Hello akwalek,

Welcome to the Nexus. 

I really enjoyed reading your introduction essay and felt myself resonating with it quite a bit. 

I too was a woman who went through a very dark period, including addiction, then found myself reaching for health and answers and at least with the latter using psychedelics to once again catalyze my search.  And this after a 19 year break from tripping.  And yeah, my entire approach to tripping had changed.  It's probably not surprising that I also now write that tripping itself also completely changed.  What was before a catalyst to a party/good time was now a catalyst to growth, insight, understanding and a budding sort of non-religious spirituality.

Your journey sounds wonderful.  How do you like gardening?  Do you, like me, find it to be therapeutic?

I've got to say that I have found my experiences with ayahuasca and pharmahuasca to be very healing and cleansing, both physically and psychologically.  I seldom got what I thought I wanted from these trips but I almost always got what I very much needed at the time.  I certainly hope you achieve the same and more as you journey with aya.

How do you plan on making your first brew?  I do hope you will keep us posted, both on the brewing and the actual journey itself, should you choose to share.

I'm sorry you feel you alone.  Hopefully, by joining this community, we can help you feel that you are among friends and those who care.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.