self's completely, I was shown that this was me, and I have been in this hell trying to save as many as possible before I came back to heaven, I had been there for what seems to be an eternity, and in fact this was true, I was shown that this is more like hell then we thing.... I was walked through my fears, my pain, my feelings of worthlessness, I thought that after I was shown this place that I would be taken from it again, but when I began to go back to a heavenly realm I was very angry and I saw these beings that were in charge of showing me my broken self, I asked why they had to be so harsh in showing me the truth of my form, they could only reply that they have too,, it's the only way to wake me up, that it was the only way to make sure I didn't get lost completely. I realized then that what I was experiencing was some REALLY REALLY tough love. At this point I felt like the man in hell asking Abraham for a drop of water to cool my tongue... Now all I want to do now that I'm back is to tell all, THE GOOD NEWS. But not what you think....... And to love everyone, because only love can bring man from the brink, we're all in this together..
And then a women's voice told me we have to send you back, she said I'm so sorry but you have to see or you could be lost, I saw the beings that were in charge of taking me through this place, this hell, which was my self, but also all things at once, it seemed to hurt them to have to be so harsh and I was still very upset that they were still going to go through with showing me more of hell, more of my self. I was shown though,, that they could only take me as far as I would allow at the time, I tried to relax and told them I was ready, from here on it was sort of a mess, I was sad all the time, sad that they lead me here again, I just wanted to go back home., I could hear a voice, inside, that kept telling me while I'm back here, keep in mind that you are connected to God, that I am not this form and that I am saved and I won't be held in this place forever, I realized that I was returning to this reality, I was coming down, and realized that I was again in "Hell" Now that I'm back I have had many questions answered, the voice from with in is now stronger, and clearer then ever before, what was once a distant whisper is now an ocean of love. God is SCREAMING TO BE REUNITED WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE. A LONGING THAT WAS SHARED WITH ME, A LONGING THAT I WILL CARRY WITH ME FOREVER..
Amen