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akwalek

Rising Star
Hi everyone :)

I think I'm ready to ask Aya to be my teacher. Right now I am slowly preparing for my first journey.

Frankly, I don't know exactly what I'm looking for... maybe just a pointer on where to start looking. All I know is that I'm not content with this strictly materialistic description of the world – it just doesn't make sense.

I'm a newbie gardener, full-time student and hobby seamstress. My spiritual interest has risen anew in the past year, while learning about ecosystems and herbalism and practicing taijiquan. I remember studying the Daodejing and listening to lectures by Alan Watts when I was younger, but that all died off during my dark years.

Yeah... I used to have a destructive relationship to mind-altering substances, among other things. At one point I had a full-blown benzodiazepine addiction, and if I'd stayed with certain people I would probably have been on heroin today. Fortunately, my life took a different turn. But I still stay away from purely hedonistic drug use, and especially addictive substances. They destroy me, and I'm not interested in destruction anymore.

It was pretty recently that I started using hallucinogens again. I use them differently now, though, as I'm not looking to trip for tripping's sake. My intention is always to heal, to learn and to question. They are powerful medicine, and I approach them with humility, respect and patience. If I feel too eager, I wait. There is time.

I am undertaking this journey alone. I don't think that many people in my life would understand or even respect my searching... although I am carefully approaching a few of them. However, that's why I feel it is important to be part of an online community like Nexus, just to be around people who know what it's like when I take the plunge with ayahuasca.

This seems like a nice place... I've been reading the forums and people seem to be very kind and respectful. I hope I can contribute to this community. :)

Love!
 
welcome akwalek,

thank you for the introduction to yourself. I agree that an online community like this can greatly assist in these kind of endeavors especially when we lack support for these interests in our immediate surroundings. Feel free to participate on the forum, ask for directions and share whatever you feel is interesting.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

BTW what do you study?
 
Thank you both! :)

Enoon said:
BTW what do you study?
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It's called "folk high school" here in Scandinavia – I study on a level that I believe is equivalent to the last year of high school in the US, in order to be qualified for university. I dropped out when I was supposed to do it (see: dark years... :S)
 
Hello akwalek,

Welcome to the Nexus. :D

I really enjoyed reading your introduction essay and felt myself resonating with it quite a bit.

I too was a woman who went through a very dark period, including addiction, then found myself reaching for health and answers and at least with the latter using psychedelics to once again catalyze my search. And this after a 19 year break from tripping. And yeah, my entire approach to tripping had changed. It's probably not surprising that I also now write that tripping itself also completely changed. What was before a catalyst to a party/good time was now a catalyst to growth, insight, understanding and a budding sort of non-religious spirituality.

Your journey sounds wonderful. How do you like gardening? Do you, like me, find it to be therapeutic?

I've got to say that I have found my experiences with ayahuasca and pharmahuasca to be very healing and cleansing, both physically and psychologically. I seldom got what I thought I wanted from these trips but I almost always got what I very much needed at the time. I certainly hope you achieve the same and more as you journey with aya.

How do you plan on making your first brew? I do hope you will keep us posted, both on the brewing and the actual journey itself, should you choose to share.

I'm sorry you feel you alone. Hopefully, by joining this community, we can help you feel that you are among friends and those who care.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.
 
Thank you Pandora for your welcoming and openhearted answer. I see stories similar to ours everywhere – people who've had a difficult past, recovered from addiction, and turned to psychedelics for healing. It feels good to know that there are more people out there who understand this path that to so many others may seem illogical.

Pandora said:
How do you like gardening? Do you, like me, find it to be therapeutic?
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Therapeutic, yes – very much so. It brings rhythm and regularity in a way that is very healing to me. Working with your body is good. Creating is good, taking care of life is good. After a day's hard work, you feel content, your sleep is deep and you wake up well-rested. It's a life of simplicity.

I was lucky to find work at an upstarting permaculture garden this summer. It was a life-changing experience – I have completely reconsidered what I would like to do for a living in the future. Now that I'm back in school it feels like I'm going insane sometimes. Sitting still all day, using my head but never my body, feeling the sun on my skin only while waiting for the bus? Oh, it's just not the way I want to live. Let me shovel some dung now, please!

Also... knowing the whole life cycle of the plants that in turn bring me life, has changed the way I look upon the world and place myself in it. I could call it turning away from an anthropocentric worldview, perhaps. I'm beginning to understand the plants as beings. Starting to wildcraft plants for medicine has also led me to this insight. I can't quite put it into words yet, but I hope that it'll be clearer soon.

Up until now, my only gardening space has been my balcony, but when next year's growing season begins, I'll have my very own allotment. It's going to be hard work and I'm so much looking forward to it :)

I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts about gardening, too!

Pandora said:
How do you plan on making your first brew? I do hope you will keep us posted, both on the brewing and the actual journey itself, should you choose to share.
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The brewing process will be careful. I enjoy rituals. :)
In a few weeks' time, I'll dedicate a weekend to Aya. Friday night, I'll clean up my space, smudge, prepare and decorate the area where I'll spend the next day.
Saturday, I'll get up early and start brewing. I'll meditate. I'll talk to the brew... it'll be a way to figure out my intentions, connect with my feelings, pour all my love into the brew and just be open, soft, and present. I'll stay close to it all day. When the brew is reduced and the bucket is lined, I'll drink.
Sunday will be spent reflecting and writing – which hopefully will lead to a post on this forum. :)

The proportions will probably be 1:2 of Chakruna:Yage. I have read recommendations ranging from 1:1 to 1:7, and I still don't understand in which way the proportions affect the finished brew. But maybe it doesn't matter. I figure 1:2 is a good starting point from where I can develop a personal relationship to the plants, and after I while I'll know how it works.

Pandora said:
Again, welcome to the Nexus.
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Thank you. :)
 
I am very excited to hear about how this goes for you . . . my that time passed quickly - Saturday is already here, :D.

Your permaculture work sounds amazing. My work with gardening is a bit less ambitious to say the least. I have an indoor cannabis grow and assist my brother with a more ambitious yearly outdoor grow. I have enjoyed everything from learning about the entire lifecycle and reproduction options of the plant, as well as general caretaking and problem solving. I talk to my "ladies" daily and find that lifting/shifting the pots frequently is good exercise. I love the feeling of soil on my hands - I was meant to be working in the ground at least a couple hours a day.

Each time my brother does his grow he attempts to use 100% of the plant. He uses strictly organic nutrients and brags about putting O2 back into the air. We smoke the buds, make hash oil out of the shake/trim and smaller buds as well as cannabutter. He uses the stalks as kindling in his hearth and saves larger ones for a family project making homemade paper. The root balls are ground up and go right back into the soil.
 
welcome to the forum. Glad to hear you are a survivor of a hedonistic circumstance. Keep with the path. Sorry to hear about your friends I hope they find something truly satisfying in their lives and a reason to move forward. I have a feeling you will get along well here, and have a lot to share.
 
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