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Opening the heart..

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K

Kaids

Rising Star
Hey all,
I am coming here right now to ask a few questions about opening the heart, but first I might provide a bit of a background:
As I already kind of stated in my introduction essay, I have had 3 very traumatic experiences while on psychedelics, the first one taking place about 2 years ago, which I feel led directly to the second 2. Anyway, these experiences were a major blow to my ego, and I didn't properly integrate them into a larger context until it was too late, and my thinking had already programmed itself to a frequency of self-hatred and a lack of self trust or self love. By the time I realized what had happened, I was already deeply entrenched in some pretty nasty thinking habits, and slipped into a substantial depression for about 3 straight months. After about 6 months of counseling, daily yoga, meditation, amongst other things, I finally feel like I am able to live, and laugh (a little bit) again. Were it not for an overwhleming amount of work and devotion, I probably would not be alive today. Anyway, as I feel that I am starting to heal, I still feel like my soul is hiding deep within the realms of my heart, not allowing itself to trust again. I know this based on the fact that I spend each day just "ok" rather than living as human beings are meant to live- -fully. I have taken the semester off of university and am traveling around the west coast on a "vision quest" of sorts in an attempt to open up my stubbornly closed heart and allow my soul to flourish once again. I don't regret anything that has happened, as it has brought me to a spiritual lifestyle and taught me what truly matters in life. However, I'm just getting down on myself again with my inability to fully open up. Out here, I am living with a family that is definitely "awake" and practice almost complete sulf-sustainability, and even their loving presences have been unable to put a chink in my heart's armor. I'm contemplating a 5-meo session, or perhaps a solo LSD journey in the mountains or something, but I don't know if that's necessarily the best choice.

Does anyone have any ideas for further opening a hesitant heart? Any suggestions would be more than appreciated! Thanks so much everyone.
 
helllo,
thank you for sharing. mushrooms are really healing
the mushroom spirit brings you into your body and shares with you everything you are
and can really decide on mushrooms , who you truly are and what just doesnt sit right anymore
and most likely leading to opening of the heart. yoga practice and healthy yummy food helps too = )
i had a similar thought process , after a bad acid trip and now i feel im on the right track. thanks again for sharing it provided insight to a bad trip i had.
 
the act of forgivness is the expirience of settling into the heart. sit with it, anything that "comes up" when your moving into heart space is seeking a resulution...compassion is the tool. let it all go.
with or without psyches, thats really all there is to it ime.
 
Thanks for the thoughtful replies everyone. I have been reading abundant amounts of good buddhist literature, and doing a relatively good job of putting the ideals into practice. It is indeed working, although I feel like I am trapped in two completely different paradigms right now. Flopping back and forth between a comfortable feeling of lightness and spirituality, and the heaviness of my former materialist, dogmatic psyche. Spiritually awakening for me has been a profound and drawn out event, and the non-linear nature of the process has proven itself to be really frustrating. But that's just a tool, right? I think that the fact that I completely betrayed myself while under the influence of a significant amount of LSD has really made this a much more difficult transition than it otherwise would have been. However, the beautiful thing is that even such a trauma can be overcome through the power of awareness, and the brain can be reprogrammed! I am just wondering if it would be a wise idea to take another foray into the realm of the Godhead via 5MEO or some other compound to perhaps "cleanse" my energies and gain a fresh start? I have read some reports on Erowid that speak of this, and my overeager self finds the idea intruiging.
 
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