Linga Sarira
Rising Star
SWIM's ordeal from last night..
Oral DMT Trip 200mgs white Crystals with Syrian Rue Tea (MAOI), 4 grams of seeds boiled for 30mins.
Taken at same time. Fasted since 10am.
5.30 pm
dmt+Rue tea taken
bitter, but not too bad at all.
6.00pm
Laying down on my couch listening to very soft ambient music, eternity comes creeping up on me. The force came in upon me and I knew then I had set myself up for an apocalypse.
Trying to lay still and hold my thoughts together, I sense energy and warm light from above me, my eyes are closed the feeling of needing to urinate comes in closer and closer, I dont want to move as it seems as soon as I move this fleshy vessel around all hell will break loose, the couch is now my womb the only position I can be in lying still here.
6:30pm .. i think
I finally cannot take the signals coming from my lower half and gather the will to move this bone meat machine up and stumble the few metres to the bathroom. electricity is surging through me, I move my body via remote control like a puppet, i see myself from somewhere above, i seem to be sort of half in and half out. Then it comes.
Time unknown..
I am on the toilet, somehow I am now naked I must've thrown everything off knowing that i never needed it, stupid decision as it is about 3 degrees. I come up to a point which I can only describe as a sheer crisis. In this state locked into this bone flesh cage, this convulsing primitive form my consciousness surges outward but still tethered to the body I cannot make sense of what is happening, my thoughts stack on top of each other, I am speaking to myself for comfort, the crisis makes itself evident in that every breath I take for the next few hours is going to be a choice on whether to stay in this reality or leave forever.
I am there, my field of vision clouded over with DMT geometry, swirling kaleidoscopic visuals, closing my eyes infinity rolls on and on. I am facing an eternity of every nano moment being totally awake and aware forever, never ending alive here and now infinite, this is way too massive for my tiny human mind to deal with at this point, the thought of spending eternity knowing that all that is is me, my mind and this one moment, it is more terryfying than death, alone-ity. Thoughts of cutting the flow flash before me, the vision of my pathetic tiny body strewn on the bathroom floor in pools of blood by my own hand, a sad depressing psychedelic suicide, all my life coming to this one night. I push it away with sheer brute mind strength. Dont Panic..
"its okay, youve been here before and you got through it, your beautiful, your searching, your knowing, this is a taste, youll need this one day, it is important, feel this terror, feel every moment of it, remember what this is, remember this always..."
"fuck, fuck, fuck, help, help, me, me, fuck, fuck, fuck........"
Shaking and shivering, a naked lifeform on the edge of forever alone, this is what you wanted to see, feel and experience, and here it is.....
An Eternity later....
I somehow remember how to use my body, although I momentarily forget how to work my swallowing reflex, and my breathing, but it comes back, the crisis seems to have melted away. I get into bed, pull the covers up over me and lie still. And I know that there is more... and more.... this night will stretch on forever.
The waves come over still, i remember looking at the clock next to my bed wondering what the hell, only 2 hours have passed. Oh my god Ive taken so much and there is hours more to come. The nausea creeps in, my breathing becomes labored and determined and another crisis point is reached. I start to think of calling someone, going to the neighbors, but then the thought of trying to move is more serious, I am now pinned down, ive never experienced my mind in such a chaotic state before, never felt a metaphysical force as powerful as this. This is real, hardcore, death and life is my reality. The crisis comes into my face again, eternity is real, you are alive forever, if you kill yourself you will still go on, your mind goes on and on and on, every moment stretches out to infinity, this is what you are. I get through this crisis only by sheer luck of carefully placing my thoughts to lead me back outward to stable reality. I feel my body around me, a form of squishy flesh, organs pulsing and bubbling, blood flowing, electricity amping through my brain, which seems to be bulging somehow, my humanness reached its limit there is no furthur to go unless I decide to no longer continue this human game.
Everything i hold dear to me, friends, my music and art, my favourite books, my teachers, my patterns of behaviour I grip onto them. I know this is psychedelic ego death and I should be letting go of it all, but it feels like if I do let go of all this my mind will go all the way and this will be real physical death, another crisis forms around this: Let go and die right here, to let my mind loosen its grip on my body and stop the breathing mechanism or to hold onto it, life or death, leave or stay. I stop my breath mid way to feel what whould come of it, a beam of electricity vibrates and shakes me to all fuck, okay, okay, thats real.. yes you will die if you stop this, do you want this? Do you really want to leave everything here now? I grab hold of my lungs with my will and move them slowly and gently, rise and fall.. rise and fall..
I decide to stay and continue, but to change everything, to love more and more, loving everyone and everything. A few more crisis moments come and go but I deal with them and struggle through. Eventually i have to vomit, and it feels good, I crawl back into bed and comfort myself, loving myself and telling myself the things i need to hear.
DMT is the most powerful awesome psychedelic experience I have ever been through. 200mgs was a megalithic dosage for me. My mind and body are exhausted as I write this the next morning, the feeling of those crisis moments are embedded with me. All I want to do now is hug my closest freinds and tell them how much I love them, and that I want to share my life with them. I am not ready to leave this plane, I have way to much to do and live and love. This was a +++++ trip of a lifetime, never ever forget this one, this is what my higher self gave to me to change me, to grow me, align me more with my spirit, remember my spirit.
Oral DMT Trip 200mgs white Crystals with Syrian Rue Tea (MAOI), 4 grams of seeds boiled for 30mins.
Taken at same time. Fasted since 10am.
5.30 pm
dmt+Rue tea taken
bitter, but not too bad at all.
6.00pm
Laying down on my couch listening to very soft ambient music, eternity comes creeping up on me. The force came in upon me and I knew then I had set myself up for an apocalypse.
Trying to lay still and hold my thoughts together, I sense energy and warm light from above me, my eyes are closed the feeling of needing to urinate comes in closer and closer, I dont want to move as it seems as soon as I move this fleshy vessel around all hell will break loose, the couch is now my womb the only position I can be in lying still here.
6:30pm .. i think
I finally cannot take the signals coming from my lower half and gather the will to move this bone meat machine up and stumble the few metres to the bathroom. electricity is surging through me, I move my body via remote control like a puppet, i see myself from somewhere above, i seem to be sort of half in and half out. Then it comes.
Time unknown..
I am on the toilet, somehow I am now naked I must've thrown everything off knowing that i never needed it, stupid decision as it is about 3 degrees. I come up to a point which I can only describe as a sheer crisis. In this state locked into this bone flesh cage, this convulsing primitive form my consciousness surges outward but still tethered to the body I cannot make sense of what is happening, my thoughts stack on top of each other, I am speaking to myself for comfort, the crisis makes itself evident in that every breath I take for the next few hours is going to be a choice on whether to stay in this reality or leave forever.
I am there, my field of vision clouded over with DMT geometry, swirling kaleidoscopic visuals, closing my eyes infinity rolls on and on. I am facing an eternity of every nano moment being totally awake and aware forever, never ending alive here and now infinite, this is way too massive for my tiny human mind to deal with at this point, the thought of spending eternity knowing that all that is is me, my mind and this one moment, it is more terryfying than death, alone-ity. Thoughts of cutting the flow flash before me, the vision of my pathetic tiny body strewn on the bathroom floor in pools of blood by my own hand, a sad depressing psychedelic suicide, all my life coming to this one night. I push it away with sheer brute mind strength. Dont Panic..
"its okay, youve been here before and you got through it, your beautiful, your searching, your knowing, this is a taste, youll need this one day, it is important, feel this terror, feel every moment of it, remember what this is, remember this always..."
"fuck, fuck, fuck, help, help, me, me, fuck, fuck, fuck........"
Shaking and shivering, a naked lifeform on the edge of forever alone, this is what you wanted to see, feel and experience, and here it is.....
An Eternity later....
I somehow remember how to use my body, although I momentarily forget how to work my swallowing reflex, and my breathing, but it comes back, the crisis seems to have melted away. I get into bed, pull the covers up over me and lie still. And I know that there is more... and more.... this night will stretch on forever.
The waves come over still, i remember looking at the clock next to my bed wondering what the hell, only 2 hours have passed. Oh my god Ive taken so much and there is hours more to come. The nausea creeps in, my breathing becomes labored and determined and another crisis point is reached. I start to think of calling someone, going to the neighbors, but then the thought of trying to move is more serious, I am now pinned down, ive never experienced my mind in such a chaotic state before, never felt a metaphysical force as powerful as this. This is real, hardcore, death and life is my reality. The crisis comes into my face again, eternity is real, you are alive forever, if you kill yourself you will still go on, your mind goes on and on and on, every moment stretches out to infinity, this is what you are. I get through this crisis only by sheer luck of carefully placing my thoughts to lead me back outward to stable reality. I feel my body around me, a form of squishy flesh, organs pulsing and bubbling, blood flowing, electricity amping through my brain, which seems to be bulging somehow, my humanness reached its limit there is no furthur to go unless I decide to no longer continue this human game.
Everything i hold dear to me, friends, my music and art, my favourite books, my teachers, my patterns of behaviour I grip onto them. I know this is psychedelic ego death and I should be letting go of it all, but it feels like if I do let go of all this my mind will go all the way and this will be real physical death, another crisis forms around this: Let go and die right here, to let my mind loosen its grip on my body and stop the breathing mechanism or to hold onto it, life or death, leave or stay. I stop my breath mid way to feel what whould come of it, a beam of electricity vibrates and shakes me to all fuck, okay, okay, thats real.. yes you will die if you stop this, do you want this? Do you really want to leave everything here now? I grab hold of my lungs with my will and move them slowly and gently, rise and fall.. rise and fall..
I decide to stay and continue, but to change everything, to love more and more, loving everyone and everything. A few more crisis moments come and go but I deal with them and struggle through. Eventually i have to vomit, and it feels good, I crawl back into bed and comfort myself, loving myself and telling myself the things i need to hear.
DMT is the most powerful awesome psychedelic experience I have ever been through. 200mgs was a megalithic dosage for me. My mind and body are exhausted as I write this the next morning, the feeling of those crisis moments are embedded with me. All I want to do now is hug my closest freinds and tell them how much I love them, and that I want to share my life with them. I am not ready to leave this plane, I have way to much to do and live and love. This was a +++++ trip of a lifetime, never ever forget this one, this is what my higher self gave to me to change me, to grow me, align me more with my spirit, remember my spirit.
