Non Dualist reporting in

[Bas Sarkin]

Hello fellow beings

Lets tell a little about me. Not to go into too much detail, I had a horrible youth. Born in a Dutch strict christian sect. Autistic. Abused by leaders and family. Escaped from home at 15. Fought the law at 18. The law won. Dosing weed for 30+ years every day all day to escape reality. Got paranoid. Ditched all my friends. Hermit life for 7 years. Then got a dog, that had to be put down, as it was 'mean'. But he was just scared, so I took him in instead. Walking and training with him made me go outside again, together with my cats. When I thought he would die (he suddenly could not stand anymore, I thought he was having a stroke or something), I had had it. I sought help, and ditched the weed. The dog was all right, he just had geriatric vestibular syndrome, an inner ear problem, he revalidated pretty good.

Did all kind of drugs a few times, LSD, molly, shrooms, opium, speed. Never touched brown or white, though. When I got my dog, I smoked some DMT. That opened my eyes to the non-dualistic nature of... well, nature. I felt, experienced, that there is only one consiousness, looking at the world through my eyes, your eyes, the dogs eyes, trees, every atom. Its difficult to explain in words. It is very close (if not completely the same as) advaita vedanta, from the first hindu veda's, written by people on soma (recipe lost in time). Just like kykeon (that the greeck philosophers used). And the shamans. Ego-death is nothing to be afraid for. We are all one.

According to me, its like we are kinda like ice-cubes. Scooped from a lake at birth. Only to be molten back into that lake at death. The lake is what I call cosmic consiousness. 'God'. Nature.

The Dutch have a proverb: 'Ik wou dat ik twee hondjes was, dan kon ik samen spelen': 'I wish I was two dogs, so I could play together'. This, is, in some way, what God did: created nature, us, to be able to 'play' with each other.

Anyway, now I am 6 months clean from weed, and looking for some mystical, religious experiences. (nods) 5MeO-DMT. And or DMT + MAOI. To shake the last remnants of my long term depression. To be reborn, if that makes sense. For that, I need more knowledge. That I want to find here.

 

[Varallo]

Hi Bas,

Welcome to the nexus, great to have you here, that’s quite the story you have there, a difficult life story. To be quite honest I think that you staying clean from weed is one of the best things you have done for yourself. Then the question arises whether you should want to take other drugs, to again escape reality, or as you word it to cure the ongoing depression. I think the evidence for that psycadelics can cure depression especially outside a clinical setting is low therefore you might end up not helping you.

Any way both the substances you mention are capable of producing mystical experiences and change one’s outlook on life, but from experience they don’t do that on demand and they might very well not help at all.

Maybe zittend voor het vensterglas mij duchtig te vervelen is not such a bad idea.

 

[acacian]

Hey Bas, and welcome

It sounds like you have been through a lot. I was touched by your story about your dog, and the way you see that was not mean natured, but scared. I bet he is much happier by your side. Having someone who understands you is a vital ingredient in feeling safe and happy.

And great job quitting weed after so long! That is no small feat.. the payoff from quitting an abusive relationship with weed can be huge. It was one of my better life decisions for sure. Its like a fog is lifted.. a fog you didn't even know was there until its gone.

I agree with @Varallo that psychedelics curing your depression is not guaranteed, but they can be useful in understanding depression - which can lead to making some steps in the right direction. The ball is in your court after the experience. You might feel a pleasant after glow for a while post journey, but to retain that 'glow' you will need to integrate the experience, and perhaps make some changes to your lifestyle. Otherwise you'll probably find after a while that your depression starts creeping back. Taking psychedelics with the intention of curing anything is bound to disappoint. Taking them with the intention of expanding your mind and immersing yourself in the mystical is perhaps a more constructive way to enter.. at least in my opinion/experience.

Especially with DMT, it often has something other in store for you than you might have hoped. Its often said that DMT doesn't give you what you want, but what you need. This has been true for me. As long as you are open to allowing DMT to show you yourself then you should have a useful experience. Anyways, it sounds like you have a desire to understand yourself, which is good. Are you planning on extracting your own DMT moving forward? Do you know which plant you will work with? As your probably aware there's a vast amount of DMT containing plants. The most popular depending on your location are either Mimosa hostilis or Acacia confusa.

I enjoyed your analogy of that dutch proverb with the nature of God, and it's yearn for experience. In some ways you might say God is a little 'lonely' in it's perfection/singularity.. hence the fall into darkness, and the eventual rediscovery of itself. Its a beautiful idea to sit on.

Look forward to hearing more from you. The search engine will no doubt answer many of your questions. In fact there is a Frequently Asked Questions section which I'd suggest reading through for any initial queries. If that doesn't answer your questions, I'm sure there are many members who will happily help you.

 

[rkba]

Icecubes melting back into the lake. Very nice!

If you think of life as fractals, recalling itself from within, then it becomes clear that one spiritual "life" (icecube) may not be enough "time" to explore the entire structure.

We have the knowledge of the Lake built into our icecube. Retracing the structure recursively may bring us to the origin, or it may not.

Maybe our consciousness is a sheet of ice (we are all one, connected) on a lake. Subject to the seasonal fluctuations of the universe. Our individuality represented by an ice crystal, all connected. With the lakes representing different consciousnesses.

I think that you, more or less, have unraveled the mystery of life far enough. From my current perspective there is a balance to everything and going "too far" in one direction gets one out of balance. Listen to your body, it will tell you when you're far enough, because we have all the information we need within, we just need to learn to "listen".

When you take the path that isn't you can walk the ridge that isn't. There is no spoon.

Therefore I think that to Flux with joy and enjoy the Flux is maybe the ridge that isn't.

You have certainly clawed your way out of a dark valley back onto a ridge-that-isn't. Your knowledge-body has served you well.

Keep "listening" while you surf and enjoy the Flux!

Het gaat je goed!

 

[The Traveler]

Hey Bas,

Welcome to the DMT-Nexus.

Due to our "No sharing of any real life information" rule, I've changed a part of your name (still the same but then in 'Hausa').


Kind regards,

The Traveler

 

[Koduckushi]

I like your analogy of the ice cubes. I think similarly, but the only real difference is that I imagine consciousness as a layer between solvents/insoluble liquids of some kind. Non-sequitur aside, I'm happy to hear that you have overcome so much and seem all the better for it.

Welcome to the Nexus!

 

[Panpsychic]

Hello fellow beings

Lets tell a little about me. Not to go into too much detail, I had a horrible youth. Born in a Dutch strict christian sect. Autistic. Abused by leaders and family. Escaped from home at 15. Fought the law at 18. The law won. Dosing weed for 30+ years every day all day to escape reality. Got paranoid. Ditched all my friends. Hermit life for 7 years. Then got a dog, that had to be put down, as it was 'mean'. But he was just scared, so I took him in instead. Walking and training with him made me go outside again, together with my cats. When I thought he would die (he suddenly could not stand anymore, I thought he was having a stroke or something), I had had it. I sought help, and ditched the weed. The dog was all right, he just had geriatric vestibular syndrome, an inner ear problem, he revalidated pretty good.

Did all kind of drugs a few times, LSD, molly, shrooms, opium, speed. Never touched brown or white, though. When I got my dog, I smoked some DMT. That opened my eyes to the non-dualistic nature of... well, nature. I felt, experienced, that there is only one consiousness, looking at the world through my eyes, your eyes, the dogs eyes, trees, every atom. Its difficult to explain in words. It is very close (if not completely the same as) advaita vedanta, from the first hindu veda's, written by people on soma (recipe lost in time). Just like kykeon (that the greeck philosophers used). And the shamans. Ego-death is nothing to be afraid for. We are all one.

According to me, its like we are kinda like ice-cubes. Scooped from a lake at birth. Only to be molten back into that lake at death. The lake is what I call cosmic consiousness. 'God'. Nature.

The Dutch have a proverb: 'Ik wou dat ik twee hondjes was, dan kon ik samen spelen': 'I wish I was two dogs, so I could play together'. This, is, in some way, what God did: created nature, us, to be able to 'play' with each other.

Anyway, now I am 6 months clean from weed, and looking for some mystical, religious experiences. (nods) 5MeO-DMT. And or DMT + MAOI. To shake the last remnants of my long term depression. To be reborn, if that makes sense. For that, I need more knowledge. That I want to find here.

You have been through quite the journey. I also abandoned weed over a decade ago and have been all the better for it.

You sound like you're in the perfect place to go deeper, and have narrowed in on the compounds to do so. I cant speak of 5-MEO, but drinking Peganum Harmala tea and then smoking changa/freebase DMT is always a deeply numinous experience for me that goes right in the direction you speak. It seems less unpredictable and better for integration and recollection when done in this way than smoking it straight.

Many in the psychedelic community also generally fall into using these tools to enhance and enjoy this life more as an end. There is nothing wrong with that, but as you mention the insights these states of consciousness provide into understanding the larger metaphysical frameworks of some of the spiritual traditions can help take things to a whole nother level.
As the adage goes 'we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience'.
How far you want to go into that spiritual being and development of it will have repurcussions here and in any possible future lives as well.

Lastly I would highly recommend the book "LSD and the Mind of the Universe" by Chris Bache as a great perrenial map that can help with this and working through the various layers involved.

 

[Bas Sarkin]

Then the question arises whether you should want to take other drugs, to again escape reality, or as you word it to cure the ongoing depression. I think the evidence for that psycadelics can cure depression especially outside a clinical setting is low therefore you might end up not helping you.

Thank you for your kind words. I used to want to escape reality, but now I want to experience it fully. The long term depression is nearly gone, the constant feedback loop of weed->time standing still->paranoia->loneliness->more weed perpetuated most of it, and that all came crashing down when I stopped smoking. I did not do it on my own. I have been (and still are being) helped a lot by rehab professionals, for 18 months now, and also got therapy to get things moving, SSRI to combat the symptoms, and EMDR to combat the PTSD that was the root cause of my depression. There is still some remnants, but during/after the EMDR sessions, I could rewire my brain pretty good. Now the 'deep crevasses' of pain and fears in my brain that I used to fall into, have a bridge I can take in stead.

I have talked to the professionals about my plan. They all are on board with it. I know about the possible serotonin poisoning when taking MAOI's while on SSRI's, and talked it over with my psychiatrist who subscribes the SSRI how to prevent an overdose of serotonin (not taking SSRI one full day before and after the MAOI).

I think the evidence for that psycadelics can cure depression especially outside a clinical setting is low therefore you might end up not helping you.

I dont want to 'heal' my depression with DMT/5DMT, but I want to shed the last remnants, like a snake skin. Most of all I would like to feel the non-dualistic reality experience that I had the first (and only) time I smoked DMT. If I dont get that: thats also fine. I just hope for it. No pressure.

Also, I do think it can be pretty useful to overcome depression.

See for example this meta-study by a university: Frontiers | A Phase 1, Dose-Ranging Study to Assess Safety and Psychoactive Effects of a Vaporized 5-Methoxy-N, N-Dimethyltryptamine Formulation (GH001) in Healthy Volunteers
"Many participants in the survey (Davis et al., 2019) self-reported having been diagnosed with depression (41%) or anxiety (48%) and most self-reported that these conditions were improved following 5-MeO-DMT use."

"Previous research with other psychoactive tryptamines has repeatedly demonstrated that the magnitude of a psychedelic experience is a strong predictor of a positive therapeutic response in patients suffering from depression (Roseman et al., 2018; Palhano-Fontes et al., 2019; Romeo et al., 2021). This may be the case for 5-MeO-DMT as well, although a confirmation needs to be obtained"

Or this study on a single person: 5-MeO-DMT for post-traumatic stress disorder: a real-world longitudinal case study
"In this case study, a single dose of vaporized toad bufotoxin, containing 5-MeO-DMT, led to clinically significant improvements in PTSD, with next-day effects. These gains were sustained at 1-, 3-, 6-, and 12-months follow-up. Moreover, the subject showed striking reductions in hopelessness and related suicide risk. These changes were, likewise, durable across time."

"This case study is the first to report the longitudinal effects of 5-MeO-DMT for chronic refractory PTSD, complicated by hopelessness and suicidality. The results showed that 5-MeO-DMT offered fast-acting, robust, and sustained improvements in symptomatology, and was generally tolerable and safe to administer."

 

[Bas Sarkin]

Are you planning on extracting your own DMT moving forward? Do you know which plant you will work with? As your probably aware there's a vast amount of DMT containing plants. The most popular depending on your location are either Mimosa hostilis or Acacia confusa.

For regular DMT: Last time I extracted from some MHRB powder (using the DMT-handbook by Viracocha as tek). I still have a decent amount of the MHRB that I can extract from. I just did finished a test-pull with 1/5th of my stock, waiting for the freeze precipitation. I plan to smoke some freebase, and make some into a fumarate and plug it with some banisteriopsis caapi extract I have.

The 5DMT is a long term plan. Its a research chemical over here, so it will be easy to get some of that in freebase and fumarate form. But I want to be off SSRI first (end of this year if all goes well) for that. For the 5DMT I plan to meditate and go vegetarian and such for two months in advance. Clean my house, my body, my brain, my mind.

 

[Bas Sarkin]

If you think of life as fractals, recalling itself from within, then it becomes clear that one spiritual "life" (icecube) may not be enough "time" to explore the entire structure.

I think that you, more or less, have unraveled the mystery of life far enough. From my current perspective there is a balance to everything and going "too far" in one direction gets one out of balance. Listen to your body, it will tell you when you're far enough, because we have all the information we need within, we just need to learn to "listen".

I think you are right about the fractal nature of nature. I also agree that this one life we have is for sure not enough to understand everything. Our brain would just explode, hehe. Our place is in this body, in this world, this beautiful dreamscape reality. We should not ponder too long in the 'other dimensions', we belong here. Its just fascinating to lift the veil for a moment.

 

[Bas Sarkin]

I like your analogy of the ice cubes. I think similarly, but the only real difference is that I imagine consciousness as a layer between solvents/insoluble liquids of some kind.

Its just an analogy, and all analogies fail at some point, hehe. Your analogy also works pretty well!

Here is another one. I was pondering about Atman and Brahman, an found this analogy to explain how it can be that we are all cosmic consciousness, yet we are 'locked' inside our bodies/own consciousness. Imagine a burning candle. Then hold a bunch of straight straws in your hand, and point them to the flame. Look thru one of the straws. You see the light. Then look thru another straw. You see... the same light! We (our bodies) are the straw. Consciousness is the light. We cannot 'see' the light directly in other straws. But its the same light, that shines thru our straw. Our body is a point of view for that light.

 

[Bas Sarkin]

I would highly recommend the book "LSD and the Mind of the Universe" by Chris Bache as a great perrenial map that can help with this and working through the various layers involved.

I will try to get me a copy, it seems very interesting to me.
In return I want to point to a book I am reading atm: 'Tryptamine Palace: 5-MeO-DMT and the Sonoran Desert Toad' by James Oroc.

 

[Subtlevibrations]

Hey @Bas Sarkin , welcome to the Nexus

Reading your previous comments, it sounds like you have read some Vedanta literature. Vedanta is my chosen vehicle, so if you would ever like to talk about your experiences in that context, or in relation to those teachings, feel free to message me any time! I love discussing the scriptures and their obvious parallels to substance-induced mystic experience. It can also be nice to discuss Entheogenic experience with someone who shares similar attitude as you.

Safe travels,
Sv

 

[Varallo]

Hi Bas,

You seem to have figured this all out, my remarks are not there to stop you from using. I do however hope that you to make an informed decision. Your planning to take one of the most earth shattering psychedelic like 5 meo dmt while still in therapy combined with SSRI, coming out of an addiction of 30 years and ptsd and depression.

To me that seems like a recipe for disaster when you’re unfortunate and have a difficult trip, I have seen people completely destroyed by 5 meo dmt with lasting trauma added on top of their other problems.

I dont want to 'heal' my depression with DMT/5DMT, but I want to shed the last remnants, like a snake skin. Most of all I would like to feel the non-dualistic reality experience that I had the first (and only) time I smoked DMT. If I dont get that: thats also fine. I just hope for it. No pressure.

You might be adding more problems into your life. Is there no other option to get through that last bit. Psychedelics are not a quick fix for mental health.

I have talked to the professionals about my plan. They all are on board with it. I know about the possible serotonin poisoning when taking MAOI's while on SSRI's, and talked it over with my psychiatrist who subscribes the SSRI how to prevent an overdose of serotonin (not taking SSRI one full day before and after the MAOI).

They can’t stop you, but IF they are really on board with this I say that they are crossing a professional boundary to such a degree that it warrants action.

Also, I do think it can be pretty useful to overcome depression.

There’s allot of research out there that suggests that psychedelica are something that could be useful in the treatment of depression. The key word is, suggest, there are also more and more studies that suggest at best placebo levels of effectiveness. The truth is that we don’t really understand if and how psychedelics can help in treatment. Therefore, although I truly understand the need for resolve, I think the self assessment and treatment with dmt and especially 5meo-dmt is risky business.
Cherry-Picking articles that strengthen one own preferred narrative is not helping you, and frankly it’s something that is happening allot, the difficulty is that most people have no understanding of the context and conflicting factors that can be in play.

So for example the self reporting in the reference of the first article can’t be considered evidence of effectiveness, self reporting is notoriously biased, then I also think that the title of that article “ 5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine (5-MeO-DMT) used in a naturalistic group setting is associated with unintended improvements in depression and anxiety” is misleading, 41/48 percent of the people participating are diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety disorders which is a tell tale sign of skewed results. Without critical thinking one would think that these people would have miraculously cured without intend. This is just utterly absurd, why would the sample contain such a large sample of ill people and how does that relate to common narratives that are being pushed surrounding psychedelics as a cure all for mental illness. Would 5meo-dmt perhaps be marketed as a cure and therefore attract people who have mental illness, people who are desperately seeking to help themselves, if that’s not a recipe for placebo?

I mean this article is in way exactly what’s wrong with the current hyped paradigm and self help culture.

So I wish you truly the best and hope that whatever you decide is right for you, you’ll get through that last bit towards a better life and future.

Take care

 

[DoubleScorpio]

I wish I was two dogs, so I could play together'. This, is, in some way, what God did: created nature, us, to be able to 'play' with each other.

I read your post last night, I reflected on these words all day and now as I walk my own dogs now in the evening; I am moved to tears with it's beauty. Thank you.