This made me think. In all my past relationships I have been torn up by tore up with sadness when they ended. My last relationship, with a girl who I strongly felt was right for me, began to turn bad. She became emotionally abusive to me. I believe I have mild aspergers, and this interferes with my social skills and abilities to express emotion normally. She would drink and become spiteful, calling me an emotionless robot and that I didn't love her, and when I would begin to cry she would call me a little bitch and that she never dated a guy who cried as much as I would, which in my opinion contradicts her earlier claims of me being a robot. I kept telling her I just express love differently. I was the one who worked, gave up all my free time I used to spend gaming and meditating/tripping, and even had to come home to clean up the house because she was to depressed to clean. I have to stop myself before this becomes a rant. Anyways when she broke up with me I did not feel the usual pain, actually I was relieved at first, and put the hurt into the forget this bin. I hadn't stopped the hurt from coming. It came. Somehow or other it came just the same.

I think you are right about when you cry on these substances that it needed to be. It is part of the experience and is necessary for resolution. Sometimes I very much enjoy it, even when the pained memories grieve me to my core. That is my limitation on 'enjoying pain' I am not as stalwart as some of you nexians are.

Thanks for everyone's advice, like Vodsel mentioned, it is difficult to address someones problems when you don't know them at all, but they way these responses spoke to me make it seem like it was actually easy to do, just speaking things that resonate and letting the pieces fall as they may.

I feel like this community is going to help me on my journey whether I outright ask for advice or not.

So on a different note how many posts do I need to get promoted? Can I post on any board in this welcome forum section? Also I have a few trippy stories to tell. Some are dangerous things I would never repeat, but others may learn from and enjoy reading, I don't know if these kinds are allowed or not. I am most interested in the music and art sections here, discovering the true nature of these ambient psychedelic musics while tripping is simply amazing and has inspired and improved my life in some of the most fundamental ways. Never heard the word Shpongle before I started lurking here lol.