Well, howdy.
It seems that I have worried some mods due to my recent erratic behavior.
I would like to use this space as a platform to, well, kinda get myself out of trouble.
I'd like to briefly outline why I'm here, what brought me, and where I intend to go, ad far a the Nexus goes.
This community has helped me on so many ways,I feel like I've let it down.
I came here a little while ago, shortly after having an illuminating ego-death from the molecule.
It gave me power, but.I did not know how to wield it.
I nearly went insane after putting into practice the pranayama and kundalini techniques that were given to me on the hyper-trance. It was the Nexus that has helped me to mold that power into what is becoming something useful.
When I came here,I was at the tail end of a LONG term-25 year.hard-core addiction to heroin, in methadone, , titrating my dose to zero.
Because of circumstance related to my inability to co-dependently victimize people any more, I ended up living on the street, and began another run, since at that time,I did Mott know how to cope with bring homeless without heroin. I've learned.
Despite the trauma of bring on the street,I learned how not only deal with out but thrive.
I've been in school for a year now, at a community college in Oregon, having returned at 42 years old after dropping out of 10th grade, to earn a under grad degree, and possibly pursue a doctorate if.I'm don't have a best seller on the shelf by then.
While most things in my life are fantastic, having a future is a novel experience fort me, and i like it., a tragedy struck close to me recently that i did NOT handle well, or as well as I should have. A ex-boyfriend of a girlfriend killed himself over his perceived inability to stop his heroin use, which was the only demand she made of him to come back.
Long story shirt, it messed me up.
And in the midst of that pain, on order to stop feeling,i calculatedly used drugs. Benzos, beer, and heroin, which while a deadly combo,i used in a manner, and amounts that were safe.
While thus worked for me,i slept,I awoke and was no longer so wrapped up in my friends pain that now i could actually help her.
What bugs me now is that, for one, i got to the place i was in, on the first place, and that despite searching my tools, and using what was available, nothing worked. So I went to my standby, hey F ed up enough to not feel.
I am sorry that I concerned trav, oly mon, and alpha enough to put me in harm reduction, and now, apparently back on the nursery.
While this action is really validating deep seated separation and isolation anxiety I have, and I must say,i disagree with the action and its efficacy,I do understand the intent.
One good thing that the hr ex-com caused was for me to reflect a little harder than i may have, and take action, using resources that I have at hand.
I can now be there for my friend, she is laughing at my stupid jokes again, already, and we are having lunch today, I hope.
Life is good, the name of God is something along the lines of "thank you", and the people i see here remind me that there ifs a strong community, fighting for the sanity of the human rave, and I an honored to be a member.
I understand that I am just a memberof a larger entity, and my actions can be seen as representative of it, whether my intention poor not.
Psychedelics put me on the road to wellness, to real healing, and while I have a long way to go,I do believe my voice and actions can bee of real benefit to the Nexus, and the psychedelic community at larger.
I have dedicated my life more, to writing, researching and promoting their efficacy, and legitimate use, through mature and responsible advocacy.
I also know that what we do its illegal.
I had written what was taken as an attempt to meet people in my local stew, which it was, and was a no-no. I know better. I wasn't high when I wrote that, but i have been very discombobulated lately, and very much feeling alone.
I was looking for validation, when i have it in front of me all the time.
So with all this said, it is with heavy heart that I fear I am no longer a part of this community. I will read,as long as trav and the powers that be deem me worthy of the information (I don't mean that as sarcastically ad it sounds, y'all are gatekeepers,I understand that too,we all have a certain responsibility to let certain in, and keep some out,I hate to say)
So I hope that I am learning to use my voice well enough to communicate effectively my position and feelings, without judgment, and ad ego less as I can.
I really love you guys, as trying and annoyingas I can be, this is all I'm saying on this.
Y'all can either vote, our whatever you do, pray to a 4 dimensional squid after feeding it human pineals,i don't know, and let me back on or not.
In my life outside the Nexus I uphold our principles pretty well, admirably in fact. I have unveiled my entheoogenic agenda at school, in all three classes last term (with a 4.0, I add) to applause and private positive reaction. I would like the continued support and access to knowledge the Nexus provides me.
Thatch
Thank You,
IN LVX,CGE
ASHR AHIH ASHR
It seems that I have worried some mods due to my recent erratic behavior.
I would like to use this space as a platform to, well, kinda get myself out of trouble.
I'd like to briefly outline why I'm here, what brought me, and where I intend to go, ad far a the Nexus goes.
This community has helped me on so many ways,I feel like I've let it down.
I came here a little while ago, shortly after having an illuminating ego-death from the molecule.
It gave me power, but.I did not know how to wield it.
I nearly went insane after putting into practice the pranayama and kundalini techniques that were given to me on the hyper-trance. It was the Nexus that has helped me to mold that power into what is becoming something useful.
When I came here,I was at the tail end of a LONG term-25 year.hard-core addiction to heroin, in methadone, , titrating my dose to zero.
Because of circumstance related to my inability to co-dependently victimize people any more, I ended up living on the street, and began another run, since at that time,I did Mott know how to cope with bring homeless without heroin. I've learned.
Despite the trauma of bring on the street,I learned how not only deal with out but thrive.
I've been in school for a year now, at a community college in Oregon, having returned at 42 years old after dropping out of 10th grade, to earn a under grad degree, and possibly pursue a doctorate if.I'm don't have a best seller on the shelf by then.
While most things in my life are fantastic, having a future is a novel experience fort me, and i like it., a tragedy struck close to me recently that i did NOT handle well, or as well as I should have. A ex-boyfriend of a girlfriend killed himself over his perceived inability to stop his heroin use, which was the only demand she made of him to come back.
Long story shirt, it messed me up.
And in the midst of that pain, on order to stop feeling,i calculatedly used drugs. Benzos, beer, and heroin, which while a deadly combo,i used in a manner, and amounts that were safe.
While thus worked for me,i slept,I awoke and was no longer so wrapped up in my friends pain that now i could actually help her.
What bugs me now is that, for one, i got to the place i was in, on the first place, and that despite searching my tools, and using what was available, nothing worked. So I went to my standby, hey F ed up enough to not feel.
I am sorry that I concerned trav, oly mon, and alpha enough to put me in harm reduction, and now, apparently back on the nursery.
While this action is really validating deep seated separation and isolation anxiety I have, and I must say,i disagree with the action and its efficacy,I do understand the intent.
One good thing that the hr ex-com caused was for me to reflect a little harder than i may have, and take action, using resources that I have at hand.
I can now be there for my friend, she is laughing at my stupid jokes again, already, and we are having lunch today, I hope.
Life is good, the name of God is something along the lines of "thank you", and the people i see here remind me that there ifs a strong community, fighting for the sanity of the human rave, and I an honored to be a member.
I understand that I am just a memberof a larger entity, and my actions can be seen as representative of it, whether my intention poor not.
Psychedelics put me on the road to wellness, to real healing, and while I have a long way to go,I do believe my voice and actions can bee of real benefit to the Nexus, and the psychedelic community at larger.
I have dedicated my life more, to writing, researching and promoting their efficacy, and legitimate use, through mature and responsible advocacy.
I also know that what we do its illegal.
I had written what was taken as an attempt to meet people in my local stew, which it was, and was a no-no. I know better. I wasn't high when I wrote that, but i have been very discombobulated lately, and very much feeling alone.
I was looking for validation, when i have it in front of me all the time.
So with all this said, it is with heavy heart that I fear I am no longer a part of this community. I will read,as long as trav and the powers that be deem me worthy of the information (I don't mean that as sarcastically ad it sounds, y'all are gatekeepers,I understand that too,we all have a certain responsibility to let certain in, and keep some out,I hate to say)
So I hope that I am learning to use my voice well enough to communicate effectively my position and feelings, without judgment, and ad ego less as I can.
I really love you guys, as trying and annoyingas I can be, this is all I'm saying on this.
Y'all can either vote, our whatever you do, pray to a 4 dimensional squid after feeding it human pineals,i don't know, and let me back on or not.
In my life outside the Nexus I uphold our principles pretty well, admirably in fact. I have unveiled my entheoogenic agenda at school, in all three classes last term (with a 4.0, I add) to applause and private positive reaction. I would like the continued support and access to knowledge the Nexus provides me.
Thatch
Thank You,
IN LVX,CGE
ASHR AHIH ASHR
