System of a Clown
Rising Star
Hello.
I long for a time when I don't need to introduce myself, because you'll see me as I see myself and I'll see you as I you see yourself, and we will all know one another as brother and sister. Some say that time is not far off. Some say there is no time, and therefore, we're already there. Me, I'm holding out on any strong opinion of the future. I am more concerned with the Now, and what I can do to make this moment as positive as possible.
I have long held a fascination with the psychedelic experience. Even as a child, the idea intrigued me (although it also frightened me). I was raised as a Christian, and so while my parents never pushed any heavy guilt on me, I was infected with the Juedeo-Christian meme, and saw everything through the Heaven/Hell matrix. As a teenager, I began to "rebel", first exploring other Abrahamic religions, always tinkering with the idea that maybe there was no such thing as God. As a young adult, I started exploring Paganism and later Eastern religions. I dabbled in Satanism. I finally decided that I was an Atheist, and believed only in science. I didn't realize - as most atheists don't - that these two things are mutually exclusive.
Somewhere along the line, I started smoking copious amounts of cannabis. In fact, I developed a strong emotional dependence on it, a dependence I broke last year around March. In 2004, I tried salvia and it changed everything. I became aware that my previous understanding of the universe had been fundamentally flawed. It was the reason why I had been grappling with religions, trying to find the one that was "true". I had been seeking the face of the Divine, only to find the handiwork of men over and over again. Over the next seven years I became slowly aware that truth is relative, reality is generated on the fly by consciousness, and We are the Divine.
I am currently mostly sober. I drink on occasion, but lately I've been thinking that I have just as much fun, if not more, sober, and alcohol only tends to dull my perceptions. I'd probably smoke pot if it were around, but most of my friends seem to have grown out of it, and I've no desire to seek it out, or go back to my old drug buddies. I figure the Universe has a way of putting you where you need to be to succeed in whatever it is you want to do, and my goal was to have philosophical/metaphysical insights without some constant artificial change in consciousness. I reserve my psychedelic use for one in a great while, and I find that I get SO much more out of it that way. I prefer to do a psychedelic once - in massive amounts - and spend many months processing it, as opposed to what I was doing (mixing low doses of salvia with cannabis and smoking it several times a week). I have a gram of sally sitting on my shelf, ready for use, but I've not touched it over a year. I'm thinking about using it again soon.
I don't like labels. I find them limiting. But I need to describe myself as I currently exist, just to give people a frame of reference, right? Well, here what I am as of this Moment: I am a Chaote, a writer, a poet, an artist, a philosopher, an initiate, a student, a husband, a brother, a son and a friend. I believe in nothing and am open to everything. I am trying to remove myself from strong attachments and aversions (without developing an attachment to being unattached or an aversion to becoming attached!). I am trying to feel emotions without being defined or controlled by them. I am trying to stop thinking in dualities. In essence, I am trying to simply Be the animal/spirit/God/child that I am.
I hope to have many interesting conversations with you.
I long for a time when I don't need to introduce myself, because you'll see me as I see myself and I'll see you as I you see yourself, and we will all know one another as brother and sister. Some say that time is not far off. Some say there is no time, and therefore, we're already there. Me, I'm holding out on any strong opinion of the future. I am more concerned with the Now, and what I can do to make this moment as positive as possible.
I have long held a fascination with the psychedelic experience. Even as a child, the idea intrigued me (although it also frightened me). I was raised as a Christian, and so while my parents never pushed any heavy guilt on me, I was infected with the Juedeo-Christian meme, and saw everything through the Heaven/Hell matrix. As a teenager, I began to "rebel", first exploring other Abrahamic religions, always tinkering with the idea that maybe there was no such thing as God. As a young adult, I started exploring Paganism and later Eastern religions. I dabbled in Satanism. I finally decided that I was an Atheist, and believed only in science. I didn't realize - as most atheists don't - that these two things are mutually exclusive.
Somewhere along the line, I started smoking copious amounts of cannabis. In fact, I developed a strong emotional dependence on it, a dependence I broke last year around March. In 2004, I tried salvia and it changed everything. I became aware that my previous understanding of the universe had been fundamentally flawed. It was the reason why I had been grappling with religions, trying to find the one that was "true". I had been seeking the face of the Divine, only to find the handiwork of men over and over again. Over the next seven years I became slowly aware that truth is relative, reality is generated on the fly by consciousness, and We are the Divine.
I am currently mostly sober. I drink on occasion, but lately I've been thinking that I have just as much fun, if not more, sober, and alcohol only tends to dull my perceptions. I'd probably smoke pot if it were around, but most of my friends seem to have grown out of it, and I've no desire to seek it out, or go back to my old drug buddies. I figure the Universe has a way of putting you where you need to be to succeed in whatever it is you want to do, and my goal was to have philosophical/metaphysical insights without some constant artificial change in consciousness. I reserve my psychedelic use for one in a great while, and I find that I get SO much more out of it that way. I prefer to do a psychedelic once - in massive amounts - and spend many months processing it, as opposed to what I was doing (mixing low doses of salvia with cannabis and smoking it several times a week). I have a gram of sally sitting on my shelf, ready for use, but I've not touched it over a year. I'm thinking about using it again soon.
I don't like labels. I find them limiting. But I need to describe myself as I currently exist, just to give people a frame of reference, right? Well, here what I am as of this Moment: I am a Chaote, a writer, a poet, an artist, a philosopher, an initiate, a student, a husband, a brother, a son and a friend. I believe in nothing and am open to everything. I am trying to remove myself from strong attachments and aversions (without developing an attachment to being unattached or an aversion to becoming attached!). I am trying to feel emotions without being defined or controlled by them. I am trying to stop thinking in dualities. In essence, I am trying to simply Be the animal/spirit/God/child that I am.
I hope to have many interesting conversations with you.
