Oh Oh It's Magic, Ya Knoooooowww

[Voidmatrix]

Ketamine... something has opened up for me with this medicine.

@dreamer042 @Nydex and @acacian a report as requested.

I had been experiencing a wild depressive wave the weeks leading up to this journey (what else is new). I was very anxious the day of. Granted, the person guiding me had had a really big experience last time I guided them, and it had also been their first time with lozenges, so by proxy of the power of suggestion and how my set was, I was a bit worried.

Me being worried was dumb

The doc and the guide, in the room with me, after checking in, gave me my lozenge. I was given the direction to allow the tablet to dissolve under my tongue and then lightly swish and allow to sit in my mouth for 20 minutes. It makes for a weird 20 minutes, as this experience of having something in your mouth for that long while coming up, once you spit it out you feel like something is missing for a little while.

One of the first things I remember seeing was stars in space, but not like a night sky, but rather from being in space. Body (and mouth) numb, I was enveloped and fully immersed. Then a shift, but it's hard to describe the visuals of such shifts. Another major visual was the blobs, that were like rolling hills, but also reminded me of a lava lamp based on the movement. It was soft. It made me soft. I need some softness in my life right now.

I took a booster dose that was half the original dose.

What was more important was the information received. One of the first major messages came from myself... sort of. I could feel this part of me. But it also didn't feel like me. It felt like something old and lost while also brand new and novel. Familiar and unfamiliar. And it told me, over and over, "you're beautiful." I tried to receive it the best I could while not trying to figure out too much about what was delivering such a nice message Talking about it as I was coming down was uncomfortable though.

In another instance I realized psychedelics made me who I am. Their not the only thing, but a damn major factor.

And yet another I was told that I wasn't human... we'll see where that goes

I also recall the consideration, a new one of: what if I'm more awesome than I think or want to take credit for? And while I don't want to "take" maybe I should receive, as I'm practicing receiving... and above all, I'd like such considetations to not go to my head and to remain humble.

As I was coming down, my guide and I began speaking and processing my experience. A main theme of this digestive process was how I don't want to appear arrogant, and it's one of the reasons that I don't speak sometimes; I challenge a lot. I feel like that can look arrogant to others, and while I may be aware that I'm not trying to be arrogant or may not be arrogant in the moment at all, I still have to deal with optics through which people see me through. As a connective, I care a whole hell of a lot about what we could call accuracy and veracity. The conclusions we draw dictate the trajectory of our minds, actions, and behaviors. If we want to align with what we call truth, these things matter. Pretend that we are going to travel in a straight line to a destination halfway around the world. One degree off, and we end up somewhere completely different. Conceptually, the more inductively we move towards a conclusion the more we need to care about veracity in every component of the inductive method we are using. The more we compound induction, the further we move away from absolute accuracy, and the further we move from accurate conclusions, ultimately moving us away from "truth."

All that to say, this is why I can be to incisive and particular with regard to statements, their forms, and their implications.

While I still and getting thrashed by some of these waves, I feel better and am handling them better in this moment. And the experience was exactly one week ago.

It's nice to finally build this relationship with ketamine. It was never something I sought out because of how it was presented to me by others. I didn't hear about the kinds of experiences that I needed to to understand it's magic from the people that it would've been best to hear it from. But, now as a professional guide, I had to take this intensive so that I could better understand the protocol as well as the medicine itself so as to be an effective and supportive guide with this particular medicine for others.

Thank you for reading

One love

 

[rkba]

something has opened up for me with this medicine.

Nice experience! Looks like you received a major shift from the medicine, which may have been directed at the 'Gestalt' you had going in. May this shift help illuminate the darkness of your depressive periods.

I have depressive periods (sometimes for long periods of time) as well, but something inside of me refuses to let them become too dark. However, even if they are not becoming too dark, they still impact my state of being. Your poem 'Shutdown' definitely struck some very deep cords, illuminating some shadows inside of me. Thank you for that.

The conclusions we draw dictate the trajectory of our minds, actions, and behaviors. If we want to align with what we call truth, these things matter. Pretend that we are going to travel in a straight line to a destination halfway around the world. One degree off, and we end up somewhere completely different. Conceptually, the more inductively we move towards a conclusion the more we need to care about veracity in every component of the inductive method we are using. The more we compound induction, the further we move away from absolute accuracy, and the further we move from accurate conclusions, ultimately moving us away from "truth."

Our perceptions define our reality. One observation I have with communicating with others is that every word used is perceived by the other ever-so-slightly different, even when a word is 'neatly defined' with surrounding words that give an example of the definition. And the example itself will have a different connotation to each individual as well.

At the moment I feel that every individual has its own reality that is real to the individual. And that a group of individuals can align their realities (perceptions), but the individual realities are not the same in an absolute sense. Therefore, in my mind, absolute accuracy and absolute truth are 'ineffable'. A singularity in spacetime that exists by not existing.

All that to say, this is why I can be to incisive and particular with regard to statements, their forms, and their implications.

And I love you for that! For this is the best way to align perceptions between individuals, if they so desire. The individual perceptions may not be the same and the alignments may be slightly off, but if they point in the same general direction, the individuals may 'see' the same area illuminated by their perceptions. Individuals may travel on the same perceptional path for a while but inevitably diverge at some point and continue to travel towards their own unique truth. It seems to be designed that way, maybe as Life its survival mechanism, maybe for the enjoyment of the individual, or maybe we eventually will all converge our perceptions and give Life to a new Singularity.


In the meantime, enjoy the Path and Flux with Joy!

 

[Nydex]

Thank you for sharing this, brother. It warms my heart knowing you've come to terms with the magic of this often controversial substance! One thing I resonate strongly with is how difficult it is to explain ketamine experiences with words. I guess that isn't unexpected considering it's a strong dissociative, and dissociative experiences are some of the most difficult ones to put into words. But I'm so happy for you, I really am!

I support all the validations you got from the experience, except maybe that of you not being human - I'm still on the fence about that

Sending you love

 

[Transform]

A single word sprang to mind for me while meditating briefly on the nature of dissociatives - "freeing". Perhaps it's straightforward enough to see the connection there, and it should present no difficulties in grasping how that relates to the therapeutic value of letting go of certain unhelpful patterns.

I support all the validations you got from the experience, except maybe that of you not being human

I wouldn't take this one entirely at face value (I mean, besides void being an undercover [redacted] ) but it does seem to be helpful, again, in freeing oneself from those mundane human ties that can seem to act like concrete boots in the abyss during the difficult times.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Nice experience! Looks like you received a major shift from the medicine, which may have been directed at the 'Gestalt' you had going in. May this shift help illuminate the darkness of your depressive periods.

I have depressive periods (sometimes for long periods of time) as well, but something inside of me refuses to let them become too dark. However, even if they are not becoming too dark, they still impact my state of being. Your poem 'Shutdown' definitely struck some very deep cords, illuminating some shadows inside of me. Thank you for that.

Thank you so much. It's been a very interesting ride each time and is something worth exploring. I am hoping it helps further in its own strange way.

Also, sorry if I seem terse or short at all. I'm just getting up, and am in a mood. I'm not annoyed with anyone (especially here; all love), I'm just annoyed in general. The cross I bear.

Anyway, I'm glad that that poem resonated with you. And thank you for telling me that. I regularly get in my head about what I want to say and share which is also a reason I've been posting less in the past year.

Anyway (again), also feel free to throw your own poems in there if you so choose.

Our perceptions define our reality. One observation I have with communicating with others is that every word used is perceived by the other ever-so-slightly different, even when a word is 'neatly defined' with surrounding words that give an example of the definition. And the example itself will have a different connotation to each individual as well.

At the moment I feel that every individual has its own reality that is real to the individual. And that a group of individuals can align their realities (perceptions), but the individual realities are not the same in an absolute sense. Therefore, in my mind, absolute accuracy and absolute truth are 'ineffable'. A singularity in spacetime that exists by not existing.

I personally wouldn't say that our subjective reality is defined by our perception, but that's definitely an important factor in the phenomenology of our subjective experience. All the same, despite individual perspectives, we all seem to be in the same sandbox. Though in a critical sense, we can cast doubt over almost all perception. That is to say, it's hard to pin anything down, if there's actually anything to pin down.

However our perception does seem to be substantially influenced by our environments and what happens to us, and the effects of shifts in perception by various impacts can't always be helped.

And my statement applies on the subjective/personal level, where ones associations and connotations are still native to them.

Because of such variance in connotation and association is further reason why I think such a mindful approach is that much more necessary.

And I wouldn't say that something being ineffable puts it anywhere in a category of nonexistence, but rather stipulates as to what we can grasp and say about it.

And I love you for that! For this is the best way to align perceptions between individuals, if they so desire. The individual perceptions may not be the same and the alignments may be slightly off, but if they point in the same general direction, the individuals may 'see' the same area illuminated by their perceptions. Individuals may travel on the same perceptional path for a while but inevitably diverge at some point and continue to travel towards their own unique truth. It seems to be designed that way, maybe as Life its survival mechanism, maybe for the enjoyment of the individual, or maybe we eventually will all converge our perceptions and give Life to a new Singularity.

Thank you for that. Really. Because some people get rubbed wrong (and am learning to just let em feel that way)

I do feel we all pursue our own subjective "truth" within a framework and as such are likely drawing aspects from this greater framework into our personal truth.

Thank you for sharing this, brother. It warms my heart knowing you've come to terms with the magic of this often controversial substance! One thing I resonate strongly with is how difficult it is to explain ketamine experiences with words. I guess that isn't unexpected considering it's a strong dissociative, and dissociative experiences are some of the most difficult ones to put into words. But I'm so happy for you, I really am!

I support all the validations you got from the experience, except maybe that of you not being human - I'm still on the fence about that

Sending you love

Thank you for the support. It is really weird. I get clear messages, but then everything else escapes words much like with DMT.

As for the not being human, I feel like it could lend itself to a lot of different things, but I haven't really been thinking about that part much.

A single word sprang to mind for me while meditating briefly on the nature of dissociatives - "freeing". Perhaps it's straightforward enough to see the connection there, and it should present no difficulties in grasping how that relates to the therapeutic value of letting go of certain unhelpful patterns.

I find this apt, as, while I feel like I'm cheating, the medicine actually removes your anxiety, which is it's own unique vise.

but it does seem to be helpful, again, in freeing oneself from those mundane human ties that can seem to act like concrete boots in the abyss during the difficult times.

I can definitely see this. It also seems like it could be a commentary stipulating that there's more going on that we think.

Thank you all again. Much much love

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

There was a component to my experience that I neglected to share. And given what it is, it's a bit odd that I forgot, all things considered.

DMT has been a theme of both of my most recent, and deepest experiences, so much so that I started receiving information and messages, mainly about myself, that were reminiscent of my first DMT experiences. It's as though the ketamine was also coaxing me towards hyperspace as much as I am encouraged by the space and the spice. It's like it's telling me to do it. Around this same time in my last ketamine experience I remember the vivid thought, that I thought was very beautiful (but only individuals like us will really get it) that psychedelics have made me who I am. And this isn't meant in an absolute sense as if there weren't other influences, and carving tools that have formed me into who I am today, but the way in which it was stated very much showed the magnitude at which psychedelics have been a contributing factor.

What's funny, I haven't smoalked since the experience. Partly because I wanted to process and integrate before, even though I'm known to use DMT and changa as a way to process many experiences. This time was just different. I also don't know when I am going to smoalk again (real world foreshadowing for a post in my Impulse Journey thread).

One love

 

[Jamie01]

I too had a lot of uncomfortable feelings about ketamine in the past due to its reputation. Maybe at 20 it was not for me. At 40, my physical body appreciates the rest occasional use provides. Mentally, physically …ketamine has provided to me a magic I do not need to describe because you did a good enough job. Glad it’s been good to you!

Mostly I have worked with S or S and R mixed 50/50, and always nasally. Looking forward to a lozenge experience sometime in the next year.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I too had a lot of uncomfortable feelings about ketamine in the past due to its reputation. Maybe at 20 it was not for me. At 40, my physical body appreciates the rest occasional use provides. Mentally, physically …ketamine has provided to me a magic I do not need to describe because you did a good enough job. Glad it’s been good to you!

Mostly I have worked with S or S and R mixed 50/50, and always nasally. Looking forward to a lozenge experience sometime in the next year.

I must say that it does in a way force rest. Before, during, and after the experience. And rest is something that I need a lot of.

I'm glad that we both found it and that it's been good to both of us. May it continue to do so.

I have only worked with S.

You may experience more nausea with the lozenges. That was one of the reasons that I spit it out instead of swallowing it when I didn't need to hold in my mouth any longer.

Also welcome to the Nexus

One love

 

[acacian]

I meant to reply to this but somehow forgot..

Your experience sounds really wholesome! Ketamine is incredible stuff. It provides some really valuable insights, even if they don't quite make sense at the time.

I'm glad that you were nudged towards acknowledging your awesomeness. If only the world had more of an abundance of this (and no I am not referring to delusions of grandeur - I'm referring to truly understanding yourself and not only being at peace with that but being proud of who you are) . People should have more faith in their unique beauty.

That's interesting what you said about ketamine coaxing you towards hyperspace.. I often with ketamine feel like it is inviting DMT to come and hang out. Like its almost not complete without it's tryptamine friend. When DMT comes and chills for a bit I find my ket experiences take an even more magical turn.

Almost 2 weeks on, how are you feeling?

Also sorry for the sort of brief response.. there is lots to unpack here. And I've had a long day. But I'm stoked you had a good experience Void.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Your experience sounds really wholesome! Ketamine is incredible stuff. It provides some really valuable insights, even if they don't quite make sense at the time.

It's such a productive space that it opens up. And the way in which we keep hold of what it tells us is weird too. I'm thankful for my guide who took notes for me on both of my journeys. The first journey I was pretty chatty throughout as I was in so much awe.

delusions of grandeur

Well, this is the part I'm worries about, or rather, used to be more worried about

That's interesting what you said about ketamine coaxing you towards hyperspace.. I often with ketamine feel like it is inviting DMT to come and hang out. Like its almost not complete without it's tryptamine friend. When DMT comes and chills for a bit I find my ket experiences take an even more magical turn.

Thank you for mentioning this. I think that next time I do ketmaine I'll add some small amount of DMT and see how it goes. It really does seem like they want to skip and hold hands together.

Almost 2 weeks on, how are you feeling?

I'm doing okay. In this moment I am really tired as I worked 12 hours yesterday. But I do have different thing on my mind with regard to myself and I'm trying maintain diligence in keeping them there and working with them.

Also sorry for the sort of brief response.. there is lots to unpack here. And I've had a long day. But I'm stoked you had a good experience Void.

You're all good brother. I'm apparently a dense mofo, and I too am exhausted and also need to leave for work. And thank you also. I look forward to sharing about future journeys as well.

One love

 

[newusername1]

Although i am not a big fan of this substance or even this entire class of substances, i know from experience that it sometimes can produce very deep, powerfull and profound experiences. About 9 out of 10 times, ketamine makes me feel like my mind is a ball of molten cheese in a pinballmachine, but i've had experiences with it that where definately...... magical, for a lack of better words. I once had an experience with it that was even pretty close to the first time i took LSD. That same sense of wonder and awe.

The antidepressant effects of ketamine are well known, though ketamine can also cause depression if used excessively. I wonder if the same mechanisms responsible for curing depressive symptoms are behind the depressogenic effects. I believe that the consensus is that it triggers a sort of rewiring of the brain, a neuroplasticity enhancement, so maybe that neuroplasticity effect can be overstressed or exhausted with excessive use.

What i personally found is that ketamine does have a nice afterglow, but that it is not realy very effective against habitual, self-destructive or just destructive thinking.

I have intrusive, unwanted thoughts sometimes and it's usually when i experience stress. I sometimes sort of tend to retreat into my own little fantasy world inside my head, wich is a realy destructive habit. A tendency to make myself disapear from a world that sometimes seems to be so violent and threatening.

And classic hallucinogens are realy effective against that for me. They make me want to be very much inside the moment. While ketamine tends to make me feel like it's totally OK not to be in the moment at all. Cannabis also does that sometimes, but then just doing something to get back into the here and now can easily make me switch on again.

Anyway, i'm rambling a bit here, but i'm realy glad that this worked out so well for you.