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Old Dog Learning New Tricks

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Spangles

Spangles

Rising Star
I'm very interested and willing to learn. I'm 60, disabled and living in a retirement home. I have some trouble typing and feeling and moving due to a serious neck injury 2 yrs back, which '"put me on the bench". It's been a long journey through homelessness and despair and meningitis due to a failed first operation in 2010 where I had a titanium cage installed in my spine/neck by anterieur surgery, also the titanium screws themselves were too long and further damaged my spinal cord between C-3 and C-4. A yr ago my sister rescued me from a shelter and my disability came though and I had another anterieur surgery to remove and replace the failed one, Now I have an extended cage from C-3 to C-5. The surgeon wanted to install another cage on the back of my neck but the anesthesiologist said I "died" and had to be revived so they could not flip me over to complete the operation. That was Jan 2012. I've been here 15 months now and I intend to leave in the next year, perhaps to live with another relative in Pennsylvania.


I was an exchange student in high school and was introduced to philosophy. Since then (1970) I have been a seeker all my life. Mine's been a hard life. While in college I fell 3 stories and crushed 3 vertebrae, L-1, L-2, and T-12. This was one of the most intellectually strenuous colleges in the world, and I was not up to that level. I wrestled, had been a national rugby champion at high school (Lycee) in Britanny, France, and had hiked the entire length of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. So I thought of myself as a "tough guy" and I recovered nicely but had to take off in my senior yr.


During those 5 yrs I worked as a block and bricklayer, rising to bricklayer and foreman on a very large project. I returned to college in 1981 and completed the requirements for my BA in Philosophy. I graduated by the hair on my chinny chin chin. In 1981 the US had a deep recession and there were no want=ads for philosophers.I was forced to continue to do odd jobs and years and years of strenuous brick and blocklaying. I became an alcoholic and eventually I got treatment. In '93 I got a master's degree in mental health counseling and worked in Psych hospitals and treatment centers. I stayed clean and sober until 2001, when a friend (bricklayer) persuaded me to again try cannabis. I remained alcohol free during the next 10 yrs but I needed a hobby. I became a hydroponic grower of 5-6 plants at a time and built many closets in several dwellings. I did it all for myself and nobody outside those several living situations was ever aware. It was my passion and I loved those females I grew and cloned.


Two yrs ago I lifted a very old and heavy arthritic dog to carry him up the stairs and I collapsed 5 discs in my neck INWARDS impinging on my spinal cord. 6 months later I had my first (failed) neck surgery, (see above)


I miss greatly the close bond and passion for the plants and I hope to move again next year to try growing salvia.


Terence McKenna advised me in a video to 'SEEK OUT OTHER LIKE MINDED PEOPLE" He was paraphrasing Tim Leary.


Here I am with no relevant knowledge but an abiding passion to continue to explore the inner world with you, I hope I am in the right place. I will study and lurk for a long time before I can contribute to this community. Meanwhile I await some packages in the mail of other "entthogens?" soon. I wish to explore further the psychology and spirituality and philosophy of our human life.

Therefore I am very grateful for this site and I shall humbly abide by the guidelines and spirit of this extraordinary community if you accept me.

Namaste, Spangles
 
Thank you staresatwalls,
I am reading the FAQ now and there is a lot to learn! I have plenty of free time, patience, and a degree of maturity; in adddition my mind is still quick and I have a fast learning curve.
I want to learn Everything!


I had a terrifying experience in St; Simon's Island, GA in the summer of 1972. I had travelled there to be with my brother during our summer away from colleges. I had invested a great deal of money in my only possesion of note in those days=an awesome stero system with 2 50 pound speakers, a tuner/amplifier and a turntable. All were top of the line, or close. So we stayed in a small motel room with 2 rms and 2 beds AND I ALWAYS KEPT THE DOOOR LOCKED!


Well my brother was working in 90 to 100 degree weather as a carpenter's laborer and I was working at a car wash. We used to meet each evening at a local honkytonk with plenty of girls each night called the "Chances R"


One night my brother was invited by a shrimper to go out the NEXT night and experience the tidal shrimp run. During that next day at the car wash we arrived early and began to put all the moist dirty cloths into the washing machine and underneath was a baby rattlesnake. My co worker was used to them and he amazed me by capturing the little fella and putting him outside or killing him, I can't remember. ANyway this guy was an American Indian and his father in law was the owner. He and I went out drinking that night and smoking etc and then we drove to a nearby graveyard which he claimed was haunted. He took me to a certain headstone which he said was notoriously haunted and claimed there was something to do with black magic and the devil. At that time I had studied some philosopy and had read the "Urantia" book, "The Life and Teaching of the Great masters" by Baird T Spalding about Indian guru supermen, and I had read "The Late Great Planet Earth" Of course I had also read Spinoza and Descartes and Kant and Liebniz and Hume and John Stuart Mill and lots of academic philosophy along with "Siddhartha" etc.


Well I (wrongly) figured that if I could prove to myself that the Devil existed then that would also prove thatGOD existed (faulty logic'but I was not thinking straight).

Well I got down on my knees and I prayed that the Devil would accept me as a "lieutenant" somehow. I figured if he took the bait then I would somehow weasel out before the Faustian bargain was officially completed. I asked him to tel me Everything about everything and I would join his squad, (Pretty arrogant and stupid but I figured "what the hell?"


Nothing happened and I went back to the motel. Since my brother would be out all night shrimping I slept in HIS BED because it was a double bed and I got the cot. So I had a DREAM.


IN THIS DREAM I was sitting in a comfortable chair and the Devil was behind me. I had a thin book in my hands which he had given me. The voice behind me ( I never turned back to see his face) told me that this was a book which revealed all the secret workings and wisdom of the whole Universe and Everything else. The voice told me that each page would reveal 10X more than the previus page, SO I began reading the thin book.

The main character of the book was ME on an adventure to discover all of everything there was to know, and that when I finished a page my consciousness would return to the ME in the chair from the ME in the dream, and that if I wanted to read the next page I would have the opportunity to choose to continue reading or to stop, and the bargain would end, he would go away, and I would immediately forget everything I had learned from all the previous pages, WELL this was the greatest book that ever existed, and it revealed all wisdom and knowledge at the astonishing rate of exponentially (not) doubling, (not) quadrupling but whatever the word is for 10X the rate.

So I kept reading, and after each page my consciousness would return to the ME in the chair from the ME in the book (meanwhile the real me was in bed sleeping and dreaming) SO I kept reading until the page before last and my consciouness shifted back to the ME in the chair. The devil said "If you read the very last page then you will have sold your eternal soul to ME-THE DEVIL, so I had 1 last chance to turn him down.


I wanted so bad to read that last page because it was the final understanding giving me omniscience. But I hesitated and he got furious with the ME in the chair and he left by the door, unlocking it and leaving it open.

This nightmare ended and the real me in the bed woke up in a PANIC, The room was FREEZING even though it was over 80 degrees and we had not air conditioner! I was afraid to open my eyes but when I did I saw a triangle of light coming into the room from THE OPENED DOOR , which I had of course made sure to lock because of my stereo.

It was around 5 AM and I got out and went somewhere to have breakfast, waiting a couple hours to let the car wash start work.

I went to work and I told the Indian all about it. It just so happened that his wife (the owner's daughter) was in Miami visiting someone. Later that afternoon the owner got a call from his hysterical daughter outside of Miami where her car had broken down. Miami was about 800 or so miles douth of Savannah and she was stranded with her infant daughter and the car could not be fixed and she didn't have any money or credit card.

SO the owner asked me to drive down to Miami with her husband (my co worker the Indian rattlesnake handler) The owner put 4 new tires on my car, filled my tank, and gave me a few hundred dollars to buy more gas and pay for the daughter's VW to be repaired.

Well I figured it was not a big deal and I would be back that night, But it didn't turn out that way, It took forever to get to Miami and around 2 miles before I got to the gas station on I-95, the MAJOR north-south interstate of the eastern US, I pulled over into the sandy shoulder to pick up a hitchhiker girl. When I tried to get back on the highway my motor mount broke as I was reversing and forwarding the automatic transmission to get unstuck from the sandy shoulder.


FINALLY I got back onto the concrete but SMOKE came pouting out of the engine compartment. I figured I could make the last mile to the gas station and I did BARELY. The mechanics told me it would take a couple days to fic the car and it would cost around $300, I had bought the car for only %500 and we had to get the girl and the baby back to Georgia. So after a few hours the VW was fixed and I paid the mechanic and I GAVE the car (my Ford) to the mechanic and he said he would fix it to use in the demolition derby,

Bad luck! SO we all piled into the girl's VW and began the trip back to Georgia and it took all night, During that drive I was very tense because of all the stress and the dream about the Devil, I knew that my brother would be going to the bar that evening and I would not make it back to see him and tell him about the dream and I was worried sick that the Devil would come back that night to the motel and I wanted to warn my brother.

Well we didn;t make it back until the next day and after work I went to the bar to meet my brother, I saw him at the "Chances R" honkytonk and I was relived and I wanted to tell him about how worried I was for his sake sice I feared that the Devil would come back to the motel and we had to move.

BEFORE I GOT A WORD OUT OF MY MOUTH my brother told me that the previous night he had been awakened by a man in the middle of the night who had shook him. My brother is over 6 feet tall and we were both good wrestlers and experienced bar fighters, He would NEVER let a stranger come into the room while he was asleep. He would have kicked the s**t out of anyone who did such a thing,

But instead he told me that when the guy shook him awake the guy said, in a low booming ominous voice thes three words
?LOOK AT ME!", then my brother squeezed his eyes shut and started telling himself he had woken up from a nightmare so he would try to go to sleep, BUT THE GUY SHHOK HIS SHOULDER AGAIN and repeated, in the same terrifying voice but this time more insistent..."LOOK AT ME!", by then my brother was freaking out and againthe same shaking of the shoulder and that voice again, even MORE insistent "LOOK AT ME!"


SO my brother, a well educated skeptic, told me he started to pray like he never prayed before. And after around 5 minutes he opened his eyes and nobody was there ' Since I was on my way back to Miami at thetime I got back and went to work at the car wash and he went to work with the carpenters. We didn't have cell phones in 1972 so I didn't see him until that evening, at our usual meeting place, WHERE HE TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT HAUNTED DOUBLE BED THE PREVIOUS NIGHT, while I had been driving overnight from Miami to Savannah.

The next day we got the hell out of that motel.

Years later we talked about this experience for several years around once a year. After around 15 yrs he was married with kids and I brought it up again, for the first time in a few years. At that time, around 15 yrs after it happened, he was kin of indicating that he kinda remembered it but wasnt sure if it really happened. We lost touch for a few years and now were in touch once a month and I no longer bring it up.

BUT WE BOTH KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

I am looking forward to seeing God through DMT or another means again, hopefully a few times in this lifetime before I die for real. BUT I RESPECT THE POWER AND AWE OF TRYING TO CONTACT OTHERWORLDY SPIRITS, I am older and wiser now, have been through therapy and been a therapist myself, have experience with acid and shrooms back in the day. I listen to tapes every night with headphones...Buddhism, McKenna, Alan Watts, Joseph Campbell, etc, etc. I listen to tapes about how to eliminate resentment, regret, and other psychological toxins every night. I pray to my HIGHER POWER to become more humble, to strive for humility.

I am gettin' right with God, and I am coming to terms with my disability and bad luck and not having lived the life I was "meant to live"

I see my former classmates from that small Quaker college on TV, in the Congress, at Davos and the Bilderberg meetings, in the movies, receiving MacArthur Foundation Genius grants, running Goldman Sachs, YES all of this. It has taken all my life to shed the shame and the regret that I was one of the only "failures" to have graduated from that college. I NEVER used all those powerful contacts and led the life of a laborer and a failure.

I am coming to terms with ALL OF THIS, and I realize that NONE OF THAT IS IMPORTANT OR RELEVANT. I have sought myy HIGHER POWER ALL MY LIFE, and I wasnt to purify my soul and face the awesome spectacle of the higher truth.

These are my reasons for joing this forum.

I know this is a long letter, and it is hard for me to both write it out and in fact to type on the keyboard, I almost accidentally deleted it, It's taken about an hour to write this.
I hope somebody gets something worthwhile from my effort.

Namaste,
Spangles
PS I Cannot read this all the way through to preview it, Please forgive the misspellings and I hope it makes sense
Thanks for listening.
 
if your loioking for like minded ppl oyou sure have found the place. almost everyone here has a passion for plants and im sure youll love exlploring the abundent information here. seems you have alot to say and we are glad to get to know you soome. post around in the forums and start threads and youll be happy you got into this great community of like minded ppl :D
 
Hi and welcome spangles,

what an amazing and scary story! There certainly are many things that we do not understand about our world... what a mystery... May I ask - the God that you are looking for is the christian God? Or are you just in general looking for a higher power in what ever form it may come in? I'm very interested to hear about your experience with DMT.

Strangely enough I was looking more to experience strange entities and just be overwhelmed by the substance itself, but very often ended up experiencing contact with a higher power, especially when using dmt orally. I do wonder what provokes these kind of experiences as opposed to other types. I find with dmt the intention does not always play much of a role, but perhaps deeper rooted and more subconscious things do. I do get these kind of meetings on shrooms too from time to time.

As for your interests, there's a lot to learn here on the forum and many of our members are extremely helpful. We also have a chat for some direct contact with like-minded people. If you are looking for a new hobby, aside from extracting dmt I do highly recommend growing mushrooms. It's a really exciting and wonderful hobby and will keep you very busy if you want it to. Also, meetings with the divine can occur on shrooms as well.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I also believe in what you said - that these social achievements / accomplishments are irrelevant on the greater scope of things. What is important is that we follow our path and shed a little bit of light on the darkness of this vast universe. at least in my opinion.

Welcome to the nexus.
 
Dear staresatwalls,
Do you think I should repost this in Mysticism and Philosophy forum? I am limited as a newbie.
BY THE WAY I saw the movie "Men Who Stare At Goats". The opening scene there is an Army colonel who is intently staring at the front wall of his office, after a minute of fierce concentration he suddenly gets up, races toward the wall full speed ahead and knocks himself out! Hilarious. That actor ( who was also in "Avatar") is my former classmate Steve Lang. Interesting story I can relate to you. His father was a Depression Era graduate of the same college. He had been a busboy at a restaurant in NY and was supporting his mom and siblings, father had died. One week the waiter was out sick and the waiter told him only HE the busboy could wait on his best customer who came in every day for lunch and ordered a steak and always left a $1 tip. Well this fella happened to be on the board of directors of the college and was took an interest in this busboy because he was bright and of good character. The man arranged for an interview and paid for the train to the college and the kid was accepted with a full scholarship.
Years later he was a multimillionaire and was invited to speak to his former 8th grade class in Harlem to inspire the kids. He had a typewritten speech prepared and began to speak, After a couple minutes he noticed the kids were bored and some were asleep. He threw the speech on the floor and said "LISTEN UP ALL YOU KIDS I will make you an offer, If any of you kids can graduate from High School I WILL PAY FOR 4 YRS OF COLLEGE TO ANY SCHOOL YOU GET IN TO"
Well most of the kids eventually graduated and HE KEPT HIS PROMISE
He founded the "I HAVE A DREAM" foundation and Pres Bill Clinton, years later, awarded Eugene Lang with the Congressional Medal of Freedom.
Later on I found out that, as a child, Steve and his siblings were made to know that they were living a childhood of enormous privilege, Eugene and his wife made sure that all their children would continue enjoyins all the privileges of enormous wealth UNTIL THEY GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE OR GRAD SCHOOL, but that after that point they were ON THEIR OWN since Eugene had made arrangements to donate all of his fortune to charity when he died, Last I heard Steve's sister was selling balloons delivered by singers and actors to addresses in NYC So called "singing telegrams" She is successful small business person but not at all rich, All the kids are successful but on their own.
Thanks for listening.
 
Enoon. Thank you for your feedback!
In response I was raised as a Christian but I studied Eastern religions in college along with philosophy and French.
I abandonded Christianity and have been drawn to mostly Buddhism, though not in an organized way. So It is more true to say that I believe in a HIGHER POWER but I do not know if that HIGHER POWER is somebody else It could be ME or YOU or US or ALIENS. I listen to tapes of NDE's (near death experiences) clinically dead people who have returned from cardiac arrests with no brain activity at all. and who report their experiences..., the classic light at the end of the tunnel type, also some of them (my favorites) Say they have a life review in speeded up time, become omniscient, and discover that THE SOURCE is in fact all creatures who have passed on to the other side, and find that they are and always were like a raindrop separated from the ocean of consciousness during their life on earth. Whenwe die we merge back into the infinite pool of consciousness and are given a choice or are forced to reincarnete to their former life or another.
Please reply if you are so inclined. I hav been up since 3 hours ago and I have to shower to get on the retirement home "geezer bus" to go to Walmart.
I will check back later,
You people are awesome. Terrence McKenna was correct, You have to look for "like minded people" This internet makes that possible for the first time in history.
Namaste,
Spangles
 
..welcome!:)
what an awesome piece of wisdom, experience and smiles you are Spangles..:d
this is great playground for the stimulated insomniac..
your stories remind me of kesey meets canstenada, haha..totally captivating..look forward to more..

did you ever get to see Jimi Hendrix way back..?
and did you come across talk of the fabled 'molecule' back then?

wishin you fun and joy here..
see you about..
.
 
Welcome, Spangles.

You never know; life may still have a surprise or two in store for you. Stick around here and explore the molecule, and I can pretty much guarantee it.
 
Hello Spangles,

Welcome to the Nexus and hearty congratulations on your rapid promotion. I have very much enjoyed your intro. essay as well as your other responses. If you wouldn't mind putting a Return in between paragraph breaks, that would be very helpful indeed.

Wow, you are only a bit younger than my husband. The history you folks have lived through - amazing and mind boggling. He too has had a hard life, but his spine is in better shape. So sorry about your situation with that.

I want to warn you if you ever do extract DMT or some comes you way that you should have no heart or blood pressure issues. My husband and I at our ages are very lucky in this regard. DMT has a rather heavy body load and it can significantly spike heartrate and blood pressure. Also, it can be surprising, shocking, astonishing, unbelievable, more real than real, seem like one has died and gone to the beyond, etc. . . . all this kind of emotional impact can put additional stress upon the vital signs.

Also, since it has been awhile for you, I would suggest maybe growing some mushrooms at home and experimenting with various doses. High doses can be somewhat like DMT.

Okay, I'm glad to have you here and definitely looking forward to seeing you in chat and your posts.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.
 
Nen888 You flatter me and inspire me, I am humbled

Uncle Knucles, thank you so much for welcoming me
To you both, I can see by the number of posts that you 2 are elder masters here, If you see me go astray please gently crook my neck to lead me to the safety of the flock.
 
Nen888 You flatter me and inspire me, I am humbled

Uncle Knucles, thank you so much for welcoming me
To you both, I can see by the number of posts that you 2 are elder masters here, If you see me go astray please gently crook my neck to lead me to the safety of the flock.

This applies to U as well Pandora. Thank you all, I;ll get the hang of it.
 
Spangles said:
Enoon. Thank you for your feedback!
In response I was raised as a Christian but I studied Eastern religions in college along with philosophy and French.
I abandonded Christianity and have been drawn to mostly Buddhism, though not in an organized way. So It is more true to say that I believe in a HIGHER POWER but I do not know if that HIGHER POWER is somebody else It could be ME or YOU or US or ALIENS. I listen to tapes of NDE's (near death experiences) clinically dead people who have returned from cardiac arrests with no brain activity at all. and who report their experiences..., the classic light at the end of the tunnel type, also some of them (my favorites) Say they have a life review in speeded up time, become omniscient, and discover that THE SOURCE is in fact all creatures who have passed on to the other side, and find that they are and always were like a raindrop separated from the ocean of consciousness during their life on earth. Whenwe die we merge back into the infinite pool of consciousness and are given a choice or are forced to reincarnete to their former life or another.
Please reply if you are so inclined. I hav been up since 3 hours ago and I have to shower to get on the retirement home "geezer bus" to go to Walmart.
I will check back later,
You people are awesome. Terrence McKenna was correct, You have to look for "like minded people" This internet makes that possible for the first time in history.
Namaste,
Spangles
Click to expand...

Spangles I look a things like this: There are two parts of person that make them human. One is the programmed part. A created personality with parameters that define it's limits. This part is the part that many of us identify with as being "myself".

However there is another part of us and that part animates us. This is what I would identify as the spirit or consciousness. The combination of these two is what I would identify as a human soul: Spirit experiencing through a human programmed personality. When the program of your personality and defining limits are stripped away what you are left with pure consciousness.

It is one of my theories that there are rulers above this existence that control our reality and rulers above that reality and so on and so forth (possibly infinitely so). We often think of those rulers as God or the Gods but from my perspective God is the consciousness that flows throughout all of us. The consciousness created those rulers and those rulers created us but this process all came from the "mind of God" and there is purpose in it.

I could go on for days about that but anyways feel free to share your thoughts and insights on the matter.
 
Hello Spangles,

Sorry for the long time, but i've been away from the nexus all this time and just saw your reply.
Thank you.

I've just read your intro and some more, didn't had the time to follow up as i'd like to but i will. Very, very interesting!

From the little that i've seen, you sound extremely wise, thoughtful, and experienced, i'd love to discuss with you some ideas and experiences...

and hopefully we will...

Believe,
Riitz
 
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