Acolyte
Rising Star
[this experience originally occurred January 2010]
I had just downed my first small glass of Ayahuasca--it held only a few milligrams of DMT and tasted terrible. My bucket was ready, but I quieted my revulsion. Feeling ridiculous I glanced at the plants around me for support and laid down on the couch under a blanket. I had done all my yoga, said my “prayers” and meditated. I was even wearing a tie because this was my first time ever with DMT and wanted my first meeting the others and the beyond to be special.
My thoughts began to drift and a slight buzzing came over me like riding on a silent yet very active lawn mower. Music played in my head--it was Elgar’s Pomp And Circumstance, the cliché graduation theme! This felt like a welcome sign. Then after a few minutes the music began to distort. It became techno-istic, like a dance party in the future and I saw the dim shapes of a futuristic looking wine bar full of futuristic hipsters and this was their music. Then the music became crazier: like walking into a small room utterly crammed with arcade machines blasting beyond full volume. I became uneasy and irritated. The music was making me sick…oh uh.
I opened my eyes and stumbled onto the floor and to my bucket near the couch: out everything went. I heaved. No no no!! I had worked so hard, put months of effort and planning into this one moment and my stupid body vomited it all out after only thirteen minuets?!? I cried in to the bucket with strands of saliva hanging off my face; it was all over and for nothing. I felt physically better, my mind was all too sober and my nerves were a bit raw. Still hunched on the floor, I rested my head on the couch cushion in quite defeat. After a few minutes, I decided to climb properly on the couch and take a nap--suddenly a quiet, yet very direct voice within me whispered: Stay.
Then, dim as a daydream and with my eyes closed, the following scenes unfolded: I saw a three-dimensional doorframe crafted from gold bricks. It disappeared once I acknowledged it. Dim colors started to pulsate, and the crazy music was back (although quietly so). My mid flashed to the side of a desert mountain and I was just behind some men in suits and nice shoes running down the rocks—there was something in the sky and it was big and flat and not supposed to be there.
My mind flashed again--to a memory: there sat two folding chairs in a small pool of light surrounded by darkness and sitting on the left chair leaning forward looking at me was a man with a buzzed haircut dressed business casual clothing. This didn’t seem right, I didn’t remember this? Wait, you’re an entity?! I asked him. He pursed his lips, tilted his head back bored acknowledgment and the whole image disappeared.
The colors were back. Two green dots popped into the exact front and center of my vision. A voice said: focus. I looked at them in confusion as they had instantly disappeared before I could even look, I felt I had screwed up someone’s test--I hadn’t enough time to do a proper job… But the techno arcade music got crazy again and I felt myself spinning. I was the size of a fly orbiting a giant plastic clown shaped like a Russian nesting doll. The clown was dim and in shades of dark reds and whites and made me uncomfortable.
I quickly found myself in a fair ground just after dusk. The sky was mostly dark. I was walking the lanes and every both was lit up and working, but no one was around? Just the strange, fair-like arcade music. Each row I came to was empty. I felt alone.
I then saw a small clearing next to some concession stands and a few rides. Now I was looking down at if from perhaps twenty feet off the ground and slowly drifting higher as if I was in a hot air balloon. Then at thirty feet up, I saw just fewer than two dozen smiling people simultaneously converge from multiple directions of the fair to the center of the clearing below me. As they walked, they waved, and as they gathered they waved me goodbye as I rose higher into the sky. They were happy and of multiple ethnic backgrounds and ages and dressed in semi-casual business attire and very friendly looking. I felt deeply touched at this last minuet goodbye.
The fair faded away into a dim colorful mist and the mist faded into two mirrored jagged dancing lines like a colorful oscilloscope that moved farther away from me as it disappeared. I felt a vague *finished*. I was back, and opened my eyes. I was home.
I haven’t written about this experience before because it is one that has taken me nine months to fully appreciate. I didn’t realize it at the time how tremendously special it was to me. I can’t imagine how little DMT I actually had in my system because I hadn’t taken that much in the first place and I immediately vomited it up.
I was tremendously surprised at how dim the whole experience was; it was like part dream and part day-dream, and yet part something else I had no control over. It was as if my daydreams had suddenly run away from me, but all the while I had remained “me.” Despite its subtly, my session against the couch seemed undeniably external... but frustratingly so because it was so dim. Yet how else could I interact with the unimaginable?
Despite my absence, I have always loved you all.
much peace,
A.
I had just downed my first small glass of Ayahuasca--it held only a few milligrams of DMT and tasted terrible. My bucket was ready, but I quieted my revulsion. Feeling ridiculous I glanced at the plants around me for support and laid down on the couch under a blanket. I had done all my yoga, said my “prayers” and meditated. I was even wearing a tie because this was my first time ever with DMT and wanted my first meeting the others and the beyond to be special.
My thoughts began to drift and a slight buzzing came over me like riding on a silent yet very active lawn mower. Music played in my head--it was Elgar’s Pomp And Circumstance, the cliché graduation theme! This felt like a welcome sign. Then after a few minutes the music began to distort. It became techno-istic, like a dance party in the future and I saw the dim shapes of a futuristic looking wine bar full of futuristic hipsters and this was their music. Then the music became crazier: like walking into a small room utterly crammed with arcade machines blasting beyond full volume. I became uneasy and irritated. The music was making me sick…oh uh.
I opened my eyes and stumbled onto the floor and to my bucket near the couch: out everything went. I heaved. No no no!! I had worked so hard, put months of effort and planning into this one moment and my stupid body vomited it all out after only thirteen minuets?!? I cried in to the bucket with strands of saliva hanging off my face; it was all over and for nothing. I felt physically better, my mind was all too sober and my nerves were a bit raw. Still hunched on the floor, I rested my head on the couch cushion in quite defeat. After a few minutes, I decided to climb properly on the couch and take a nap--suddenly a quiet, yet very direct voice within me whispered: Stay.
Then, dim as a daydream and with my eyes closed, the following scenes unfolded: I saw a three-dimensional doorframe crafted from gold bricks. It disappeared once I acknowledged it. Dim colors started to pulsate, and the crazy music was back (although quietly so). My mid flashed to the side of a desert mountain and I was just behind some men in suits and nice shoes running down the rocks—there was something in the sky and it was big and flat and not supposed to be there.
My mind flashed again--to a memory: there sat two folding chairs in a small pool of light surrounded by darkness and sitting on the left chair leaning forward looking at me was a man with a buzzed haircut dressed business casual clothing. This didn’t seem right, I didn’t remember this? Wait, you’re an entity?! I asked him. He pursed his lips, tilted his head back bored acknowledgment and the whole image disappeared.
The colors were back. Two green dots popped into the exact front and center of my vision. A voice said: focus. I looked at them in confusion as they had instantly disappeared before I could even look, I felt I had screwed up someone’s test--I hadn’t enough time to do a proper job… But the techno arcade music got crazy again and I felt myself spinning. I was the size of a fly orbiting a giant plastic clown shaped like a Russian nesting doll. The clown was dim and in shades of dark reds and whites and made me uncomfortable.
I quickly found myself in a fair ground just after dusk. The sky was mostly dark. I was walking the lanes and every both was lit up and working, but no one was around? Just the strange, fair-like arcade music. Each row I came to was empty. I felt alone.
I then saw a small clearing next to some concession stands and a few rides. Now I was looking down at if from perhaps twenty feet off the ground and slowly drifting higher as if I was in a hot air balloon. Then at thirty feet up, I saw just fewer than two dozen smiling people simultaneously converge from multiple directions of the fair to the center of the clearing below me. As they walked, they waved, and as they gathered they waved me goodbye as I rose higher into the sky. They were happy and of multiple ethnic backgrounds and ages and dressed in semi-casual business attire and very friendly looking. I felt deeply touched at this last minuet goodbye.
The fair faded away into a dim colorful mist and the mist faded into two mirrored jagged dancing lines like a colorful oscilloscope that moved farther away from me as it disappeared. I felt a vague *finished*. I was back, and opened my eyes. I was home.
I haven’t written about this experience before because it is one that has taken me nine months to fully appreciate. I didn’t realize it at the time how tremendously special it was to me. I can’t imagine how little DMT I actually had in my system because I hadn’t taken that much in the first place and I immediately vomited it up.
I was tremendously surprised at how dim the whole experience was; it was like part dream and part day-dream, and yet part something else I had no control over. It was as if my daydreams had suddenly run away from me, but all the while I had remained “me.” Despite its subtly, my session against the couch seemed undeniably external... but frustratingly so because it was so dim. Yet how else could I interact with the unimaginable?
Despite my absence, I have always loved you all.
much peace,
A.
