Open and honest. Forums virgin.

[Flatulent Goat]

Hey all,

This is only my second forum intro ever, but I have been a long-time lurker of everything from occult to entheogen since I was a kid. I read my first Aleister Crowley book when I was 10. I moved onto the Golden Dawn, Qabalah, Israel Regardie, and other occult writers.
I started displaying anti-social, agoraphobic, and I suppose some schizophrenic tendencies very early on and unofficially dropped out of school in the 6th grade, never making it to middle school or high school. I read furiously though, knocking down 50+ sci-fi novels a year on top of my occult studies and playing Ultima Online daily.

Life was hectic when I was young and my mother and I moved every 3-6 months to avoid neglect charges from various states. At 18 I joined the Reg Army out of desperation and was stationed in Vicenza, Italy with the 173rd Airborne. It was a mistake and I knew it. I abused a loophole soon after and went AWOL. I turned myself in 2 days before "desertion" charges could be filed. The army attempted to "re-integrate" through various means, but eventually gave up after 4 months of hell and released me to the Boston MEPS center.

Afterward I spent time in Carver, MA studying yoga, swami satchidananda, and working as an apprentice for tigerfriends.com. I left after disagreeing with the director and Satchidananda's teachings.

Moved to New Orleans, started growing various active plants (Klip Dagga, Blue & Sacred Lotus, Passion Flower, morning glory, Kanna) and mushrooms. My first Mushy trip was x-mass 2008 on 11.5g dried cubes B+. I don't remember much other than the comedown, which was amazing. I was introduced to Terence McKenna shortly after and began taking the mushroom seriously. I experimented with diet, a large dose once every 3 months, and daily doses ranging from .5g to 1.5g for 7 days with long breaks to integrate. I had several encounters with synesthesia and loved it.

Moved to Norcal, grew Cannabis, and experimented with Gavita LEP 300's, bacteria, fungi, composts, and read everything on biology and H20 I could. Stumbled onto Hesse, Castenada, Arendt, Plato (and buds), and a ton of other authors. After a year never having found a single open mind, and facing mental breakdown over my complete inability to accept a certain lifestyle. I buried my tagged plants in my compost pile, and headed for Northern Michigan.

I've been in MI for 4 months now doing absolutely nothing but reflect, work on my ex-step-dads farm, and re-reading AC's Liber 777, Gematria, and Sepher Sephiroth while listening to Shpongle.

Although I've read forums almost daily my whole life, I've never posted. I'm posting now because I've spent my whole life running and searching for home and family with no success. I'm thinking now that it's always been right in front of me. The net.

So there you have it, Nexus, my life in a little cracked nut shell essay(kinda). Do you have an open room(padded) for a crazy person? Just lookin for a place to put my stuff.



If you actually read all that, thank you. =D

P.S. I've been honest about my drug use, but left out a fair bit. My most irresponsible doses were the ones I mentioned. I've since grown to take things more seriously and don't intend to encourage irresponsible behavior by example here. I only touch mushrooms, cannabis, and unfortunately nicotine. I look forward to DMT, but I'm being patient and researching while I wait for it.

 

[Valura]

Welcome! Very interesting story you have there, reading it was fun.

As for root bark, I strongly recommend doing reading on the forums/wiki about alternative sources of DMT. Keep looking and you'll find something which is possible for you.

PS I really recommend to stop using nicotine, it will make life a lot better in a short amount of time.

 

[HippiePilgrim]

Hello friend. Not sure if I've been here long enough to warrant me saying welcome, but a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

I love reading the introductory essays, so many fascinating stories; really enjoyed reading yours.

Love and Peace

HPxx

 

[Non Dua Natura]

Hey FG,

Sounds like you've got quite the backstory! Interesting stuff and I look forward to hearing more on your adventures, particularly given your background in Crowley and the H.O.G.D, both of which have hugely influential in my own explorations.

I'm posting now because I've spent my whole life running and searching for home and family with no success. I'm thinking now that it's always been right in front of me. The net.

I know that feeling all too well, and I would say that finding supportive and like-minded online communities such as this one can be immeasurably helpful. Had it not been for sites like this and a handful of others, I can say with certainty that I would be nowhere near as happy and content with life as I am right now so I can thoroughly recommend it.

By the way, given the list of authors you're interested in I highly recommend getting a hold of Robert Anton Wilson's "Prometheus Rising", if you don't already have it.

From one newb to another...Welcome to the Nexus!

 

[Pandora]

Hi There Flatulent Goat,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thanks for taking the time to write such a thorough Introductory Essay. I really enjoyed reading that.

You do need to edit the part that mentions selling of an entheogen. That is a huge rules violation at Nexus. Just find the Edit key at the top right of your post and go in there and cut that out or rewrite it please.

When you joined you got a welcome pm that had a bunch of links in it. Those same links are in the upper right hand corner of your Forum pages. Please take some time to review them in-depth. I hope you will like what you see. They are filled with invaluable information compiled for years by folks who really care.

Your life journey sounds truly amazing thus far. I'm sure things shall continue to be interesting now that you have found the Nexus.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.

 

[Flatulent Goat]

Thank you(!) for the warm welcome, everyone! I'm excited to get to know you all better already.

Pandora, sorry about that! I read the links and wiki when I first joined but thought my comment was safe. I realize after reading more intro's it's not. Thank you for taking the time to comment on it. (your job must get exhausting haha) I'm going to edit it right now. Please let me know if it needs further editing. I'm really glad this site has that policy. Getting that close to the devil really opened my eyes and when it came down to it I would rather have the happiest compost pile in the world than walk into his arms.

I really hope I don't have two posts to edit now. :lol:

Non Dua Natura, I just learned of Wilson this week. I've been devouring his youtube vids ever since! I remember picking up Prometheus Rising in a friends apartment years ago and digging the back summary but never got a chance to borrow it. I'll definitely be picking everything of his as soon as I can. His Wiki article is a catalyst for thought too. It touches on everything from Leary's Eight Circuit to obscure buddhist references. Heavy dude.

Valura, thanks for the encouragement. Sitting at 1 pack a day right now and could use it. Winter is about to hit full force here, but I look forward to hunting local sources come spring-time. Nice meeting you.

HippiePilgrim, We've both been on earth long enough, that's good enough for me! haha I'm loving the essays too. Nice meeting you.

 

[Pandora]

Ha ha - thank you so much for that, . My "job" here is self-assigned and I'm loving it! Spending a lot of time in the Welcome Area is endlessly interesting to me and I love sharing what little information and knowledge I may have gained over my time here.

Oh, and by the way, I edit the majority of my posts - if for no other reason during proof reading to clean up the grammar and punctuation, .

 

[Flatulent Goat]

Haha, I was going to mention how much I'm falling in love with edit.

It's like if I put my foot in my mouth I can just go back and pull it right out. In real life I have to buy flowers and apologize and crap.

P.S. The chat room her is amazing!!!

P.P.S. I can't seem to get to my profile to add a pic/edit. Is this a google chrome or newbie access issue?

 

[Jarl Von Hoother]

Welcome...
You seem smart enough to perform your own TEK. I'd give the STB Nomans tek a try- trust me if I could advocate extracting DMT door to door like a stoned Jehova's Witness- I totally would. Anyway welcome, Flatulent Goat- you seem unique a truly rare breed your kind must be, welcome.

I read Israel Regardie's books on the 8 circuit model... I thought it was profound.
we here at nexus desire your unquivering jostle through restrictive thinking to reach total enlightenment- here NO ONE is a wackjob.

probably because of thoughtful people like yourself, but I think the DMT keeps us all hyper-vigilant to recognize our responsibility in the cosmos, in this chair your seated in (hopefully) online, and our cautious almost painstaking concern over the future wavering over man kind.

You've read enough scifi you can gauge what I mean.

Evolution baby

only for the idiots dumb enough to take drugs... what is this world coming to
ha!

 

[Pandora]

Haha, I was going to mention how much I'm falling in love with edit.

It's like if I put my foot in my mouth I can just go back and pull it right out. In real life I have to buy flowers and apologize and crap.

LOLOL - we try to be careful about what our final post contains - you'll see some guidelines in bright orange text above.

P.S. The chat room her is amazing!!!

I definitely enjoy my time there - sometimes it gets too much for me or I take it too seriously and have to give myself a timeout/some time off LOL.

I enjoyed your presence in chat this evening and hope you will join in regularly.

P.P.S. I can't seem to get to my profile to add a pic/edit. Is this a google chrome or newbie access issue?

I do know The Traveler has been doing a lot of work improving and speeding up access on the site these past two days. Have you tried it recently? Perhaps it's working now . . .

 

[Crazyhorse]

Non Dua Natura, I just learned of Wilson this week. I've been devouring his youtube vids ever since! I remember picking up Prometheus Rising in a friends apartment years ago and digging the back summary but never got a chance to borrow it. I'll definitely be picking everything of his as soon as I can. His Wiki article is a catalyst for thought too. It touches on everything from Leary's Eight Circuit to obscure buddhist references. Heavy dude.

After Prometheus Rising, check out Quantum Psychology, it's sort of like part 2 and basically picks up where PR leaves off. I've been a huge fan of RAW for a long time. Also, given your interests I think you might like Peter J. Carroll, check out Liber Kaos, Liber Null & Psychonaut.

Welcome to the forum hope you enjoy it and stick around! :thumb_up:

BTW I get a kick out of your user name. Although I probably wouldn't want to be stuck in an elevator with you.

 

[cyb]

I think you might like Peter J. Carroll, check out Liber Kaos, Liber Null & Psychonaut.

Ahh Chaos Majick....very good books...I've spent time in this realm (and rubbed shoulders with Peter Carroll)...Discordian to say the least...
CH...you're a dark horse indeed...

Flatulent Goat...You're in the right place....although your OTO training might be misinterpreted amongst the un-initiated..Welcome.

 

[Flatulent Goat]

Heya Crazyhorse, RAW is definitely giving me a run for my money already. I found a bunch of his e-books for free online. I'm enjoying his work on the Illuminati and just started PR. I'll check out Peter tonight. The name rings a bell. Thanks for the tips and nice meeting you. :d

cyb, I'm really enjoying myself thus far and I'm not sure if I've ever been interpreted right, haha. This place is amazing though and I see the previous tenant scribbled gibberish on my padded walls... Starting to feel right at home. =D It was nice meeting you.

Pandora, the psychedelic orange helps draw my eyes back every time. I CoLoRs Shiny objects too, but I'm working on that one. I enjoyed chatting last night! I told myself I was just going to listen, but couldn't help jumping in. Very unlike me. I feel like I finally found an outlet for my sense of humor. Rebukes are probably inevitable though. (probably from you) :lol:


I still can't access my profile but will update my info as soon as I can.

 

[Non Dua Natura]

This is probably the definitive Chaos magick text to go for:

Liber Null & Psychonaut

Adventures aplenty to be had, and if you already have practical experience with magick then you'll find that the Chaos approach opens up whole new realms of possibility. As Crazyhorse mentioned, Liber Kaos is well worth a read too although it focuses a lot on group work, but it does contain some amazing techniques which blew the doors of the whole magickal trip for me.

 

[Crazyhorse]

That's a pretty nifty site you found there Non Dua! Thanks for the link

CH...you're a dark horse indeed...

Nah, not reeally. But I was pretty heavily into Chaos magick, Discordianism, the Subgenius and related topics back in my 20's. I'd like to think my perspective has evolved to a more balanced view of things by now, but still consider this stuff to be a very interesting and important counterpoint to all the usual light and love, hippy dippy new agey stuff out there. In fact Carroll has some newer stuff that's come out since then that I'd really like to check out ASAP, time for reading is just pretty scarce these days and the list of books I need to get around to just keeps growing.

Anyway I think the most important thing I found in all that, is basically the same idea that Wilson tries to drive home in prometheus rising and quantum psychology: Ideas, beliefs, paradigms and reality tunnels of all kinds are ALL equally arbitrary. But at the same time, all equally "Real". When this is fully realized, they can be very powerful tools to be picked up and put back down at will, as they are needed. If you want to have a productive conversation with a hardcore Christian for instance, it won't do you or them any good to come at them from an occultist stance. But talk to them within the scope of their own reality tunnel and you may just open them up to something new. The same thing applies to so many different areas of life, and can make it much easier to navigate your way through the world in a peaceful and productive way.

Actually, I probably need to take my own advice and try a little harder to let go of my own particular POV during my DMT experiments. It's kind of strange how hard of a time I've been having with that, when during regular life or in sober meditation letting go comes farily easily. But when I'm working with psychedelics, the grip of my ego is just relentless. I'm pretty sure it's got to do with the negative conditioning my subconscious recieved on my series of bad trips back in the day, and while I'm making progress with that it's very slow going. I should probably make time to reread Wilson's take on reprogramming to see if I can find some tips to apply during my sessions that might make things a little easier.

 

[Non Dua Natura]

No probs, glad it was helpful!

Actually, I probably need to take my own advice and try a little harder to let go of my own particular POV during my DMT experiments. It's kind of strange how hard of a time I've been having with that, when during regular life or in sober meditation letting go comes farily easily. But when I'm working with psychedelics, the grip of my ego is just relentless. I'm pretty sure it's got to do with the negative conditioning my subconscious recieved on my series of bad trips back in the day, and while I'm making progress with that it's very slow going. I should probably make time to reread Wilson's take on reprogramming to see if I can find some tips to apply during my sessions that might make things a little easier.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude or presumptuous, but I was wondering if you'd be interested in some advice on some good ways to investigate and dismantle the very thing you're talking about? Taking the "I" to bits, to find but an empty shell, is something I've worked with a lot and have found, and developed, some useful, efficient, not to mention non-secular or tradition-specific, techniques and methods to do so.

Apologies if this comes off as condescending or gives the impression I'm a teacher of some sort, I'm just A.N. Other guy who's done this stuff himself and benefited from it immensely. According to people on other meditation/insight-related sites I participate in or moderate, my way of describing this stuff is very practical and apparently cuts away a lot of the spiritual, new-age crap so prevalent in most modern material.